FEBRUARY 28, TUESDAY
(9:33pm)
Oh sure. But when I do it’s abuse.🙄
(6:47pm)
I blame feminists for not being allowed to wear a skirt to work. I blame feminists for making men cheap and lazy. The only reason I need a man now is to help ease the burden of finances. That's it. I got married because society said women had to. My girl friends, my companions, all got married, so I got married. I was in love, sure, but I don't need a piece of paper to be in love. I'm not a Christian. I got married because society said so. And as I've been saying since the beginning of this blog, had I just gotten a cat, I probably wouldn't have gotten married. It would be wonderful to be madly in love and live happily ever after - but I'm an 80's conservative and all those guys are married now and/or becoming episodes on Dateline for killing their wives, so.
Meh, cats.
(5:38pm)
No sweetie, the best day of your life isn't accidentally receiving the Chipotle catering pack, it's finding a cream that will clear up the aliens growing on your chin.
(3:24pm)
No, no, keep breeding it's working out swell.
(2:20pm)
The Tandalorian! Air Force Onederbread!
This was good.
I moved my bank appointment to Thursday from Wednesday on account of 80% chance of rain and it's like a 15 minute walk - which normally I love walking in the rain but work this week is kind of kicking my butt. I don't want to run myself ragged and get sick again. It seems I get a big "sick" deal at least once a year now. I don't know if it's old age, pre-existing medical conditions or what, but gone are the days when my body survived on vodka, coke, and Malboro Lights. Or maybe this is the worse case of withdrawal - ever.
I found Christine. Did I tell you? She's a counselor for some posh rehab center who advises cutting out past drug user friends. I get that. So then. Well. At least I know she's okay. She looks good. She looks tired. Like the rest of us.
The same guys keep writing me on Match.com. Persistent is not what you want to be, fellas. It looks desperate and creepy. And these guys who have nothing but group photos on their profile, am I just supposed to pick out the guy I think is the hottest?
I forgot February is when winter hits Vegas. It is just above freezing here when I get off work in the mornings. It wouldn't be bad at all but the desert wind is what cuts through you. Like growing up in Minnesota, 10 degrees isn't bad until that wind hits.
Why are men mad at a patriarchal society? They want women to earn and pay their own way, then WTF do I need you for? "I can buy myself flowers" because men don't want to. MEN, WE DON'T NEED YOU FOR SEX. I haven't needed a man for sex since - not ever. Women like actors because of the fantasy. Women like rock stars because of the fantasy. The moment they leave the toilet seat up we want to punch them in the nose too.
Here's the trade: You take me out and show me a good time without fucking it up, and you get rock star desire and admiration. See, it's harder for you because you have to be my movie star first. That's what you men have to be when you don't want to live in a patriarchal society. You built it, now live in it.
(12:18pm)
That man is just beautiful.
FEBRUARY 27, MONDAY
(9:22pm)
This made me laugh way too harrrr
(9:07am)
THIS. I see no problem here.
(9:00pm)
So yet another asshole on a plane, this guy...
Thought he was entitled to switch seats with another passenger so he could sit next to his girlfriend on a plane. The passanger said no, totally within their right, and the guy raged because he thought he was entitled to kick people out of their seats. No, asshole, no. You're not entitled. Maybe if she offered to blow him? "What are you going to do for me?" Is what the passanger should have said. Bro, its not like she has standards, I mean she's with you.
"Your name became bauford when he covered you in jewels and its going to stay bouford now that he's covered you in shame!"
(6:38pm)
Hey! Didja know the purpose of toilet seats is to keep the water and debris from the toilet IN the toilet and not splashing all over when you flush the toilet? Didja? Didja?
Researchers found that in almost all studies poop could be found in subjects kitchen.
At least my housemate, a man I share a bathroom with, pees while sitting down, and washes his hands after using the bathroom. I know this because he leaves about two inches of water all over the sink counter after washing his hands. Could be worse, he could not wash his hands after and that would just... Look, men are gross.
(5:02pm)
PREACH PREACHER!
(3:38pm)
"If you don't date me you're missing out."
So what you're really saying is:
(3:00pm)
No. Be a man. Make it work with women your own age you lazy fuck.
(2:50pm)
America should have given Ukraine it's fullest support a year ago. Now both Russia and China think America is weak. And that's why, Eric Junior, Mary Trump's "stupidest relative", you show dominance when war mongers are watching.
Democrats in the 80's were all, "Reagan's so geriatric he's gonna send nukes a'flying! He's gonna start WWIII!" but it scared the fuck out of Gorbachev, didn't it.
If California can't handle "natural disaster" what's it going to do when China sends it's missiles with love?
(2:30pm)
The more human beings "progress" the greater human beings put themselves at risk.
What did you expect?
FEBRUARY 26, SUNDAY
(9:17pm)
💯
(3:32pm)
Don't say you don't learn stuff from this stupid fucking blog. On Wednesday I have to act like an adult and do an adult thing. I'm going to my bank for a loan quote. Everyone I know has gotten loans from their banks to buy houses and plan for their future. I don't want to own a house. I've never wanted to own a house. It was different when I was married. For a very brief moment in time I fantasized having a wonderful home with my husband to grow old in. Which resulted in a divorce that took two long miserable goddamn years. I'm single now. I don't have kids. And it's entirely likely I will remain single for the rest of my life. What do I want a house for? So I can pay property tax, garbage & sewage, maintenance, cleaning... But I do need to get a home situated, retirement options. And so, Wednesday I have to act like an adult for 40 minutes.
Back in 2018 my bank tried giving me a personal loan and I turned it down. I wasn't ready for a loan just yet. I've been with my same bank for 20 years and so as I looked up my loan options they're like $3,000 - $100,000. And I'm like I don't even want $3,000!
I hate being an adult. What a pain in the ass. With all my health issues compounded by stress I'm probably not even going to live another five years FFS.
(11:16am)
What?
(10:29am)
Dear Florida politicians,
You can't control hostility. You want people to be angry and mad at Democrats, but um, those people live in your state, patron your establishments, go to your schools, buy your guns. YOU are the easiest targets. Y'all live together.
"This violence happened in school because there's a teacher shortage."
The hell you say.
Celebrate your future voters, Florida. You made 'em.
(9:56am)
Vir mussen uns bevegen.
FEBRUARY 25, SATURDAY
(3:42pm)
It's adorable when strangers think I care where they go. Simply adorable.
(3:21pm)
I miss being madly in love, coming home every night to that special man...
DATELINE: "Pam Fayed was brutally murdered in the middle of a nasty divorce."
Goddamn. Ok. Well then. Let me just.
(2:37pm)
Well Mark and Jennifer, bad news, those who enter ass hell uninvited must now suffer karma consequences. Them be the breaks. Whatever you do, don't look down. Ass hell Karma law 101.
(10:25am)
Me, right now, sitting in front of my chrome book responding to match.com emails from 2-6 months ago. Is it too late?
(5:20am)
Plaid Skirt Torpedoes, the free-iest entertainment online. Entertaining all 10 people since 2013, baby!
I made this meme last night to best explain socializing in Las Vegas:
And then I got my Magnum PI, on.
And that's pretty much how I spend my Friday nights now.
CUE THE INTRO! I so love this show. "Zues! Apollo!"
