Well done guys. That's who played The Chandelier, on Memorial Day. Thank you Cosmo PR personnel. See him HERE with The Martinis. The ladies love him. Yes they do. Book Mark Verabian and The Martinis.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Thanks boss!
"I like you. You have nice breasts. Cute little butt. You're smart. You know how to get things done. You're sweet, but you don't take bullshit from people. You could do anything you want with your life. But you know, it's too bad you're not a little dumb, it would give guys a chance to be with you. But oh well fuck 'em! I need you just the way you are!"
Seriously. Best compliment ever. Thank you.
I was going to say I'm leaving for Las Vegas now to practice my "dumb", but if anything Vegas makes me sharper, more alert. I feel more in-tune there.
I think Vegas has the secret ingredient that gives you a false sense of security mixed in with oxygen pumped into each hotel and casino. This bottle of wine I can get anywhere else for $25 is $60 here?? Hells yeah I want it!! Give me three more bottles!!
Seriously. Best compliment ever. Thank you.
I was going to say I'm leaving for Las Vegas now to practice my "dumb", but if anything Vegas makes me sharper, more alert. I feel more in-tune there.
I think Vegas has the secret ingredient that gives you a false sense of security mixed in with oxygen pumped into each hotel and casino. This bottle of wine I can get anywhere else for $25 is $60 here?? Hells yeah I want it!! Give me three more bottles!!
Friday, May 23, 2014
Social media networking cannibalism?
Could it be Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkIn, and Blogger are methods of online cannibalism?
"Need a reason why not to meet someone - sign up for any of these networking tools and read what others have to say. "
Cannibal Geniuses!!
I think The Arizona Viking Queen is on to something.
Ok,
I'm done being sarcastic for the day.
It was nice not meeting you!!
Ok,
Now I'm done being sarcastic for the day.
"Need a reason why not to meet someone - sign up for any of these networking tools and read what others have to say. "
Cannibal Geniuses!!
I think The Arizona Viking Queen is on to something.
Ok,
I'm done being sarcastic for the day.
It was nice not meeting you!!
Ok,
Now I'm done being sarcastic for the day.
Your kids...
Are going to be living in, and picking up after the messes of other peoples' kids.
H.R. GIGER made fantastic and horrific visuals about the very subject of breeding (using babies as a metaphor) and how a nation over breeds everything.
How many kinds of milk do we need?
This past week I've heard a dozen or so people (from Europe and Asian) talk horribly about the U.S. The knee-jerk reaction is to be overtly defensive, but certainly any person who pays attention to our nation's leaders can understand how an outsider looking in, can feel that way about us.
Entitlement in the U.S. is rampant.
Even the most uncomplicated resources of entertainment easily spoils in the airs of false privilege.
Maybe the Arizona Viking Queen has the right idea - cannibalism?
H.R. GIGER made fantastic and horrific visuals about the very subject of breeding (using babies as a metaphor) and how a nation over breeds everything.
How many kinds of milk do we need?
This past week I've heard a dozen or so people (from Europe and Asian) talk horribly about the U.S. The knee-jerk reaction is to be overtly defensive, but certainly any person who pays attention to our nation's leaders can understand how an outsider looking in, can feel that way about us.
Entitlement in the U.S. is rampant.
Even the most uncomplicated resources of entertainment easily spoils in the airs of false privilege.
Maybe the Arizona Viking Queen has the right idea - cannibalism?
"Cannibalism, it's the only way."
The Arizona Viking Queen and I had a rather serious discussion on how to resolve the world's current overpopulation problem.
There is just - so much. An overwhelming amount of everything here in the U.S. One giant processing machine. Conveyer belts of procreation.
Her answer - cannibalism.
China has its own "Hunger Games" kind of thing I don't entirely disagree with. China's one child policy. Everyone wanted sons because they are more likely apt to financially take care of mom and dad in their golden years, but what China didn't anticipate was the complication of who all those sons were going to marry and have children with when they grew up. Non Chinese women? Right. Sure.
