Baby watch

I'm about to be an auntie for the third time. Any day now.

I can be there via facetime.

Dear brother, please don't aim the camera anywhere that will require me to need therapy later.

Thank you in advance!

You do realize all your kids are getting Kings jerseys for Christmas! Oh yeah! They make onesies!

Hockey sticks for everyone!!

Ask the missus to shoot for a Saturday birth. I have the entire day off with nothing to do.

Thanks for being so accommodating. Much appreciated!!

Girl at last call

We need to hang out too some time!!

Last night. Couple from New Zealand.

Or so I'm guessing that's where you two are from. It was very cool meeting you. Which is just my way if saying let's hang out before you head back!

Ok internet. Go!!

Friday night. Starbucks.

Oh yeah!10pm last night I was at Starbucks, Santa Monica, third street promenade. Whoooooo. Good times! I was meeting a friend at Barney's Beanery, but they don't have outlets and my phone was about to die. Starbucks is across the street. I went there to charge up.

I haven't been on the Promenade on a Friday/Saturday night (in forever!) I guess if I'm going to now be in the "vanilla world" I have to buy flats. Very few girls were in high heels on the Promenade. Very few. Lots if dressy "sensible" flats. I don't own flat heel shoes. Flips flops at the beach. That's it. It seems I'm going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe... and flat heel shoes.

I wonder if "vanilla" people look at girls like me and think I'm a "fake vanilla" much in the same way people in "the lifestyle" who never swap are considered fake. (Ha! I don't know why but I find that funny!) I'm a fake vanilla.

Anyway,

So I'm looking at all these people in Starbucks, the place was packed, Friday night, 10pm, and I couldn't help but think, "Don't you guys have anywhere else you would rather be? What are you doing here?!" But this is where "vanilla people" go on Friday night... at 10pm... in their flat sensible dressy shoes. Starbucks.

But that's the thing, I can't question why they do what they do. If I'm going to be among them I just have to blend in. Somehow.

When my friend got to the Promenade, we took off, making a stop at Ralphs (grocery store) where the cute check-out guy was flirting with the couple in front if me, and then me when I got to his register. Hey mister, can we be friends? ;)

Have I sent you the link to the porn site I've been obsessed with? (I remember when I used to do that with couples. I miss it.) I stopped when solo girls started being looked down upon as worthless disposable fuck toys in the lifestyle (by men and couples alike), read the BCs and CL ads some time, that was the last straw for me. But on the other hand if you're a solo girl who likes hot sex in the "vanilla word" you're a worthless disposable slut, there too, so...

Potato... Po'tato

The only difference is, "vanillas" don't come over to my place and intentionally ruin my stuff. They may talk shit behind your back (who doesn't?) But they're good guests, good present company. As a solo girl, I went to an "upscale" swingers party and the nicest conversation I had there was some guy randomly snapping his fingers in my face and said, "Hey! You're gonna watch me fuck her (pointing to some girl) and play with your pussy. Got it!"

1. You're an asshole.

2. What happened to saying hello?

They said hello at Starbucks. Then again, I was paying for something...

Greenacres, darling

Aaaaand I'm done. You know it's the end when majority of emails received are from publishers, undercover writers posing as potential playmates, and reality show producers. I had a feeling it was going to end this way. Curse you mainstream! She said shaking a fist into the sky.

That new couple, that new girl, that new solo guy too good to be true, are, is. Good luck. God speed.

Meh. Too much work sorting people out.

I always said I would quit and go "straight" when it stopped being fun. Well it stopped being fun. It started to end few years ago when couples wrecked personal property, one couple (who I spent a few hundred dollars properly hosting in my home) had the nerve to call me a "dirty fuck whore" in casual conversation. "So you just decided to be a dirty fuck whore, then?"

Nice. Get the fuck out of my house!

But,

Before those couples, before reality TV, before everyone trying to make money off me,

I had a lot of fun. A lot! Grateful for that at least.