If anyone ever makes this movie circa 1980's vibe can I pleeease audition for Higgins!
(4:58am)
I stayed in. Winter finally came to Vegas. Everywhere, I guess. It's still raining in LA I heard and apparently it's driving Angelenos crazy. "What is this, another pandemic?! Do I need to horde toilet paper?!" No. Ssshhh it's okay. It's just rain. Water falling from the sky. It's magic. Let it happen. Meanwhile in Beverly Hills:
I marked all these places on maps where I wanted to ho stroll bar hop nearby me but I'm not going out in this. In my old age weather dictates everything I do, what I eat, drink, when I leave the house, etc. It's supposed to finally start raining here at 1pm today.
Last night I watched Chelsea Handler Revolution, on Netflix. I highly recommend it. (Bet you didn't see that coming didja!) Just like that time George W. Bush handed Michelle Obama a piece of candy during John McCain's funeral. That's this. This is that. I'm W. Bush. Handler's Obama. And for a brief moment while they buried a senator, there's peace and harmony. All took was for a man to die. Is that so hard?
I want to pick up another part-time job. Being as how until the weather gets a little warmer this is my only socializing I'll get to do for the next month or so. I want to work with animals but I would fall madly in love with all of them, and the last thing I need is to be on the 5:00 news as the lady who freed all the animals from the shelter after witnessing abuse. So that's out.
I asked daddy Google what jobs are good for stroke survivors and he replied "Disability".
I asked Daddy Google what jobs are good for older women and he replied:
- Real Estate Agent
- Financial Advisor
- Nurse
- Occupational Therapist
- Personal Trainer
- Curriculum Developer
- Freelance Writer
- Tutor
So "freelance writer" it is!
FEBRUARY 24, FRIDAY
(11:03am)
Picked up a salad. I haven't eaten one in a while. Vegas isn't exactly known for it's high nutritious diet. I make salads at work and use scrappy leftovers (cucumbers, tomatoes, bacon bits, black beans, etc) for my salad/dinner. Another perk of the job, I make what I want to eat. But until then I got a pre-made Caesar salad for lunch.
In the last 28 hours I've walked 10.4 miles. Not bad for a stroke survivor.
My feet are killing me. I need a nap.
(7:50am)
For those who didn't know, it's not called McCarren Airport anymore. The name was changed because apparently Patrick McCarren was a giant asshole so Vegas airport is now Harry Reid International. No one knew McCarren was an asshole until now? Hasn't he been dead for 70 years? Anyway, Harry Reid International has partnered with Bags-to-Go, a mile away from Palms & Gold Coast and they'll store your bags for $10 a day, up to 30 days I believe. And that's where I stored my suitcase yesterday. The lady who worked there yesterday was super nice.
It's a beautiful sunny crisp morning in Vegas. I'm about to head out as soon as my phone charges a little more. Get a few more things at the store. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Maybe I'll get a hike in too. Currently 39 degrees out which is 39 degrees warmer than Minnesota. Not complaining.
(3:22am)
What is when it snows in Texas for 100
FEBRUARY 23, THURSDAY
(6:38pm)
Food won. Walked an extra 20 minutes to get groceries instead of delivery.
My pizza is justified.
If you need me I'll be eating pizza and binge watching Longmire on Netflix.
Yep.
Good night.
Boy band hair.😐 It's growing out.
(4:29pm)
WHOOO VEGA… Zzzzzzzzzzz😴
I’ve been up since 3:30am.
I’m hungry and I’m tired. Hungry. Tired. Hungry. Tired. What to do first?
I passed by this earlier today. Interesting.
(1:15pm)
Hey Vegas, heeey.
Got my suitcase stored until 3pm (then I can check into my airbnb).
I’m currently sitting at a starbucks filling my veins with caffeine. I’m off-strip and the place is packed. Just the women are drinking Starbucks drinks. The men are pretending. No drinks. No food. Just sitting. Lurking. Actively staring into their phones. Hoping a woman (or a man) will notice them. Probably a man. Fellas have eyes with lots of lashes if you get me.
5:50am my Uber driver picked me up. Homeboy got me to the airport like he was auditioning for a Fast and Furious film. He cut off people. People cut him off. I got jerked hard left. Hard right. Thankfully my seatbelt held my hips in place because that’s important. Meanwhile my upper body was swinging around like a tube man inflatable. A semi truck turned right in front of my Uber driver’s car. Frustrated, my driver made the universal flat open hand gesture of, "Look at this fucking guy!" before almost rolling us into a ditch for the second time in like five minutes. I tipped him 25%. I made my flight in one piece. That’s all I ask.
I got to Southwest skycap. Dude weighed my suitcase. Six pounds over. Shit. Not paying $75 for six pounds. I scrambled to unload the weight of a chihuahua out of my suitcase. I took out two pairs of boots, my portable BP cuff, and my umbrella. Six pounds!
Then,
I got to security check point. I thought for sure the X-ray would go crazy over how many pill bottles were in my my backpack but they were like fuck it, she's going to Vegas, those pills are the least of her worries. When I got to the metal counter pre-scan I put everything systematically in two bins because I'm a neurotic OCD militant bitch aaaand then I heard the security check guy yell out, "Shoes, laptops, jackets, purses, and bags directly on the table!" Wh... ? WTF?! What are the bins for then?! Asked the neurotic OCD militant bitch to myself of course. Don’t need to get escorted out of an airport. Not today.
Apparently my saying Minnesota didn't have a hockey team ruffled some Minnesota feathers. Yes, Minnesota had a hockey team for a while. Um. But not a team anyone wanted to admit to. "Poor ticket sales" is what their PR people said was the reason for their move to Dallas but we know better, don't we. Whenever there's a lengthy sport scandal they always blame poor ticket sales. Blame the fans. Because that makes sense.
Then,
I got on the airplane. Poor Teddy Bear was stuffed in the overhead compartment. I had to use the floor space in front of me for the two pairs of boots I had to remove from my suitcase. Smooth take off and flight. It's always a smooth flight with Southwest. I just don't fly during jam packed holidays because I'm Korean. You've seen our horror movies. You know how we get when we’re irritated.
I know Vegas pretty well. I take both metro and Uber to get around. This guy on the CX is so worried about covid not only is he wearing a mask he jumped into the seat in front of him when I sat down across from his seat sans mask. Then when someone else sat across from him sans mask, he jumped out of that seat and into a seat two behind that one. Because apparently covid stops dead in the air after 18 inches. Why are you wearing a mask if you don’t trust it?
Then,
While looking for a place to eat I stopped at The Gold Coast. It’s near the luggage place that’s holding my suitcase. I went into the bathroom and security followed me in. I just got here! Security stopped at the first locked stall and fiercely banged on the locked door. “Ok! Wrap it up now!” One officer yelled. The woman in the stall kept saying she was using the bathroom. Security accused her of doing drugs in the stall. “You’re not overdosing in this bathroom! Hear me!” Security yelled through the door after banging on it. But the woman in the stall kept arguing with security that she wasn’t doing drugs. Security and the woman in the stall argued back and forth about drugs and overdosing while I peed and washed my hands. One security officer was leaning against the paper towel dispenser and without missing a beat she grabbed three sheets of paper towels out of the dispenser for me to use while yelling at the woman in the stall to get out. “Thank you” I quietly sang out to the security lady. She winked at me and then yelled at the woman in the stall, “You have ten seconds!” As much as I wanted to stick around I felt it was smarter to leave. As I left the women's bathroom there were three more male security guards standing at the ready. I really wanted to see what this woman looked like.
