My dear old friend, Hollywood, CA. It's been a long time. It's supposed to rain all weekend. Let's reconnect. I'll get the joy of rediscovering you. Hit a few wine bars.
(Christine, Wood & Vine, received bad ratings. Let's go!)
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Jenner gender fender bender
Yeeeears ago. I had a friend.
Just the one. It happens sometimes.
This friend said he was friends with Bruce Jenner. But that was back when Bruce Jenner, was still known (albeit vaguely) for being an Olympic athlete, on the box of Wheeties, and on the covers of Sports Illustrated, and Playgirl, magazines.
My friend spoke of Jenner regularly. Every time we got together, actually. Jenner was the only friend my friend ever mentioned.
"My friend Bruce Jenner..."
Instincts awaited my friend to ask, "Would you be interested meeting him?" But that never happened.
This friend of mine is the only guy, the only person, I've ever used anal beads on. Up close and personal. Being a very young, very curious girl at that time, I was willing to try it once, though the fear of accidental poo was a huge concern.
Huge concern!
Luckily no poo appeared.
Still, never again.
I will never peg a guy
Or use beads on him
Or a dildo
In other words, I fear the poo.
I would make a terrible gay man.
Back to my friend,
I asked him once how he came to learn he liked anal beads used on him, and he replied, "My friend and I were experimenting on each other with toys..."
"My friend"
It was the only time he ever said, "my friend" without the follow through of "My friend Bruce Jenner"
---- "Do you draw by memory?"
Yes. I did. Unfortunately. I remember visual detail for a very, very long time.
Even the things I never saw but put together through suggestion, I recall those images for a very long time.
And because Jenner looks the way he does now, every time he makes entertainment news, that's how I imagine him and my friend together.
I never should have used those anal beads on my friend...
I never should have used them!!
Just the one. It happens sometimes.
This friend said he was friends with Bruce Jenner. But that was back when Bruce Jenner, was still known (albeit vaguely) for being an Olympic athlete, on the box of Wheeties, and on the covers of Sports Illustrated, and Playgirl, magazines.
My friend spoke of Jenner regularly. Every time we got together, actually. Jenner was the only friend my friend ever mentioned.
"My friend Bruce Jenner..."
Instincts awaited my friend to ask, "Would you be interested meeting him?" But that never happened.
This friend of mine is the only guy, the only person, I've ever used anal beads on. Up close and personal. Being a very young, very curious girl at that time, I was willing to try it once, though the fear of accidental poo was a huge concern.
Huge concern!
Luckily no poo appeared.
Still, never again.
I will never peg a guy
Or use beads on him
Or a dildo
In other words, I fear the poo.
I would make a terrible gay man.
Back to my friend,
I asked him once how he came to learn he liked anal beads used on him, and he replied, "My friend and I were experimenting on each other with toys..."
"My friend"
It was the only time he ever said, "my friend" without the follow through of "My friend Bruce Jenner"
---- "Do you draw by memory?"
Yes. I did. Unfortunately. I remember visual detail for a very, very long time.
Even the things I never saw but put together through suggestion, I recall those images for a very long time.
And because Jenner looks the way he does now, every time he makes entertainment news, that's how I imagine him and my friend together.
I never should have used those anal beads on my friend...
I never should have used them!!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
1
That's the current temperature in Minnesota, 1 degrees. And my dad who is battling Cancer, still "shovels" the driveway with their new snowblower. I was with him when he bought it. Any time you think you "can't" do something... just keep that in mind.
My inspiration.
My inspiration.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
sex PACER
I use the (GPS) Pacer app. I average out about 40 miles a week. Sometimes more. Burning approximately 3,088 calories a week.
I'm addicted to this app. Addicted!
The app also has a sex activity counter.
?
According to Pacer, 30 minutes of "general" sexual activity burns 50 calories.
Question: Is "general" sexual activity like - masturbating? Because then I'm burning an extra 150 calories a night.
According to Pacer "vigorous" sexual activity burns 79 calories.