Soooo,

I checked out match.com last night after the Kings game win 4-3, and maybe it's the mobile app but the profile creation process was unbelievably boring. I've ordered take-out more exciting than that. The questions provide dull multiple choice answers (none of which were "ninjas" or "Pandas" !!!) following a mandatory composition of 150 characters. So not in the mood to deal with that right now!

But,

I'm going straight. I'll find a nice boy. Rewire my train of thought. Live vicariously through porn. After all, I didn't grow up thinking I wanted amazing hot sex... not until I was 14 at least.

I can rewire myself.

I can be in a 1:1 traditional monogamous relationship.

I can do this.

I just never understood why men purposely seek out girls on sex sites, girls who love hot sex, open relationships, etc., and then turn them into traditional girlfriends, but, ok.

I can do this.

I can do this!!!

I'm an intelligent person. Strong. Capable.

I just hope the next guy I date doesn't have a hot dad or this could get ugly.

Very ugly.

Into the mind of a man 2014

"I want a girl who's into me." And I totally get that. My question is, why are you on a sex swinger site specifically looking for that? I have literally received hundreds of emails in the past two years from men, on swinger sex sites, seeking (a) girl who is "into" him.

Based on what exactly? Blurry photos of you in Time Square?

I don't know you.

You're just some guy with 100 pictures of your hardon against a $25 bottle of conditioner.

(To what degree do I have to be into you?)

I couldn't care less if I receive emails or not, but it's the emails I do get, that just... piss me off.

So this morning I get (yet another) email from a guy, but rather than meet me, rather than get together face to face, he wants to swap 50 emails, ask a million questions in the form of a sterile Q & A survey, and based on my answers determine if we're "into" each other.

Genius.

And so,

I write him back and asked... "Why?"

To which he replied,  "Because I'm not here to fuck. If you just want to fuck I'm sure there's plenty of guys that are into that. I want to get to know you."

That's sweet. You do know you're on a sex site, right?

And no, there aren't "plenty" of guys who want to fuck, they're all like you!

This is why women hire escorts, and fuck 18 year old guys.

So I have a theory, if the swinger sex sites is where all the "get to know you" relationship men are, then match.com must be where the sex is. Right? In the 'bazaaro opposite land' of another dimension space time continuum. (I think I saw this episode of Star Trek!) Come to think of it, didn't the Enterprise get overrun by a billion little giggling fury balls?

(What were those things called?)

I don't know what match.com's equivalent to little fury giggling balls, is. But even that would be more interesting than, "So, did you like growing up in theMidwest?"

Huh.

I think that's actually a security question on my cell phone password recovery profile.

Porn is my friend... Again

HBO wants to talk to single girls about. "The lifestyle".

News flash: In the last three weeks, total sexual encounters, ZERO. Not for lack of trying. 

I don't know if men are aware of this but, we're not girl friends. I'm not going to write you 3 page text messages about myself or the kind of day I'm having, and we're not going to do laundry together at my parents house. 

And,

Apparently girls who like sex is HBO reality TV worthy. 

Really HBO? Really? 

Really? 

Well,

Let's see,

The last "lifestyle" guy I briefly chat to hook up with, turned out to be one of you clowns! Undercover reporting! 

The reality is, for you reality TV people, you're about 10 years too late. You should have talked to me 10 years ago. Back when I dated couples, even. Before the teary drunk dramatic break ups in my living room. Before the naked wife threw a full glasses of wine at the photo of my friends and I during summer break 2005, because her "idiot husband" bought her a vaccum cleaner for her birthday... 5 years ago.

So if single girls masturbating 4 times a day to porn, is reality TV worthy, I'll be more than happy to direct you to the porn sex I used to have.

In the meantime,

The only thing I now truly care about,

On my day off,

What time is the Kings game on? 

