Famus

I actually respect Bill Maher quite a bit. He’s a bleeding heart liberal which is entirely his right, but he also publicly acknowledges truths that go against his political grain. He was fired from Politically Incorrect for the same reasons most people get fired, he went off-script. 

It seems you can in fact be fired for things you say on a show called Politically Incorrect.

When the media refers to terrorists who die for their cause as beings “cowards” you do not go off-script in front of the cameras and disagree with the media. 

The security guard who ran away from kids being shot at, is a coward.

Terrorists who murder the innocent by suicide bombs are cowards.

One of those two statements is not true, unless there’s media around.

That’s why you hire writers who know how to use words to their advantage. 

Terrorists who murder and died for their insane causes are not cowards, because we know the definition of the word coward, because we have a firm grasp of the English language, but we don’t say that in front of the cameras, do we Bill.

What he should have said was, “It is heart wrenching when misguided courage is poisoned by hatred and all it’s evils.” 

Or something like that.

It’s catchy, and while Bill and I understand the definition of the word courage, what others will hear are the last three desirable words in that statement, “poison, hatred, and evil” which describes terrorism perfectly. 

You don’t have to play nice with the media. You just have to stay out of it. Especially political media. Political writers aren’t nice people. And they’re not hired to be nice people. They’re hired to make villains out of - whoever they’re hired to make villains out of. And It’s terribly easy sometimes. Especially if they’re public villains to begin with. 

Wisdom

I am reminded of that old pirate sage Captain Jack Sparrow: “The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?”

If the answer is not, we both drown. Yours however will just be more painful.

And speaking of death

Life insurance commercials are a riot. They refer to death as “leaving”. 

Leaving implies you have the option to come back.

Who the hell wants to come back?

These motherf*ckers

The loudest Democrats in America are those who believe their livelihood is threatened by conservatism. Why do they feel threatened? 

The internet is a business. Static. No one needs the internet to get laid. Not even the most abusive men. They’ll find someone. They always do. Lots of women in the world cannot be alone. You’ve seen their boyfriends. Their husbands. John Wayne Gacy Jr didn’t need the internet. No one does. Consider the fact it’s called the web, entertainment (or ruination) at your fingertips whenever you hunger to gluten. The web. Global file sharing. THE WEB.

The problem isn’t politics. Conservatives have existed for as long as liberals and yet some men still became hedo legends of industry without a website. If a product is worth buying, and you’re smart enough to know how to market it, package it, people will buy your product regardless. So what’s your problem?

Be hard to get. It only makes people want you more. I’ve been turning down the same offers for the past seven years, as new ones roll in. 

Smart people know how to get what they want, unlike Mr Turner. He likes my writing and that’s what grinds at him. What he doesn’t like is that the same writing he enjoys reading is also used to promote conservatism. Sure, I could generically gif and emoticon all my political slants with glitter and five syllable catch phrases, but I’ve never been a simpleton faddishly round or nigh to the anti-Trump cool kids who rely on such pretty little tools for debates, should they have an actual backbone and vernacular to participate in one, that is. I’m my own person. And that bothers him too. Turner has hopped on more liberal trends than a sexually confused STD. He should try thinking for himself for a change. Write down his own ideas. I’ve written more dialog than he’s recited. He could arm himself with an automatic weapon and still not be anywhere near as fierce as I am. And he’s pissed off I don’t write for him. 

All Democrats have is bashing Trump. 

You guys do realize the Vice President is also a Republican, right? A Republican ya’ll think has mental illness for being a Christian. 

Ok then. Just checking.

The Democratic Party is in big trouble as is. You guys allowed socialism into your party and now your party is deeply severed by classes of income. Dummies.

Most minorities are conservatives. Hispanic Americans are total religious conservatives. African Americans are mostly religious conservatives. Asian Americans are mostly religious conservatives. 

How exactly do you plan on getting their votes?

Yeah

You don’t have answer. 

Rules 1 and 2: Don’t insult god. Stay out of the media. Politics 101. 

It’s not even a political party thing. It’s a people are morons thing. I’ve told people (repeatedly) the best way to get me to meet them, if at all, is by doing this, “Hi. My name is ——  We’re interested meeting you for drinks. If the feeling is mutual drop us a note at your leisure.”

