JUNE 30, WEDNESDAY
(10:25pm)
If you didn’t want me to be a shit then you should have had two more.
(7:03pm)
Then I should be in the Olympics.
(12:20pm)
Well played CVS.
(11:19am)
I’m shook.
(11:13am)
15 year old me says heeey.
(9:33am)
Buy illegal fireworks, turn them in and get a gift card. Makes sense. (sigh)
But you can still shoot your guns in the air right? Yay! If only someone invented gravity.
(9:19am)
I rather it was one of the housewives running for governor. What a shit show.
(9:11am)
Send that idiotic bitch to jail. Fine her. Sue her. Fucking twat.
JUNE 29, TUESDAY
(7:33am)
Eleven days after he freaked out on me because my interview ran longer than I thought it would, plus traffic was bad, he text me and asked if I was still mad at him. I was never mad. Just disappointed that a man in this day and age would get all irritated because I wasn't available the moment he was. And so yesterday he text you tell me what days you're available and I'll work with your schedule. And I replied I was available after 6pm today. No response. Hours past. No response. More hours past. Still no response. So I text him again letting him know I needed a reply so I knew what I was doing today. And he text me back he has plans. Drama. He works in El Segundo which closer to me than Long Beach, where he lives. He doesn't want to go home after his work day is done and then come back to me a few hours later. He wants to come directly to me when he's done with work day around 3pm. And to that all I can say is, tough shit. I have a lot going on right now. My days are reserved for responsibility. After 6pm is when I'm available. If your schedule doesn't jibe with mine, welp maybe next time?
So now I'm going on a second date with someone else. And you bet my underwear will match y'all.
I've also invested $12 on a vanilla date site. Just chatting with a few men. One lives in Berkeley, CA. I love Berkeley.
I'm done being single now. And I'm tired of these 30 year old boys hitting on me. Holy shit. Date women your own age!! Fuck women your own age!! At least until you're 40!! I've been alone since 2012. And I guess I just had to recover my strength and will power to live after being married and divorce. So exhausting.
AND
After 30 years of aching and pining after my first love... my heart will now go on. Cue the music!
(1:47am)
Reminiscing the 90’s 4am ho stroll LIKE THIS PUSSY RIGHT HERE Y’ALL
(1:36am)
Someone was thoughtful enough to blast loud bass in his goddamn car for 20 minutes outside my window. I’m awake now checking out tiktok videos and…
Whenever I see VIDEOS LIKE THIS ONE I come to fully realize I’m just a human lab rat using Google maps as a maze. How the fu… ?
JUNE 28, MONDAY
(6:40pm)
J&J vaccine reportedly only 66.3% effective. Soooo what’s in it, grandma’s love and Kool-Aid?
F that. I got Pfizer.
(1:06pm)
111/79 really good today as I eat my kale salad.
It actually says in regards to the abdominal ultrasound result "liver only" so good news, my heart and kidneys are apparently still up for grabs and I am a registered organ donor. At this point my body is just a lab experiment. Couldn't be something cool like getting bit by a radioactive spider, nope, just "Take these pills lets see what happens." It's the goddamn 90's all over again.
And I still have never met my regular doctor. His name is on my insurance card. Never met him. Strange.
JUNE 27, SUNDAY
(10:36pm)
Mmm-Hmm side effects. Let’s talk about those.
(9:08pm)
Everyone else is posting this. Peer pressure!!
(8:56pm)
Oh ok here we go
(Close but no)
(10:35am)
You didn't know sea lions in their natural habitat paint? Du-uh! Everyone knows that. Thank god zoos make sea lions paint or they would forget their natural talent.
(10:18am)
My friends who were going to leave their significant others in 2020 instead got married and/or pregnant just out of fear. They wanted the security. Including the men. It's easier dealing with uncertainty together as a couple rather than alone. That's why men hope they die first. If she dies first and he's over 70 he doesn't stand a chance.
I'm sure they're going to put me on even more meds when I go in for my liver exam and at this point I should just start doing heroin.
