Plaid Skirt Torpedoes! : Ching chingo Ballingo

"There's gold in them thar hills!"

Apparently there's gold in CA. Reportedly a new gold rush. Now where did I put my pickaxe?? Americans, at least second generation Americans, are waaaay too lazy to pan for gold. It's not worth moving back to CA. Do you KNOW how much caffeine it would take for me to pan gold for just ONE hour?? Do they make IV drips out of caffeine??

RANDOM!!!

My current mission is a new cell phone, and a Halloween costume. I'm off today & tomorrow, to accomplish both. If you see this red cape on a little old Asian lady at the Halloween event...

I'd like to thank all the dirty old men filming themselves having sex with young(er) women, and keeping my sex life alive at 3am when I need to get back to sleep after waking up to pee.

Last night I finally got to a PT's Pub.

PT's is a bar chain to Vegas, what Starbucks is to Los Angeles. At least one on every corner. So I wandered up the street from my new place of residence to the corner PT's, played slot poker for an hour, drank a glass of Cabernet Sov, and listened to three locals having THIS conversation...

"Look, I don't want Mexicans to forget they're Mexicans. I'm just saying they gotta understand I'm not learning Spanish. If they're gonna come here they gotta learn some English."

"SOME English. At least the basics."

"I don't think those guys were Mexicans. I think those fellas were Cubans."

"How can ya tell?"

"They're Spanish was all fast. I couldn't understand shit and my Spanglish is pretty decent."

The best part of this conversation was the music playing in the background...

I am just a new boy

A stranger in this town

Where are all the good times

Who's gonna show this stranger around?

Their conversation then took a sudden turn from Mexicans, to the NFL.

"Look at these guys, millionaires playing a sport they love, and kneeling during the anthem."

"They're fucking spoiled."

"These kids definitely didn't grow up like how we grew up."

"Suspend their disrespectful asses to Chicago for a few hard winters. They'll turn grateful."

"Let these kids earn a living shoveling snow a few Chicago winters, instead of playing football. Trust me they'll stand up after that."

Ok look...

I couldn't care less about football. Throw ball. Catch ball. Run ball. Whatever.

I said what I thought about kneeling during the American anthem HERE no need repeating.

Vegas Golden Knights? Ok yes, I'm curious. I will always be a Kings fan. Still, I'm curious. There's a preseason game tomorrow night against the Kings. 7pm. I'm so watching it! LA Kings vs Vegas Golden Knights. Oh please, please, please, let their intro onto the ice be like Medieval Times!!! Beer and tournament!!

(I know, I know, I said that on Facebook yesterday. God I'm lazy.)

Moving on.

Can I just tell you how funny-scary Filipino men are? I've never experienced anything both funny AND scary at the same time like Filipino men. You can put 100 white dudes in a room and maybe (maybe) 10 of them might say something that will make me laugh. Initially white guys never scare me. BUT throw in just ONE Filipino fella into the room with the 100 white guys, it's guaranteed the Filipino will say something that will definitely make me laugh, intentional or not, followed by someone dying a horrible death.

I don't date Asian men. I don't date Filipino men. Never have. Never will. They scare me. They make me laugh, but their murder rate is un-date-able. You only hear about their first time murders in the news because they're smart, they get better at it. Hello? Asian/PI. We're amazing at everything we love to do. For example, I know exactly 8,965 ways to pleasure myself. (ASIAN!!)

"Go fuck yourself!"

Don't worry, I will.

Dear offended Filipino men with ZERO sense of humor. Please feel free to use this picture for target practice...

And send your hate mail HERE

Anyway

The motivation for the following stupid useless rant stems from receiving emails from couples where the male half is (oddly) waaaay better looking than the female half. What the hell is going on here??

I'm TOTALLY going to end this blog by slut shaming.

The modern definition of being a slut is no longer a woman who simply likes sex, but rather dirty, lazy, unsophisticated, purposely uneducated women who think being sexy is accomplished simply by spreading her legs, sucking dick, or claiming to be bisexual.

No bitch. You're disgusting.

Seriously men, choose better.

I'll let these memes meme it out...