Ching chingo Ballingo

"There's gold in them thar hills!"

Apparently there's gold in CA. Reportedly a new gold rush. Now where did I put my pickaxe?? Americans, at least second generation Americans, are waaaay too lazy to pan for gold. It's not worth moving back to CA. Do you KNOW how much caffeine it would take for me to pan gold for just ONE hour?? Do they make IV drips out of caffeine??

RANDOM!!!

My current mission is a new cell phone, and a Halloween costume. I'm off today & tomorrow, to accomplish both. If you see this red cape on a little old Asian lady at the Halloween event... 

I'd like to thank all the dirty old men filming themselves having sex with young(er) women, and keeping my sex life alive at 3am when I need to get back to sleep after waking up to pee. 

Last night I finally got to a PT's Pub. 

PT's is a bar chain to Vegas, what Starbucks is to Los Angeles. At least one on every corner. So I wandered up the street from my new place of residence to the corner PT's, played slot poker for an hour, drank a glass of Cabernet Sov, and listened to three locals having THIS conversation...

"Look, I don't want Mexicans to forget they're Mexicans. I'm just saying they gotta understand I'm not learning Spanish. If they're gonna come here they gotta learn some English."

"SOME English. At least the basics."

"I don't think those guys were Mexicans. I think those fellas were Cubans."

"How can ya tell?"

"They're Spanish was all fast. I couldn't understand shit and my Spanglish is pretty decent."

 The best part of this conversation was the music playing in the background...

I am just a new boy 

A stranger in this town 

Where are all the good times 

Who's gonna show this stranger around? 

Their conversation then took a sudden turn from Mexicans, to the NFL.

"Look at these guys, millionaires playing a sport they love, and kneeling during the anthem."

"They're fucking spoiled."

"These kids definitely didn't grow up like how we grew up." 

"Suspend their disrespectful asses to Chicago for a few hard winters. They'll turn grateful."

"Let these kids earn a living shoveling snow a few Chicago winters, instead of playing football. Trust me they'll stand up after that."

Ok look...

I couldn't care less about football. Throw ball. Catch ball. Run ball. Whatever.

I said what I thought about kneeling during the American anthem HERE no need repeating.

Vegas Golden Knights? Ok yes, I'm curious. I will always be a Kings fan. Still, I'm curious. There's a preseason game tomorrow night against the Kings. 7pm. I'm so watching it! LA Kings vs Vegas Golden Knights. Oh please, please, please, let their intro onto the ice be like Medieval Times!!! Beer and tournament!! 

(I know, I know, I said that on Facebook yesterday. God I'm lazy.) 

Moving on.

Can I just tell you how funny-scary Filipino men are? I've never experienced anything both funny AND scary at the same time like Filipino men. You can put 100 white dudes in a room and maybe (maybe) 10 of them might say something that will make me laugh. Initially white guys never scare me. BUT throw in just ONE Filipino fella into the room with the 100 white guys, it's guaranteed the Filipino will say something that will definitely make me laugh, intentional or not, followed by someone dying a horrible death.

I don't date Asian men. I don't date Filipino men. Never have. Never will. They scare me. They make me laugh, but their murder rate is un-date-able. You only hear about their first time murders in the news because they're smart, they get better at it. Hello? Asian/PI. We're amazing at everything we love to do. For example, I know exactly 8,965 ways to pleasure myself. (ASIAN!!)   

"Go fuck yourself!" 

Don't worry, I will. 

Dear offended Filipino men with ZERO sense of humor. Please feel free to use this picture for target practice... 

And send your hate mail HERE

Anyway      

The motivation for the following stupid useless rant stems from receiving emails from couples where the male half is (oddly) waaaay better looking than the female half. What the hell is going on here?? 

I'm TOTALLY going to end this blog by slut shaming. 

The modern definition of being a slut is no longer a woman who simply likes sex, but rather dirty, lazy, unsophisticated, purposely uneducated women who think being sexy is accomplished simply by spreading her legs, sucking dick, or claiming to be bisexual.