Suddenly all those unwanted daughters became China's biggest commodity.
International Hunger Games!!!
I'm starting to like the idea.
"U.S. adopts one child policy."
Maybe then people in the U.S. will stop thinking they own, and have a right to everything and everyone.
Wouldn't hurt some of you to work for it!!
There is just - so much. An overwhelming amount of everything here in the U.S. One giant processing machine. Conveyer belts of procreation.
Her answer - cannibalism.
China has its own "Hunger Games" kind of thing I don't entirely disagree with. China's one child policy. Everyone wanted sons because they are more likely apt to financially take care of mom and dad in their golden years, but what China didn't anticipate was the complication of who all those sons were going to marry and have children with when they grew up. Non Chinese women? Right. Sure.
Suddenly all those unwanted daughters became China's biggest commodity.
International Hunger Games!!!
I'm starting to like the idea.
"U.S. adopts one child policy."
Maybe then people in the U.S. will stop thinking they own, and have a right to everything and everyone.
Wouldn't hurt some of you to work for it!!
Graham Norton GB (not including Graham!)
I'm watching Graham Norton On-Demand, and he has Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, and Michael Fassbender on. Know what I'm saying!
Oh! You know, Michael Fassbender!
You know exactly what I'm saying!
I believe the term is "airtight" !!
I believe the term is "airtight" !!
I need more cowbell!!
Will Ferrell, destroyed that drum off!!!
Seriously, he destroyed it.
Sorry Chad Smith.
Seriously, he destroyed it.
Sorry Chad Smith.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Across the pond
Chatting with my friend T. Sheffield (who lives in England) he casually mentioned he and another friend going to Poland for 4 days.
To me, that's just so cool.
T. Sheffield said it so casually too, "We're gonna hang out in Poland for 4 days."
I'm so jealous!
Like when he says, "I have a few days off work, think I'll go to Spain."
I'm so jealous!!
I wonder if that's the equivalent to me saying, "Yeah I have 4 days off work, think I'll go to Arizona."
I love Arizona by the way, I'm just referencing!
"I have 4 days off, think I'll go to Rome."
"I have 4 days off, think I'll go to Chicago."
Same thing??
To me, that's just so cool.
T. Sheffield said it so casually too, "We're gonna hang out in Poland for 4 days."
I'm so jealous!
Like when he says, "I have a few days off work, think I'll go to Spain."
I'm so jealous!!
I wonder if that's the equivalent to me saying, "Yeah I have 4 days off work, think I'll go to Arizona."
I love Arizona by the way, I'm just referencing!
"I have 4 days off, think I'll go to Rome."
"I have 4 days off, think I'll go to Chicago."
Same thing??
Monday, May 19, 2014
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Lets be brilliant like Buscemi
As in Steve Buscemi. I love this guy's work.
Anyway,
So this was the idea...
Rather than get a standard Hollywood headshot to use for our updated biographies, a few artists tossed around the idea of a more creative approach to intro new artworks made after January, 2014.
Ever see Coffee and Cigarettes?
IMDB synopsis: A series of vignettes that all have coffee and cigarettes in common.
Iggy Pop
Tom Waits
Roberto Benigni
Cate Blanchett
(Etc.) Amazing cast, B&W independent vignettes, just like IMBD describes it.
See a youtube clip of it HERE with Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni.
"Very good! I don't understand nothing! Yes?"
And so we thought; how cool to do the same but in print and use the photos for our own personal biographies, shooting each other, all black and white photos, theme to fit our creative style, personalities and/or pseudo personalities.
My photo was going to be of myself and another male artist (a painter), and we had this theme of a first date gone horribly bad somewhere (like) downtown Los Angeles, or Las Vegas, and not quite hiding our distaste for one another. Being a black and white print, we were both going to dress in black and white, concrete backdrops, night shots, headlights, edgy, sexy, erotic, angry, hot, gritty, dirty, fun!!!... You get the picture.