(9:50am)
I haven't given up my goal of working by the ocean. Being on the beach calms me.
(7:41am)
Nope still have to wear them. Going in and out of restaurants/bars, and in every shopping center and business that still requires them.
(6:27am)
On the bright side I haven't had a period all year.
(6:04am)
I also take a statin to control cholesterol and fatty enzymes, but I imagine the damage to my liver was done looong before my stroke.
(6:00am)
First date questions 1991 be like: Herpes, got 'em?
First date questions 2021 be like: So do you know how to use an epipen?
(5:47am)
Did you know the human body on average carries approximately five pounds of poo. When people say they felt like they lost five pounds after going to the bathroom, they may be in fact correct. But it's not healthy. Healthy adult humans generally go poo up to three times a day depending on what your diet is. If you regularly go maybe once every two or three days, big time, you might want to get that checked out. As we get older these things do happen. In my case it's my fatty liver apparently. It doesn't work right all the time. Yesterday I lost five pounds. (I know, I know, I still have to call the doctor.)
Since my stroke, I take two ACE inhibitors and a low dose Aspirin, daily, to control my blood pressure, open my arteries, and prevent my heart from stopping, or so I'm told that's why I have to take them. Yesterday between 3pm-8pm however I had really bad arrhythmia (yes, I took my medication). It's the second time since my stroke I had really bad arrhythmia. It feels like you could possibly have a heart attack, stress you don't want to put on your heart, vicious circle, but oh hey, isn't that why I take those ACE inhibitors?? I checked my BP it was 180/20 120/80 (shit, dyslexia) which are the numbers an adult human should have.
PARENTS... I had a stress disorder as a child. It was misdiagnosed at the time as a form of OCD and emotional trauma. Back then my dad was married to a volatile abusive woman, and while these things assuredly contributed to my stress, it wasn't the cause of the problem. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night regularly and starts cleaning, or has to have their toys systematic lined up, or gets in the habit of counting (everything) because something bad will happen if they don't, it could be OCD but it could also be hypertension, or something else. The American Heart Association is now raising awareness of the dangers of stress disorders in children because they're often times misdiagnosed. Get second and third opinions! Kids who were once misdiagnosed as having epilepsy are now (finally) being recognized as potentially having hypertension and stress disorders resulting in heart attacks and strokes, not from epilepsy. -- Or maybe they need a priest and an exorcism. Emily Rose!!
I think I'm on enough meds now I could probably get a Service Dog. Because yesterday I actually needed one. Which is why it was suggested to me I work with animals. Sweet loving animals really do calm you. I want a service dog, but I'm not going to get one in the event I have a heart attack or another stroke that kills me who's going to care for my beloved doggie? My service dog wouldn't just be a service dog, are you kidding me, that would be my baby! --- But I used the next best thing, my teddy bear. I hugged my teddy bear and laid down every time my heart went arrhythmia which was on and off for about five hours. IN BETWEEN emptying out my stomach every 30 minutes. Yeah, I had a day.
AND THEN
In the middle of all that, the family who own the property where I'm renting from, has a grandpa who, well lets just say...
ME: I'm sorry but the wifi has been going out for the past two nights, and...
GRANDPA: Tonight?
Me: No, two nights.
GRANDPA: Tonight?
ME: No, two nights.
GRANDPA: Tonight?
Y'all see my dilemma. And so while in the middle of an arrhythmia episode, grandpa unlocked my door and walked into my room confused and got shook, which got me shook, and now both of us could just use a goddamn drink.
Aaaaand I also had plans last night which never happened because of all this, resulting in some pretty passive aggressive behavior. Did I tell my date I have this medical condition? No. Why? Because I inform my potential employers and no one wants to hire me. If I was at work yesterday when this happened I would have absolutely needed to stop everything that moment and take care of arrhythmia. Which would have been easy enough to prove just put my portable BP arm cuff on me, there's a medical warning symbol that pops up when your heart is experiencing irregular stressed heart beats.