Simple

Easy

BUT NO

Instead I constantly get this, “I’ve got a big dick. She’s the boss. We want you to be our entertainment for the night to please us.”

HA. Yeah no. Hold your breath. Keep holding it. Hold it. Hold it some more. Keep holding it. Hoooooold it. 

People are ridiculous. And they wonder why they never get anything done.

Conservatives are the basic formula of Republicans. Keep your nose clean. Stay out of my business. Do the right thing. Keep the world safe.

And Democrats are threatened by that?

I’m associated with a girl who’s obnoxious as fuck but I like her. She makes me laugh. She intros people only this one particular way, “Ok girl, so these motherfuckers right here... !”

Depending on the tone of her voice “these motherfuckers right here” are either really funny, cool, or complete assholes. She’s also very pretty, like a kitten, which makes it even more comical. 

A pretty well groomed fluffy little kitten chasing after laser pointers mewing, “These motherfuckers right here... !”

I like doing my laundry at laundromats. I like being among people in different settings, and I like being able to do all my laundry within an hour and a half which requires at least four machines. At every laundromat around the country, I see this guy... 

The creepy fat old guy who’s continuously pulling up his long shorts every 30 seconds oblivious to the fallout of gravity regarding his elephantine gut and lack of belt. What I never see at the laundromat is the hot naked chick stuck halfway through a jumbo dryer. But damnit, Instagram has tons of photos of her. 

Are you saying the web lies?

(GASP!!!)

To be continued...

YES Darryl!!

Love this man. I grew up with Run DMC. This is the best thing on the internet. https://youtu.be/QPRmFJ_U8Ug

Please share it!

imPOSING

Cuckolds are men who quit being men.

Instincts demand cuckolds be purged, like a mama cat who leaves a sick kitten behind to die. Instincts. 

You call them vanillas because they don’t want to fuck you?

Interesting.

If they don’t want to fuck you as vanillas, what makes you think they’d want to fuck you as swingers? Common sense

Whatever your occupation, whatever the personae of your occupation hooks success, don’t be that when we hang out. I MUCH RATHER hang out with the man or woman who walks the treadmill in their slippers while eating ice cream and watching some random movie at 4am, because that person is more interesting to me.

Of course everything we do will irritate each other eventually. That’s why we keep our own places. Take breaks. Do our own thing.

Back in the day of crazy girls on Detroit street, those girls were insane, but on any given Wednesday afternoon some of us would hit a museum and then have lunch in China Town, like a bunch of girl next door normals. You would have never guessed we were the same girls from last Friday night. 

I can’t hang out with people who are swinger fuckstars 24/7. Boring. And just when I think the internet couldn’t get any more ridiculous trying to make people swinger fuckstars 24/7, it openly screamed, “Challenge accepted!”

Remember when music and art used to make us feel something?

Thank goodness for cats, dogs, giraffes, and otters, or humanity would be doomed.

Hood rat

Ever meet his chick? I wouldn’t want her as a neighbor. I certainly wouldn’t be seen in public with her.

I don’t defend women JUST for being born with a vagina.

She quit a long time ago. Amateur bush league

Do better.

Stephen

I have ZERO problems with men calling women dogs. And she’s not a dog, she’s a bitch. 

Typical one sided feminist (do as I say, not as I do) bullshit.

Amateur bush league

I got no time for ya’ll beginners.

Look Mr Turner, just because I’m against someone, doesn’t mean I’m for someone else. If I were to list everyone I’m against I’d be here all day.

I’m a registered Republican but I can’t stand Ted Nugent the Republican. Ted Nugent the musician, yes. The Republican, no. For starters Ted hunts with the same enthusiasm I have for a shoe sale. My dad used to hunt, and dad was a Democrat. Hunting isn’t a Republican thing. Many Democrats hunt. Many Democrats own guns. It’s painfully sad how many registered American voters think only Republicans own guns and hunt. Get out of your delusional bubble every once in a while, people.

Every time someone insults Republicans for hunting and owning guns, it screams to the world how amateur they are.

Anyway

I’m still looking for a new apartment. Sad. In my defense the goal is to dump up. Not down. 

Hey guess what?