I’ve got like an hour to kill before picking up my suitcase.
I’m back to zero on Match.com. My Friday & Saturday nights are still free. That’s fine. There’s a bunch of lounges nearby my rental. I’ll check into my airbnb first before I grab a drink. I really want a drink with like adults and stuff.
First,
Sunflower seeds. I ran out two days ago.
(5:03am)
You just never know what’s in a person’s backpack. This Teddy Bear 🧸 named Teddy Bear 🧸 is made from my late dad’s shirt, the buttons, everything. My friend in LA kindly shipped Teddy Bear to me in Phoenix from LA, thinking Phoenix was my forever home, but now he’s in my back pack, my travel companion, my huggy partner, who might get his own IG account we’ll see.
(4:43am)
Finishing up packing. More awake now.
(3:38am)
Good morning! The crazy wind it seems has died down.
FEBRUARY 22, WEDNESDAY
(8:14pm)
Tomorrow will be probably be a picture blog day since I'll have like seven hours to kill.
I'm fighting with Aramis. Not really fighting. Yes. But no. We're Midwest fighting. It's been building up. He's from Wisconsin. I'm from Minnesota. We politely hurl insults at each other. Passive Aggressive fighting. He's gone Asian. Another Midwest white boy gone Asian. Look, I date white guys. I married the whitest guy just one shade darker than albino - white. A swede! But a lot of that is because I grew up among Germans. Ate German food. Dated German boys. It's home. Aramis grew up in Wisconsin. The closest thing to an Asian girl he ever touched was maybe a Black & Decker rice cooker. But ever since Aramis hooked up with his Asian girlfriend he only connects with other white guys with Asian chicks. It's like swingers circa 2012. Remember that? You couldn't swing a dick in 2012 without hitting a white male/Asian female couple singing and dancing to Psy's Gangnam Style. My favorite Aramis go-to jab, "You know Tom Cruise wasn't really the last samurai, right?"
When Aramis was married to his smoking hot ex-wife all his gal pals were blonde and white like her, like the women he (we) grew up with, aaand then me. Now that he's hooked up with this Thai chick over 10 years ago, all his gal pals are her Asian friends. He doesn't see any of our long time friends anymore. I don't get why you fellas do this? (Oh no, his girlfriend absolutely hates me too. It's mutual.)
So now Aramis is doing a "USO tour" like he's Bob Hope in South Korea. Hand to god if he moves to Thailand and grows a man-bun I will curse TF out of his girlfriend. Not swearing at her. I mean pins in a doll - curse. And you might say, "Why do you care what he does with his life?" Because he's my brother from another mother. And when my brother puts all his eggs into one bento box, he's going to regret ignoring all our long time friends, just for her. He works for her company. His only real friend now is her. He left his home for hers. It's a bad (bad) road to take, boys and girls, when your life revolves around one person.
(6:44pm)
It's going to be a nice balmy 38 degrees when I land in Vegas tomorrow. Sweet! I got my beanie hat out, my fingerless gloves, my John Bender green trenchcoat:
I was going to wear my hiking boots to complete the ensemble but I have to walk a lot tomorrow sometimes with luggage in tow. This time tomorrow I'll be in a bar with other actual adults having a glass of wine. The most expensive glass of wine ever but totally worth it.
(5:29pm)
Yes. Thank you. How do people support channels that do nothing but waste food? Dog food is food - for dogs!
(9:37am)
Crazy wind, rainy cold weather messing up my sinuses.
This is brilliant.
(7:26am)
The rain left as fast as it came.
I had my active senior chi vibing strong, pre-check 24 hours right on the money and still only managed a B-group. My old lady Bingo game is gonna suck hard. You play for fun, right? You play for fun.
I see they pushed back the passport update deadline to 2025. Good. Good.
(6:47am)
I have 13 minutes. What do you want to talk about?
(6:44am)
This fucking guy.
Female employees going to work every day like, "What?! No, I love my job!"
(6:36am)
My bedroom window is shaking like crazy right now from the heavy wind and rain. Desert weather. Thank god I'm not going to the airport this morning.
(6:06am)
The wind is still howling like crazy outside. It's supposed to rain for like two hours this morning. I can always count on my trusty bladder to wake me up. I check in my flight at 7am.
Biden finally slams Russia Putin for it's war on Ukraine one year later, Johnny Come Lately. It's like you think an election is coming up or something.😏 I'm doing inventory in my memory banks what we stocked our pantries with as a kid as we stored up for winter. Useful info for a pending war with Russia. Can opener, check. Wine bottle opener, check. Toilet paper, check. Okay, I think I'm good. Remember when we laughed at all the Midwest boomers for not turning their bomb shelters into wine cellars? Who's laughing now!
I don't know why I even think about such things like war. If Trump gets his second term it's not like we're going to war with Russia. He'll just hand America over to Putin.
It just started raining out. But the wind is so severe the rain is only hitting the house.
FEBRUARY 21, TUESDAY
(11:43pm)
The wind has been howling big time for the past four hours as I binge watch Longmire, again, on Netflix. Hugging Teddy extra tight tonight.🥹
(7:45pm)
As I pack my carry-on and backpack I'm still trying to think of things to do until my airbnb is ready. My flight lands at 7:10am Thursday morning but I can't check in to the airbnb until 3pm.
I'm considering trying this luggage holding service called Bounce, but it seems a little sketch. They won't give you the address or ping the nearest location within a 2 block radius on Google maps like Airbnb until after you pay them. Its like, great, Tropicana. Soooo, where on Tropicana? Trop goes completely cross town. East? West? Is it west side in the 'burbs or east where all the junkies and hookers are? Am I grabbing breakfast and a movie or getting robbed and shooting up heroin?
Maybe I'll just see if I can store it at baggage claim/casino for a $20 tip.
Match.com is useless. NO ONE wants to meet face:face. No one ever wants to meet face:face from online. That's why I waited until Match lowered their price down to $40 because really it's not even worth that. I had something like 200 emails/likes that got narrowed down to three people (including the judge) who are just lonely and don't want to actually meet, only chat, and are probably married. That's why I'm moving to where the people are. I really like Arizona, it's a beautiful state, but holy shit not a place to go to meet people if you're over 25 years old. At least in Vegas if I don't meet a man, I can cozy up to any smoke-infested casino and be among other old Asian ladies missing teeth playing nickle slots.
(I totally made myself laugh just then) Due to jaw surgery I'm missing two back teeth until I root down and can afford to get implants put in.
I really like the house I've been renting for the past two months, I like my housemate who rents the upper half of the house, but I just feel so isolated out here. I have a job waiting for me in Vegas. Like that's how easy it is to get work in Las Vegas. Jobs are just sitting there waiting for you. A part of me wants to get a second job in a health club to get my daily leg strength/balance exercise during the 110 degree summers, and to be social, but I really hate gyms. I hate the fluorescent lighting, loud shitty music and creepy vibes, but who knows, Summerlin South, maybe I won't get mugged if I get my miles in before 8am on the sidewalk?
My dear Arizona, bitter-sweet goodbye.