All I ask is that I don't die while sitting on the toilet. I mean, hypothetically I'll be dead and I shouldn't care. But what if the doctors don't see the "do not resuscitate" until it's too late. Aramis's backyard squirrel militia will be the least of my worries.
JUNE 25, FRIDAY
(8:28pm)
I know I’m posting a lot of Tik Tok videos but too bad. My blog.
Awesome 👏🏻👇🏻🔥
(3:02pm)
The Japanese version.
(2:39pm)
Zoom meetings today be like:
(10:36am)
BFF goals
JUNE 24, THURSDAY
(10:30pm)
Awesome
(8:13pm)
Is this now? Montreal is a Stanley finalist? Wow. I mean. 20 years yeah?
(10:09am)
Well that took an unexpec… Dang.
(10:04am)
Zoom meeting today be like:
(7:28am)
General Mark Milley, you're my hero.
It's not "woke" to understand and study the human condition (and I do mean condition) that leads people into doing batshit crazy things like the January 6 White House insurrection. Especially with cadets. You don't want nutjobs in the American military. Not sorry. Just like you don't want nutjobs on the police force, congress, or in the medical field. A small example, people who look at Karens shooting guns on a sex site and get turned on by it. WT(serious)F is wrong with you people?! Yes. By all means please study them.
JUNE 23, WEDNESDAY
(7:52pm)
The CDC is drunk with power and is now crashing! Holy shit. You don’t catch shingles! It’s a virus related to chicken pox already in you that might activate once. ONE time like chicken pox. I had shingles once in my 20’s. ONCE. You pop a few pills and three days later it's gone. Yes it's uncomfortable until the pills kick in, usually takes about 48 hours, but FFS people, the virus is already in you. It activates ONE TIME if at all. Christ. STOP with the vaccinations already. I wasn’t this twitchy when I was doing coke!
(7:07pm)
Gurrrrrl
(6:30pm)
Boyfriend in the background for the win.🏆
PS. I love you girl.🌺
(5:10pm)
Earth… quake?
(4:28pm)
The paperwork I signed before not getting the mammogram I was scheduled to get.🙄
Apparently women's breasts:
(1:36pm)
Men treat tits like Christmas ornaments rather than candy canes. But they sure love getting their dicks sucked, talking about it anyway. If one more guy tells me how much he loves getting his dick sucked I'm gonna:
(12:58pm)
Both Chef Cyn and I applied at KFC and did not hear back from them. We wanted to see of we could get hired at a fast food place.
It's not a question of do I want to manage your restaurant, it's a question of how fast would the job kill me?
(12:34pm)
Are we keeping score?
Who gets a job first? Who gets laid first?
All the money I was hoping to get invested into my food truck last year was spent keeping me alive during the pandemic and the fallout afterwards. Thanks guys. Seriously. I don't have a clue what I would do without you.
Remember when we were young and adorable and things like work and men were never a problem? People were all too eager to hire licensed experienced workers. And Men actually showed up, on time, meant what they said, said what they meant.
He changed plans four times... and then didn't show up.
I made sure to pick a breakfast spot next to where I get my seeds so all would not be a total loss. 😆
And some guys just don't like tits. Its true. My breasts are the most under-touched parts of my body. I think they held up pretty well for 52 godamnit.
Anywaay...
(9:43am)
Chapter 3:
(9:18am)
You're right. Three men. I blocked out the first one. That was a month ago. He came over, kissed me hello, we drank wine, he stayed for three hours just to chat until midnight, and then left. I think he was just lonely? He said if I wanted to attend a club with him to text him. Yea no. Why? So you can chit chat with the missus while I F her husband? I'm sure she'd love that (yea no, not really). Then the crazy guy who freaked out that my day didn't revolve around him, and the oral screamer. And that's what's on sex sites these days it seems. Damn pandemic messed up my radar. I used to be better at picking out pervs.
(8:08am)
Cattle fleeing from the slaughter house. Shocking.😒
Eat more pussy chicken. No, I mean pussy.
(6:53am)
Who knew there were so many men on sex sites looking for kissing, texting, and hugs.
