JANUARY 31, MONDAY
(11:26pm)
For the past four and half hours… PTSD!! WAR!!!
(11:03pm)
I will be sleeping in tomorrow because there will be zero sleep tomorrow night. Holy shit. I might suffer from PTSD after this. I honestly think these nonstop constant hail fire of fireworks might be comparable to war.
(10:33pm)
When Chinese New Year fireworks💥 sound like goddamn WWIII you get up, walk to the corner and get yourself a snack.
(5:52pm)
I'm going to have to remake my one minute pay video. I really wish I would have known before making the last video that it required either me speaking or music in the background. Fuck. So many rules.
The Asians are going crazy tonight with firecrackers. Tomorrow is Chinese New Year and when you live in the biggest Chinese community second only to China you know it's firecrackers all night long.
I have a weird Asian rage. Whenever I see an Asian woman with a white guy looking for another Asian woman to get into a threesome with, I have the (thank god controllable) urge to throw her onto the ground and punch her in the face. WTF is that?! Why am I SO GODDMAN DISGUSTED by it?? First of all, BRO, what do you have against white women? ... OMG SEE?! Why do I feel this way?! I don't feel that way when it's an Asian guy and a white woman looking for an Asian woman to threeway with. But FUCK YOU Asian woman/white guy for emailing me because he only likes Asian women. And I like white guys, and Asian women, but when they pair up and email me looking for a threesome, I hate her more than the whiny bitch at Starbucks!
Weird.
(12:29pm)
HOW do I add an mp3 song to my reel I'm editing with Iphone Clips? Anyone? Anyone?
I'm totally good playing someone's grandma! (in a not weird way)
I am perfectly fine being 53 years old. I miss my gray hair (to be honest) but you guys hated it so much. I thought I looked good with it. What do I know?
(11:51am)
The next time a man offers you his dick, like you wanted it to begin with😒, send him this in response.
(5:56am)
Inside of my mouth this morning. Surgical site almost closed up. One more month. Thank goodness for my oral surgeon. I'm so happy I went to her. It was a horrible situation and she made it as quick, informative, and painless as possible.
Quick fact: Ever see old people look like they're chewing the inside of their mouth. They are! Since the surgery I've caught myself rubbing my gums with the inside of my cheek.😂
My modeling page is almost complete. If you ever sign up for LJ, it's 5 PG pics, 1 PG minute video. Then 5 locked R to XXX rated pay pics, and 1 R to XXX rated pay minute video. After they approve all your submitted content then you can go live on their site. I just have the 1 pay video left, goddamn audio snafu. I'll figure it out this morning.
I still want to do a non sex scene (obviously) in a gay porn just to say I was in a gay porno. Hey DAVID COOLEY, heeeeey. I'm still "gay porno pretty" at 53. I could totally play someone's mom or grandma... in a not too weird pornoee way.
JANUARY 30, SUNDAY
(8:27pm)
Yup
Yup
Mm-hmm sonofabitch.
(2:06pm)
Halp!! Why won’t the audio work?!
Thank goodness for chinchillas. This is awesome.
(12:10pm)
um.
(11:58am)
Because I have to add audio to my 1 minute boobie reel. (WHY?) Of course they don’t offer any kind of audio/video easy converter. I have to do it myself with music from their play list. Sooooo model/editor/engineer/performer. Did I say 10 hour days? I meant 12.😵💫
Thank you Allen for believing.😘
(9:34am)
I wanted an actual Valentines date but instead I'll be posting pics/video online pretending I love you for $2.99 a minute. Same thing eh? 😏
I don't cotton to commercialized Valentines Day but I do think it's good there being at least one day to remind us most hardened of hearts that the love of another is far better than all the red wine in Napa. Of course you have to be old to appreciate what I just said.
I'm going to start telling quick stories of life before Google called (you guessed it) LIFE BEFORE GOOGLE.
In this episode sits three teenagers at a kitchen table and one mildly interested parent leaning against the kitchen counter, drink in hand. The year was 1984. The teenage girl (yours truly) is on the rotary kitchen telephone (Google it) that hangs on the wall. She is talking to one of her girlfriends about a brand new cassette tape (Google it) she has just purchased from (hello?) TARGET called KISS ANIMALIZE. Our teenage girl is doing what all teenagers did in Minnesota circa 1984 after buying a cassette tape, she is passing along the lyrics of said songs written on the inner sleeve of the tape before heading downstairs into the basement where she will proceed to pirate 10 copies to her friends host a listening party of her brand new cassette tape with some skunky herb, the other two teenagers, and a box of pudding pops.
"Thrills in the night, far from the light, passion taking over Prices she pays, all through the days, no one really knows her... Did you get that Becky? Let me know when you're ready for the next line."
Not Kiss's best album. Some would argue in many o'smoky basements that it was their worst album EVER, but how were these teenage kids to know Kiss would come out the following year with an album called ASYLUM.
The mildly interested parent has now disappeared. Not to be seen again for 5 or 6 days.
Thus ending our short story of LIFE BEFORE GOOGLE brought to you by the next door neighbor kid who played Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise on loop so many times I now know the lyrics to that song. (I have questions!)
Cue the music!