(6:39am)
When presidents were actual presidents and not the dumpster-fires of today.
(6:25am)
It only took them 65 years but they cancelled Willy Wonka.
(Re-worded Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
(6:20pm)
The only guy left in the love-game is the Judge.
(5:36am)
When you start blogging before caffeine.
(5:25am)
Dear rabid Vegas Golden Knights fans ("GOLDEN KNIGHTS, MOTHERFUKKERS! WHOOOOO!") You know who you are.
Y'all know hockey has been around longer than 2017, right? So if you're that crazy over the Golden Knights you're either a hockey newb, which is cool, support the city team and all... or, you're just a Vegas "whooo!" fuck and in that case holy shit you're annoying.
I come from a land where we shoulda had a hockey team but didn't for yeeeears. (I'm still waiting for an explanation, Minnesota.) We learned how to ice skate in elementary school. It was mandatory gym class in the winters. Those ugly smelly tan skates that were two sizes too big on me but I learned! Since Minnesota didn't have a team for greater part of my youth I became an Edmonton Oilers fan. They were an awesome team THEN and my neighbors to the north while growing up. Also, they had stars. Hockey doesn't have stars anymore. Not like in the 80's. Now they have brands. As a kid, and a little girl, I loved hockey stars. The goat, the great one, Wayne Gretzky, the Cassius Clay of hockey, Jari Kurri, even the gentleman king when he wasn't a King, Luc Robitaille (that's how little girls see hockey players FYI)... I'm talking stars, not brands. Then all my favorite stars became Kings and that's how I became a Kings fan. They're all retired now but I'm still a fan. I'm invested. So whenever I see these obnoxious fucks in Golden Knights jerseys all "Whooooo! GOLDEN KNIGHTS, BITCHES" you're basically saying to the hockey world of fandom "WHOOO HOCKEY BUT ONLY SINCE 2017!"
It's okay to flex, guys. I get it. But ya might want to take it down a notch until you have something to, you know, actually flex about a'boot.
FEBRUARY 20, MONDAY
(5:15pm)
"And to the Republic for which it stands..."
In case some of y'all forgot.
(4:30pm)
Guess what lady you now owe Koons $42,000 for that ridiculous POS statue, along with court cost, legal fees, transport fees, insurance, and EMO-TION-AL damage.
(2:30pm)
WTF lady? Did you make it past 3rd grade English?
Medic! Can we get psych evaluation here?
Her husband divorced her? The hell you say.
Wow.🫣
(10:48am)
Your father still doesn't know who you are, son. You're not a hot blonde he wants to fuck. You know, like your sister.
.JPG)
Your dad thinks Ukraine is a construction crew out of New Jersey.
Leave politics to the adults and go back to being Mary Trump's "stupidest relative".
(10:19am)
Is having a stroke depressing? Of course. At times it's depressing AF. It's scary AF. I (temporarily) lost vision in my left eye, I couldn't walk, I couldn't speak, two years later every time I turn my head to look at something I feel my head swell for a few seconds and it takes up to five seconds after that to fully register what I'm looking at. I still sometimes have to instruct my foot to step up onto a curb because of glitchy disconnects between my brain to my feet. I can just now manage to run across the street. And I still trip and bump into shit all the time. Your life changes forever.
*And lets not forget trying to re-enter into the work place. As a cook, I can't be in small tight kitchens, I freak out. Someone coming right at me with 150 degree hot pan while three other people milling about shoulder to shoulder just freaks me out. That's why I love wide open kitchens. At my Vegas prep job, it's just me in my work station. I love it.
*And lets also not forget dysphagia. That's fun.
But Senator Fetterman and I are lucky in that we're younger, presumably healthier, and we were able to get 70% of our motor skills back with hard work. As doctors will tell you after a stroke, you won't be 100% of who you were before a stroke. "Our goal is to get back 70%."
70% of who you once were. That's the goal.
You lost 30% of who you once were if you're lucky.
Depression? No shit.
.JPG)
(7:28am)
Two new contenders have entered the Match.com dating pool.
Starting with the first two letters in their first name there's...
St: A handsome retired Vegas corporate casino to-do man about town.
Ja: A handsome lawyer, judge, and social "family and friends" man.
I like these two better than the last batch to be honest. I like the judge better only because he presents himself in a Midwest family guy kind of way. People in his life, now, are priorities, which I like. I'm not a needy chick but I refuse to compete for a man's attention especially with baggage like ex-wives and ex-girlfriends. Ladies, if his life is filled with other women who are not blood relatives, run.
FYI I only got on Match.com after they lowered the subscription cost to 40-some dollars for three months.
As I simplify my luggage to return to Vegas, a part of me is sad to leave Arizona, only because I hate disappointment, but a bigger part of me is excited to return to Vegas, and to the familiar.
Yesterday I returned the keys to my po box.
Oh. And a neighbor is using a leaf blower at 7:25am. Creep. My housemate Ronald must love that. He gets home from work at like 2am. And speaking of housemates, he is the best housemate I've ever had. I wish I could bring him with me. After Thursday he'll have the entire 5 bedroom house to himself. Not that he'll care really. He's never home.
Anyway.
FEBRUARY 19, SUNDAY
(6:21pm)
Gurrrrl they’re called Thunder from Down Under and if you’re ever in Vegas let’s go!
(1:17pm)
12? That's fine. So, millions.
(9:00am)
After listening to Dateline podcast of a Vegas gambler, Ernest Scherer, found guilty of murdering his parents for money - I needed this.
Dating is so very scary. Please don't be a murderer, or a rapist, or an underwear collector, or a.... Ohmmmm.
(7:47am)
I've never seen a guy try so hard to get his father's approval. Bro, even with the same name your father still doesn't know who you are.
(7:19am)
Alright ladies and gentlemen, we have a few contenders. (We have a few contenders!) Ignore the past 10 Dateline podcast stories you just heard of husbands brutally murdering their wives and let's answer some emails.
Starting with the first two letters of each first name...
Gr: Ex-miitary. Chill. Clean cut. No doubt has seen some shit. Quiet type. So far he reminds me most of my dad. Pro, I can see him going with the flow 1:1. Con, is very much a 1 man team. Not sure how social he is.
St: Jewish. A little intense. Very specific in wants. Kinda rigid. Mad Men type guy. Ready to settle down and not fooling around about it. Pro, all about “family and friends” man. Con, definitely does not go camping.
Jo: Las Vegas casino corporate guy. Immediate pros and cons there. Might not be the type of guy who likes to get dirty spending two nights hiking/camping. Handsome, though. Pro, Vegas city nights out could be fun.
Ch: Also a casino guy (I think per profile) on the security management side. Very physically active/fit. Seems versatile to be both city and country guy. Also ready to settle down. I’m most sexually attracted to him, his face, but that’s not high on my list of priorities.
Let's get ready to rumbllllllllllllllllle!
PST 4.0 doing the legwork.
I am doing my hardest to find a mate and not wind up that crazy cat lady with 20 cats - not that that's a bad thing! Both my dad and oldest brother re-married later in life, and while I'm not looking to get re-married, my friends/family are right in that I'm too young to give up.
Also...
Mr. Fetterman, sir, my advice to you, leave politics.
