Saturday, November 23, 2019

Merely this and nothing more

You can't stop Donny Osmond!

Rebel!

https://youtu.be/-FQ-KoUz64Y

https://youtu.be/dA0UcyUgltc

I need the peacock. I'm in a mood.

My groceries arent being delivered now until tonight, which is fine I guess but is the total $54 or $125? Can't you guys ballpark it? It's not that serious, Aramis, I know. Aramis gets his groceries delivered all the time even though he passes a half dozen grocery stores to and from work five days a week. Still, it just bothers me how details don't seem to matter anymore. "We don't need your address. We'll just throw your stuff in the street within a mile and let you salvage."

Aaaand now the PayPal app isn't working.

Motherfu#%&!

And it's always when I'm in the middle of something important I have to pee, twice, followed by my stomach growling. If there's one thing I can't stand it's being interrupted by hunger, and having to pee. I'm busy damnit. I'll eat, and pee, when I have time. What happened to the meal pill, Willy Wonka?

To me, eating is like drinking sake. I like doing it socially. As a necessity, eating is just irritating AF. I cook all day and won't eat anything until I get home and then it's usually a handful of chips and my drink. The drink being more important.

And why

When I have the heat on does my ceiling fan start spinning? Not that it should matter but it does. It's annoying because it doesn't spin when I have the air conditioner on. Damn it, science!

Ever Google map directions around the Bay area? I googled driving directions around the east bay, and after my third time mapping directions, maps went completely blank. Nothing but a white screen and the words, "What part of public transit are you not understanding?" written in bold mocking text.

Getting to Berkeley from Fremont, takes 20 minutes longer by car than public transit. That's the world we live in.

So last night there were two rounds of gunfire exchanged in front of my building. That was neat.

Aramis and I have been on art/photo frenzies these past four weeks. Its interesting to me how photographers want their prints to be considered fine art in the galleries and museums, but the moment there's a photo submission bulletin for cash and prizes, they exclude everyone but photographers. Oh wait. No. I'm sorry. They exclude everyone but "lens-based artists".

You mean photographers, right? Photographers? People who take pictures with a camera? Yeah. Photographers.

(Lens-based artists)

If I shoot photos of my drawings and make prints, is that not lens-based art? 🤨
The bulliten is for a display at the King Edward Canada Line Station in Vancouver. I entered a photo shot by Aramis. Good luck my brother from another mother!

Anyway

Groceries

The store I ordered groceries from had to substitute the cheese from my list. They were out of this particular brand of brie I wanted. The cheese they gave me instead is $5 more. No problem. I understand. But just out of curiosity, and I'm not complaining, I'm just curious, since the store was out of the brand of brie I wanted, why didn't they just give me a different brand of brie rather than the same brand but a different cheese? It was the brie I wanted not the brand. Again, just curious. I'm sure I'll like their goat cheese just as much even though I don't like feta or blue cheese. Oye.

ALSO

Isn't the point of giving you my phone number, printed right there on the invoice, is so's you can call me if something comes up, say like, oh I dunno, not having this particular type of cheese I paid for? And yet no phone call. Huh. Interesting. BUT I'm going to keep an open mind even though I dont like feta or blue cheese, whatsoever.

"Would you like some crumbled penicillin with your meat charcuterie?"

No thanks. I'm allergic. Had you said crumbled tetracycline, then maybe?

You see kids, blue cheese has in it the same mold used to make penicillin. That blue gunk. All cheese has mold but blue cheese is so mold its blue. Anyway kids, point being, it's not always about the brand. There's a difference between brie and goat cheese. And if you can't taste the difference between brie and goat cheese, well, allow me to clarify. Brie, is soft French cheese from all that is holy. Goat cheese tastes exactly how it sounds. But I'm going to keep an open mind! (inhale and exhale!)

At 6:19pm the delivery app said my delivery has arrived. No sign of a driver.

At 6:25pm I called customer support and they said the driver is still enroute but will be there at 6:30pm.

At 6:30pm the app said delivery time: undefined.

(Inhale and exhale!)

6:35pm my order has arrived. And let me just say, the driver who delivered my order was the best thing about my whole ordering groceries online experience with this company. Tip the driver! However, your shopping team needs a little guidance. Your tracking app needs a new computer tech team. And if you can see my phone number on your caller ID, customer support, than why do I need to repeat my phone number to you? Do you think I stole someone's phone to make a grocery order? Even if I had stolen someone's cell phone do you think I wouldn't know where to find the phone number? How exactly does repeating my phone number to you identify me as the shopper? Maaybeeee an invoice number perhaps?

(Inhale and exhale!)

Ravens were squaking outside my apartment window. Lots of them it seemed. And they were unusually loud. I looked out my apartment window and saw that Miso, the neighborhood cat, had trapped a rather large raven by its wing on the sidewalk, under his paw. The raven was almost as big as Miso. The trapped raven desperately flapped it's one free wing, crying for help. Miso would let the raven go, but before the raven could get away, Miso smashed the raven back down onto the sidewalk with his paw. Playing with his food. All this happened so quickly I couldn't run downstairs fast enough. By the time I got outside Miso and the badly injured raven were a half block away. The raven was no longer able to fly. Its injured wing, completely limp, merely dragged on the ground behind it. All the raven could do now was run and hobble down the street, Miso playfully stalking behind it. Four other ravens tried swooping in on Miso, but before the ravens could attack, the injured raven ran under a large parked furniture dumpster. Foolish. Miso followed. Both disappeared under the dumpster. A short time later only Miso returned, his tummy accurately rounder.

I was a little shocked seeing Miso go after this raven since I had just fed him a big bowl of food less than an hour prior.

For the past three days the weather in Vegas has been rainy and gloomy as it prepares the city for winter. Miso, it seems, has grown and changed under these dark clouds quite a bit from the shy nervous kitten he once was a mere year ago.

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!"

Poe's revenge. Ravens beware. Nevermore.

Two stray cats

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