Hello strangers. Welcome to my blog. I want to take a brief moment here and tell you how much your visits mean to me. I'd like to think this is a mutually beneficial relationship. I give, you willingly searched the internet of your own volition, and thus received the blessing that is evanescent Americana at its BEST, Plaidskirttorpedoes.com, persona grata!
I've posted five years of random shit, so whatever words you put in the search engine to bring you here, undoubtedly you will log off none lesser than when you arrived. You will absolutely log off none better.
I am aware that people "borrow" my photos, and really, what do you want me to do about it? I'm going to be 49 years old in thirty-seven days and counting. My oldest and dearest childhood friend, RICK, didn't live this long. I have outlived him already by five years. Some things I truly do care about but stealing my pics for harmless fun on the internet, isn't one of them. You're adults. Common sense. Use it.
This is me, slumming around the house yesterday after seeing Deanne. November 30, 2017.
I'm really an 87 year old black man. Shhhhh don't tell anyone. STILL FABULOUS.
I'm easy to get in touch with:
Simone_Gordon@yahoo.com
That SMITH girl on Facebook
Please send hate mail HERE
If you're under 18 years of age, where are your parents??
What kind of shit parents do you have they wouldn't block you from this website?!
Cannibalism
Cocaine
Incest
Bukkake
There! You should be blocked!!
You know you can't hide on the internet, right?
Anyone who searches (plaidskirttorpedoes) on the internet can be seen... by me... by your search engine... and by whoever else has access to your computer or phone.
I see you.
Now get a haircut you look like shit!
That last sentence is my new favorite (end of argument) grandma geek thing to say.
I've known most of my friends since elementary school. I met a handful of friends in my 20's. I met Aramis 10 years ago. And now we live all over the country and some overseas. I'm the weirdo artsy pervy swell nutjob friend. The rest of them have legit jobs, legit lives. I love and adore them completely. Most of them however declare themselves open minded and liberal... Aaaaand (due to immediate political currents) we "agree to disagree" almost every day.
Everyone likes to think they're so open minded and cool... YOU'RE NOT.
Being pro-choice also means you're pro life. Agreed?
Being a feminist also means you support a woman who's a stay at home housewife and mother in a tradition perhaps obedient marital female role. Right?
Being a self proclaimed sexual liberalist also means accepting a man's choice in sex partners even if that choice is a robot. True?
Live and let live, even if it means she likes being a submissive pig to multiple male sex partners on a regular basis. Yes?
Everyone has at least ONE nerve in their system when touched rips all the other nerves from their function.
Hi!
I'm a woman
A minority
Single
Entrepreneur
Conservative
Those five things ALONE get me into more trouble with loved ones, I can't even begin to tell you! It's why I cannot stop writing here!
"How can you be a Republican, and a woman, and single, and a minority, and... and... and... !!!!"
Well, it's easy.
Christine and Angela...
To quote the movie character Melvin Udall, on how he writes women so well, "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability." And that pretty much sums up how I feel about all human beings in this day and age. Which is WHY I choose to be unwed, and WHY I prefer only relying on myself.
The young women today under 40 years of age, especially under 30 years of age, disappoint me. They literally have no reason or accountability for anything. None. And then when they get in trouble, as they always do, they call an older and equally irresponsible woman to bail them out!
There is no wisdom, or philosophy, or even experience in the things people say anymmore, both men and women. People don't read anymore. Not like they used to. And definitely not under the age of 40.
When I was a kid I couldn't wait to go outside and play, to read a book, ride my bike, learn new things, play sports, to hang out (in person) with my friends.
"Life was simpler then."
No. YOU make it more complicated today than it needs to be.
I still live by a simple philosophy at 48 as I did at 28. I'll live by the same philosophy at 49. At 59.
"Don't touch that nerve... don't touch it... don't... !!!"
Too late.
It's disappointing hearing/reading the most asinine things coming out of the mouths and minds of people who CLEARLY should know better.
You should know better. Even in rebuttal you should know better. Never sink to a lower level and yet people continuously do.
Not everyone's a writer, I get that. But a lot of these people ARE educated and should, yes SHOULD make their point across with more thought and intellect.
There are people I wanted to meet three years ago, a year ago, who's hands I absolutely would not shake today. And no, it's not politicians dividing people. It's people dividing people. If you've never read the Bible or experienced the religion, don't debate Christianity. And yet so many people do. They have no idea what they're talking about but swear up and down religion is a waste of time for everyone, as if they're entitled to make that decision for everyone based on ZERO actual knowledge.
If you told me 30 years ago I would be defending religion I would have laughed, and laughed, and laughed!
I joke a lot, A LOT, but I've had years of sound religious training to make fun of it. Sex education in 8th grade were slides of aborted fetuses. You don't unsee that kind of thing, ever. My parents wouldn't let me watch the TV version of the movie JAWS because they thought it was too bloody and violent, but my 8th grade (Lutheran) junior high school thought slides of aborted fetuses was proper sex ed. Still, be that as it may, I despise artists who claim freedom of speech when destroying a person's religious faith in a sculpture or painting. That's not art. That's not freedom of speech. That's propagating hatred, wasting valuable art materials and quite possibly talent...
As I said Here back in APRIL
A joke is a joke, but no one wants to hear the same joke over and over every single tweet, blog, post, or holiday dinner table (uncle Dwayne!)
You're entitled to your opinions, cool, whatever. But you don't get to walk all over innocent people simply because you think you're magnificently magically better than. Fuck off.
AND ANOTHER THING...
Rape and sexual harassment against women, this is the vibe chosen to close out 2017. And while I (completely) understand the frustration of women, yeah #metoo, lets not forget something ladies, you don't get call ALL the shots simply because you have a vagina. That card means nothing beyond a few reasonable shopping trips and dinner dates, and that's only if you play your cards right, which most of you won't.
YEAH ANGELA!!! Boys are stupid. We've known this since kindergarten. Not all of your idiot husbands are going to be president. Most can't find the jelly behind a carton of orange juice.
"I can't find it!!!"
Yeah. no shit.
Speaking of cards, I recognized my Lyft driver from a poker game. While in his car he advised, "You would be a better poker player if you didn't drink while you played. Why play for 3 hours if you're just going to break even every night?"
BECAUSE poker and drinking are what I do for enjoyable entertainment.
Like my loved one in Los Angeles, tells me all the time, "Why not play for fun AND money. If you can get the royal flush rather than just a straight, take a chance on the royal flush. You'd win more money."
Yes dear. But do you know the chances of getting a royal flush as opposed to a straight... this is why I play alone... and drink.
Now go away.
Love, grandma
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