Like you, I got 70% of my motor functions back after my stroke, but I know my limits. I'm reminded of them every day. We're the same generation, you and I. Too many of my friends have died from brain related injuries like ours from tumors, aneurysm, we're too young to die. You and I survived but we're at risk every day. Your doctors told you the same thing my doctors told me, I do not doubt. "degeneration" they said. "High risk" they said. Leave politics. You can only do more good if you're alive.
FEBRUARY 18, SATURDAY
(5:05pm)
Welp, as long as I’m “gourges”.
(1:12pm)
Work smarter not harder. I re-joined Match.com. No date tonight, not bothering with Arizona men anymore, there's none to bother with (seriously Arizona, where TF are all the people?!) but goddamnit next Friday and Saturday nights I'm either going out on dates or ho-strolling Red Rock casino in my thigh high flat boots! Red Rock is the nearest casino to me I would be caught dead in. And then I go back to work Sunday night.
I told my brother I'm moving back to Vegas. I don't know where Arizona hides it's people but it's like a ghost town here. And maybe that's because I'm from Los Angeles where there's so many people all over everywhere all the time, and in Phoenix there's like maybe 2 people on the streets and like 10 people in the grocery store. It's just weird! I need people!
FEBRUARY 17, FRIDAY
(7:21pm)
Oh good. NOW the FDA scans for cancer causing chemicals. In what's that you say? Both blood pressure and hearts meds? Fantastic. And here I thought I was going to have a boring Friday night.
(7:00pm)
Some rat-bastard husband emailed me just now looking to cheat on his wife. He's on a cruise with her right now and stepped away to email me. Hey lady, that's your goddamn husband. How long have you been married? Ten years? You're in California, good! He'll owe you alimony for the rest of your life, Got kids? How many? Have your attorney freeze all of his assets now. Take his money and start over, sweetheart. Happy divorcing!
(5:18pm)
WTF is pickle ball?!
(4:26pm)
I don’t know what a catalytic converter is or what it does, but that be some crackerjack hotel parking lot security right there. I mean the Oscar Mayer wiener-mobile is only reportedly 27 feet long and 11 feet tall. I don’t know what the karma equivalent to stealing from a 27 foot long wiener-mobile is but I have some ideas if the criminals get caught and go to jail.
(12:45pm)
How am I supposed to compete with content like that, Susan?!
(11:40am)
So today I learned there is just no way to yell “France!”
(6:17am)
No one is blind to China, sir. But taking them seriously is your job. I'm just a simpleton. You're the authority. You stand with the company of powers that be. I'm just a civilian trying to find a date for Saturday night among men who steal the Oscar Mayer wiener mobile.
(5:56am)
Dear white men, what the F is pickleball? And why do so many of you list that as your sport? I once played badminton, once. Whatever happened to tennis? Doesn't anyone play tennis anymore? I miss playing tennis.
Aramis does the whole Axe tossing thing. He even has the axes and outdoor target set in his backyard. I'm very confused. Because sometimes he has the urge to fling something murderous while dislocating a shoulder?
Junior high school gym class we shot bow and arrows at big hay targets. It was fun, won't lie, but then again I was thirteen. Be that, why? What for? We had grocery stores. We didn't need to hunt for our food. If I tried shooting a bow and arrow now at my age I would wind up in the ER with all sorts of dislocated joints and the embarrassment of having to explain myself. Just me and the 50 year old guy who broke his dick using a dick pump, sitting in the ER together all:
"Dick pump"
"bow and arrow"
FEBRUARY 16, THURSDAY
(6:23pm)
Aphasia. Maybe that's what I have? I play a game on my phone called June's Journey. It makes me attach words to an image in a picture as fast as I can. Like I mentioned below, I'm not calling trees "marbles" so I'm still good there. I can type and text fine. My arms were not as affected as my legs and speech were. My left side was the side affected from the stroke. But my speech and use of legs were the hardest to get back. And energy. Thank god I don't have face droop. Thank fucking god.
(5:34pm)
Any time I start feeling bad about the way I speak following my stroke, I listen to President Biden talk and suddenly I don't feel so bad.
(5:37pm)
Can't America just throw $100 at Presiden Xi and call it even? I mean I've owned Chinese balloons before. Balloons, lanterns, parasols, they don't cost $100. I'm almost certain we could just go to Daiso and pick up a balloon for like $20. 😉
(4:32pm)
This time next week I'm flying back to Vegas. I tried to make it work here, and being closer to my brother was of course high motivation to move here, but it's just so isolated. Too isolated. Where are all the people my age? Where are all the people?
After a post on FB about my old job in Vegas, my boss said come back. I found a room close by work in South Summerlin, so I'm going back. For starters there's always somewhere to go in Vegas. Neighborhood hangouts. The only thing nearby where I am now is an Applebees. I don't miss Vegas, and I sure AF ain't going anywhere near that dumpster fire of a strip, or downtown. Won't work there, won't live there, won't hang out there. I've been to LV strip. I worked off it. No thank you. What a nightmare.
Summerlin and Henderson. Those are the only places I've seen so far in Las Vegas that were livable. Holy shit. Always somewhere to go and something to do any time day or night, that's what I like about Vegas. And cheaper rent. I'll put in the time until my early retirement. And then, hello cats!
FEBRUARY 15, WEDNESDAY
(6:10pm)
Fucks.
(3:37pm)
It’s not traditional bruschetta but when you make it at home you can eat it any way you want. Powder Parmesan cheese because the store wanted $12 for a tiny packet.🫣🫠 Still good.
Side of chicken sausage with pineapple & ginger.
FEBRUARY 14, TUESDAY
(3:02pm)
Having brothers taught me the art of zoning out.
(8:09am)
Happy Valentines Day, Banksy.❤️
FEBRUARY 13, MONDAY
(8:57pm)
Dear Jordan Peterson, the Canadian psychologist,
Who are you addressing exactly when you say there is something wrong with women not wanting to have children?
You say women being educated is bad because then women turn out to be financially successful and independent, thus not finding attractive mates, thus not having children, which you say is bad for society. It sounds like you're blaming women and those who educate and employ women. Here's a thought, blame men. Tell men to work harder at making themselves more attractive to women.
I'm a 1980's conservative. That's when I was wired. I'm a traditionalist. Gender roles. Pro-family. Feminine and masculine. I stop after gay couples. Someone take the male role. Someone take the female role. I don't care how you two decide who takes which role but that's what it takes to raise children, a feminine and a masculine, one nurtures, one provider, two parents. That said, sir, address the men. Not the women.
The breakdown of society's lack of mating is because women are not finding men attractive. Not physically, not emotionally, and not mentally attractive.
I've been single for ten years, and while my friends, men, have generously supported me during Covid, my stroke, and with my jaw surgery, etc., they were all friends. Not my husband. Not my boyfriends. Friends. Nonetheless, up until the pandemic, stroke, jaw surgery, etc., even while I was married, men I was romantically involved with including my husband all wanted me to work a full time job AND take care of them, AND do all the housework and chores, AND have children, AND be the primary parent to raise them. Um. Excuse me?! No. Fuck that. I'm not working FIVE FULL TIME JOBS just to put more humans on the planet.
All that said, we can stand to thin the herd, sir. You want women to breed, then start taking warning labels off stuff and lets see which men are left standing for women to consider breeding with. That's phase one in a loooong series of phases.
Men are lazy. Period.