Sex isn’t taboo anymore. Social/media turned sex into commentary, satire, and commercialism. They made it silly and ridiculous. Newsflash: sex has always been silly and ridiculous but it was our private joke. What made it once exciting and hot was it’s rarity and discretion. You had to be in the know. You had to know a guy.

NO ONE is discreet anymore.

How low-brow.

I hate it.

Also

Any clown with a cell phone is a boudoir photographer. 

These days...

Psst. Hey mister, know a girl who likes two dicks in her vag at one ti...

And before you can even finish the sentence every female in the country over the age of 14 are screaming at ear-splitting volume trying to out whore each other on Twitter. 

“I LOVE 5 dicks in my butthole!” 

“I LOVE 7 dicks in my butthole!”

Wow 

Classy

15 years old.

Your parents must be proud. 

Just quit school now and be whores.

Video killed the radio star.

The internet killed everything else like innocence. 

My best playmates were upscale and 100% discreet. You’d never know it in a million years they liked hot nasty sex. They were clean-cut, educated, sophisticated, everything finer in life. You had to be in the know. 

Women who wear cheap slutty low cut dresses and too much eye makeup in public, and advertise to the world on social media how they love to gag on dick, can just get their whore asses the fuck away from me. 

Make a name for yourself by being the best at what you do, NOT by trying to convince the world what hood rats you are.

Unlike most people, I went crazy, did my thing young in life. Sowed my wild oats until I was in my 30’s, and again briefly in my 40’s. Meanwhile most people are just now getting their freak on. It’s painfully obvious and horribly embarrassing.

I still hear men in their 40’s who fantasize having their first FMF three-way. 

Seriously?

In their 40’s? And still never had a FMF?

Huh

I was 20 years old when I had my first FMF three-way. What’s your problem?

When you get to my age, you’ve done everything you’ve wanted to do. What makes it exciting for me now is to do things with people I actually like. I don’t have to love you. I just have to like you. I MUCH RATHER do vanilla things with people I genuinely like, than have an orgy with people I don’t even want to be in a checkout line with. 

I love my vanilla friends. Regardless of religion and politics, they’re hard working amazing human beings. I got their backs, always.

“I’m throwing a GB party. Want to be a guest star?”

No bitch. 

You have to be in the know. 

Never email me stupid shit like this.

The other morning, and by morning I mean afternoon, I woke up from the worst sex dream ever. I couldn’t cum. I dreamt I was in like six different sex scenarios and I couldn’t cum. In two of the scenarios I was even masturbating, feverishly, and I still couldn’t cum. It was a nightmare! I can get myself off in less than two minutes every time, but not in this dream. I woke up super horny. Luckily I was still able to take care of business in about 30 seconds flat. Whew!! My regular sex life is still intact. 👍🏻

Men over 50

It seems the only need single men over 50 have for women is to care for them like a mommy. 

In talking with Bob Gordon, his only want from a partner is someone to be his caretaker when his health starts failing. “I won’t be able to reciprocate that care.” He says. “I’ll be too ill myself. I need you to take care of me.”

How depressing. 

I can’t recall the last time a man took care of me when I was sick, drove me to the doctor, sat with me in the waiting room. 

Actually 

Yes I can recall the last time it happened. 

It was circa 1995. 

I’ve always been the caregiver. 

“I don’t want to get sick!” Is their reason for not taking care of me, but it’s perfectly fine for me to get sick taking care of them. It’s perfectly fine for me to use all my free time being their mommy.

Fuck that.

No.

Seriously.

FUCK THAT! 

When people say they want someone in good shape they also mean they want someone in good health mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

My dad was high maintenance. He was an attractive man and he knew it. He knew it because women were constantly telling him how good looking he was. When people are constantly telling you you’re a good looking person, you believe it.  My dad’s walk-in closet was rather impressive. The only time I ever saw my dad dress badly was when I got him an ugly dad-shirt and/or tie for his birthday or Father’s Day, and then like a good parent dad would wear the shirt to make me happy, while proudly walking around saying, “A gift from my daughter. Isn’t it nice?” And all the women would swoon and be like, “Awwwwe! How adorable!” 

Women constantly grabbed my arm when I was a kid and hushed, “Your dad is so handsome!” 

And then one day...

When dad was about 60, he quit the game. He stopped getting his hair done. Stopped trimming his beard. Stopped paying for manicures. Got a belly. Looked like Santa Clause all year around. He was happy. He had many good years with his wife. And then they just wanted to be old. 