JANUARY 29, SATURDAY
(3:17pm)
I want every heterosexual man trying to get laid online tonight to know that, right here, right now, this dude has way more women wanting his phone number in the past 40 seconds then yours in the past five years.
PS. He’s married. Yup. All you “I’ve got a big dick and I know how to use it” folks need to get some lessons from this guy on how to really please a woman.
(12:20pm)
Holy shi…
(9:39am)
Welp, in my January pursuit of meeting the next potential love of my life, I didn't manage one date. Not one. Where's the romance? Where's the affection? Do men know what romance is anymore? And now I've once again lost interest finding love since starting my LJ modeling page 3 days ago. I model, shoot, edit everything and it legit takes 10 hours of my day. I'm a little annoyed that they control the layout of my page, they decide which pictures to highlight, but since they have an investment in my content additionally they have been around for many years, I'm forced to trust their judgement. (I disagree with their decisions but whatever)
Also, I'm going pee in this picture. I'm at a public toilet peeing and no doubt catching meningitis but hey I'm forced to wear a mask while doing it. Have a nice day!
JANUARY 28, FRIDAY
(5:17pm)
Excuse me ma'am but when you get to our age putting your finger in your mouth makes you less innocent looking, and more like you just cooked some children in a stew.
(4:39pm)
Get it?😏
(4:13pm)
"Meet for coffee" is what you do when getting paid or to fire someone.
Ladies DO NOT meet a man for coffee. Do not belittle yourself.
If you did not have a good father role model in your life then gain from my wisdom handed down by my father, by 16 years of age a male should have it hard wired into his veins that if he wants a female he must first earn her with at least a job, a car, and money to spend on dinners and gifts. And that's at 16 years of age. Nothing changes. It's written in stone among the Ten Commandments! (No really it is)
"I hate spending money taking women out on dinner and buying them things."
Well you better hope your dick is long enough to suck it yourself then! Because without dinner and gifts you have a 100% chance of never touching a naked breast EVER!
(3:52pm)
This is something I do with People I already have a relationship with. This is not a date. I won't even interview for a job here.
Any time a man says, "Lets meet for coffee" he better be writing me a check!
(5:52am)
We need to trend this audio
My life has turned into making content 24/7. One day I will have sex again and be with another human being. Just not today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day.
JANUARY 27, THURSDAY
(3:03pm)
"Hi. Lets chat and meet for coffee."
NO! I'm not 14 years old! Be a man! Do better!
(7:28am)
Back on LJ. Everyone else makes money on my boobs and glorious poon, why not me too. Only this time I'm taking it seriously. I am. I am. The year was 2012. I was about to get divorced and a friend of a friend introduced me to LJ. He let me shoot content in his two story three bedroom Santa Monica house. Good times! If only he still lived there. He doesn't. He moved to Scottsdale years ago.
At 53 years of age, yes I'm actually going by my real age so all the 20/30-something males can find me there and actually pay me to freak me out, I'm nonetheless proud of the way I look. Still being age appropriate, I'm taking on more of a "loving mother of the house" role... whip in hand.
I have to post a 1 minute public video. Of what? Hmm. ASMR is an actual category for this website. Way to get on board! Good job LJ! Milky boba perhaps? Chewy slurpy good audio fun.
In 1989 this was porno hot:
In 2022 this is porno hot (I could do this all day!):
(5:29am)
Facts don’t care about your feelings.😂
JANUARY 26, WEDNESDAY
(3:40pm)
The men here are scarier than the men in Los Angeles.
I'd love to talk to you but right now my hair is on fire and so I'm going to put it out now ok?
"Uh-huh yea sure but first let me tell you about me and my interests for the next 45 minutes."
AND
As I was walking back from the store some guy 50/60-something came storming right at me from the opposite direction. Mad stomping right at me. I slowed my pace waaay down and he just kept storming directly at me. I'm like "bro!" and he didn't slow down for nothing. No swerve. No going to the other side of the sidewalk. No attempt to not run over me in his mad white man stomp. Just gunning right at me. If I could have walked any slower I would have been sitting on a plastic chair sipping an espresso. At the very last second he swerved to my side and kept stomping down the street. Holy shit.
AND
I didn't take the supervisor job down at the marina. I just can't have that kind of stress in my life. And as I was giving my brief thanks but no thanks speech over the phone, my what would have been boss legit hung up on me. Just, I really appreciate you meeting with me and for the opportunity but right now I think I need to... (click).
Daaaamnit.
(2:46pm)
Me doing me things. Shits about to get real! Gonna have it out with some 13 year old IG troll!😂
(1:25pm)
Iphone cameras are better... but I like how dead I look with the Samsung.
Raw. Necrophilia making a comeback. Dress me pretty for the coroner!
(6:31pm)
So annoying.
(6:28am)
The Gen X fallout.
JANUARY 25, TUESDAY
(3:42pm)
When you make your ex-boyfriend mad with your tits out Tuesday photo.
Some men really hate boobs. And those men would be called gay.😏
I held up well for 53. I'm just now getting wrinkles around my eyes. Botox? Nope.
If my man, if I had a man, was hot and naked all over the internet I can honestly say I would not care. At my age, in my medical situation, I really cannot have too many cares in the world. Parenting a grown ass man is not in my wheelhouse.
I just want to smile, laugh, and be happy at least once a day, every day for the rest of my life.