Two men, no sex. The new normal.
Preach it girl!
JUNE 22, TUESDAY
(3:34pm)
My appointment was for 2:30. It’s now 3:35. I left their office. What a dumpster fire. There were thirty people waiting when I got there. An hour later they got maybe ten people in. Don’t worry their office will say they gave me a mammogram and get paid without anyone being the wiser. All good.👍🏻
I didn’t have any reason to get a mammogram. No lumps or anything. My doctor just wanted me to have one because of my age. I’ll wait until I get private insurance. That office was a complete train wreck!
(12:23pm)
CHAPTER 2: Cock fights aren't at all what I thought they would be.
(11:19am)
CHAPTER 1: That time in El Paso when I lost three pairs of goddamn shoes but learned a badass cornbread recipe from an old half naked Mexican woman who didn't speak a word of English. All because of two flat tires.
(10:28am)
Today is my first mammogram. Gentle. Easy does it now. Don't squish the money makers too hard. I'm going to need them later.
(10:18am)
THEM: "Kids today don't do anything but sit on their asses getting fat."
ALSO THEM: "Kids are doing all these stupid dance video crazes on Tik Tok! How dumb!"
(8:53am)
Address?
(8:36am)
My sole vice now is caffeine. Yep. Caffeine. Me, and all the 15 year olds who have not yet discovered drugs or the joy of alcohol.
Worry not. I'll just fuck the pain away. Because that's what rational people do apparently.
(8:33am)
Remember when we could walk into any restaurant of choice and get jobs. Hahahaha.... hahahahaaaaaa ... Good times.
Back when we were young and adorable.
(8:11am)
"Red wine is very good for you" ... LIES!! I finally got my liver ultrasound test results. "You'll get it back in five business days" AKA two weeks later. I have stage 1 liver disease. Means a fatty liver from drinking. Means I now have to cut booze out of my diet entirely for a while. Haha I said for a while. (which I probably should have done in 2004 when I had to go to the emergency room for an ulc...) And I don't drink that much anymore. Even before the stroke I would have "nights" when I stress/pleasure drank but those were less often than in the 90's when I quite literally lived on alcohol. Filthy animal.
(Calm down it's not fur)
So now I have yet another doctor appointment. Does this mean I have to start drinking sober people? (You heard me!)
27 year old me is embarrassed. Wimp! "You ate crayons as a little kid! Inhaled BOTH your parents second hand smoke for 17 years as a child! Didn't wear a seatbelt until you were 20! Now look at ya. Quitting drinking. Quitter!!"
Maybe I'll just go back to snorting coke? Er, I mean... No, I mean snorting coke.
Good news, coffee is apparently good for fatty livers. And if it says so on the internet it must be true!
Today is my mammogram appointment. Good lord.
JUNE 21, MONDAY
(8:12am)
I did laundry. That's all I did this weekend. Job hunt and laundry. Oh! And I finally fucked myself (half dozen times) with the Goliath 7 inch girthy dildo I got last month. Amazing orgasms. I don't know who that dildo is modeled after but thank you!
I'm having a very weird morning. There's a shift in the universe. I turned the lights on this morning and everything felt... off.
Whenever there's a horrible tragedy and people "thank god" for the survivors, do they also curse god for those who did not survive? Just curious.
Dear proprietors, is it better to be short staffed to save money and then publicly "complain" you're short staffed, or be full staffed and silently complain there are not enough customers now that the state is reopened? My friends and I would like to know.
It's going to be that kind of day. Something weird in the universe is going on.
JUNE 20, SUNDAY
(12:38pm)
Nothing is more comforting than receiving a text message from the pharmacy containing a link to a video in regards to one of the ACE inhibitors I take for heart failure and high blood pressure. Why thank you handsome actor for explaining the side effects of the ACE inhibitor. I've only been taking it since end of February.😉
Don't worry big Pharma, dead people can't sue.
(11:06am)
I'm confused. Superman's father didn't fly?
(11:20am)
If he's deaf how/why does he have an English accent?