Spend less time telling women to lower their standards due to men being lazy, and spend more time telling men to make themselves worthy of love, companionship, and a life mate.
Any man who tells a woman she has to work a full time job, and have the children, and raise the children, and.... Can go fuck himself.
(10:06am)
Jon Bon Jovi in the early 70's looks like he had a mortgage and three kids.
While most of this cold/virus whatever it was is out of my body, there’s still like 5% that just refuses to leave. I’m taking extra vitamin C and eating more garlic in addition to my daily vitamins. My legs have been stiff and sore lately. I still walk up to three miles a day. I’m wearing my pressure socks, something I’ve been neglecting for like two months but pressure socks are for my circulation and heart. No idea why my legs have been stiff and sore. Being old is fun. As I’ve always said and will always maintain, if I have cancer or something more serious I don’t (really) want to know about it. — I don’t have cancer.
Nonetheless, because of my pre-existing medical conditions, single being one of them, not a joke, I’m going into community living for active seniors next year. My new boss told me his mother had four strokes. 1 ½ was plenty for me thanks. He said his mother is bedridden for the rest of her life. (What life?) If I have another stroke I don’t know if I have it in me to go through all of that again. It truly beats you up. It’s been two years but not being able to walk to the bathroom by myself is an experience that remains all too recent. If I completely lose my speech I’m okay with that, who do I talk to? But not having the willpower or physical energy to even sit up in bed, regaining the ability to just walk to the mailbox… it’s all still too recent for me to relive.
The only comfort I got from having 1 ½ strokes is knowing that when death comes for me, I’ll be ready to go. Two years ago, when the medical staff was working on me as I was mid a second major stroke, I was ready to go, as in, there was no “I don’t want to die!” declaration. I was too tired. Too depleted. I wasn’t sad or angry. Dying was just simply happening. That experience gives me comfort now. My dad was so sad to die it was heartbreaking, the thought of dying made him sick with sadness until death actually happened and he, contrary to what he imagined, went peacefully. But having experienced near death for myself, I’m comforted knowing when death comes, it’s just my time to go. Still, I would like to preserve my energy while I’m alive.
I’m not at all the old lady I thought I was going to be. Lets chat about this again next year. We’ll see how many cats I have then.
(6:19am)
Took you guys long enough to reclaim your title.
FEBRUARY 12, SUNDAY
(8:10pm)
And so it begins. 😂
(7:58pm)
When did the Superbowl get all TEAM AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! Marines color guards, military flybys, more red white and blue than a Ford F150/NRA sponsored Texas chili cook-off. I get it. You hate China. I don't know what that has to do with football but goddamn it AMERICA! Yes, yes you're more American than me. Now go post your superior American patriotism on the Chinese owned TikTok because that makes sense.
The best part of this football game are the ASL interpreters and the funny youtube chat box comments. "Don't do it! It's a trap!"
I'm a hockey gal. Maybe because 1) the men are hotter to watch, and 2) many in the NHL ain't even American or even live in the states they play for. It's hockey. It's an actual sport men play for the sport. GO KINGS!
(5:33pm)
OMG she has Canora 🤭
(12:53pm)
I love this youtube channel. I follow it. Come, watch this one with me.
I long to go to Egypt.
(8:50am)
I had hoped by now I would have found someone to grow old with, or at least date, won't lie. The hard truth is, men my age and older can get younger, so much younger, and they want so much younger, and why not? I was 20 once. Older men definitely made my life easier when I was a young girl. But now I'm old.
If only I had the wisdom I do now to put into that young girl's brain.
(sigh) Youth is wasted on the young.
I'm at a loss where old people go to meet one another. Where do I go? Sign me up!
Every day is Valentines Day, boys and girls, or you're with the wrong person.
And if years later you find you're with the wrong person, like I did, welp... I dunno? I'm still working that out. SapioSEXual In The City?
I wish I could date younger. I wish I could be that creepy old lady who dates 30 year old guys with no shame. I can't. I 100% have shame in my game. I need someone I can talk to, communicate with, someone who knows what this is.
Besides, I truly believe 30 year old men need to make it work with 30 year old women. I'm utterly disgusted when 20 & 30-something year old guys email me. WTF do you want?! Ugh! Gross! You dirty dirty boy! And not in a good way!
Pay heed, boys and girls, one day you will get old, make plans with them but also make plans without them. I have been without them for ten years. I have not dated anyone since my divorce with any regularity for ten years. Not for lack of trying. It's a challenge. Just not one I accept every day.
FEBRUARY 11, SATURDAY
(7:55pm)
Don't tell me my books won't sell. My written comments get 500-1,000 likes per but my actual photo posts get like 8 if I'm lucky.
(2:47pm)
Aww. Because awww 🥰
(10:06am)
Yes. 100%. If you want to succeed in life: Don't do drugs, don't be a drunk, graduate high school, get a job, IF you get married WAIT until you're at least 25 years old, and DISCUSS marriage, kids, money, moral standards, gender roles, etc., BEFORE you get married and have kids. I don't agree with everything Shapiro says but I do agree on this.
Purple hair girl clearly has an act now without thinking, blame everyone else for her poor choices, mentality.
In other PST 4.0 news I put waaayyyy too much garlic just now in my shrimp/rice bowl. Oh no I'll still eat it. Challenge accepted!
(9:25am)
I would go out more but...
It's never this guy who says, "I really like your outfit."
It's always this guy who says, "I really like your outfit."
(8:29am)
The one place in Arizona I didn't want to work or live in, I'm now working in. Aaaand I'll probably end up living in. Figures. Thank god I'm full time BOH. I'm too goddamn old and grumpy to deal with the Karens of Scottsdale. Add to that, I'm noticing a decline in my speech. I don't know if it's a post stroke "use it or lose it" thing the doctors warned me about but my brain-to-speech motor skills are glitchy again. I don't have anyone to talk to on a regular basis. I'm having a hard time forming words which leads me to be insecure if I'm saying the actual right words to begin with. I noticed it in my interview yesterday. I struggled. Typing and texting is fine. Comprehension is fine. I'm not calling trees "marbles" so I'm okay there. I should see if I can still remember how to ride a bike.
And
I'm still coughing and blowing my nose. Not as much now but enough where I have to granny pack my purse with a half box of kleenex before I leave the house. Getting rid of whatever the hell this virus is. Going on three weeks. So irritating.
Superbowl Sunday is tomorrow. I have no idea what teams are playing. I would watch it for the halftime commercials but I'll youtube them next week. Maybe I'll do a short one or two mile hike on one of the large rocks out here. Last hike of the season as the weather is getting warmer now - snakes and scorpions are waking up soon. It's supposed to rain Monday and Tuesday.
Back to writing the book with no name.
FEBRUARY 10, FRIDAY
(11:13pm)
Start the new job in Scottsdale on Wednesday.
(7:54pm)
I went into Scottsdale this morning. I hate to think that's my skin color in person. I look dead. Beyond pale. Grey hair washing out my skin color? Probably. But that's my real hair color. Not changing it. No filter here. Now you know why we use them. 👽
FEBRUARY 9, THURSDAY
(6:20pm)
Dear Santa,
No? Too early? Fine. I'll get it myself. I CAN BUY MYSELF FLOWERS...