A whole lot of Pork

My friend Aramis introduced me to this British Pub. It's my new spot. More of a locals hangout. And not overrun by a sea of newly turned 21 year olds. When I brought along my girl friend Casey, a pilot in the Air Force, the English guys fell over themselves in admiration. "Don't be fooled girl, they're spies! Name! Rank! Serial number! DOB!"

I went there last Sunday, some dinner after work. Unwind. Relax.

I happened to be seated next to a group of men with (I'm going to guess Scottish accents.) Cheery men. Friendly. I couldn't understand anything they were saying. No matter. They were doing their thing, I was doing mine. Every now and then I made accidental eye contact and we swapped smiles.

Not really knowing English food, other than (Heinz) beans on toast, I've been trying things on the Pub's menu. Hit and miss. One item in particular caught my eye, the British BLT sandwich. "What makes it British?" I ask the (English) bartender, expecting a smart reply.

"It's made with back fat." The bartender says.

I don't eat meat (pork) enough to know the different or better cuts per diction. Bacon is pig. Steak is cow. That's pretty much all I know. I could have Googled "British pork back fat" but I would be too afraid of the websites Google might send me to.

I almost asked,  "Canadian bacon?" But if there's one thing I know about Europeans, you never compare them to Canada. Not even their bacon.

I ended up ordering a Banger sandwich. Food I'm familiar with. Growing up in MN, in a primarily German community, I like/and eat German food. Sausage and grilled onions was a regular meal. Pile on sauerkraut, raw onions, mustard and relish, and it's just like home.

I suppose in this regard, seeing an Asian girl in a British Pub drinking a Stella and eating a Banger sandwich must seem strange, but it's not to me. It's like being home.

Football games were blaring from different big screens, all but one, which was airing Funny Car races. The Scottish guys were big time into the Funny Car races, and a female drag racer named, Cortney Force. If ever there was an intro to "Have you seen the movie Rush?" this was it. Sadly no one asked. Damnit!

It was about this time some jerk started hassling a waitress, yelling obnoxiously at her, "They always make it that way for me!! I've been coming here for 10 years!!"

Without missing a beat, one of the Scottish men yelled back something insulting at the guy (I have no idea what) which made his friends roar with laughter, which made me laugh, which made the Scottish guys laugh louder, which made me laugh even harder. I have no idea what the Scottish guy said. Who cares. He insulted the jerk. That's all that mattered. The Scots and I sealed our understanding by clinking our drinks together.

And what's a British Pub without "a guy".

There's a guy.

American.

He's friendly/flirty when he sees me. Makes a point to say hello, and good night. He's got an "Adam Levine" look about him. Funny if he was Jewish, too. Nice, sweet, gentlemanly, respectful guy. I'm at the point now when I go to the Pub I hope I see him. I've told friends about him. (And now you guys.)

The Banger sandwich was amazing. Sausage piled high with grilled onions.

The little Asian girl, that went to the British Pub, to eat English food, drink Belgian beer, hang out among Scottish men, and meet a Jewish guy.

Only in CA.

Camping. Glamping. It's just a gateway.

To shacking up with a forest ranger somewhere in Montana.

Glamping?

Glamour camping. Glamping. It's a thing. Some if those yurts are pretty nice. I can see a "home movie" being filmed in one. My neat-o phone has a decent video edit... Just saying.

Wouldn't be the first time an iPhone was used to shoot a little something-something.

I'm sensitive. Kind of.

Somewhat. A little. I can watch actual brain surgery, while peeling an orange and eating it, but I get squeamish watching zombies eat people on TV. I saw that "snuff film" surgery of the guy who turned his man parts into a vagina (motherfuck... !!!) but I get weirded out seeing a needle go into someone's arm. I can give blood no problem, do it all the time, but seeing it, no. And overhearing people blow their nose, why do people do this in public?? I can read the most vile stories, but there are triggers that just creep me out...

I can't explain it. 

This all had something to do with Halloween, but I don't remember anymore. 

Apparently my ADD kicked in. 