(12:56pm)
This guy has a seasoning that tastes like bacon.
I love you.
JANUARY 24, MONDAY
(7:07pm)
Me. Doing more me things.
(5:45pm)
My next date night with myself
(5:24pm)
Um. If you say so.🙄 (Pick your battles)
(11:11am)
"The show must..."
"Go on!"
JANUARY 23, SUNDAY
(6:37pm)
I'm going to scream. Just fucking scream.
(4:00pm)
More…
Today has been another interesting day. Safeway. Trying to find one if those giant cream filled mochi donuts all the Thai/Vietnamese girls eat on TikTok. No luck but I did find a close 4th or 5th. Then tried doing laundry. My laundry room was busy, so went up the hill to the coin laundry mat and the street was blocked off with cops and SWAT. Soooooo I went back down the hill and tried the laundry room again this time success! Met a really nice lady. Chat with her for a bit. Tomorrow I go to my work for an hour to meet & greet the higher ups.
ME: I will never take another job where I am responsible for anything or anyone ever (the fuck EVER) ever again!
WORK: I don’t have the position you applied for available anymore. How about a supervisor job?
ME: okay.
JANUARY 22, SATURDAY
(7:48pm)
I want to get the giant mochi cream filled donuts and cakes next.
(7:44pm)
Again, in another store. Help me understand your logic!
This case of dental hygiene is locked up.
But these are not.
And these OTC meds also not locked up, but the oral hygiene...
Um?
Is there an oral hygiene black market I don't know about? Of all the things to steal in a store... oral hygiene!
(9:52am)
I'm having a very weird morning. In a city where houses are literally built on top of each other, there's maybe one major grocery store in a five mile radius, and everyone who worked in that one store this morning absolutely hated their jobs, quite possibly their lives. The toothpaste is locked up in cases. Bar soap was locked up in cases at CVS. Meanwhile nail polish remover (the stuff that the ATF/FDA banned purchase of some years ago without an ID scan on account of bomb making agents) is free flowing as are OTC drugs, beer, wine, sleep aids, and every(fucking)thing else! But toothpaste and bar soap, holy shit, lock it up, someone might steal it!
Then...
Crossing the intersection some little old Asian woman in a tiny blue two door was blasting Deep Purple's Highway Star.
I'd cue the music but I'm not a fan of that song, or Iron Butterfly's In A Gadda Da Vida, or anything with an organ in it. Not sorry.
JANUARY 21, FRIDAY
(9:12pm)
Omg I love you.
(5:22pm)
I didn't have lunch with the frenchman today either. There was just no enthusiasm anymore from either one of us. He randomly text me today at 11:30am, "So we getting together for lunch at 1:00?"
Um. Really? I text good night to you last night and you didn't reply back. And today you text me an hour and half before the time we were going to get together for lunch YESTERDAY. Way to keep me interested.😒
(5:00pm)
All day long a little voice in my head kept saying, "Don't give up!" but then I read Louise Anderson, homie, and Meatloaf both died today.
Don't... give.................... up?
(sigh) cue the music.
(4:50pm)
I think I love you.
JANUARY 20, THURSDAY
(6:27pm)
So much going on.
Decisions. Decisions.
Did not go out on date after interview. Too tired. I am instead cuddling my teddy bear and watching…
(10:35am)
The general male population, I say the general male population in LA are an ugly bunch. Not ugly as in unattractive, ugly as in, "How can I destroy this person" ugly. I've never wanted to destroy a person. I DO go after people, but only those who draw first blood. I saw Rambo. I know the rules.
To the guy who has a comment regarding everything I eat
To the guy who has a comment about my weight no matter how good I look
To the guy who criticizes my hair color or the way I wear it
To the guy who criticizes my taste in perfume
To the guy who criticizes my social media
(These are always the same guy by the way)
I have no problem ripping him open like a bag a kettle chips.
I saw Rambo. I know the rules.
(10:14am)
Everything in french cooking has butter in it. High fat salted butter. Stocks, sauces, poultry, vegetables, meats... butter. They'd inject it into fruit if they though it would stay in.
I love butter.
And salt.
Don't go to France for the food. Go to France for the wine, champagne, art, clothing, architecture, films, agriculture ... There's enough french chefs in America to get authentic french food here.
(10:04am)
Bargains are in Chinese. “Bargains” are in English.🤓
(7:25am)
Job interview and a first date afterwards. He's french. We're going to a french restaurant. Do you know what makes french food so good? Butter. You know why that fillet mignon is the best steak you'll ever have? Sure the cut is superior, the cast iron pan helps, the right seasoning, duo heat stove to oven, but it's the fact it's basted in butter throughout the entire cooking process that make it the best steak ever. Sorry Japan, back rub your cows all you want, french cuisine got this. It's all about the butter. God love ya. It's okay, I take prescription meds for the butter. I'm actually hungry for a steak today.
The job is another chocolate factory. I don't even eat chocolate aside from the occasional Reese's peanut butter cup and snickers bar, but whatever, good, means all the weight I lost in the past 20 days will stay off... unless of course things go well with the french guy. Sure it's still fish and vegetables... basted in BUTTER.
The first time I fell in love was here, he's half french also. I think it's the city. People come here to fall in love.
