That's just the way she is

Back on the saddle.

On a website.

I wrote this couple. They're not married. Both divorced. Not living together. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Her late 30's. Him late 40's. Attractive. Sexy. Well written profile. Amateur photos (I like those). She took pics of him. Him of her. Them together naked in a door mirror. Some vacation photos. Down to earth. People I would introduce to my parents if we all ran into each other out in public.

Maybe odd, but I sometimes gage people based on whether or not I would introduce them to my parents. Not dinner. Just, "Hey, these are my parents. We're just grabbing some coffee. Great running into you. Let's talk soon. Enjoy the rest of your day" kind of thing.

I would introduce this couple to my parents.

In the past 3 years, I've newly met a half dozen couples. Aside from one fantastic couple, dates were tolerably annoying to epic disasters. Usually the wife will have a sudden freak-out resulting in broken furniture, spilled drinks and tears. (My taser set on stun.)

So it's been a while.

But this couple seemed relaxed, happy. Not frenzied and desperate about finding a single girl, I like that. They were open to just meeting people, I really like that. I wrote them.

I contacted them. We three all communicated. Great. Got to a point where we wanted to meet for a drink. Perfect. Set up a date. Awesome.

We even have the same work schedule. Too good to be true?

Usually on these websites, especially among single guys, they just want to look at pictures. You contact them, give them access to naughty pictures, they just look at the pictures, and only respond to your original email when you lock them back out. "I don't have access to your private pictures. Can you open them?"

No.

I picked a bar/restaurant near the room I pre-arranged. A simple boutique spot where acquaintances work.

Just, recently, back on the saddle, you never go large. It wasn't scummy. Think trendy. Not upscale. By the ocean.

Did you see 'The Grand Budapest Hotel'? Great movie. The unspoken underground hospitality courtesies still apply among certain circles. I've worked in them all: bars, restaurants, hotels, chains, franchise, boutique, 5 star, family owned, etc.

Anyway,

I go to meet this couple at the designated place, on time.

I walk in.

He's there. She's not.

Keeping an open mind I go to meet him. Maybe she's in the bathroom.

"She's running late." he says, calmly but clearly annoyed. Friendly guy. Handsome.

No worries. We drink. Chat.

40 minutes later his girlfriend walks in with her cell phone pressed against her face. "I can't hear you, sweetie! I'm in the restaurant!" She yells into her phone, same time hugging her boyfriend. "Ok! Ok I promise! I gotta go!" She yells into her phone again, briefly reaching over to hug me without an introduction.

The Hollywood hug. The Chicago pat down. The New York FU exchange. The Louisiana pick pocket.

While yelling into her phone, "What's that? No I can't hear you! I gotta go! Love you! Bye!"

And then she got off the phone and says, "Wow you're pretty. Have you been waiting long? Sorry. My girlfriend just broke up with her boyfriend. Ugh. Drama. So what are we drinking? I really need a drink."

And before we could say anything to her she simply wandered off, to the bar presumably.

A.D.D.?

"She's just that way." He explains.

The girlfriend eventually returned to the table but spent most of her time texting, and swearing at her phone. The boyfriend and I continued to talk.

Awkward.

After the second drink I was ready to go. As in leave. As in go home. As in "Check!"

The boyfriend, sensing the awkwardness, started wrapping things up. The girlfriend ran off to the bathroom hallway to make a phone call.

"Sorry. She's just this way" he said.

"She's a good friend." I merely replied and patiently waited, for what, no idea.

After her 20th cell phone trip to the bathroom hallway, the girlfriend comes back to the table and randomly said, "So. Do you (meaning me) think I'm attractive? I think you're beautiful. Isn't she beautiful, sweetheart? So, do we want to have some fun?"

Um

Sure... ?

One thing lead to another and the three of us were in the boutique room.

After some three way kissing and heavy petting, the girlfriend answered her cell phone and ran into the bathroom. She was in there for quite a while.

I don't know what the protocol here is. Do the boyfriend and I continue?

I got dressed.

The boyfriend and I just smiled at each other and made uncomfortable conversation.

Eventually the girlfriend came out of the bathroom.

"I gotta go, babe" the girlfriend says to her boyfriend. "She's suicidal. I'm sorry" the girlfriend says to me.

Um

Curious. Does the friend know you're mid three-way?

They left together.

I stayed.

Not a bad first date really.

Nothing got set on fire.

No one landed in the ER.