And so,
All we needed was a photographer. In truth, all we wanted was someone who could work a camera. I don't like using pro photographers unless s/he is also a gun for hire who appreciates making a quick easy payday, "Whatever you want. Just tell me. I'll shoot it."
And you never know you, might actually have some fun!!
Thing is, the only people who like taking pictures are photographers! I can't get any of my friends to spend 3 hours just to shoot pictures. I can't bribe them for the life of me, and we're talking about people who'll spend 7 hours in front of the computer trying to get Ariane to have a lesbian encounter, in the virtual date game.
Soooo,
I decided to find a professional photographer.
The search, it's not going well.
And now the male artist (the painter) lost interest in the shoot.
I'm open to suggestions. Smoke 'em if you got em!
Anyway,
So this was the idea...
Rather than get a standard Hollywood headshot to use for our updated biographies, a few artists tossed around the idea of a more creative approach to intro new artworks made after January, 2014.
Ever see Coffee and Cigarettes?
IMDB synopsis: A series of vignettes that all have coffee and cigarettes in common.
Iggy Pop
Tom Waits
Roberto Benigni
Cate Blanchett
(Etc.) Amazing cast, B&W independent vignettes, just like IMBD describes it.
See a youtube clip of it HERE with Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni.
"Very good! I don't understand nothing! Yes?"
And so we thought; how cool to do the same but in print and use the photos for our own personal biographies, shooting each other, all black and white photos, theme to fit our creative style, personalities and/or pseudo personalities.
My photo was going to be of myself and another male artist (a painter), and we had this theme of a first date gone horribly bad somewhere (like) downtown Los Angeles, or Las Vegas, and not quite hiding our distaste for one another. Being a black and white print, we were both going to dress in black and white, concrete backdrops, night shots, headlights, edgy, sexy, erotic, angry, hot, gritty, dirty, fun!!!... You get the picture.
And so,
All we needed was a photographer. In truth, all we wanted was someone who could work a camera. I don't like using pro photographers unless s/he is also a gun for hire who appreciates making a quick easy payday, "Whatever you want. Just tell me. I'll shoot it."
And you never know you, might actually have some fun!!
Thing is, the only people who like taking pictures are photographers! I can't get any of my friends to spend 3 hours just to shoot pictures. I can't bribe them for the life of me, and we're talking about people who'll spend 7 hours in front of the computer trying to get Ariane to have a lesbian encounter, in the virtual date game.
Soooo,
I decided to find a professional photographer.
The search, it's not going well.
And now the male artist (the painter) lost interest in the shoot.
I'm open to suggestions. Smoke 'em if you got em!
Friday, May 16, 2014
Why would a duck need a hamster ball?
Was the first thought that went through my mind when I woke up.
Salami, flying everywhere!
I just awoke from the strangest dream. I never remember my dreams so I'm quickly writing this one down!
In the dream, I had an adorable tiny hamster, and a very cute tiny fluffy duck the same size.
They both shared the same cage. I hate that word, cage. Let's call it their house. In their house were hamster wheels, beautifully painted little ceramic houses, platforms, ramps, a little pool, their house was very nice; but they also had clear mobile hamster balls to cruise around my house in.
(So, it seems) I cut up many little slices of cheese and salami as a treat for the hamster and duck, and place the slices in their house; but the hamster, being quicker than the duck, managed to get all the slices of cheese and salami into his (or her) hamster wheel. The genders of duck and hamster were never determined.
So the hamster had all the cheese and salami in it's hamster wheel, and then began running in the wheel as hamsters do, cheese and salami started flying all over their little house!
I tried picking up the hamster so it would stop running in the wheel, to then collect all the slices of cheese and salami, but the hamster was not going to be handled just then, and ran in the wheel faster. I therefor decided picking up the cheese and salami that had flung out of the wheel a better decision, giving half to the duck (because apparently ducks like cheese and salami... ??)
The duck was in one of the blue ceramic houses. I put the flung slices of cheese and salami in front of the house, but the hamster was once again too fast and greedy. The hamster, too quick for my hands, stole back every slice of cheese and salami back into the hamster wheel, and began running again!
