Son of a bitch tit fuck!

I've been lagging on blogs. Sorry. Busy.

And

And

My laptop died. Ohhhh lawd! Aaaaaah why jeesus nooooo! Ooohhhhh so innocent! Never got into any trouble before! Why lawd! Whyyyyyyy! Aaaaaahhh!

Well, I mean, the laptop was like thirteen years old. Still sucks.

Dear sweet Ed and Mel. Sheldon. ❤

I fucked up my Farrah drawing. Motherfuckingcocksuckgodamnshit!!! But fortunately for me all my art friends were there to tell me what I did wrong after the drawing was beyond repair. Much like my marriage.

I was shook for a few days following the destruction of Farrah 1. But I'm starting a new drawing of Farrah today. She won't be two feet tall, however. She'll only be 9X12. Dolly is still the only two foot tall famous person I've ever drawn.

In the midst of drawing Farrah 1, four days total, I watched the following films...

STARTING OUT IN THE EVENING, which I had seen before and thoroughly enjoyed.

RIDE, with Helen Hunt. She needs to make more movies. I really liked her in this one. Lots of energy. Brilliant.

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY, or as I like to call it, fuck off little women, because this film is the anti-christ of little women.

AMERICAN BEAUTY. You know. Naked A cups.

BUGSY

and

AMERICAN GIGALO. I really love this film. Richard Gere is so hot it in it. And, side note, I really love (movie) FADING GIGALO with John Turturro. If someone paid me to write a script about a gigalo, it would pump the same blood as both these amazing movies. It's just rare to have stories about a not uncommon male profession. I live in Vegas FFS. If you're hot, someone is paying you for sex.

Aaaand then I fucked up my drawing. It happens. Fuck. Motherfuck. Fuck. Fuck. I drank. Climbed on the ledge. Passed out. Shook it off and will start again. Fuck.

If I ever do anything really dumb and it winds up in the news or worse yet in the courtroom, a true test of friendship, fellowship between Aramis and I, will be whether or not Aramis has erased all my text messages the following day. Because that shit would seel my fate within a minute.

There are three times a year I absolutely hate living in Vegas: New Year's Eve, AVN weekend, and the fucking superbowl. Nope. Just. Nope.

243 profiles blocked. I counted.

I really need to get a body cam. The only thing I complain more about other than the ghetto white trash hillbilly yee-haw motherfuckers out here, is the shitty way they drive. And Vegas FOX news, which is different from the conservative FOX news, reported that Vegas is one of the worst cities in the country for its drivers. And I've decided I need to get a body cam. Here's why...

Yesterday I past a car and an SUV in a Titanic size wreck of a fender bender outside the local thrift store. This car, just a regular car, was parked with it's hazards on while passengers were putting their thirft store purchases in the backseat. A common practice. I see it all the time. An SUV clearly going well above the speed limit apparently told the car to go to hell because the driver of the SUV did not slow down, did not even try, and just rammed the fuck out of the back end of the parked car. Amazingly, the car only suffered a broken turn signal and the back end was a little dinged up. The front end of the SUV however was just Wile E. Coyote ACME smashed to smithereens. If the driver of the SUV didn't die, it must have been one hell of an airbag. I did not stick around. "Not my monkey" as the Polish people say.

On the same day...

I stopped by the most condescending 7-11 ever.

"Get one for $1.99. Two for $2.00"

Really, 7-11?

Hey! I just read on Twitter that one-fifth of black Americans carry a Methuselah gene. Dude lived to be 969 years old so it's possible. Who knows what he brew? Get it? He brew! Hebrew! And you know if you read it on the internet it must be true. "Not my circus" as the Polish people say.

So there's a Japanese artist, I don't know what his name is. I can't read Japanese, unfortunately. But he made a painting that totally reminds me of Miso kitty. It really touches me when I see it. Just beautiful. Click the link. Seriously check it out. It's a beautiful painting. And who among us hasn't been this stray cat? It's why I call me and Miso, two stray cats.

ONE STRAY CAT

I'll leave you now with a link to Miso's Dolly Parton challenge.

C'MON EVERYBODY ELSE DID ONE

And to ask you...

So are we joining the Yanggang? You know he's the only Dem presidential candidate to mathematically explain his economic plan to improve America's quality of life by a $1,000 a month.

Asian!

And yes, I'm still a registered Republican, but that doesn't mean I'm obligated to vote that way.

Asian!