Go to LA if you want to get married and have superficial (fuck all).
Come here to fall in love.
JANUARY 19, WEDNESDAY
(3:04pm)
All morning I was waiting for Godzilla:
(8:34am)
Brick: "Hey! How's your 2022 going so far?"
Me:
 |
(4:30am)
Haha yup!
(4:27am)
Preach, Preacher!
JANUARY 18, TUESDAY
(6:49am)
Dear universe... make it so.
JANUARY 17, MONDAY
(7:49pm)
Since Veronica Wang doesn't make eat videos anymore, she has become my favorite eater. It's just so soothing watching her eat.
(7:07pm)
Oh, and the bank with my safety deposit box in it is temporarily closed. No notice. Nothing. Can't get into the box, can't use the service, and who knows if I'll ever see my legal documents ever again, but sure keep charging me the annual service fee for the SAFETY deposit box, because why not.
(5:45pm)
At a food court. There's no Panda Express. What do I do?😏
(8:02am)
Aaah Starbucks my true friend, you're open this morning. Thank you.
Sure I can make my own large double tea bag with cream, but why when I can pay you ten dollars to do it?
I met the man of my dreams yesterday but he was with a woman. Ain't that always the way? What makes him the man of my dreams you ask? We were all standing outside the (for me second) closed Starbucks and while I was having a severe internal meltdown he casually commented to his lady friend, "Well, I guess we'll just have to go to the next one." Meanwhile I'm AT THE GOD DAMN NEXT ONE tapping the veins in my forearm. Open open open.
Now in the height of my nervous breakdown is the perfect time to finish my book. People like crazy from a distance, much like the homeless, relatives, ex boyfriends....
Did I ever tell you about the time I went on date with this guy, we were having a lot of fun, cocktails, dinner, strolling underneath the city lights of San Francisco, then he took me back to his place where he proceeded to shoot up and pass out? I so could have robbed him blind. He's lucky I grew up in Minnesota where being nice was more important than being pretty. That, and I only weighed like 90 pounds back then and took the caltrain into the city. Anyway...
JANUARY 16, SUNDAY
(4:46pm)
I have not had a drink since last Tuesday. AND it was a (fucking!) crazy ass day of not being able to find a Starbucks open! or a Peet's! Alcohol or coffee, people. One or the other. Or hand to jeebus I'll just start doing drugs again.
Know what I'm saying?!
(8:39am)
Are there any stable men anywhere with minimal baggage... and cats?
I've come to realize the men who fell in love with me when I was a little doe in my early 20's are the perfect men for me now. Of course they're all disabled now and looking for a caregiver. 😏
JANUARY 15, SATURDAY
(7:22pm)
When she throws water all over the sink washing her hands. (How, the fuck?) So you clean up the water. Aaaand she marches right back to the sink and throws water all over it again.
That would be adorable if she wasn’t 57.
(7:18pm)
Stupid mental health.
(5:15pm)
When he says trains are stupid. No one travels by train.
Um. Hi!👋🏻
(1:00pm)
When Dod blacks out in a drunken stupor he's super nice. It's when he's sober he's a raging a-hole. Either way, I just can't. Who knows how much longer I have. My health isn't good. I have a bad liver and I take 4 different post-stroke prescription pills a day. I have about 6 or 7 good hours a day. After that I'm in bed too exhausted to do anything.
I just want to be happy. I want to be with a man who makes me smile and laugh every day. I want to be in love again.
No drama. I just can't anymore. Not even a little.
Yup.
JANUARY 14, FRIDAY
(8:32am)
Well that was (so not) interesting. Looking for love in all the wrong places.😂 Seriously, that did not go at all how I thought it was going to. Wow.
Asked and answered.
Onward.
(6:30am)
Has anyone seen Christine recently? She kind of dropped off.
I miss her.
(6:13am)
Just had the best night's sleep since I don't know when. Ten hours of blissful sleep. Although I did have a dream I was on my period. WTF?
Dear universe... Yes please.
My handsome pilot friend said I have to put out in the universe what I'm looking for if I'm ever going to find it. So...
I can't be the only one who wants love.
JANUARY 13, THURSDAY
(7:14pm)
We're going to see each other tomorrow.
I'm a cutter!
(3:00am)
Why don't men ever want to admit when they have a girlfriend? Are they afraid it makes them sound less manly or something?
(2:57am)
Yes please!
It seems I emailed Dod's dad. Dod emailed me back saying I emailed his dad, and that he would like to see me again. But unlike 2007 where we were all into each other, he was very cool and less enthusiastic. Means he has a girlfriend.
I met Dod's dad. On our first date back in 1990 he introduced me to him.
But I go on anyway. Because I want someone to kiss on a regular basis. Someone I'm so into I can't wait to kiss him even 10 years later.
JANUARY 12, WEDNESDAY
(7:55am)
Dear universe... Yes please
(6:33am)
They’ll thank you for it.
JANUARY 11, TUESDAY
(3:37pm)
I never cared personally. I had better things to do than stand over you. "Come to work, do your job, go home" my motto. Don't let me see you doing all the things you're not supposed to be doing, we'll get along just fine.
(6:37am)
His Facebook slogan is, "Curb stomp Marxist Libertarians"
He sounds nice.😒
You can think it all ya want, but do ya have to say it out loud too?