More... Much more

I miss camping. I need to go. Soon. Want to go camping with me? In a camp site of course. I'm not battling bears. Sleep under the moon and stars. Bonfire. Coolers. Sleeping bags. I told my friend last night I wanted to work and live up in Big Bear this winter. But really, I just want to be outside more. I don't care where. I live at the beach, but this is different. The world is entirely different at night. Like driving to AZ or NV middle of the night, pull over to the side of the road, admire the clear star filled sky. It's a different kind of peace from the ocean.

I have those friends. I was that friend. We've been Jordon Belfort and Donnie Azoff extremely intoxicated in the kitchen fighting over the telephone almost killing each other and ourselves in the process, and while everyone else was laughing at that scene, I just found it sad and depressing. I found many scenes in that movie sad and depressing. Awesome movie. Just an out of control way of living I don't care to repeat.

Let's go camping.

Snowboarding this winter, absolutely. But can we also do something where I don't risk breaking my legs and putting me out if work!

Ever have sex outside? I have. Once. [Edit: more than once] But this one time in particular remains to be one of my favorite life experiences.

My Old Lady

Just saw this movie. Loved it. L.A. Times, gave 'My Old Lady' a bad review, so naturally I wanted to see it even more. Loved watching Kevin Kline, who speaks fluent French in real life, play an American who speaks French, poorly. Brilliant.

Sooooo how about this weather?

Solution,

Drink more wine. "To long life!"

"Does it hang to the left, right, or center?"

I want to dress men. I'd love to work at a Men's clothing store. Doesn't have to be high end clothes. Men's Warehouse. Just to see how many "innocent" erections I could make happen in a day. "Stain the pants, you buy them, sir!"

Because of all things THIS will make dad mad

In addition to my last blog, dad made certain we all ate healthy when we were kids. I didn't eat fast food anything until I was 16 years old. Dad refused to buy fast food. Also where I grew up in MN there was one McDonalds, and one Burger King. White Castle was in the twin cities. When I say I grew up on White Castle, I mean it was a household name, like Honeywell, 3M, and Target. All MN staples.

I didn't eat a White Castle burger until I was maybe 18 years old.

Saying "McGangbang" won't upset dad, but I'll go straight to hell if I don't edit the part where dad refused to buy us fast food as kids!

* Good thing I don't believe in hell.

"Pepper your McAngus!"

Back a blog page or two ago, I mentioned looking for a White Castle, Reddit. I found better. "Shalene" from McDonalds. I wanted a White Castle employee because I grew up on White Castle, had some amusing questions sparked by a conversation with friends. I didn't find a White Castle Reddit, maybe one day, but I did read the McDonalds Reddit, and the girl IAMA AMA was amazing! She confirmed the McGangbang, the McBitch, the McAwesome, Coning, and Doughnut Piping. Funny girl. Should be writing comedy. But no, she's going to college and getting an education instead.... And rocking Reddit.

As a person who has worked in the hospitality industry part-time steadily since I was 16 years old, I relate. Strangely I do it now for the same reasons I did it in my 20's, to meet people, and make money. And by people, I mean men. Not long ago, a couple.

The first nightclub I worked in, came about due to a horny club manner who past me on the street one day, and the second nightclub I worked in, my female boss was the first to say, "Get paid to hang out, meet boys, socialize." And that has been my hospitality motto ever since. If I work here, will I meet people I'm interested in? Yes? Where do I apply! Once that resource has been tapped out. I leave.

I have an intense sex drive. Curious since I was around 13 or 14 years old. I love the high of being horny. I can't tell you how many times I've thought, "If you only knew how much I would love to have sex with you right now." While waiting on a guy.

I'm sure  "Shalene" doesn't have the same motivation working for McDonalds, but her stories are awesome nonetheless.

