Mission Black Tie

When I was 19 years old my cousin (Olivia) who was then in her early 30’s, brought her “boyfriend” to Christmas Eve dinner. I guessed him to have been no older than 21 years old, if that.

I guessed him at that age based on the black leather tie he wore, and because she met him in a bar.

During the course of the night I heard my uncle tell Olivia’s boyfriend, “Lose the tie, son. We’re all family here.”

Olivia’s boyfriend looked down at the tie, gave it a gentle stroke and quietly replied, “But I like this tie.” and continued wearing it.

Good for him. I like that.

My (direct) family is just me, my dad, and older brothers.

My cousin’s (direct) family consists of her, her brothers (both older and younger) and my Aunt and Uncle.

Lots of male relatives in the house that Christmas Eve, ranging from 18 years old and up; and if my relatives from Utah were in town, there would have been even more men in the house. The male gene is very strong in my bloodline.

The “secret” to my family is this, my dad and uncles are the good guys. Meaning any boy we bring home to meet our families will automatically receive “approval” from the Patriarchs of our families, provided you’re not some blatantly crazed person, in which case you probably would not be meeting my family, ever, especially on Christmas Eve.

My dad’s the nicest guy I know. I don’t say that because he’s my dad. I just mean, he’s very nice. “Come on in! Are you hungry I’m making seafood pasta? What can I get you to drink? I just plucked these tomatoes from the garden. Look at the ripe color on those! Not bad eh?” He likes people until (if the day ever comes) they give him reason not to. That song by Rod Stewart ‘Forever young’ very first time I heard it reminds me of my dad.

However, my brothers and (male) cousins, on the other hand, will rip a guy to pieces. Doesn’t matter how stand-up the guy is, they automatically don’t like people until people give them reason to like them, though in my brothers’ defense they’ve calmed their machismo with age.

Now me, I’m very protective of those I love and care about, yes I admit to a fault. When it comes to the people I love, everyone is suspect but I hold my tongue, usually. I try to be diplomatic and nonjudgmental, I’ll take the time to get to know you, share conference you, though I’m very cautious, after all these are the people I cherish and love we’re talking about.   

So when Olivia brought this 21 year old guy to Christmas Eve dinner, needless to say he knew immediately where his safe zones were. But she was, without question the gossip of the town until the snow melted.            

To this day, when speaking about that Christmas Eve, Olivia’s boyfriend is still affectionately regarded as “black leather tie”.

Last night, I tell my girlfriend, the Arizona Viking Queen (and childhood friend) about my Boytoy plan.

“Everyone’s doing it.” The AVQ casually says. “Women just don’t want the hassle. They're doing shows about it.”

The other time I shopped for my expert male date, I went to a guy some of my other girlfriends had also spent time with. And he was very sweet. At one point during our encounter he said, “I know I’m not supposed to ask this but can I [perform more oral sex]?”

My expert back then is not someone I want to see again. He was handsome, amazing sex!, fun, sweet, a total gentleman, but aside from the wonderful exteriors, he's just not what I look for in an ongoing playmate. I need a little more. At least a little bit of a connection to keep it ongoing.

Now that I’ve experienced professional service, getting my tiny feet wet, I know what I’m shopping for.

The AVQ and I have renamed my “boytoy” hunt to: “Mission Black Tie”

Eminem’s ‘Berzerk’ is the “Mission Black Tie” theme song.

We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down
So turn the volume loud, cause it's mayhem 'till the a.m.
So baby make just like K-FED and let yourself go, let yourself go
Say f*ck it before we kick the bucket
Life's too short to not go for broke
So everybody, everybody (Go Berserk!)

-- Eminem (Berzerk)