At first my lack of appetite was from the booster, then from my prescription meds adjusting to the booster, and now my lack of appetite is just from being disgusted.
Some humans really are just...
It's you and me, sweetheart.
It will be just you and me, my love. I hope when we meet that will be enough.
Nothing happened with Dod. I didn't hear back. Maybe those are old email addresses, who knows? I found some of his social media pages. He hasn't been active on them in over a year. Seems he went bankrupt and was down and out like the rest of the country. Thanks government. Just means I would work twice as hard to pull us out... if only he'd let me.
You can breathe a sigh of relief, friends.
JANUARY 10, MONDAY
(11:17am)
Dear Universe.... Yes please.
Show me the way.
Sunflower seeds. Check.
Laundry. Check.
I probably should shower today. People seem to like it when I do.😏
I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. In 2002 I was so sure. What happened? I see people living the same day over and over. Routine for years. But this is also why people get divorced. Same day over and over. Groundhog Day. I need to learn how to do something new. Something I can do until the day I die. In finding that, I might at last find everything else I want in life.
JANUARY 9, SUNDAY
(9:55am)
One day I really will write that book on hospitality.
Servers get sat wherever there are open tables. Fuck rotation. If you have open tables you're going to get sat. Why? Managers don't give a fuck. Hosts (definitely) don't give a fuck. Servers will then punch in five tickets at a time to the kitchen because that server got sat five times in a row. That server doesn't give a fuck, never has, never will. Chefs/cooks (hi!) will make the food as the tickets come in the window. First in, first out. FIFO BITCH. Another Server doesn't get their food for 20 minutes, not my problem. Cooks make the food as tickets come in the window now step the fuck back. That chef/cook stopped giving a fuck the moment night prep didn't dice any onions, mushrooms, peppers, or make any pitchers of omelet. YAY! Everyone loves their job!
Then come the Karens.
Guess what Karen, no one gives a fuck.
Restaurant owners then read labor costs (as soon as someone shows them how) and give restaurant managers "incentives" to cut labor i.e. schedule less servers and bus boys with a promise of a percentage of those cut paychecks. And then making the dishwashers bus tables AND wash dishes without a pay raise. Those dishwashers definitely don't give a fuck if you don't have bussers. Dishwashers wouldn't give a fuck even if that fuck came with double D tits and a 20 pack of tacos.
...And then come the Karens.
And that's how I landed in the ER with an inflamed stomach ulcer.
(9:19am)
AND ANOTHER THING
People not coming to work, that's not a Covid "unemployment pays better" thing. Have you ever been a manager anywhere? No one ever wanted to come to work. People not coming to work isn't anything new. Restaurants have a 130% turnover on a regular basis. The only difference from 2019 to 2022 is, customers have become BIGGER GODDAMN ASSHOLES and hard working good employees are sick of their shit. Chances are good they're sick of your shit too. #Facts
If just one more white guy calls me "heffa"... Dude, you're white. Stay in your lane.
(5:36am)
You start one little fire (that didn't even require a fire extinguisher FYI).
Dear Universe....
San Francisco. The Bay area in general. Where it all began December, 1989. I left the arctic tundra known as the great state of Minnesota, my childhood home. I left my friends, my family, the boyfriend I was living with, went to visit a girlfriend from school who moved to San Jose (California) and here I remain. "Welcome to the hotel California..."
I've done all the things a girl expects to do in California, and then some, and thennnn some. I'm tired. Exhausted. Prized horses must be broken before they can live up to their full potential, eh? Be that, the only love for me is someone who knows the road I've been on, or at the very least knows my heart. My spirit animal. Get ready to collectively groan, my friends. Ready? I found Dod's email online. Two of them. I emailed them both this morning. Here we go. Yes, again. I reached out to him again. I'm a cutter! What do I want? Nothing. Everything. Something.
Then again it could be that I'm simply malnourished. The booster wrecked my appetite for about four days. I got it back this morning but after taking my morning post stroke meds I feel kind of yuckie again. I really should try eating something more than just soup/broth.
I haven't felt the same since getting the booster. I don't know if I feel sick from just the booster, or if I feel sick from the combination of booster and prescription stroke meds or what. But I def had a BAD reaction 24 hours following the booster shot. I felt like absolute shit for 48 hours, my skin and hair got all fucked up. Today is day 5 and I still haven't been able to eat an actual meal. Right now, the thought of food makes me sick again. I was fine when I woke up, hungry even, but then I took my prescription stroke meds and I feel kind of puke-y again. -- Signed lab rat #976. But I want to travel, eventually overseas, and so here we are.
I really am Lester Burnham. "I've lost something. But it's never too late to get it back."
My handsome pilot friend was the one who suggested finding Dod again. Ask anyone who's ever pined for a lost love, for a missed opportunity, for the one who got away, it just never leaves you, that need to... be certain.
Only three men have ever owned my heart. They all owned my heart in different ways and two of them are dead now. So you can understand my drive to re-connect with the third. Last I spoke with Dod was 2007'ish. He was in a miserable marriage with a woman who threatened to take their daughter and make his life a living hell if he ever tried to leave her. --- Why ladies? Why would you ever want a man under that circumstance? Why would you ever want a man you had to bribe and threaten??