B. Dylan Hollis social media baking channels are awesome!
(4:23pm)
I was today years old when I learned Dolly Parton is Miley Ray Cirus's godmother.
I love Dolly Parton. I love her so much.
CUE THE MUSIC!
(10:16am)
I don't care. It needs to be said.
This ass only looks good on an actual rhinoceros. Please, if this is you, don't stick a G-string on it and make it your profile picture.
(6:21am)
Commercial: “Love is in the air. Don’t forget your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day with…“
Dateline: “Antifreeze in his wife’s Gatorade…”
(3:46am)
Calm down sir. This doesn’t make you more American than me.🙄
FEBRUARY 8, TUESDAY
(6:22pm)
Holy shit. I really need to investigate potential work environments better before emailing my resume. I forget Arizona has A LOT of Trumpers here. If your business photos look like a KKK rally I'mma gonna peace out. Just one token yellow person. That's all I'm asking. One token yellow person goddamnit. I declined two interviews this week after giving them my resume because I'm not used to environments where Americans feel the need to be more American than the rest of us Americans. I was legit scared to go to the interviews. American flag shirts, American flag pins, American flag hats, giant ass American flags in the front yard, American flag mudflaps... TEAM AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
Great. They know where I live. I have to move.
(5:39pm)
Wearing this doesn’t make you more American than me.🙄
(3:25pm)
I had to go to a bad place in my head today to write. So thank you for this.🤭
(7:05am)
Congratulations!
FEBRUARY 5, SUNDAY
(9:39pm)
"Wage increases cause inflation because the cost of producing goods and services goes up as companies pay their employees more."
Blame the workers for your shitty product? Yeah no. That type of brainwash logic is like saying, "No honey I didn't pay the electric bill. I was too busy thinking about you."
Goods and services is based solely on quality of product supply and demand. If you spit out popular one time use cheap shitty products *coughAMAZONcough*, you're still going to have to pay for quality labor regardless. You don't pay your workers less than, you charge more for A BETTER WORKING PRODUCT. That clean cut, clean record hard working hotel worker makes $23 an hour because the hotel rooms are $700 a night because that 5 star hotel is located next to the stadium that's hosting the Superbowl. Savy? That same hotel worker isn't going to work for your fleabag dumpster-fire gonorrhea infested motel. You can't afford that worker. Instead you will be stuck hiring an employee who is going to rob you with a well used prison shank made from a cafeteria spork back in 1995. See the difference? You still have to pay people what they're worth regardless. If you sell cheap shitty products because you're a cheap shitty businessman then may I suggest you get to know your local probation officers for future iffy employees. THAT WAY, according to your logic, wage increase won't cause inflation.
Lookeethere how I fix the world's problems. You're welcome.
(11:12am)
What was China's proof that Mark Swidan was involved with narcotics? Narcotic-what? Buying? Selling? Making? What volume are we talking about here?
WHY do Americans go to China, Russia, and North Korea? WHY? WTF is wrong with you people?
Here's how this potential war will play out:
China
Russia
and quite possibly North Korea
vs
America
and possibly Canada
(10:26am)
Ha. Okay I just saw Ben Shapiro mock AOC "dancing like a maniac" during her outrage when she had the House floor. It's ridiculous. Please for the love of kittens AOC stop with the angry cheerleader bit.
(8:38am)
According to daddy Google:
50.5% of all authors are women, while 49.5% are men. The average age of an employed author is 41 years old. The most common ethnicity of authors is White (79.4%), followed by Hispanic or Latino (7.2%), Black or African American (5.8%) and Asian (4.0%).Sep 9, 2022
4.0%?!
It's time to change the name of this blog to PST 4.0
(8:04am)
I say this with all due respect. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, get you a speech therapist. It pains me (pains me!) to watch/listen to you address the HOR. Less body motion, less arm flailing, less emotional outburst, more authority and clarity in your speech. When AOC fumbles her words in that cheerleader voice of hers, it pains me to listen. I can't. I just can't. When you address the House, you need clarity, depth, and authority when you speak. Please get AOC a speech therapist to help her.
(7:41am)
'Boots' DeSantis is too busy dragging the Orlando Philharmonic over their drag show to bother with a spy balloon. "Spy balloon? What spy balloon? It's not a boy balloon wearing pink ribbons is it?!"
Yeah ok Boots DeSantis
Paul Ryan be like:
(7:13am)
WTF did China want us to do with their SPY BALLOON. Catch it and ship it back to them via Amazon? "It blew off course." Uh-huh. Like when Cletis hides on his wagon pulled tractor exactly 100 yards from the court appointed restraining order.
(7:05am)
China's reaction to America shooting down it's (hello?) SPY BALLOON is like every stalker's reaction to being caught stalking, "Oh c'mon sweetheart, all I did was flew a camera inside a balloon 7,300 miles to hover over your house. You act like I burned your house down. I didn't. You should thank me for not setting your house on fire. Seriously. Thank me."
(6:19am)
Good. Our military shot down the Chinese spy balloon. I was worried it was going to see it's shadow and we'd have two more years of Covid. How genius and diabolical would that have been if it was the Chinese intent all along for us to shoot the balloon down just to spread more Covid or some other messed up zombie virus. A Trojan air horse.
If we go to war with china in two years as it's being predicted, we're going to need a war time president. That means NOT Biden, NOT Trump, and NOT DeSantis. YOU KNOW the only young, strong, intelligent, mindful, and quick thinking candidate out there that actually wanted the job was Pete Buttigieg. But oh no, you guys didn't want him.
DeSantis would be a nightmare in a war with China. He would absolutely create "relocation centers" for all American citizens of Chinese descent, at the very least. I can totally see that idiot rounding up all Asian people. "Round up them Mexicans too. Hell, half 'em look like Orientals. And what in the Paula Deen biscuits and gravy are they doing in my country anywho-how?!"
I'm telling you now people, get your affairs in order. If you're an American citizen born in another country, keep your papers with you. I'm more concerned of who will running this country when it goes to war, than the actual war.
FEBRUARY 4, SATURDAY
(9:35pm)
Also my sense of smell just came back.
I'm still about 40% congested and fatigued but I'm definitely on the mend, hello, two weeks later.
(9:18pm)
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
THESE ARE SO GOOD. Do you like pickles. I love pickles. I love dill sunflower seeds. And these chips are amazing.
Writing and eating dill chips.
Yep.
(8:12pm)
What woman in Los Angeles hasn't been involved with one villain or another. Not "bad boys", villains. If she lived in LA for any length of time it's bound to happen. I too have had my share. One villain in particular has been written about in several books. He kidnapped me once. Abducted me, threw me in the trunk of his car. He was violent. To put it matter of fact I thought he was going to kill me. I endured what I endured and escaped when he got drunk and passed out. I was able to grab my purse but he took my shoes. With duct tape still hanging from my wrists I escaped his house and ran down Laurel Canyon, barefoot, in the middle of the night to my apartment. I was around 23 or 24 years old then, maybe older though not by much. He's dead now. He died in his LA apartment twelve years ago give or take. Just keeled over and died. 50 years old. Beth called me when she read in the paper he died. We sat on the phone for ten minutes saying nothing to each other. And then she broke the silence and asked if I wanted her to come over. No need, I told her. It's strange, when Beth told me he died I immediately thought of Simone.
Who's Simone?
