Wednesday, June 11, 2014

"It's all just Budweisers and coochie glitter, darlin'!"

Oh how soon they forget.

“Do you know those people?” the bartender asked me.

 “They’re swingers.” I replied.

 “Do they know this is a gay bar?” the bartender asks me.

 Now before I answer that question,

I know male bartenders who work in non-gender-specific environments, and while they may not always wear shirts, they always wear pants, or long swim trunks.

These male bartenders however at this particular gay bar takeover wore G-strings. Just G-strings. Some wore shoes.

“Do they know this is a gay bar?” the bartender asked me.

My back was to the bar, elbows resting on the bar counter top. I leaned back and saw both G-string clad male bartenders leaning forward over their side of the bar, bare butts reflected in the mirror on the opposite wall.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure they figured it out.” I said.

A vanilla person might question why a straight man would attend a “hot bodies only” gay bar takeover flexing his abs and biceps? Some might say he’s looking for a little bisexual strange, or why else would he attend a “Freaky” Friday swinger gay bar takeover, in a prominent openly gay neighborhood, with no play areas, pay a cover charge when on any other night the club has no cover charge, and where all the male bartenders are wearing nothing but G-strings?

To a judgmental, sexually unsophisticated person, this probably looks like a great way to mask a guy’s bisexual curiosities while going no further than just putting his foot through the front door of a gay bar, while calling it a straight swinger party…

But for a guy who is secure in his sexuality, for a guy who is secure in his manhood, his response is simple, “Look, I’m just here with my girl, having a drink, maybe meet some friends later, heard about this party and thought we’d hang out for a bit. We don’t care where it is. We just wanted to have a fun night out.”

Dude, you don’t owe anyone explanation.

We get it.

It’s not a difficult concept.

What makes it difficult, is when those exact same guys who don’t want to be judged as bi curious or gay, are now running around screaming, “Don’t go to (wherever) it’s the fat old peoples swingers club!”

Oh really, cowboy? So how did that Freaky “hot bodies only” gay bar takeover work out for you?

I recognized people immediately on the first gay bar takeover, and some of those same people again on the second gay bar takeover.

And just for the record the only straight hot dance clubs in West Hollywood, off Santa Monica Blvd. are, THERE ARE NONE.

Fool me once club promoter, shame on you. Fool me twice…

No one believes you were fooled the first time, sir!

The only difference is it was worth it to you to be in a gay bar, in a prominent openly gay city, for a Freaky party, because you thought you were in an elite pro male-heterosexual environment where boys and girls in attendance were hand-picked for their sexy fitness. And for that reason you can be accepting and cool…

But throw down a few cheese quesadillas on top of an expired 24 hour fitness membership card, and then you act like someone just slapped the hetero right out of you!

You’re secure in your sexuality and masculinity to be served drinks by a guy wearing a glo-green G-string, but you’re not cool and accepting enough to just be in the same room with people who might know where to get the best cheese quesadillas in town?

Note to Promoter: Before you send me any messages, it’s a known gay bar, and you took it over ergo “gay bar takeover”.

I don’t know.

And I don’t have anything to offer by way of useful intelligence.

I don’t think anyone needs a website for sex anymore. It’s that most of us use a computer for work and so – among the rapid invisible streams of electronic ingenuity – on the off chance we might encounter someone/s we might want to spend a little time with, it’s a tiny investment, for entertainment if nothing else

Anyway,

On to things that really matter,

So didja see Fargo last night?

Malvo!! 


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