Cheese and salami all over the place!!
I decided there was no sharing the cheese and salami between duck and hamster, and determined to put the hamster in a hamster ball, let the hamster run all over my house until the duck was finished with it's treat of cheese and salami.
(And then I woke up.)
Wow.
Okay then.
I have never owned a duck or hamster. And though I rarely eat salami, on pizza like maybe once or twice a year, I do serve it, and prosciutto, with other meats and cheese with wine, which as we all know I drink!
It seems I was trying to turn the hamster and duck into drinking friends, which I guess isn't entirely not something I would do!
In the dream, I had an adorable tiny hamster, and a very cute tiny fluffy duck the same size.
They both shared the same cage. I hate that word, cage. Let's call it their house. In their house were hamster wheels, beautifully painted little ceramic houses, platforms, ramps, a little pool, their house was very nice; but they also had clear mobile hamster balls to cruise around my house in.
(So, it seems) I cut up many little slices of cheese and salami as a treat for the hamster and duck, and place the slices in their house; but the hamster, being quicker than the duck, managed to get all the slices of cheese and salami into his (or her) hamster wheel. The genders of duck and hamster were never determined.
So the hamster had all the cheese and salami in it's hamster wheel, and then began running in the wheel as hamsters do, cheese and salami started flying all over their little house!
I tried picking up the hamster so it would stop running in the wheel, to then collect all the slices of cheese and salami, but the hamster was not going to be handled just then, and ran in the wheel faster. I therefor decided picking up the cheese and salami that had flung out of the wheel a better decision, giving half to the duck (because apparently ducks like cheese and salami... ??)
The duck was in one of the blue ceramic houses. I put the flung slices of cheese and salami in front of the house, but the hamster was once again too fast and greedy. The hamster, too quick for my hands, stole back every slice of cheese and salami back into the hamster wheel, and began running again!
Cheese and salami all over the place!!
I decided there was no sharing the cheese and salami between duck and hamster, and determined to put the hamster in a hamster ball, let the hamster run all over my house until the duck was finished with it's treat of cheese and salami.
(And then I woke up.)
Wow.
Okay then.
I have never owned a duck or hamster. And though I rarely eat salami, on pizza like maybe once or twice a year, I do serve it, and prosciutto, with other meats and cheese with wine, which as we all know I drink!
It seems I was trying to turn the hamster and duck into drinking friends, which I guess isn't entirely not something I would do!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Boy Are Back In Town - BK
The new book I just started reading.
The Boys Are Back In Town by Christopher Golden.
Currently on page 3.
So far no one has died, been raped, beaten, or shot up heroin.
I'm very confused!
I love how Golden made his Acknowledgements sound like he's accepting an Oscar. I'd like to thank my wife, my publisher, my kids... God and Elvis.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
H.R. GIGER
I have two very large Giger books in my collection. He's the only modern artist I ever admired. He made it "Ok" to draw horror, grief, and sex. When are these three things never related?
SICK CITY - The End
I haven't dedicated myself to a book like this in years. Loved every page,
even the Acknowledgements.
Brilliant.
All I can to add to that is,
WTF do you have against Asians!!
In SICK CITY Asians didn't even make junkie/prostitute status!! You made the girl with one arm a stripper!! A stripper!! She's got one arm, Tony!! One arm! Have you ever seen a stripper with only one arm working at Crazy Girls?? Not that there's anything wrong with a one arm stripper, but the Asians in your book, one is a beautiful transgender. What, an Asian girl can't be beautiful without a penis?? I'm so screwed. Like it isn't hard enough for me as it is!
And another Asian you wrote about about may as well be this guy!! Although I do admit he does make some catchy songs. And there was nothing quite like witnessing a bunch of half naked sweaty sex starved anxious people on a makeshift dance floor bouncing "the pony" to Gangnam Style on a Saturday night swingers party.
