Miso HAPPY!

Are you serious? I don’t care about sex anymore. I haven’t cared about sex in a long time. At 50 years of age, I’ve had PLENTY. I’m tired.

That said 

If I was out somewhere dressed up with a few cocktails in me and I ran into Christopher Meloni who was being Mr Prince Charming, Mr Smooth, yeah I would jump on that in a heartbeat. I’m invested. I’ve been watching Law And Order SVU since the pilot. Aside from Miso cat and Aramis, that viewer relationship with Meloni is better than any boy-girl alliance I’ve ever had. Drama free. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bupo7ajAMyz/

I don’t date swingers. My maker was a drunk glorified soul who wired me with the blood and tissue of strict Puritans, only when he was finished he had an extra part leftover like an ikea bookshelf. Oops.

In other words I can have tea with your grandparents and not embarrass you. 

I can also get drunk with strippers and hookers.

Between the two, I rather have tea with your grandparents 29 days out of the month. 

Men, when you can’t have basic conversation or make an innocent joke without it being sexual, that’s when you’ve been a’swinger for a’too long. You’re broken. And not my kind of broken where I drink just to tolerate my fellow dumbass idiotic man, but rather your kind of broken where your entire world is wallpapered with tits and ass. 

I don’t get how men can still have an eager bone in their body for sex by the time they’re 45 years old. I’m exhausted. How are you not exhausted? 

It’s raining here in Vegas. It’s been raining all morning. I was worried about my little stray Miso kitty, so I went out looking for him in the rain around 6:30am with no luck. I kept my front door open just in case he came by mewing at the security gate to get out of the rain, and 20 minutes later he did just that. Cold, wet, hungry little stray kitty. 

I took this pic of him while he was eating. My little boo is Batman! 

You know when women get horny, not girls, women, women get horny when something fantastic has happened to us. If I got a $25,000 advance from a publisher, hell yes I’m having sex with someone. That’s when women get horny. That’s what it takes. If you can’t do that, if you can’t give us an advance on a book deal just be a cool friend. If you can’t do even THAT, then just stay out of our way. We have no use for you. 

Toe beans!