Old and happy.

I want that too. 

But I also want the many good years first. 

Yes I’m (almost) 50, but only 50. 

50 and in pretty decent shape with no wrinkles on my body anywhere. 

It’s ok if he’s gained some weight, losing his hair, has some wrinkles, as long as he hasn’t given up. It’s amazing how many men just give up after 50. Why?

WHY do you guys give up after 50??

If I can go through 45 years getting my period every 28 days, 7 years of perimenopause, to eventual menopause, I think men should try harder being happy, HEALTHY, and wise, even after 50. 

Especially after 50!

Contrary to popular belief, there’s a fat side of the Vegas strip AND a thin side. That’s right, a thin side. In simple terms, the fat side of the strip is Wynn, Paris, MGM, in other words where all the elevators and escalators are. Across the street however (Caesars, Aria, Cosmopolitan) is the thin side where there’s only nonstop flights of stairs and maybe one working elevator. No escalators. That’s the side I take my run on. Not only is that side of the blvd pretty empty, you’ll also get a decent workout. You’ll climb at least 10 flights of stairs and run 5 miles. It’s a good cardio workout. 

I refuse to quit. 

I always thought I’d be one of those old ladies who’d need a hip replacement, but it’s my knees and feet that are going, from all the running/walking I’ve done over the many years, and continue doing. 

I still look amazing though! 

If I’m not going to meet anyone I’d rather look 50 and not have joint pain. 

Yesterday at work I met a woman and her

daughter, who, at first glance, I thought the daughter was a kid, like a grand daughter, as in a teenager in high school, but after talking with her for a minute, it turns out the woman is 43 years old. I thought she was a teenager. Black don’t crack. Yeah no kidding. Plus she’s short like me. I met her at work so it’s not like I could ask her a bunch of personal questions like - How old were you when being carded was no longer a compliment. Trust me, women like us, who look like little kids forever, there’s an age when you just get sick of it. You know when it happened to me. I blogged about it when I got carded seeing a rated R movie back in DECEMBER 2015 That’s when I went crazy, cut off all my dyed black hair, and let my natural grey hair grow out. 

I still get carded. Assholes.

People have expectations of you when you look a certain way. I’m constantly having to remind people I’m almost 50. If I fall down, my ass is staying down for a solid two minutes before I even try getting back up again regardless if I’m hurt or not. There is no doing things in a hurry after a fall unless I’ve just had 40 oz. of caffeine and there’s a big angry dog chasing after me. — And then people look at you with the attitude of, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Get up!” 

About five years ago this guy once asked me, “At what age do women just give up?”

I don’t know. 

Unlike some women, a lot of women, I know I’m older. I know it. I accept it. I can apply for AARP in 5 months. But true to form, when you look good, you feel good. Unless she’s sick, I don’t think women should look like she just lost a fight with a gorilla when going out in public. 

Same with men.

No excuses!

Hey Mike, let’s go out sometime

Food court security.

Food

Court

Security

Do you need a sheriff’s card for that gig, or? 

Qualifications: Make sure the trays are stacked properly on top of the garbage bins; Yell at people to walk not run; Direct people to the giant bathroom sign that reads bathroom; Attend special hospitality training to properly tip your make believe cowboy hat as you grip your pretend hip holster belt buckle and say, “Ma’am” as the ladies walk by. 

If you can invent a job, Vegas has it.

Food court security. Thanks for entertaining me while I was ordering my Panda Express. 

So yesterday I took a look at where that guy’s condo is. And let me just say...

You can’t live by the strip. I mean you can. It’s just not advisable especially for a single woman. Information that would have been useful to me before living here by myself. Much like anywhere else, you pay a lot more to live near the city’s main attraction, in Vegas it’s the strip, obviously, a place locals avoid at all cost even Lyft drivers. Directly outside the strip five to ten miles in every direction is all ghetto. Junkies. Drug dealers. Street hookers. Pimps. Homeless people. Mentally ill. — Like Venice, CA., but without the beautiful weather and ocean. 

While checking out the neighborhood of this dude’s condo, I noticed in the middle of the street, directly in front of the condo was an abandoned shopping cart, which in Vegas means only one thing, there’s an opening to the underground homeless city nearby. I crossed the street and found the opening. 