Way to have my back auto correct

My favorite Dick

I saw Amarican Gigalo, when I was 16 or 17 years old, and again when I was in my 20's, and again last night. I fell in love with Richard Gere first time I saw him. In love, girl! In love. He's so hot in that movie. There were guys I thought were good looking much in the same way I think some women are beautiful. I don't want to have sex with them. I just think they're attractive. And then there were men like Richard Gere, and my 7th grade art teacher, I would have loved to have had sex with both. I was only 12 in that art class but Ssssh let it happen.

You think girls don't have sex drives at 12 but we do. Hormones are going out of control at 12 because of the change. I love Dolly Parton for admitting on TV that she had the hots for Johnny Cash when she was 12. For me it was my art teacher. And the joke since then has always been - It's too bad I didn't have the hots for my science teacher. Think of what could have been.

Even at 16 years old I was so sheltered. Men could be Gigalos? What?? I thought whoring was only for women. Goddamnit! Can we have nothing just for ourselves?!

(I'm kidding calm down.)

My next two foot tall drawing was going to be Richard Gere, but upon texting friends the other night, they all unanimously said Farrah Faucet should be my next two foot tall drawing of a famous person, and so that's what I've been doing. Drawing Farrah Faucet. And just like in the begining of drawing Dolly, I've already had my first Farrah emo mental breakdown. I couldn't find the top of Farrah's head. It's a thing. I wasn't satisfied with the outline, then spent four hours locating the top of Farrah's head. It happens. Luckily I have friends to talk me down off the ledge. That's my #1 issue when drawing large scale, I sometimes lose sight of dimensions. Motherf🤬ck! But then I got back on track.

I get that everyone's in town this week for AVN. I'd love to hang out. I am in dire need of fun. Blow off some steam. But I just started a new drawing and so....

16!

Christine thought this was going to be about her. 😉

Nathan The Cat Lady, says the Meetme app is cool AF so I'm doing it! Look for me under SEXISYUCKY or PAYME or GTFoutofhere!

I love Nathan the cat lady. Every girl should have a Nathan in her life. I do. My long time het-met spirit cat glitter Queer, EriQ! The Q-tee! Mr top Q-uality! The Q to my S! Paws up foreva.

Bon Jovi tickets go on sale here in Vegas. Ticket prices reach $755 per. You'll pay $755 for Bon Jovi, but expect to sexually harass women for free? Fuck you, Las Vegas. Fuck you. Fuck you, until the end of time. Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. Fuck you.

Give me Bel Air, CA. Where the limos rock my artsy cock! Chicks with sticks! You love us. We love you back.

Oh right

And this

THIS THING ON TWITTER

And DEFINITELY this

THIS OTHER THING ON TWITTER

And that

MORE! MORE! MORE!

You know

DEFINITELY THIS THING ON TWITTER

And don't for get this

QUICK! CLICK THE LINK! CLICK IT!

I'm bad. And I'm pretty.

It's against the law to not have my W2 IN MY HAND by January 31. If I don't have my W2 in my hand by January 31, I'm reporting you and your employer to the IRS. Got it?

Additionally I'll send the IRS BOTH EMAILS I wrote to the bar manager regarding my W2, emails she felt the need to ignore - both times.

She's worse than a racist.

She's incompetent.

And you hired her.

Oops.

Abortion fail

I couldn't care less about Trump, or any politician. They can all fuck off. None of them have ever done anything for me. You know who has? My friends. My loved ones.

Millenials will see nature destroyed with technology so long as they don't have to think, or have skills, or labor, or get out of bed. That's right. I called your generation lazy. Proof of this is when you say, "Ok Boomer" to Generation X. You're so damn lazy you can't even insult properly.

GET OFF MY LAWN

Digital art, is not art. That's not my definition, that's the definition of every great philosopher, painter, sculptor, and pencil artist since the invention of paper. You know, the people you quote in your dumbass motivation tweets.

"To thyself be true "
- Plato

No, actually, that was Shakespeare. I know. Reading is hard.

"Ok Boomer."

Whatever you say Aborfa

"Aborfa? What's Aborfa?"

😏 #aborfa 

Ghetto at the grotto

It'll be finished tonight. I just have do a few hours work on the infinity serpent. 

(Click link for art wip)

January 2020 hieroglyph

Greetings from shitkickerville. The barren wasteland. Slophopheaven. Where every white woman over the age of 40 refuses to laugh, or smile, or act kind, or be happy.

"I refuse to be happy Grrrrrrrr!!"