Ok you know, I was going to go all "race hater" on you, totally call you out, but please, how about a little equality in your next book? That's all I ask. Asian. Junkie. Prostitute. An Asian junkie prostitute teacher playing "chopsticks" with one of her underage female students. Know what I'm saying?
I would totally make a white guy a serial killer in one of my stories. (Statistically most serial killers are white guys but fiddle-dee-dee that's besides the point!!) Equality!!
No need to be gentle. We can take it.
Hey,
Look,
We all make mistakes,
You're forgiven.
Now,
Please excuse me for a minute while I defuse a very delicate situation among the Asian communities...
Abort mission!! Abort mission!!
Key in torpedo cease fire code!!
(Alpha!! - Bravo!! - Niner!! - Charlie!! - Delta!! - Echo!! - Poo Poo Foxtrot!!)
Ix-nay the An-play!!
"The Peking ducks fly south for the winter!!" I repeat "The Peking ducks fly south for the winter!!"
Wow. That could have been messy.
I hope to meet you some day.
Discreetly of course,
I mean... Because... you know.
Until you straighten things out with the Asians.
If you need some inspiration my phone number is (310) 45....
even the Acknowledgements.
SICK CITY by Tony O'Neill
Brilliant.
All I can to add to that is,
WTF do you have against Asians!!
In SICK CITY Asians didn't even make junkie/prostitute status!! You made the girl with one arm a stripper!! A stripper!! She's got one arm, Tony!! One arm! Have you ever seen a stripper with only one arm working at Crazy Girls?? Not that there's anything wrong with a one arm stripper, but the Asians in your book, one is a beautiful transgender. What, an Asian girl can't be beautiful without a penis?? I'm so screwed. Like it isn't hard enough for me as it is!
And another Asian you wrote about about may as well be this guy!! Although I do admit he does make some catchy songs. And there was nothing quite like witnessing a bunch of half naked sweaty sex starved anxious people on a makeshift dance floor bouncing "the pony" to Gangnam Style on a Saturday night swingers party.
Ok you know, I was going to go all "race hater" on you, totally call you out, but please, how about a little equality in your next book? That's all I ask. Asian. Junkie. Prostitute. An Asian junkie prostitute teacher playing "chopsticks" with one of her underage female students. Know what I'm saying?
I would totally make a white guy a serial killer in one of my stories. (Statistically most serial killers are white guys but fiddle-dee-dee that's besides the point!!) Equality!!
No need to be gentle. We can take it.
Hey,
Look,
We all make mistakes,
You're forgiven.
Now,
Please excuse me for a minute while I defuse a very delicate situation among the Asian communities...
Abort mission!! Abort mission!!
Key in torpedo cease fire code!!
(Alpha!! - Bravo!! - Niner!! - Charlie!! - Delta!! - Echo!! - Poo Poo Foxtrot!!)
Ix-nay the An-play!!
"The Peking ducks fly south for the winter!!" I repeat "The Peking ducks fly south for the winter!!"
Wow. That could have been messy.
I hope to meet you some day.
Discreetly of course,
I mean... Because... you know.
Until you straighten things out with the Asians.
If you need some inspiration my phone number is (310) 45....
Monday, May 12, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
A different kind of Mother's Day
"You took my mother where?"
I took her to see Fading Gigolo at the Santa Monica 4plex.
What's the big deal? It has Woody Allen in it. Your mom loves Woody Allen. He's brilliant in this - so is John Turturro, and of course, Sharon Stone is just hot!! "Fuck you... Fuck.. you... Fuck you, Claud!"
"You were just supposed to take her out to brunch until I finished my meeting!"
We've been gone 7 hours. How long do you think it takes to eat Eggs Florentine?
"You didn't do anything else did you?!"
Calm down, of course not. Well, I did however tell her about the book I'm reading.
SICK CITY by Tony O'Neill
But I only brought it up because your mom said, "It's too bad my son's a homosexual. But he's still lucky to have you as a friend." but don't worry I corrected her. I read her a bit from page 175.
Page 175
"I ain't a homo.
