New Years Eve, eve

This is my first blog from the iPad. Bare with me. I'm barely properly caffeinated. 

It's the eve of New Years Eve. It's also nine days until I turn 49 years old. Not quite the big 5.0. but I'm feeling it. It used to be New Years, was the significant new leaf game changer, but as I get older, the birthdays are more personally significant because we're talking about mortality. How do you feel knowing over half your life is over?

Someone once said being content is the worst thing for an artist.

I'm not content but I accept the things I cannot change with less difficulty. Everything is more intellectual to preserve the aging body. Know what I mean? Transcendent gag reflex. Ancient Indian Buddhist practitioners, and their female subjects, claimed to be able to give women orgasms through pure transference of energy. Like professional fighters who don't have sex before a fight. 

Personally and artistically I want to represent my age the best way I can. I will always love dressing up, being in front of and behind the camera, coloring, drawing, creating, with both lense, and hand, but (for me) there's a biological need to move on. 

All that raw lost anger. If you don't find a path, you just outgrow it. I'm a late bloomer. Even my wisdom teeth are still growing in. It's why my teeth are all crooked now. So what. I still get work. Fuck it. 

Glitter nails = New Years Eve

Just out of cultural curiosity, do black men not know what grey hair looks like? On the street and on social media I was "insulted" as being a blonde. A white washed Asian with blonde hair. You can call me whatever you want but THIS is my natural hair color. Yeah I'm defensive. Get it right.

There's nothing worse than being improperly insulted.