Yeah. No thanks.

Pass.

Last night...

I had drinks with a girl I work with. She’s Vegas born and likes the dive bars. The bar we went to is nearby a restaurant I’ve gone to a few times. It’s such a dive bar I’ve passed it several times without even knowing it was there. Cool little spot though. Good bartenders. And their house wine is pretty decent actually. If we hang out, and you like dive bars, we’ll go.

Moving on.

And my friends think I’m weird because I know how much voltage is required for shock therapy? I just saw an elephant give birth, repeatedly, because my friends reposted this video all god damn morning. Eeewwwwwwe. Damnit Facebook! So this is how my day is going to start, eh? Elephant afterbirth on loop! 

Um

Yogurt anyone??

Blaaaaaaaah!

After checking out Zillow, Apartments.com, Apartmentfinder, and Craigslist, it seems the average one bedroom apartment is about $900-$1200 a month. Still $1,300 less than in LA. Ok. Fine.

But...

Do I have to see hookers blowing some fat slob every time I go to check the mail??

Look...

Not that I want to spend the rest of my life alone but being with a man can’t be harder than being alone. I refuse to be with someone who makes my life harder. You don’t have to like the things I do, just stay out of my way. That’s all. I’ll stay out of your way. You stay out of mine. Why is this so hard for men? 

Contrary to what Bob Gordon says, I would happily date someone regular if they understood sometimes I need my damn space, I’m going to keep my own apartment, I’m going to do shit you’re not going to understand, just stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours.

Be my spirit otter.

Ok? 

Wet shiny zombies

“Back in my day blowing a tranny was a car problem.” 

Old people jokes. 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is ridiculously stupid That’s why she won’t debate anyone publicly. She already made an ass of herself on TV proving how dumb she is. Go ahead, explain “free healthcare” to the country again in your fumble-dipsy way. Tell Americans how you’re going to raise taxes 11%-28% for the middle class, and 100% for the upper class. It was hilarious the first time we heard it! Especially for the wealthy Democrats who’s money you’re relying on for your campaign. Ocasio-Cortez needs your money Democrats, and then she’s going to raise your taxes 100%. Don’t forget to Vote!

Ocasio-Cortez is a coward hiding behind her twat (assuming she has one). Shapiro politely invited her to a political debate, and Ocasio-Cortez cried harassment. Sorry women who were truly abusively harassed, but Ocasio-Cortez is going to use your pain to avoid a political debate and answering tough questions like an adult. 

Speaking of being an adult...

I just took a picture of my nostrils and text it Aramis. 

No reason.

I do stuff like that.

Friday night, 5:17pm and I’m exhausted. It’s my day off but...

Morning run

Cleaning

Laundry

Post Office

Bank

Target

Looking at apartments

I’m beat.

Me and a bottle of wine tonight, AKA dinner. Even if I was dating someone, I’m too hot, tired, premenstrual, and irritated from running around all day to hang out.

Anyway

Tomorrow I start taking a multivitamin for 50+ women, and iron pills. After comparing multivitamins for under 50, to over 50, my question is this, why aren’t all women taking 50+ multivitamins? Sure there’s no iron in the 50+ vitamin, but you can buy iron separately for like $7 a bottle. 

All the benefits in a 50+ dietary supplement are double. I realize as we get older we need twice the nutriment, but imagine a 30 year old body and brain on twice it’s needed nutriment? More human than human. Or am I crazy thinking this way? Probably. Whatever. We’ll see if I notice a difference with the 50+ multivitamin.

Saturday night...

Dust storm! 

Followed by unexpected rain.

Followed by unusable escalators, blocked off sidewalks, and hysterical tourists unable to plan an alternate route with stairs and catwalks. 

Followed by my useless period. Yet again.

Damn desert. 

That’s right I’m blaming my period on the damn desert. 

Sunday...

Which is technically my Tuesday. I’m going to look at this guy’s condo he’s renting for kinda cheap. He said to really check out the neighborhood and judging by the security gates on the doors and windows I’m going to guess - zombies? (Sigh) Makes me miss Venice. Still, for $350 less, in a way nicer apartment, in the same ghetto neighborhood, I can at least look.