In their defense I get why they're angry. Their men are cheap as fuck!

I had a beer with one guy recently who quite possibly was the cheapest MF'er on the planet.

How cheap was he?

We were going to have lunch. A few drinks. We grabbed a table at the Pub. The nice waitress came by and said what the drink specials were. I thanked her. But he wanted to know if the $5 drink specials was the best she could do. Not the drinks. The $5, part.

Red flag! Red flag! Danger! Danger!

I nervously laughed and motioned for the waitress to flee, free herself and just go. He got mad that I did that and said he didn't want lunch anymore. Fuck him. I was ready to go home, leave, eat lunch some place else by myself. But he insisted we drink the drinks we ordered.

We spent an hour at this nice waitress's table when I should have just left. He insisted on paying for the drinks which came to $16 for both. When he saw the bill he got mad again and was an asshole to the waitress. "I thought you said our drinks were $5 each." To which the waitress confirmed had we ordered the drink specials they would have been. But we did not. I already knew I didn't order a drink special. I knew it the moment I ordered it. Because I'm an adult. I didn't want the drink special. I wanted what I drank. Whereas he assumed it was the waitress's job to inform him that the drink he ordered was not one of the drink specials. And so he began to argue with her senselessly before paying the bill.

When it came to the tip he left $4. I said he should give her more (for being an asshole) and because we sat her table for an hour just talking. She lost money. You don't needlessly take up a server's table and not tip them for it. To which he informed me that that wasn't his problem. He said he tips based on what he ordered not how long he sat at a table.

REDRUM!!!!

I left.

Fucking asshole.

I should have bought my own drink. I should have insisted on it. I didn't have cash. I could have put her tip on the card.

So I get why white women over 40 are angry, white men over 40 in Las Vegas are cheap as fuck! 

Area 51

Omg I can't breath. My chest hurts. My arm is numb. There's tingling in my hand. "I'm coming Elizabeth! This is the big one Elizabeth! I'm coming to join ya honey!"

Oh no. Wait. My bad. It's just Miso loafing on my chest. He's never loafed on my chest before. Omg he's suffocating me but it's so adorable! 😭 Perfect little angel. He walks on me, and over me too. It's so cute! He does to me what most do to homeless people. Awwww.

I woke up at 2am. Not able to go back to sleep I watched THE BRIDGE. A documentary about suicide jumpers off the Golden Gate Bridge. And then I watched BAD REPUTATION a documentary on Joan Jett. Both on YouTube. Then I wrote a dirty story, published it online. And out of almost 30 new stories published at the same time ala sub category, mine is in the top 3. Thank you very much! I welcome and appreciate all comments and criticism. Especially when people tell me how awful I write. Top 3. First try. Just saying.

I'm almost finished with this drawing.

(Click link to see art wip)

https://www.instagram.com

Title: January 2020 Hieroglyph

Medium: 18X18 1/2 graphite

About art: This piece is a personal time capsule of the new year 2020. I'm a fan of The Mandalorian. Bigger fan of The Mandalorian than Star Wars, itself. I'm a Capricorn goat. Born January 7. I'm also year of the rooster in Chinese zodiac born 1969. 2020 is year of that rat in chinese zodiac. The world is currently on fire thus the dove and olive branch. And I'll decide what goes in the bottom right empty space after a little more consideration.

Out of 30 new stories, top 3. Just saying. Boy are you really going to be mad when I turn down yet another book deal. I have no interest writing something that comes with a deadline. 

I'm 51 years old today. GTF out of here.

And then you said what?

So let me see if I understand you guys correctly. You guys don't like my Dolly drawing because you don't like the way I drew her boobs? Do you know how long it took me to draw those bad boys. I don't draw boobs. This was hard for me. I went through a lot of mental shit to get this drawing done. You think I'm disrespecting her? Are you serious? I was blogging about Dolly long before I drew her. Back in 2014 as a matter of fact.

BLOG: THE DEVIL'S PLAYHOUSE

You think I made Dolly look like a whore? Even after I explained why I drew Dolly's outfit the way I did?

BLOG: MISO, DOLLY, ANTON LAVEY, CHUCKY

In addition to Dolly herself explaining that her iconic look comes from, as she put it, the town hooker, and you're mad over her boobs?

Well

Fuck

Ok

I guess

Just making sure.

Aaaaand this is why I rarely do commissions, why a lot more artists rarely do commissions now, when even our own stuff gets criticized.