It's always weird around Christmas

Especially this year.

And then...

Joel Osteen's televised Monday night seminar was about to begin.

I'm torn. On one hand Mr Osteen is a decent preacher, easy to watch and listen to, relatable. He, in truth, had my undivided attention -- juuuuuust before he starts quoting passages from (thee) Bible, as if his uplifting address wouldn't make sense to anyone if there was no Bible to quote by.

I appreciate quotes are helpful when words of wisdom compliment a timeline to something/someone in particular. I get it. I use quotes in my blogs. Like this one...

Blog: Wednesday, December 2, 2015

"A whore's life..."

"Some career advice; a whore's life is five good years, five bad years, and then some half-dick sweat stain grinds you out like a cigarette. Like a goddamn spent cigarette."

FARGO (TV series), Dodd Gerhardt

BUT that's because FARGO is awesome. The social media timeline fit. And because FARGO was picked up for a third season. 

Back to Joel Osteen...

It was a weird moment. Osteen was preaching not to prophecy negativity in our lives, etc, and then Osteen used this rather particular example: Alzheimers. Like in my recent blogs where I think I have early "onset Alzheimers" 

It was creepy.

Creepy!

As if my dad was talking from (beyond) using Osteen to speak to me through the TV. Which is SO like my dad to do.

And as Osteen spoke, I heard my dad...

"Prophesy, my mind is sound. My memories are strong. Alzheimers will not control me."

It's just a blog! I was being sarcastic with the whole Alzheimers thing, dad. Geez.

"If you prophesy negativity, you shall reap what you sow."

Christ.

I was half expecting to have this conversation with my television...

"Do you belong to a church?"

Yes. Kind of.

"Which church do you belong to?"

House of Kings

"Isn't that the liquor store by your house?"

Church, to me!

--- My dad and I actually had a conversation very similar to just that.

Christ, dad. Even in death you're a religious nag. Stop using Joel Osteen, to speak to me. It creepy and weird. You're totally freaking me out. Can't you just slam a few doors and flicker the lights on and off?

Serious religious question: When do you "praise God" and when do you "praise the Lord"?

Is there a rivalry? Because the lord is Jesus Christ, correct? And God is the almighty? 

So...

How do you know who to praise? Is there a play chart? I think this was the question that got me kicked out of Bible camp when I was 11.

I'm still waiting for an answer.