Google says

"Create a wonderful and beautiful blog"

Huh. I wonder what that must be like?

Let's see where this goes

Okay D. Shall we?

Gotta love the crazies

Must be one hell of a salsa mixer https://instagram.com/p/BKEhDK1hAzd/

Security!!!

"What the hell, Forman?!" https://instagram.com/p/BKEBWdMBQy6/

5 1/2 hours later

It is finished!! https://instagram.com/p/BJ6O8UdBasJ/

Fist time assembling (anything) furniture'ish by myself.

5 1/2 hours!!!

I get why my dad built stuff.

Curtain rods are sitting over there in the corner...

Uggams!!

Dear shelf makers, why did you design the shelves connect with metal bolts in two corners, and metal screws in the other two corners? I don't know anything about construction, it's a sincere question, but I do know a little something about geometry and rudimentary equation. Four corners can only be stable unto four more corners with whole common denominators, not halves.

Remember that scene in DEADPOOL when Blind Al (played by Leslie Uggams) was putting together that bookshelf...

This!!! https://instagram.com/p/BJ6FIQ6h1GE/

&#%]?%#"/!!!!!

Been working on this bookshelf for TWO hours. We beach people, we're not builders. Sand castles, maybe? I only know one guy who lives out here who builds stuff, and he's not talking to me. Dunno why? But when you've known a guy since the 9th grade... these things happen.

And so it began at 9:30am Thank you A-1 Hardware. $8 hammer. $3 nails.

Laid out https://instagram.com/p/BJ56by2hUJ-/

Put those boys in https://instagram.com/p/BJ56rDGBSE8/

Got that dude in there https://instagram.com/p/BJ56wC6B6J9/

YESSssss!!!!! https://instagram.com/p/BJ561e5BzgT/

Oh no whaaaa??? https://instagram.com/p/BJ5659Yh4PC/

I have no idea what that says https://instagram.com/p/BJ56-g0hrmu/

If my dad were still alive he'd be laughing at me! Rightfully so. He was the builder in our family.

But I'm determined.

And...

The only men who said "bookshelf? No problem." Live in Semi, Chicago, OC... We're not builders here at the beach. But you have to give me credit. I'm trying. 

I need a drink.

Hammer... From beyond the grave

I'm giving it one last college try this morning. Pieces of this bookshelf have been cluttering up my work space floor for two weeks.

"Everything you need is included. Tools. Everything."

Lies! No tools. And the instructions have no words. Just third grade caveman drawings.

According to the drawings (I think?) I need a hammer. I bought screwdrivers and managed to put in TWO screws. Then I saw the hammer drawing.

Hardware store opens at 9am.

Upon searching hammer costs there's a $240 hammer on sale for $219. For a hammer?! Is this a magical hammer?? Stiletto TBM14RMS 14 oz.(something something)...

I'm not paying $240 for a hammer.

And...

 I never want to hear another man criticize how much I pay for shoes.

She hates porn... From beyond the grave

Pamela Anderson, hates you. She's got an anti porn campaign going on with a Rabbi Schmuly Boteach.

JDATE!!!