What is "general" sex and how was 50 calories determined... ?
What is "vigorous" sex? And why is it only 29 calories difference?
You're so doing something wrong.
Next time I have sex on a bed (with someone else) I'm lashing my smartphone on one of my arms or legs...
In the name of science.
Oh please
I've done weirder.
I'm addicted to this app. Addicted!
The app also has a sex activity counter.
?
According to Pacer, 30 minutes of "general" sexual activity burns 50 calories.
Question: Is "general" sexual activity like - masturbating? Because then I'm burning an extra 150 calories a night.
According to Pacer "vigorous" sexual activity burns 79 calories.
What is "general" sex and how was 50 calories determined... ?
What is "vigorous" sex? And why is it only 29 calories difference?
You're so doing something wrong.
Next time I have sex on a bed (with someone else) I'm lashing my smartphone on one of my arms or legs...
In the name of science.
Oh please
I've done weirder.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
'Extortion For Dummies'
I needed a room in the area for three nights. All the hotels were booked.
"Try airbnb", a few of my friends said. A few of my friends who never tried airbnb.
Well, let me share with you my story about airbnb.
I signed up for airbnb. FYI: airbnb requires your social security number, your personal information, your bank account/credit card information, so they can run a background check on you, and then they'll ask you a few questions regarding your residential/employment history to confirm your identity. And after all that information, then they want access to your LinkedIn account, or Facebook account, or gmail account, and all of your contacts.
And even after all (that) information, they may still want a video of you expressing your interest in airbnb.
Am I renting a room, or running for president?
But airbnb doesn't tell you they want all this information until (after) you try booking a reservation through them.
I'm not on Facebook or LinkedIn. I drew the line at having access to my Gmail contacts. Fucking ridiculous.
I contact the potential host I was going to make a reservation with, via email through airbnb within the hour after finding them, and told them I wasn't going to make the reservation.
My personal information, fine, I gave all that up when I was FBI fingerprinted back in 2007 to work for an elderly care facility. But I'm not going to give up my Gmail contact list. What for?
So then airbnb sent me a dozen harassing emails and text messages saying I needed to finish signing up with them in order to make a reservation with the host a I had previously contact.
No need. I already talked to the host, and said no thank you, through airbnb, so airbnb already knows I'm no longer interested. So why was airbnb harassing me to sign up?
Later than night I checked my bank account, as I do almost every night, and discovered airbnb charged my account immediately after inquiring about the room rental.
I've been with my bank for over ten years. That, and I know how to read my online bank statement. Nothing was "pending". The money was flat out charged from my account.
But, just to be sure, I called my bank.
Yes, airbnb charged my account. Nothing was pending. My bank confirmed it. I then had to start the legal procedure of disputing the charge and was given a reference number.
FYI I still have that reference number.
My bank suggested I called airbnb as an attempt to straighten out the problem personally, before an investigation became necessary.
Fair enough. Personally I think airbnb should be investigated, thoroughly.
I then called airbnb. The automotive service answered my call and kept me on hold for a half hour -- 32 minutes to be more accurate before a person answered the call. Apparently they had a high volume of calls at 11:30pm that Wednesday.
I then asked the airbnb representative why airbnb charged my bank account when I didn't even have a reservation with them, or an account, apparently, since I had a dozen emails and text messages informing me I couldn't even make a reservation without first verifying an account.
So why was the money gone?
"Oh the money isn't gone, it's just pending. We informed your bank no reservation was made because you don't have an account with us. It sometimes takes banks up to 7 business days to release the money and put it back into your account... "
Did I mention I worked for hotels for many years, in the sales dept? I know this speech. I know it well. I've said it. Only, I said it guests who actually stayed in the hotel.
Why would anything be "pending" from airbnb if I couldn't make a reservation because I don't have an account with them?
I then reminded the airbnb rep that I have all this in writing in emails and text messages they sent me, plus my bank statement, plus now a reference number with my bank disputing the money that was (in fact) charged to my bank account by airbnb. All on a legal timeline. In writing.