It's why I laugh when party promoters ask me to Bartend for them, Host, help them set up party nights, look, the sexual kill thrill isn't there. Do I want to have sexy with you? I may have, which will spark communication, but the desire (for the pursuer) generally passes within a few hours, and if you're not paying me to be there (to help you make money) well...

Blame my female boss for corrupting my work ethics.

"You mean to say, I can get paid to do this?"

* Blog brought to you by Google and Iphone. One day the two will be friends, and I'll be able to upload pics from my phone.

My brother is the coolest

He really is. (My oldest brother, I mean.)

The other ones are cool too... I guess.

I became an artist because of him. I listened to metal bands because of him. Learned basic rock drums because of him. I just idolize everything he does, especially when we were kids.

The other day he emailed me, "Hey, is this email still active."

(I have a new phone, etc. I'm still catching up on contact info.)

I wrote my brother back, "Yes it's your sister... "

He then wrote me back all friendly, "Hey l'il sis... "

And I say my brother is the coolest because I could totally hear him say in the first email, "Touch my sister AND YOU'RE DEAD!!" (Which he loved to say a lot when we were kids.)

I will never tire being his little sister. You have to be one to understand why.

Why isn't there a Big Brother Day?

Fuck it

I'm just going to say Jason Bateman, in my blogs.

He's awesome.

And you all agree.

P.s. Jason Bateman

50 seconds of Jason Bateman!!

Yesterday after I post my Jason Bateman blog, within less than a minute, let's say 50 seconds, 20 people hit my blog. And it went like that for half the day. So if I want hits to my blog apparently all I have to do is say,

Jason Bateman 

And,

Boots and pants, and boots and pants, and boots and pants, and boots and pants...

The worst kind of human

Yesterday I saw a fat man on a bicycle, dragging his dog by the neck on a leash beside him. The poor dog was clearly exhausted and tired. The dog was crying and howling, probably thirsty as well as tired. But the fat man on the bicycle didn't care. He just dragged the dog by its neck as he continued to peddle his bicycle. Finally the dog's legs buckled out under it, stopping the fat man on the bicycle. The fat man now off his bicycle got mad and yanked hard on the dog's leash. The dog's neck jerked where the leash strangled the dog's neck. The dog's head bounced back and forth. Just more misery to being exhausted and thirsty. The fat man got angry and kicked his bike. How dare his dog be tired!

"Your dog would probably prefer you walk him." I calmly said.

 "It's a her, not a him!" The fat man spat back.

"It's too hot out to be running your dog like that. No wonder she got tired. All that fur." I calmly reply.

"She needs exercise. She'd getting fat!" The fat man spat back.

"Maybe she should peddle the bicycle and you should run behind it on the leash. The exercise seems more fitting. Have a nice day."

Be nice to your dogs.

Get body harnesses, not leashes around the neck.

I see people on bicycles dragging their dogs behind them on leashes. This isn't cute or adorable. And you're not "walking" your dog, you're dragging your dog. Plus you're slowing down the bicycle lane with your vulgar display of asshole-ness.

Jason Bateman on Reddit. Absolute Awesome.

I haven't been on Reddit in over a year (until recently.) Yesterday I read Jason Bateman's Reddit, I guess it was shortly after Bad Words came out , which I saw, which I blogged (last March) was absolute awesome. Love that guy.

(If you ever receive a question on Reddit from SimoneGordon, that's me!)

I'm off to the beach. 

This morning I started on the indoor balance board. 

Yup. 

Balance board!

If it seems like I'm not drinking wine, it's only because at the beach I switch to beer. And boba. Not together naturally. That would be horrible. 

Money

There's better.

Regardless, you will always find better.

You have what they want. Make them earn it.

In the meantime hang out with friends. That's where money is best spent, with loved ones.

And...

Read the Dairy Farmer, on Reddit! That guy's awesome! People were giving him such a hard time for his occupation but he just rolled it like a pro. Poor cows. Could never do his job. Love that guy!

Solo girls $20

Fuck that. 