Go back ten years to the beginnings of this blog. I started writing this for her.
Simone hung herself in jail. She was picked up for shoplifting. Long story.
After he died I did a lot of soul searching, as they say. Why didn't I immediately go to the police once I freed myself? Things like that.
I started writing a think-piece about him. Pseudo psychology. The mental construct of how and why we met, deconstruct going back to childhood, psychology. I all starts with your childhood. I write about it. Some true. Some not so true. I write about what we were like together, he and I. What I was like when I was with him, and when I wasn't with him. In my story, he and I are no more, and then a girl linked to him is found murdered. Did he murder her? Is it all coincidence? Was he capable of murder? At the time because of my experience with him I certainly thought he was capable of murder. Maybe you can relate. But now, older and wiser, do I think he was capable of murder? I don't know. Do I? So I go back and write chapters, short stories, recall situations, dictate my philosophies, etc. But you do find out in the end if he murdered that girl or not, how, where, and why he did or did not murder her.
No matter who he paints the painter always paints himself.
I wasn't glad when he died. I wasn't sad. I wasn't anything. Maybe shocked. How weak was he to just keel over and die so young. And yet, when I knew him, at the end of our relationship, he was so strong in a terrible violent way. So yes, I guess maybe I was shocked he died.
Anyway, I don't have a title for the book but it's been an off/on project for quite some time. I'll publish it myself I'm sure.
But that's what I'm doing tonight. Just writing.
(10:08am)
Whoever first said, “I know how to make Brussels sprouts taste better. First let’s fry some bacon. Then fry the Brussels sprouts in the bacon grease. Then toss both bacon and Brussels sprouts in syrup” is a fricking genius!
I just made this with my eggs for breakfast. So good.
I also have a package of cauliflower. Let’s see what happens there.
(8:04am)
Apparently there's this thing called Superbowl in relation to football, which I couldn't care less about, and it's taking place here in Arizona, in Glendale, State Farm Stadium, about 24 miles from me. I have never been to Glendale but according to a Lyft driver it's a nice place. Then again it depends on your definition of "nice". People say Minnesota, Beverly Hills, and Scottsdale are "nice" but I wouldn't live in any of those places and I grew up in one of them.
I'm on September 19, 2021 on Dateline's past podcast. I know this story. It's been well documented. This dude had two wives who both "accidentally died" while falling down some stairs. Both wives. Died while falling down stairs. Accidentally. And he spent hardly any time in jail.
And he totally looks like someone I would date. Holy shit. Every time I think how nice it would be to date someone... I mean, hello, this guy!
I'm just being the best me I can be for my future cats.
I'm okay with cats murdering me.
I'm not okay if this dude murders me. Just saying.
FEBRUARY 3, FRIDAY
(7:44am)
Chinese spy balloon? FFS. Can't we just bring back murder hornets?
Spy balloon. Um. Finders Keepers? Possession 9/10ths law. Target practice?
Anyone?
(7:19am)
No thank you.
(6:43am)
Remember Bob? He has dementia. He's 69 years old. And just like that 80 year old past landlord of mine from 2017, both men aimlessly roam the streets AND DRIVE with dementia because neither men bothered to ever nurture relationships with their family, friends, or with a woman. Now they're alone, understandably so, no one to care for them, no one to bear them as burdens. Both men have the money to employ private caregivers but they won't. They don't know how. And by now they're too far gone to be responsible for themselves. Did I mention both men drive?
Both Bob and (my past landlord) Joe are single, unable to keep loving relationships with anyone and have zero desire to, and refuse to venture into the world. Instead they live in very tiny bubbles, abuse their families, and feel entitled, owed. It's entirely generational.
There are two kinds of men on straight dating sites who are over 60 years old. 1. Men who still look good into their 60's and need to be recognized, admired. 2. Say nothing, do nothing men who realize if they don't get women now they will end up like Bob and Joe, alone behind the wheel with dementia.
If he's 50 years old and never been married, I don't trust him. Why haven't you been married?
"I never met anyone I wanted to marry."
Red flag. Run.
By 50 years of age most of us have fallen madly in love enough to get married regardless how wise at the time.
Also, I have a theory. (Don't I always)
It's been written that Founder Effect is most common among small societies like Amish, and two-horse towns, but can Founder effect also not be the result in pure bred ethnicity too? If Danish people were started by two Danish people, and each child born stayed within Danish heritage... I mean... right? Founder Effect. Sometimes them Dens would need to breed with a (say) Spaniard to break up the gene pool. Amiright? So when people say they're 100% of any ethnicity doesn't it hint of long time inner breeding? I mean if each ethnicity started by two of the same, how many generations of being 100% pure bred before someone is shooting up a movie theater?
Yes, these are things I think about at 6:28am.
Back to Dementia. Both Bob and Joe are closed minded people. Neither one owns a passport. They stayed within their bubbles for the sum of their lives. Neither one knows how to be kind or loving so they never developed any personal relationships. Both men have dementia.
I've been questioning to myself about Bob's mental state for a number of months now. He kept forgetting things mere weeks after they happened, he grew incredibly angry over nothing, and now he repeatedly screams about having to bury his sister who died and that's why he can't remember anything, only his sister died and was buried in early December. And just like the increasing homeless problem, people with Alzheimers (or any form of dementia) aren't responsible for their own actions in a court of law.
Did I mention both men drive?
FEBRUARY 2, THURSDAY
(5:37pm)
Twelve days later, I still have congestion and a cough but at least some color has returned to my skin. Quick selfie today. No filter. I really am this pale in the winter. I don't understand why Asian women want to look this pale all the time. What prestige? Looking like you've been in prison for the past ten years? The hair definitely got whiter. Can't imagine why. 😏
(10:24am)
Sometimes I think how nice it would be to grow old with a man, but then…
What old men become.
Ron Jeremy reportedly at almost 70.
(9:14am)
I feel bad for this guy’s poor wife. He has a wife? How? Supposedly his best friend. His partner in life. His other half that makes him whole. And what does he do? He peddles her naked flesh, tells her to spread her legs on the internet, humiliates her, insults her, gaslights her, uses her, all in hopes to do what, have sex with other women and manipulates her into thinking it’s her idea? Men are pigs.
Ick. No thanks. Stop lurking me online with this (whatever this is). The moment I’m online this profile immediately hits my stalker-inbox. Sad.
(7:08am)
I miss Christine. My partner in crime for so many years. It's my fault I can't find her now. Maybe she went back to Washington. Back to her mom. Very nice lady. None of us had good moms, only Christine. Her mom truly wanted the best for her daughter. What must that be like? Her mom used to give her weekly cash, an allowance. But Christine blew through that for drugs within days. Her mom then bought Christine boxes of groceries, boxes of clothes, shoes, books, furniture, but little did her mom know Christine just sold everything for drugs. We hated Christine for it. Goddamn addicts. Being a hypocrite has it's own special kind of infliction.
Nothing bonds two people together like addiction.
FEBRUARY 1, WEDNESDAY
(7:54pm)
I drink like 3 of these a day.
(1:34pm)
(11:04am)
Summer last year. And today. My hair is finally growing back out, natural color. A little whiter this time around.
Right now it’s that Karen “I want to talk to your manager” hair length.
(10:11am)
So this is love. Mmm-mm Mmm-mm So this is looooove.
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