Day 6. Laryngitis.

Congratulations. It’s bacterial!

No shit.

Could I be even more medicated?

Challenge excepted!

I thought this medicine wasn’t loaded?

Lies!!

If you can read this, kudos to autocorrect. I’m all over this keypad. 

I am not a graceful sick person. I don’t just get into comfy jammies and sit by the window neatly tucked in a blanket with a cup of tea and a good book. That’s what I do when I feel well. That’s how I relax on a good day off. When I’m sick things are going to get broken. 10,000 tossed used tissues and maybe two will actually make it into the trash cans. My bed and couch both look like multiple crime scenes. 

When I’m on the mend I scrub my apartment down like a hitman, bucket full of grade A cleaning and sanitizing products, rubber gloves, face mask, me in my underwear, ‘Sicilian Pastorale’ playing in the background. 

Day 5. Laryngitis. I was in the shower when I suddenly had a severe coughing fit. And just then a little water went in my nose as I struggled even harder to inhale, further choking I almost died, right there, my heart skipped a few beats, my knees buckled, I went down, bam, accidental shower drowning. Self inflicted. Not quite erotic asphyxiation, but alone nonetheless, wet and naked.

Take long hot showers they said 

It’ll clear up your lungs they said

You’ll feel better afterwards they said

And while I struggled to breathe at the bottom of my tub all I kept thinking was - thank god I don’t have a dog. Who would care for it after I died? 

One night while hanging out in Hollywood, I met the guitar player from (band) WASP and his chick, or was it the bass player? Circa ‘95. Not important. Anyway, they told me this story of when they were having sex in the shower and crashed through their glass shower door. Both had been stuck deep with massive shards of glass. Blood everywhere. “We finished having sex. The blood bonded us.” They said. And then they took off their clothes and showed me their scars. 

It was an interesting night.

Point is 

Their shower story was way more readable than mine. 

Oh hey. It’s raining out. 

Is there any way to exit this blog without seeming unsober? 

No?

Ok then.

“I don’t do the blowing in this marriage.”

https://youtu.be/1Mdj2e4TiOM