Ladies, just go to a regular nightclub. 

I'll pay $30 at the door of a regular nightclub before I give any adult club a dime!! 

Sex clubs should never charge solo girls. 

If you want to keep out the "undesirables", get off your fat asses and do your job!! Stop mass flyering, get real promoters, and tell the doormen to use their judgment, like a real business owner. 

Amateurs.

Only some of you will understand this...

I would (have, and will continue to do so) rather pay $200 airfare to go on a brief holiday for pleasure, than spend three hours on the road to go into a different part of Southern California, where I live, for the same reason.

"I'm worth the travel."

I'm sure you are. But more worthy of travel is watching my friend Aramis get hit on by a smoking hot French male surfer on the beach yesterday! Yo Aramis, I especially liked the part when he straight up grabbed his junk while casually commenting on your beach towel.

(Gotta get me one of them towels!)

For the next 48 hours

I'm traveling to and fro, and catching up on Reddit.

The employee for England's version of McDonalds had peeked my interest.

Keanu Reeves on Reddit

Drinking my morning caffeine, reading Keanu Reeves on Reddit. Is it really him? Is there a picture?

Trying to find a White Castle employee on Reddit

I have questions! If you get a question from SimoneGordon, that's me!

The best sexual distraction

Hockey. Season starts soon. Go Kings!

You want to know my sexual fantasy: hot guy, smart, loves dirty sex, and hockey (Kings).

Reddit. Single female. Sex.

I wonder if people would ask questions about what it's like being a single female in today's lifestyle sex scene for the past decade (plus.)

I wonder if people are curious about the offers, the games, the play, the adventures, the risks, the rewards, the dangers, the personas, combining it all with family, friends, work, and real world dating and sex...

And,

How it's affected me as a woman, and human being.

After all, sex was never a career. Just a curiosity that took on a life if it's own.

I wonder if people care how it began (with me), and how I think it will end.

I wonder if people really want to hear the answers?

To quote a very famous sexually liberated woman,

"I've been things, seen places."

Then again,

I'm a little different than the average single female in this arena. For me, it really is just sex.

Thick-skinned  (or so I think)

But,

Even I've seen things that put me off sex... once for an entire year.

I'll get tested at anyone's request even if I just was.

I recently had a conversation with a man in the lifestyle who didn't want to get tested. He took great offense at the the suggestion we do so before having sex. His reaction upset me so severely I lost all desire. It's still gone. I'm still mad. Why would you object to getting testing? I'd rather work, and masturbate, than deal with that kind of grief.

And as amusing as it is listening to speculations and pop culture psychology of why any woman would willingly engage in such lifestyle,

Fact is,

There's not as much casual sex going on as you might think there is.

People want commitments and relationships.

I just want you to be tested... Aaaand we'll go from there.

Check out this amazing house!!

(Pretend you can see the pics I can't upload from my phone.)

Still no visual

I learned the secret handshake, sacrificed two virgins (what a waste) and I still don't have visual.

You make me want to join Twitter.

I download the two phone apps you said I needed, but I still need to upload pics from my phone into your public file, and then transfer those images onto my blog... from that file.

Sure.

Makes complete sense.

Valley

Apparently I have comments pending with my blog (for the past year!) You guys are patient!

Sorry I only speak to people "privately". Meaning I don't do public exchanges like Twitter and FB.

You can always contact me at: plaidskirttorpedoes@ yahoo.com

Also, for the next 3 weeks I'll be spending few days a week in the valley. Want to meet?

When 818 died

My old phone was an 818 number. This phone is a 310 number. When 818 died so did everything that was on it. Everything. Gone. I had to reinstate my FB page to write people for their number. The photo app for this blog confuses my sleepy little brain.

Google, all the photos shared on this blog are accessible if you understand how a keyboard/pad works. I don't sweat people "sharing" my photos. Hopefully people are smart enough not to get duped online. So why all the  "clicks" and  "locks" regarding the new blog app photo block system. It seems (if nothing else) easier to borrow images when you instantly put all the images in one online auto file.