Ever sat across from a man and with a simple touch, a simple look, knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him? That's Dod for me. I kept hoping one day I would feel the exact same way for someone else but, if I did it was always fleeting. 34 years later, I still want to spend the rest of my life with him.
And if it doesn't work out this time... I'll just keep putting this vibe out there until it does. Doesn't anyone want to fall madly in love anymore?
JANUARY 8, SATURDAY
(10:47am)
The only Pho challenge I found so far is a spicy Pho challenge and I do not like spicy Pho.
I'm thinking of doing the five pound burger challenge they called the "Paul Bunyon" burger. FYI it's spelled Bunyan, not Bunyon.
Waaay back in the day this would be nothing. I could eat this easy. But now it would definitely be a challenge.
I would really like to find a fish and chips challenge, Youtube eaters were doing it a few years ago but I couldn't find any place in LA that had one.
There are some foods I could just eat... and eat.
Fish and chips
Fish sandwiches
(maybe still) burgers
Fish or beef Tacos
Maybe I'll do a five pound equivalent in beef or chicken sandwiches from Burger King or something.
Just watched the Matt Stonie Youtube of him eating all those chicken sandwiches and that BK chicken sandwich looked good.
I finally got my appetite back today, four days later following the booster shot. AND MY HAIR was super crispy in the shower. Drugs. They mess up your skin and hair. FYI lots of conditioning and moisturizing after the booster!
(7:23am)
This guy's entire social media profile is "stuff I didn't know until I was in my 30's" and while some of it can be pretty entertaining, some of it's like -- Really? 😒
Like the time he said he didn't know the "up" side on a phone charger is the side with the prong symbol on it. "Who knew??" --- Bro, everyone. Everyone knew.
And again, like this...
(6:55am)
Haha. Wut.
(5:55am)
Dear universe, yes please.
(5:51am)
Thank goodness that's over. 53 years old. Crazy. What am I doing here?
Yesterday was a weird day.
A girl friend in Vegas text me yesterday and swears on a stack that she just saw me in Vegas driving a blue car. Remember what I wrote yesterday about waking up to a tiny dime size blood stain which oddly came from a small hole in my armpit. 👽👽👽 How long did it take Invasion of The Body Snatchers to generate a new alien "human"?
Then I went into the valley to Aramis. First, let me just say Aramis lives in an odd neighborhood, not one you would expect to find in Los Angeles, or even the valley for that matter, but instead reminds me of some remote location in New Mexico or Arizona, precisely where your car would break down before turning into an episode of X-FILES. The cactus grow huge in Aramis's neighborhood, the squirrels are well trained ninjas, and everyone has sugar water feeders for hummingbirds in their trees. No kidding. Hummingbirds are a big deal in Aramis's neighborhood. Hummingbirds everywhere.
But to get TO Aramis's house I take the rail lines. On one particular stop there was a rather large rat, dead, intact, in full open sidewalk view. I don't get it? Rats, like all animals, don't just tip over and die, they generally go somewhere to die unless they were poisoned which may have been how this rat died but then where were the other dead poisoned rats? It was just weird to see one dead rat intact dead on its side. Poor thing. Then again, if you saw what that neighborhood looks like you would agree that rat is better off.
As I'm sure it is with other cities that have subways and trains, the homeless just ride the rails back and forth to sleep, to keep warm, to have something to do. And since transit has been free during the days of Covid, no transit authorities are there to ensure payment before boarding, until January 10th that is. Then metro will be back to enforce payment. But until then the subway stations and cars smell especially poopy and rank with death stench. More so than usual. Who knew that was even possible? "Los Angeles, even the rats would rather die than live here."
Still looking for a good pho challenge. Some people jump out planes or run with bulls in their old age, but not me. I test the limits of my digestive tract.
Do I get a tee shirt or something if I win?
JANUARY 7, FRIDAY
(7:22pm)
So if it takes one million millions to equal a trillion, or one-thousand billions to equal a trillion... Wait, is that right? Let's pretend and say it is.
Welp, then....
(7:00pm)
And we can put our first drug store on the corner of Wilcox and Yucca.😏
(6:03pm)
Watching Tombstone.
(5:16pm)
Corneal arcus senilis. Blue rings around my eyes. I take pharmaceutical meds for it at night. It doesn't cause double vision.
(4:16pm)
Double vision. I still have double vision. So either I'm still effected by the booster or I'm about to have another stroke.
BP is 107/77, 86 heartbeat... so not another stroke.
Double vision!
(2:56pm)
I started watching (film) Stronger, for the third time, wanting very much to like this movie but... I hated every character in this film. Except for the Costco guy. Jeff's boss at Costco was the only character I liked.
(5:55am)
Ever notice on some episodic TV shows when the guest actors over-act and the star actors of the show give that over-actor the side eye? That's the best.
(4:26am)
Dear Universe... yes please.
60 hours after getting the booster shot I feel back to normal 100%. But seriously kids, if you get the booster shot take two days off following the shot just in case. 24 hours to the minute after getting the booster I just felt (JFC!) horrible.
Going into the valley today. Won't be so bad now. The high is reported at 64 degrees F.