"You fuck guys."
"For money."
"You fuck guys though."
"So?" Spider said, stopping what he was doing and staring at Tyler. "If I cut someone's lawn for ten bucks, it don't make me a landscaper."
See?? Your mom totally understood!!
"You're not allowed to be alone with my mother anymore."
She thought it was funny!! Your mom is cool and an adult!! She can do what she wants! Plus I'm already taking her to the museum next week. I told her you would act all edgy for taking her to see Fading Gigolo and she just waved you off and said you have "schpilkas".
I'm sorry to hear that.
Hope it clears up soon.
Now I'm going to uncork this bottle of wine,
Coppola Votre Sante -- Pinot Noir
And read more of my book. I went through 150 pages last night.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
SICK CITY -- and a quote by Salinger
Book-bomb!!! I'm reading SICK CITY. It's brilliant. The author Tony O'Neill, writes like I do, in short burst paragraphs, narrating in (what I call) Haiku-like passages, only longer.
So now almost all the collective junkies are in this fake rehab run by a sleazy television doctor. And though I've never been into drugs, the fact that that every writer who pens about heroin, scribes uncontrollable bowel movements as one of the conditions of withdrawal. I've always said the day I don't have any control over that area of my body, is going to be the last day of my life. Girls fold their panties and tuck them into their jeans at the OBGYN. You think I'm going to have someone help me amidst an uncontrollable bowel movement? No.
Since starting this blog last October, I've read...
Sick City
Twentynine Palms
Knockemstiff
Blackburn
Bad Things Happen
I've gone back to reading books more in my comfort zone, than challenging. Not that drug addiction is "comfortable" just that most of these books take place where I live, or have lived. I'm a Hollywood/Los Angeles survivor again.
Among the *misfits* my favorite remains to be the truest told story...
"The thing is, it's really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs — if yours are really good ones and theirs aren't. You think if they're intelligent and all, the other person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose suitcases are better, but they do."
-- J.D. Salinger (The Catcher In The Rye)
So now almost all the collective junkies are in this fake rehab run by a sleazy television doctor. And though I've never been into drugs, the fact that that every writer who pens about heroin, scribes uncontrollable bowel movements as one of the conditions of withdrawal. I've always said the day I don't have any control over that area of my body, is going to be the last day of my life. Girls fold their panties and tuck them into their jeans at the OBGYN. You think I'm going to have someone help me amidst an uncontrollable bowel movement? No.
Since starting this blog last October, I've read...
Sick City
Twentynine Palms
Knockemstiff
Blackburn
Bad Things Happen
I've gone back to reading books more in my comfort zone, than challenging. Not that drug addiction is "comfortable" just that most of these books take place where I live, or have lived. I'm a Hollywood/Los Angeles survivor again.
"The thing is, it's really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs — if yours are really good ones and theirs aren't. You think if they're intelligent and all, the other person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose suitcases are better, but they do."
-- J.D. Salinger (The Catcher In The Rye)
Friday, May 9, 2014
SICK CITY - a bedtime Story
Have you read this book?? READ IT!!!
Hollywood. Hookers. Crazy Girls. Junkies. Gay for pay. TV rock docs.
I read these books and I wait for my name to show up. Again!
Do I know you Tony O'Neill?? Do I??
If not, why don't I know you!!
(It's a classic love story.)
Hollywood. Hookers. Crazy Girls. Junkies. Gay for pay. TV rock docs.
I read these books and I wait for my name to show up. Again!
Do I know you Tony O'Neill?? Do I??
If not, why don't I know you!!
(It's a classic love story.)
Anything For Love... no wait!
Love. Love. love.
Indeed Sir Meat... uh... Sir Loaf? ... Sir, Mister Meaty... Loaf... ??
Huh.
Wasn't that song sung by the little red M&M guy??
Regardless,
I would do anything for love,
BUT,
I won't do...
THAT!
or THAT!
(I don't even know what this is???)
I definitely won't do THAT!