Hey guys, you no longer have to read my blogs to see my photos. Fuck it, just take the whole file for your convenience! Unles of course I click lock (something?) and sacrifice a virgin, which protects absolutely nothing. At least Images, made people click each photo individually. This phone app is just one public file.

Why can't I just pull content from my phone? Why do I have to first put it in an online public folder?

Christ, even Twitter and FB will let me upload directly from my phone.

C'mon! You're Google! You make pervy eye gear, and buy robots!

Get some duct tape and fix this!!!

P.s. FB page was deleted again once I got my contact info.

Il Tiramisu Ristorante and Bar. Sherman Oaks.

Great company. (Thank you!)

Great food and drink.

And yes, there was Tiramisu!

(I have pictures but apparently I have to download a phone app first.)

I agreed to do what now?

My friend's girlfriend set me up with one of her guy friends. The four of us are going out to dinner.

This is what happens after the fifth round if cocktails at McLean's Irish Pub, Santa Monica.

The great wars of 2014

I have a new phone (and new phone number). It's an IPhone. Wow do people get emotional over their phones. It's just a phone. Relax. I've heard 20 debates over IPhones since friends learned I bought one. I'm just going to end up dropping it anyway. Protective case. Uh-huh we'll see about that.

"What kind of phone did you get?"

An IPhone.

"I hate Steve Jobs. What an asshole!"

Um. Ok. (You know he died, right?)

The mighty cell phone wars, are about as amusing as the great vagina wars.

Rage on America.

Rage on.

It's easier to get work

Someone should enjoy where I live. It won't be me.

I wanted to hibernate this winter but it's easier to work than relax. 

(Thank god I don't have kids. How do single women afford them??)

Also wanted...

2 kangaroos, 2 koala bears, a jet with full tank of gas, pilot, world peace, and a large bowl of red, yellow, and green M&M's. Thanks!

Ok let's try this...

I'm looking for a roommate. Male only. I work and travel quite a bit. To find and share 2 bedroom/2 bath rental place together. Platonic mature male. (Don't want any problems!) no drugs! None. Zero. Nada. Must be able to handle approx $1,100 - $1,200 a month (apiece) equal split. Ideal would be less than $2,400 a month rental total, plus utilities, if we can find it, but we probably won't. West side only. Please email: plaidskirttorpedoes@yahoo.com

Let's meet first. See what happens.

Thanks!

One tiny little innocent fuck

Why, do you like playing around with my, narrow scope of reality?

live with it!

How many vaginas can YOU get?

I love when swinger couples have "single female" vagina wars. Awesome!

"We have three solo females with us!"

"Oh yeah, well we have four solo females with us!"

Fantastic.

Really.

What an accomplishment.

Only,

None of your extra vaginas matter if they're not having sex with (at least) equal amount of dick.

They make themselves known like people who grew up with no money, and suddenly have money.

Obvious.


p.s.

Oriental Trading Company, is not what you think it is.

Harry Perry?

Does he look different to anyone else?

Figures

I like the people I work for, and the people I work with, and some of the people I work on... but hand to god, I'm amazed when I leave that place and haven't told someone to go fuck themselves.

I have my sights set on the next job. I saw the guy doing the hiring. I don't want the job. Just the guy doing the hiring. With my luck I'll get the job!

After watching the Hooters and Boston Market episodes of Undercover Boss I changed my mind about working the drive-thu at McDonalds. 

Just saw there's an episode of Undercover Boss, MGM Grand. Hakkasan!!

Privacy?

Once couples start writing me, I'm out. 

I have no use for another bare vagina in the room unless it's being penetrated by a tall well hung man, or four!

Tried watching girl/girl porn last night. So not into it. I really have "to be there" in the moment for that to work... her being Latin, sophisticated, intelligent, feminine, and super curvy, helps!