No bitch. You're disgusting.

Seriously men, choose better.

I'll let these memes meme it out...

 Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only...

Isabella Rossellini

Thank you and good night.

Drama $1

 Oh. Hello. Hi. How you doing?

Please ditch the cigarette. 

On second thought. Fuck it. You're gorgeous. Keep the cigarette. 

We all gotta die some time.

Non drowsy chest medicine.

Lies.

It totally makes me drowsy.

I'm congested with an occasional irritating cough, and sneezing. I feel fine otherwise. I just can't get rid of this congestion. Hot shower. Hot water. Hot soup. Masturbating. Nope. Nothing works.

Maybe Benadryl.  

I have 3 days off AND here I am, inside, in my rented room, in my jammies, like a little kid who just wants to go outside and PLAY. I finished binge watching BORGIA, loved it, and last night I binge watched season five of RIPPER STREET. Cool ending. Might have to binge watch all five seasons tonight if I can't breaks this congestion.   

I've quarantined myself. Don't need to. I'm sure I'm not contagious but no one wants to hear my coughing and sneezing. And the non drowsy chest medicine makes me sleepy. It does give me more time to work on my sommelier flash-cards, and look for an apartment, but I'd be doing that anyway. AND it gives me time to write this epic piece of literary stupidness. (Yay!) 

To mix it up a bit I responded to a CL ad and made two new friends online who will probably murder me next week. And I've developed an odd obsession with the clouds here in Vegas. I haven't seen such billowy clouds since my childhood in Minnesota. Beautiful.

Moving on.

There's a Dollar Store, I buy my toothbrushes from. Strange as it may seem, of all the expensive toothbrushes I've bought and tried, even the dentist recommended electric ones, it's THIS toothbrush I love using. 2 for $1.

(I need a manicure.)

While at the Dollar Store, I saw a book written by Jon Lithgow, titled DRAMA.

I'm not a huge fan of Lithgow. I remember him in Footloose, Raising Cain, and 3rd Rock From The Sun, but that's pretty much it. HOWEVER, I'm not a huge fan of (artist) Picasso either but I find his life story fascinating. So I picked up Lithgow's book while still inside the Dollar Store, and began reading the Preface. In it, Lithgow wrote about returning home to be with his dying father, and of course it struck a nerve with me, my own father having died two years ago.

Death is unavoidable and nonetheless unique. The way Lithgow described being with his dying father however resonated with my experience. When a kid leaves home, more often than not, that kid returns home only for weddings and funerals, both of which teeter on piles of emotions returning home accumulates to begin with. 

I bought Lithgow's book 

DRAMA 

$1

I wonder what Lithgow would say if I told him I bought his book for one dollar? My hope would be he would merely and sincerely ask, "So did you like the book?" and that the money wouldn't matter.    

In my congested medicated haze I also began reflecting...

I'm sad my dad, and Rick, will never know me, we'll never know each other as old people. I think they both would have really gotten a kick knowing me as an old woman. I would have loved to have seen Rick as an old man. 

Hottest dirty old man in the neighborhood!    

It sucks they knew THIS bitch. 

This bitch who couldn't give you the time of day. 

Who couldn't be bothered to even look at you. 

BUT they did know this girl. 

Riding my bike around the neighborhood, tennis racket in hand.

Drawing weird stuff in my bedroom.

Movies in the basement.

Guess how old I am here.

HINT: That's my natural real hair color, once upon a time.

I'm going to close out this blog by saying this...

With all the fires, hurricanes, earthquakes, (wait for it) tornados, I just HOPE people are being smart and evacuating when advised to do so. And as I look for my new apartment I'm truly doing so with only my loved ones in mind. I want them to be comfortable in my home. Sure, come november, while I'm attending sommelier classes my place is going to look like a raging alcoholic lives there but it's not like they've never been to my home before! 

I don't need much. All I need is a quiet room to sleep in. But that won't do for my friends and family. I want them to know my home is THEIR home. Welcome. Always. 

Any time day or night.