Strangest thing happened, woke up to a small dried brown blood spot the size of a dime a few inches away from my pillows. As far as I can tell, it came from my armpit. ??? And then my Apple charger died for no apparent reason.👽👽👽
The only thing I want to do today is take a Jack Russell Terrier for a walk to the dog park. Those doggos melt my heart. And for my size (If I ever get another dog) that's the dog I want.
Look'a the face!
JANUARY 6, THURSDAY
(5:32pm)
Love these.
(2:17pm)
I feel much better. Like 90%.
My vaccines were were all Pfizer. My booster also Pfizer. If you get the booster do not plan on doing shit for two days. 24 hours to the minute after getting the booster I thought I had a severe flu. Which it wasn't because I had a flu shot last September (why not). I've had over 30 different pharmaceutical drugs pumped into my body in the last 11 months what's one more eh? --- Signed lab rat #976
I managed to eat some rice and soup this morning without gagging so will try again after I finish my tea. Just some chicken noodle soup. After a booster you're not sick but you feel just awful. And I don't know about you but 48 hours afterwards all I could eat was white rice and soup.
Tomorrow will be pretty chill also.
My dentist text a follow up reminder for next week. And then in March I start the preliminaries for my second oral surgery. Fun! I'm really sad they won't just make me dentures. I was really looking forward to having teeth ominously soaking in a glass by the bed at night, just like grandma's. But no. I must have implants drilled into my new jawbone.
I think this weekend, if I get my appetite back by then, I'm going to try a Pho or Ramen eat challenge somewhere. I'm sure someone is LA has one.
(10:08am)
I am not leaving this bed today. Nope.
(7:55am)
Now it feels like a medium flu.
(6:42am)
Dear Universe... please and thank you.
(6:04am)
I landed in the ER in 2005 for this exact reason. “Get your goddamn food out of the window!!”
(12:45am)
That was nutty. Exactly 24 hours after receiving the booster I got horrible chills. Teeth chattering 10 degrees outside type chills. I ache all over. Nausea. Fever. Migraine. I fell asleep at 4pm freezing cold and exhausted and woke up just now super thirsty. My stomach is growling. I haven't eaten since 5pm Tuesday but the thought of eating anything makes me sick. Withal, I did it. I got the booster. If you don't want to, don't. Get vaccinated. Don't get vaccinated. Get a flu shot or don't. Wear a mask, or don't. I don't care. I really don't care. I have an underline medical condition that almost killed me and I just don't care if people want to get vaccinated or not. Let the people who are afraid stay home.
JANUARY 5, WEDNESDAY
(4:00pm)
Yes. Wow. 24 hours after the booster shot I have every side effect symptom. Every single one.
(8:24am)
Just took a shower. Up and mobile since booster shot. Yesterday, after booster, I went back to my room and crashed hard. Side effects of booster now that I'm up and around, sore arm, nausea, little cough, phlegm, and double vision.
It's the 90's all over again.
(7:07am)
FOR FUCK SAKE
WE ALL HAVE COVID. There. Did your jobs for you. NOW just deal with the people who are sick and unable to care for themselves.
You people are utterly ridiculous.
Tire reefs!😏
(6:38am)
Dear god this would be wonderful
(sigh) but until then
(6:25am)
I have a sore arm of course, and a little phlegm and coughing this morning after booster shot. I had the same side effects after getting both vaccines.
Can we scientifically start with, "Lets just say everyone has Covid" and work from there? Because the way y'all been doing it these past two years makes you seem more neurotically Karen than a whiny bitch at Starbucks.
(6:15am)
Seems legit
(5:43am)
Wisdom, boys & girls, never compete for attention. They only have a "plan B" because they know they will eventually fuck up with you, which is exactly how they will fuck up with you, by having a plan B.
(5:32am)
Because boys are drama?
(5:16am)
Longest day ever. After only four hours of sleep I met a friend for breakfast at 5:am, then had an appointment at 1pm, and then got my booster at 4pm (luckily they were able to squeeze me in an hour early).
It is my lot in life to hurry up and wait.
And wait
And wait...
JANUARY 4, TUESDAY
(11:24am)
I'm attracted to men with low pain thresh yet high determination. Means they can take a hit and move on.
If they have high pain thresh yet low determination, there's always an ex with murder in her eyes who stalks him he refuses to get rid of.
(4:00am)
Or maybe because I've been injected and swallowed so many different pharmaceuticals in 2021 Covid is like, "Yeah, no."
(3:42am)
Is there such a thing as a Common Sense course of science and medicine? Because I'm thinking maybe schools should add that to the curriculum.
(3:22am)
You ain't getting your food because all three cooks are busy doing...
If you've ever worked in a restaurant you know it's true. Why are your eggs taking 45 minutes? This is why! Aaaanyway...
I get my booster shot today. Yes I'm getting it. Then I'm going to surround myself with all my Covid infested friends afterwards and see what happens. I firmly believe I have the antibodies to protect against Covid. Almost everyone I know has Covid regardless if they've been vaccinated and boostered or not. Everyone but me. I've tested 6 times now, breathing the same goddamn air as those with Covid, always tested negative, so WTF is going on? I have friends in Minnesota who refuse to get vaccinated, REFUSE, some have had Covid at least twice in the past two years and you wouldn't know it. I only know ONE PERSON who reportedly died due to complications of Covid, and that was my old boss in his 70's who was a long time (albeit recovered) heroin user. Prior to recovery he used heroin on/off for like 20-some years. After I get my booster I'm making out with all my friends with Covid goddamn it.