Huh. Interesting. But no.
Maybe... if I squint really hard?
I would but, if only they had them in pink.
(Motherfuckers!)
Sigh.
No. I guess there's still a lot of things I won't do for love,
I blame Meatloaf.
Not the singer,
Actual Meatloaf.
Indeed Sir Meat... uh... Sir Loaf? ... Sir, Mister Meaty... Loaf... ??
Huh.
Wasn't that song sung by the little red M&M guy??
Regardless,
I would do anything for love,
BUT,
I won't do...
THAT!
or THIS!
or THAT!
(I don't even know what this is???)
I definitely won't do THAT!
Huh. Interesting. But no.
Maybe... if I squint really hard?
I would but, if only they had them in pink.
(Motherfuckers!)
Sigh.
No. I guess there's still a lot of things I won't do for love,
I blame Meatloaf.
Not the singer,
Actual Meatloaf.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Are we girlfriends now?
No. No we're not.
Club/event promoters, we're not friends.
We won't travel down the road and back again.
I won't help you move. I won't loan you money. And if you call me at 2am I'll hang up on you.
When I click the "remove me from our list" option, it would be nice if you actually did in fact remove me from your list,
And not,
Instead,
Ask me to Bartend, or Host,
"I can't pay you, but... "
(I just deleted your email.)
Because,
The thing is,
I have a stocked bar at MY house.
I know,
Shocker!
Club/event promoters, we're not friends.
We won't travel down the road and back again.
I won't help you move. I won't loan you money. And if you call me at 2am I'll hang up on you.
When I click the "remove me from our list" option, it would be nice if you actually did in fact remove me from your list,
And not,
Instead,
Ask me to Bartend, or Host,
"I can't pay you, but... "
(I just deleted your email.)
Because,
The thing is,
I have a stocked bar at MY house.
I know,
Shocker!
ME > YOU
"My wife and I... "
"I can't pay you, but... "
"What if my wife didn't come with..."
Not interested.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
A (not so) Mexican standoff, Hollywood style
Last night, in front of Pink Taco, on my way home I witnessed a vintage Hollywood showdown --- drunk party girl vs. an SUV
Classic.
The Pink Taco intersection stoplights probably benefit pedestrians more than drivers unless you're this girl. Young. Early 20's. Caucasian. In a standard Black cocktail dress, who decided automobile headlights make the best spotlights. Her stage thus being Sunset Blvd.
The light was red, traffic was stopped, and so the girl pranced out into the middle of Sunset Blvd., her eyes quickly caught in the headlights, dazzled, excited, she had the audience of many drivers, and so she began to dance in their headlights. She twirled. She skipped. She pranced around. She twirled some more. Shook her head left and right. "Look at me, look at me, spinning like a ballerina!!"
One driver in particular, a young Caucasian female, 20-something, in a white BMW SUV with a few of her friends, decided they had had enough of the prancing ballerina in their headlights and tried to move the girl, much in the same way one might try to move a cow from the middle of the road.
"Hey! get out of the road!" the front seat passenger first tried shouting at
"the cow". Nothing. No response.
The driver then honked her horn. Nothing.
The driver then flashed her headlights on and off. Again, nothing.
The passengers in the SUV rolled down their windows and started waving and yelling obscenities at "the cow", to which the "the cow" only responded by flipping them off with both middle fingers, and nonchalantly continued prancing around in traffic headlights.
When the light turned green, the girl in the middle of Sunset Blvd. didn't budge. She just kept dancing in the street, in front of the headlights.
The driver of the BMW SUV gunned her engine a few times, but "the cow" would not budge.
When left with no other option the SUV gunned her engine and squealed the SUV around "the cow", which startled the cow to jump back onto the curb.
"Fuck you, bitch! It's Cinco de Mayo!" the prancing girl screamed after the SUV.
Because nothing honors Mexico's Independence and Democracy from a French Invasion like - a 23 year old white girl getting tipsy on one too many Apple Martinis at Pink Taco, and then holding up traffic on Sunset Blvd at 1:00am to dance in the middle of the street.
