Nymphomaniac (the movie)

Just saw it at the Nuart Theater.

 

 

This was my first time at the Nuart Theater. I've never seen a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show... I'm old, I know.

 

But everyone working in the theater was beyond cool. Very nice.

 

As for the movie Nymphomaniac,

 

Shia Labeouf is smoking HOT. Now I want to have sex with him!

 

Uma Therman (though only a cameo role) was funny and amazing, as she always is. I absolutely adore Uma Therman!

 

Stellan Skarsgård is intriguing and brilliant as always.

 

Christian Slater was pretty cool in this movie too. I've never seen him in this type of role before - good for him. Artsy films look good on him.

 

For those four actors alone this movie is worth seeing. It's not (so much) a story about a Nymphomaniac, I mean, not really. It's more of an art film with some sex scenes and a bunch of random softie cock shots, nothing that got me hot, and it's not meant to intellectually challenge you.

 

I want to have sex with Shia LaBeouf. That's pretty much what I got out of it. I didn't want to have sex with him when he was in the Transformers, but now I do. I'd pay money to watch him have sex. He's got sexy hot "porno face".  

 

Some of this movie is comedy.

 

It's still worth seeing for the actors I mentioned. 

 

I think they tried to make Stacy Martin into a softcore "porny" Kristen Stewart, but I wouldn't pay money to watch Martin have sex. I mean, technically I just did, but I wouldn't pay just to watch her have sex. 

 

Then again,

 

I don't even remember the last time I watched porn. Not because I don't like porn, I do, I'm just too lazy to get out of bed. I just rub one out, roll over and go back to sleep.       

 

And if you get bored watching this movie at any time, the screen at the Nuart Theater has a tiny hole in it where light streams through, and for visual artists, as in painters and pencil artists, you're instantly thrown back in high school art class listening to your art teacher say, "Find the center of your drawing and make the viewer wrap their eyes around it." 

 

Artists and/or OCD, When the screen goes dark, you desperately try to find the hole in the screen again. You and your friends can turn it into a game. It's fun. And more entertaining than watching guys perform hairy vagina oral. -- No hairy vaginas. Sorry. The first female porn star to shave her vagina has ruined me for life.