"I'll contact your bank and write a formal letter to your email right now explaining you don't have an account with us, and the money was only supposed to be pending until... "
etc.
Again, I ask, why would any money be "pending" with airbnb without first having an account/reservation?
Pulling the cart before the horse, isn't good business practice. I'm pretty sure "assumption" isn't legal grounds to charge someone's bank account, pending or otherwise.
Furthermore, you guys are morons. You put everything in writing "you have no account", "you have no reservation", "complete sign up to make a reservation", and then charge/hold money from that person's bank account anyway?
Explains all the harassing text messages and emails to verify an account with airbnb, they had already charged me for a reservation I never made. Means airbnb and the potential host I had spoken to, all get a cut of the money airbnb charged my bank account, harassing me to complete the sign up procedure by handing over my Gmail contact list.
What's the legal term for that, oh right, extortion.
Less than an hour later the money was bank in my account.
Wait,
There's more.
After airbnb put the money back into my bank account, I received an email by airbnb that read, "the room you inquired about is not available."
The hell you say.
"Try airbnb", a few of my friends said. A few of my friends who never tried airbnb.
Well, let me share with you my story about airbnb.
I signed up for airbnb. FYI: airbnb requires your social security number, your personal information, your bank account/credit card information, so they can run a background check on you, and then they'll ask you a few questions regarding your residential/employment history to confirm your identity. And after all that information, then they want access to your LinkedIn account, or Facebook account, or gmail account, and all of your contacts.
And even after all (that) information, they may still want a video of you expressing your interest in airbnb.
Am I renting a room, or running for president?
But airbnb doesn't tell you they want all this information until (after) you try booking a reservation through them.
I'm not on Facebook or LinkedIn. I drew the line at having access to my Gmail contacts. Fucking ridiculous.
I contact the potential host I was going to make a reservation with, via email through airbnb within the hour after finding them, and told them I wasn't going to make the reservation.
My personal information, fine, I gave all that up when I was FBI fingerprinted back in 2007 to work for an elderly care facility. But I'm not going to give up my Gmail contact list. What for?
So then airbnb sent me a dozen harassing emails and text messages saying I needed to finish signing up with them in order to make a reservation with the host a I had previously contact.
No need. I already talked to the host, and said no thank you, through airbnb, so airbnb already knows I'm no longer interested. So why was airbnb harassing me to sign up?
Later than night I checked my bank account, as I do almost every night, and discovered airbnb charged my account immediately after inquiring about the room rental.
I've been with my bank for over ten years. That, and I know how to read my online bank statement. Nothing was "pending". The money was flat out charged from my account.
But, just to be sure, I called my bank.
Yes, airbnb charged my account. Nothing was pending. My bank confirmed it. I then had to start the legal procedure of disputing the charge and was given a reference number.
FYI I still have that reference number.
My bank suggested I called airbnb as an attempt to straighten out the problem personally, before an investigation became necessary.
Fair enough. Personally I think airbnb should be investigated, thoroughly.
I then called airbnb. The automotive service answered my call and kept me on hold for a half hour -- 32 minutes to be more accurate before a person answered the call. Apparently they had a high volume of calls at 11:30pm that Wednesday.
I then asked the airbnb representative why airbnb charged my bank account when I didn't even have a reservation with them, or an account, apparently, since I had a dozen emails and text messages informing me I couldn't even make a reservation without first verifying an account.
So why was the money gone?
"Oh the money isn't gone, it's just pending. We informed your bank no reservation was made because you don't have an account with us. It sometimes takes banks up to 7 business days to release the money and put it back into your account... "
Did I mention I worked for hotels for many years, in the sales dept? I know this speech. I know it well. I've said it. Only, I said it guests who actually stayed in the hotel.
Why would anything be "pending" from airbnb if I couldn't make a reservation because I don't have an account with them?