I give her credit for pronouncing it right.
Somewhere in Buck Grove, Iowa, this girl's parents are very proud... of their state law that allowed them to kick her out on her 18th birthday.
Classic.
The Pink Taco intersection stoplights probably benefit pedestrians more than drivers unless you're this girl. Young. Early 20's. Caucasian. In a standard Black cocktail dress, who decided automobile headlights make the best spotlights. Her stage thus being Sunset Blvd.
The light was red, traffic was stopped, and so the girl pranced out into the middle of Sunset Blvd., her eyes quickly caught in the headlights, dazzled, excited, she had the audience of many drivers, and so she began to dance in their headlights. She twirled. She skipped. She pranced around. She twirled some more. Shook her head left and right. "Look at me, look at me, spinning like a ballerina!!"
One driver in particular, a young Caucasian female, 20-something, in a white BMW SUV with a few of her friends, decided they had had enough of the prancing ballerina in their headlights and tried to move the girl, much in the same way one might try to move a cow from the middle of the road.
"Hey! get out of the road!" the front seat passenger first tried shouting at
"the cow". Nothing. No response.
The driver then honked her horn. Nothing.
The driver then flashed her headlights on and off. Again, nothing.
The passengers in the SUV rolled down their windows and started waving and yelling obscenities at "the cow", to which the "the cow" only responded by flipping them off with both middle fingers, and nonchalantly continued prancing around in traffic headlights.
When the light turned green, the girl in the middle of Sunset Blvd. didn't budge. She just kept dancing in the street, in front of the headlights.
The driver of the BMW SUV gunned her engine a few times, but "the cow" would not budge.
When left with no other option the SUV gunned her engine and squealed the SUV around "the cow", which startled the cow to jump back onto the curb.
"Fuck you, bitch! It's Cinco de Mayo!" the prancing girl screamed after the SUV.
Because nothing honors Mexico's Independence and Democracy from a French Invasion like - a 23 year old white girl getting tipsy on one too many Apple Martinis at Pink Taco, and then holding up traffic on Sunset Blvd at 1:00am to dance in the middle of the street.
I give her credit for pronouncing it right.
Somewhere in Buck Grove, Iowa, this girl's parents are very proud... of their state law that allowed them to kick her out on her 18th birthday.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
The best getaway song!
I can't stand it I know you planned it
I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate...
I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate...
So listen up 'cause you can't say nothin'
You'll shut me down with a push of your button?
You'll shut me down with a push of your button?
But yo I'm out and I'm gone
I'll tell you now I keep it on and on...
See *you* at Nate's!
Friday, May 2, 2014
The Finger Trap Test
Another Asian finger trap? I am not getting the memos!
So not what I thought it was going to be. Very disappointed.
So not what I thought it was going to be. Very disappointed.
“Do it in the dirt, Ross! Do it in the dirt!”
I love that episode. Quick recap, FRIENDS, Ross meets a
hot girl with a filthy apartment and refuses to have sex with her unless it’s
at his place, but she wants to have sex at her place, Joey to the rescue sex-coaches
Ross to,
“Do it in the dirt!”
I don't want to stick my hand in a pillow full of pudding (that happened in the episode!) but...
A bottle of wine. Some home-made sandwiches. t-shirts. Our toes in the sand.
Know what I'm saying?
“Do it in the dirt!”
I don't want to stick my hand in a pillow full of pudding (that happened in the episode!) but...
A bottle of wine. Some home-made sandwiches. t-shirts. Our toes in the sand.
Know what I'm saying?
Thursday, May 1, 2014
They call him Puck, Wolfgang Puck
It's the seductive way you cry, "Liebe sie lange Zeit!!"
when I draw you to my lips.
Wolfgang Puck -- Cabernet Sauvignon
Wolfgang Puck -- Cabernet Sauvignon
Tonight or tomorrow night. A potentially nice bottle of wine is worth waiting for.
Cheers babe!
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