I don't think I'm alone here. I don't see anyone wearing masks anymore. If none of the doctors or scientists (who thought TIRES would make good artificial reefs - WTF??) will do anything to get this thing past us, WE WILL TAKE measures into our own hands and test this herd immunity theory.
I'm so tired of this. As if I don't have enough shit to deal with. Not to be a broken record here BUT I had a stroke, jaw surgery, another oral surgery in 8 weeks, I have more stress than any one person should have... I'm done. "Fuck you. Fuck you, Fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. I'm out."
What I want to know is, why can't anyone make a lotion to cure stress eczema? Oooh right... Tires... Coast of Florida...
JANUARY 3, MONDAY
(1:44pm)
I got all the girlfriends I want/need. I don't want/need any more. That said, if there's an 18 year old wayward female who needs discipline...
(7:02am)
Are you going to retire next year, I asked him. He's 68 years old. He's a little punchy in an alzheimer's kind of way. To which he replied he didn't want to because every man he's known to retire at age 69 he didn't recognize four years later. "They all just looked like shit!" His job requires some young brute strength. Which he obviously does not have. He's in a union and therefore contracted but his contract expires next year. And then he went a long rant about how men are supposed to work until the day they die because they're men. "We're men! We're supposed to go out every day and slay the Mastodons!"
The metal band?
He's 68 years old. White. He talks about sex a lot. Lurks women at The Grove. "Women in these tight leggings. Mmm yeah. Showing off their derriere. You know they want me to follow them around or they wouldn't dress like that! I mean, c'mon!"
Like I said, Alzheimer's.
(6:39am)
It's a little sad that Marjorie Taylor Greene went all 🤪🤪 before age 47. Maybe white women get effected (to whatever that is) way earlier than their male counterparts these days? In white men it notably happens by age 60.
JANUARY 2, SUNDAY
(9:03pm)
IN CASE ANYONE FORGOT
In case anyone forgot.
(8:13pm)
I just watched the movie Detective Pikachu in it's entirety and (much like the 80's and 90's) I have absolutely NO IDEA what just happened.
In the last 10 years I've met and dated, or met and hung out with less than five new people in my life. Yes boys & girls, if it's on the internet it must be true.😏
Sometimes I just like to zone out in front of the television, chew sunflower seeds and cut up paper. I imagine this must be what smoking pot is like.
I can sum up what working as a cook in restaurants is like by these reels alone. I make these reels because they make me laugh... like every "9-5" job I've ever had, ever.
Every cook can relate...
(3:53pm)
According to the website you can purchase tickets now for $50. That's gotta hurt for the people who paid $100 and then had to wait two months to get inside.
Still. Not a real Banksy exhibit. I wouldn't pay $50 for actual Banksy. No offense. But real exhibits from (say) Egypt to the Renaissance in legit galleries/museums put on exhibits for $25 per person, or FREE in most cases.
(3:29pm)
I dunno. Why would you buy tickets for anything costing more than $25 in this political climate (especially $100 tickets to a faux Banksy exhibit?)
I mean. It's January now and you guys are still waiting??
(2:45pm)
I have a price. Several in fact. You betcha. 99% of ALL my boy/girl relationships involve THEM (the boys) messaging me, wanting me to do something with them, for them, or to them, that I am not least bit interested in. They don't offer anything upfront with their demands because they're delusional and selfish. Whoever told these men how great they are were either their mamas or stole something from them. Men are the most delusional creatures on the planet. So you betcha, I have a price. Several!
I can count on less than one hand all the men not related to me whose company I truly enjoy, and respect.
(1:13pm)
In case anyone needs a reminder.😏
(8:48am)
I love it when my blog goes rogue.
PROBLEMS!
(8:07am)
Thank you fellow Betty White fans. Love connecting with you.
JANUARY 1, SATURDAY
(9:27pm)
I don’t expect you to understand this but I would LOVE ❤️ to have this guy as a roommate. I don’t want to have sex with him, just be roommates. I like living with hot men.
(6:36pm)
Oh. Saturday night. Hot date? Night out drinking? Shooting something useful?
Nope. I’m just…
(1:17pm)
Well…
(9:28am)
Haha! haha! haha!
Oh wait
You’re being seriou…
(8:21am)
It's addicting. Not like coke addicting. More like sunflower seeds addicting. I can chew up spit out a bag of sunflower seeds a day. But I can also go two or three days without it.
(8:13am)
😏
I'm not really into high impact caning. I'm more of a deep tissue bruiser.
"$1,200"
On your hands and knees filthy maggot!!
(6:28am)
Reading morning emails like
(5:46am)
Happy new year.
2021 recap: Stroke, oral surgery, changing my name back to my maiden name nightmare. And then Betty White died. 😭 We lost her in the final hours of 2021. My Golden Girl. An American Queen.
Be that
We survived. We're alive. I haven't walked into traffic (yet) so that's a good sign. Hopefully you haven't either. Although after reading some y'alls emails and texts I most certainly want to. NO. NO. We're going to start this blog, this new year, saying something positive.
Yep, something positi.....
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