I then reminded the airbnb rep that I have all this in writing in emails and text messages they sent me, plus my bank statement, plus now a reference number with my bank disputing the money that was (in fact) charged to my bank account by airbnb. All on a legal timeline. In writing.
"I'll contact your bank and write a formal letter to your email right now explaining you don't have an account with us, and the money was only supposed to be pending until... "
etc.
Again, I ask, why would any money be "pending" with airbnb without first having an account/reservation?
Pulling the cart before the horse, isn't good business practice. I'm pretty sure "assumption" isn't legal grounds to charge someone's bank account, pending or otherwise.
Furthermore, you guys are morons. You put everything in writing "you have no account", "you have no reservation", "complete sign up to make a reservation", and then charge/hold money from that person's bank account anyway?
Explains all the harassing text messages and emails to verify an account with airbnb, they had already charged me for a reservation I never made. Means airbnb and the potential host I had spoken to, all get a cut of the money airbnb charged my bank account, harassing me to complete the sign up procedure by handing over my Gmail contact list.
What's the legal term for that, oh right, extortion.
Less than an hour later the money was bank in my account.
Wait,
There's more.
After airbnb put the money back into my bank account, I received an email by airbnb that read, "the room you inquired about is not available."
The hell you say.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Phil
I'm not on Linkdin. I don't have that "818" number anymore. Lost all the numbers associated with it.
Get in touch with me old fashion way, email me.
Reconnect soon. Hopefully.
* Just G mailed you my number. Use it!
Get in touch with me old fashion way, email me.
Reconnect soon. Hopefully.
* Just G mailed you my number. Use it!
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Scandalous
A middle aged man telling war stories. Big deal.
My dad can do better. And he just pulled teeth.
My dad can do better. And he just pulled teeth.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Idiots
More husbands randomly emailing me 200 unwanted pictures of their wives naked/having sex, full face photos (I'm sure the wives would love to find out their husbands are freely passing her photos around to complete strangers over the internet) in hopes to get laid, most likely behind their backs.
And,
I know in his mind this makes sense, and this is the way men get laid, by passing around naked pictures of their wives to complete strangers,
But,
"Well let me tell you something about you that you don't know!"
You're an idiot.
And,
I know in his mind this makes sense, and this is the way men get laid, by passing around naked pictures of their wives to complete strangers,
But,
"Well let me tell you something about you that you don't know!"
You're an idiot.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Hey look, an ocean, outside my front door
How much is your apartment? $3,200 a month?
2 bed, 2 bath
But,
In Venice Beach, CA, that's considered "low income housing".
$1,100 a month? you may as well be homeless.
Because,
Not a single house in Venice Beach, goes for under one-million dollars.
Low income housing. Less than $3,000 a month. Who cares. 25 steps out my front door my toes are in the ocean sand.
Mission accomplished.
2 bed, 2 bath
But,
In Venice Beach, CA, that's considered "low income housing".
$1,100 a month? you may as well be homeless.
Because,
Not a single house in Venice Beach, goes for under one-million dollars.
Low income housing. Less than $3,000 a month. Who cares. 25 steps out my front door my toes are in the ocean sand.
Mission accomplished.
Today
Available until 9:30am. Have appointment with realtor at 11am, and at 4pm. Free again after 7pm.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Super suckit
I haven't had casual sex since early September, 2014. I don't know if it's considered "casual" being as how he and I have known each other since we were kids...
The idiotic messages horny husbands write me, make for absolute mood-killers, but every now and then I'll get a hot message from a traveler...
I love travelers
I love tourist season
In southern California, tourist season, is an actual time of year. My favorite.
When cam-mates only love the cam, after a period of time masturbating just isn't cutting it...
Marking the first flight of tourist season,
Mr. Midwest "I want to lick your clit while you're being penetrated."
Win!
Only travelers write messages like that. I never hear that from local men. When people travel they get interesting.
I requested a dick pic.
Minutes later I received one.
Nice.
I like you.
I wish I was a couple. I'll be wishing I was a couple for the rest of the day.
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