Three straights on a gay website (part II)

When acquainting online, we lie about our first names. First names! I do it too. Obviously. This blog is written by "Simone Gordon".

Evan, Scott, Kelly, that's not their real names, but those are the names they gave me when they initially wrote me online.

"Hi. My name is Mike." but it's really Jeff.

"Hi Mike. My name is Sarah." but it's really Kimberly.

Evan and Kelly, kept their "online names" when we created our gay website profile page. I, on the other hand, was just called "the girl". I was the girl. The girl. I didn't need a name. On this gay website, I was just a prop "the straights" were using to come. Like in real life! Only here online I received a tidy little bonus. Yay me! In retrospect, who's using who?

I don't come. Ever. Rarely do men ask, "How can I make you come." so it's usually not an issue.

I don't play because I want to come. I'm fantastic at making myself come; anywhere, anytime, with the right material, in under a minute!

Mental release. Alleviating stress. Good times. Unwind. Relax. Distraction. Forget about the world for a while. That's what it's about with me. That's what I get out of it.

If I want/need to come, I'll do it myself. I don't continue seeing a guy becomes he makes me come. I continue seeing a guy because he makes me feel good. I enjoy his company. He helps me forget about the other shit I have to deal with, the remaining 16 hours of the day I'm not sleeping.

And so...

After Kelly, Evan, and I, set up our group profile, we wanted to have something to show right away. But something hot. Something good. I have movie editing software on my computer, and friends who are professional camera guys with their own gear. None of these guys have ever shot adult content, and so for them it was an experience. For Kelly, Evan, and I, it was still about fun...

Until...

We all got together and shot this movie at Evan's place.

30 minutes into shooting the three of us having sex, I just wanted to smack everyone. Everyone! 60 seconds after that, my relationship with Kelly and Evan, forever changed.

This was no longer about fun. These guys weren't my lovers anymore. They were my coworkers.

The movie started with three lovers, and ended with three coworkers. But...

We were ok with that.

Kelly and I, Evan and I, stopped having sex for fun.

Kelly's wife once asked me if I would be interested having dinner with Kelly, just to step away from the internet, and just be lovers again.

I politely declined.

Kelly's wife then asked if stopping the website would regain my sexual friendship with Kelly... but once more, I politely explained, no.

The Cup...

Every three Sundays, I get my period. Surprise!!

Kelly lives with a woman, he understands this. I don't really like having sex on my period unless it's a near the end. Bloody sex, gross!

To Evan, my period is an inconvenience. So Evan says, "Just put one of those cups in."

Yes. JUST.

"If I can pump my dick, you can use a cup!" Evan says.

And I get his point... but not two days before I'm about to start my period.

I've never used a cup before. I didn't know how to put one in. I still don't.

"I didn't know how to pump my dick before I did it!" Evan yells back.

Evan and Kelly are both really well endowed, but size queens (love) thirteen inch dicks. Absolutely loves them. So the guys started pumping. By choice.

What I think Kelly and Evan, forgot, was that we didn't (have) to perform shows on the nights we scheduled. We could cancel any time we wanted. It's not like there was a hired crew and additional actors, it was just us, a track cam, a tripod cam, a handheld cam, and three straights on a gay website. Of course, the risk you run by canceling, is that some people won't come back on the nights you schedule.

But all this fighting with these guys, however rational, or irrational, once tempers flared, it's not surprising Evan and I were literally telling each other to fuck off, minutes before the scheduled feed.

But...

We kept the website. Why not? We kept it from 2012-2014, until Kelly got his own website, I quit to preserve my sanity...

And then my dad got seriously sick...

My relationship with Kelly mended but it was never the same as when we first met. We're friends. We don't play unless it's something regarding his website. His wife lifted her rules for the betterment of his business. It's just so sterile and regimented.

Business.

I ended up quitting.

And then got back in to it.

And then quit again.

Then got back in.

Then quit.

Back in.

Quit.

In.

In 2012 I was still interested in sex.

By the end of 2013, I just didn't care anymore.

In 2013, The number of times I had sex off cam, ZERO.

The number of times I had sex off cam in 2014, TWO

Presently, 2015, the number of times I've had sex off cam, TWO.

In two and a half years, I've had sex FOUR times.

"Just stop. Stop. Go to France. Write your book." Aramis would tell me.

But then my dad got really sick...

Anyway...

Going back in time a little...

In the summer of 2012, I met these two guys. THE FIRST guy I met through a friend, and THE SECOND guy is friends with the first guy.

THE FIRST guy says, "Why don't you get your own web page? I have a friend who can help you. He helped me with my sites."

THE FIRST guy, freakishly well endowed, has his own page on a gay pay site, and on a straight pay site, He just masturbates, that's all, no sex, but he still makes a lot of money. He's freakishly well endowed, and pumps.

So THE FIRST guy introduced me to THE SECOND guy, and I started to get my own site. Hotbiasiangirl. It's always "girl", girl-this, girl-that, now it's just a silly (girl) joke.

What end up happening was, THE SECOND guy and I started seeing each other. And as it turned out, he was also into the swing scene. The a clubs. The parties. The events. And so we went. We traveled. Over nights. Weekends. I had so much fun!

Fun!

Remember fun!!

THE SECOND guy made his money in real estate in his 20's and 30's. Now barely 40, he was partially retired.

My relationship with THE SECOND GUY was a huge problem for Evan.

"What are you doing?! You can't have sex with these people! You don't know them! Fucking strangers!
And then come back here and have sex with me! What are you thinking?!" Evan screamed at me.

He had a point. A good one.

I really hated Evan.

Still do.

Without me, without a girl buffer, Evan and Kelly, couldn't be on a gay site without appearing (really) gay. People asked us why don't you just go on a straight site...

And all I can say to that is...

You (handsome, fit, hung) boyfriend go on a gay site. Tell your (beautiful, fit) girlfriend to go on a straight site. And after one month, come back and tell me who's doing better.

Problem is, even if you're straight, even if you just masturbate, no sex, once you're on a gay pay site, that stigma, all those false assumptions, are now attached to you, negative blood tests and all.

You have to disappear, come back, and hope no one recognizes you.

Do straights in this industry perform with gays on gay sites... it's not for me to say... but I'm going guessing the straight industry would rather they didn't.

So we all got tested again, negative screens, and THE SECOND guy and I stopped seeing each other.

When my dad got really sick in 2014. My whole outlook on life changed. It's still changing.

What do I want to do now? I don't know? But I'm done. I'm done with the cam work.

I just want to have fun for a while.

Enjoy life.

Know what I mean?

But...

I am a forever changed woman. And there's no going back.