JUNE 19, SATURDAY
(9:48pm)
Every time you hear how long the lines at the airport are because “no one wants a job” just keep in mind I applied to FOUR different airport companies with one simple medical requirement. I need a set 40 hour work week to properly take my meds. That’s all. I’ll work nights, days, graveyard, weekends, I’ll work whenever, just give me a set 40 hour work week to take my medication. But all FOUR companies said no. “The job requires open availability. No one has a set work schedule.”
Alrighty then.
Keep that in mind when you hear how long the lines at the airport are.
I could be working for you right now. But y’all rather:
(6:31pm)
Aaand I didn’t get the puppy attendant job. Just got that rejection letter. After an hour interview the very last thing we talked about was the hours. They needed someone who could be available pretty much whenever. Day or night, different hours each week.🙄
Again, people who take medication 💊 at specific times of the day need set schedules. I can’t open one day, close the next day, and mid the day after. It takes my body a few hours to adjust after I take the meds. Additionally I have to take the meds at the same time every day.
So what do I do?
(1:49pm)
I take pharmaceuticals every twelve hours, three pills in the morning, one pill at night, to prevent me from having another stroke, or a heart attack. As long as my work schedule doesn’t conflict with my medication schedule, hire me! You have two twelve hour windows of opportunity! Just give me the same hours every week. BUT NO. Instead of giving set hours to someone who will work for you, is trustworthy and reliable, will show up on time and work her ass off, you rather not hire me because I require a set 40 hour work week... resulting in making everyone wait an extra three hours to go anywhere. But be sure to keep complaining how you can't hire anyone because no one wants a job.
Thanks for not giving me employment. Appreciate it.
(10:57am)
Anger is the new dopamine.
(7:52am)
Another thing about racism I will never understand, they don’t want people of color to have sex with or date their children, but they’re cool with people of color cooking, doing laundry, and raising their children.🤨 I was married for nine years. I would have broken his fingers had he touched my laundry.
JUNE 18, FRIDAY
(8:18pm)
they're called nipples, fellas. If I show them to you don't be afraid to touch them. With your tongue.😁
(11:49am)
Welp. The 90’s have officially entered National Geographic territory. Ya bunch of filthy animals.
(10:09am)
Thanks. I appreciate the compliment but I’m 100 years old. I look decent for my age but (I know) I’m 100. Additionally I’m hard wired to like men my age or older. All these 20-somethings and 30-something year old guys who want to fuck me just freak me out. Be with women your own age fellas at least until you’re 40. Ultimately consenting adults and all that. It’s just I’m 52 years hard wired to be with men my age and older. I don’t give a shit how fit you are. I find people who think 6-pack abs make for better sex to be the worst lays I’ve ever had. Not sorry.
(7:09am)
I love this guy. "My journey of awokenment began..."
JUNE 17, THURSDAY
(6:02pm)
👏🏻👇🏻🔥
(12:16pm)
114/84. I don't check it every day. They said I didn't have to so long as I'm taking the meds. 😒
(12:05pm)
When men rather text-fight about how we never get together and I'm like I'm free now, for the rest of the day, and they're all "NO!!" and I'm like:
(this is literally a picture of me right now.)
(9:19am)
Hi from Manhattan beach!
Yesterday...
I needed water. I had a dry throat cough. One woman in line ahead of me at the register who could not figure out the credit card machine to save her life. Yes princess we know. You’re only 40 years old. Credit cards are hard. Then she asked the cashier for a straw with 100 straws directly in front of her in an open canister. If I wasn’t choking I would have laughed when the cashier plucked one out of the canister and handed it to her. Then the woman was confused about how to get away from the cash register. She spun to her left. She spun to her right. She spun to her left again. FFS. Then she randomly walked away. Wow. FIY, she drives.
I won’t cum in your mouth.
Just the tip.
No need for condoms. Trust me.
Covid vaccines.
Honor system!!
Yeah.
I love science.
Speaking of which…
Finally got my meds. “Your prescriptions are coming from a different manufacturer so the pills are different colors than before. Don’t be alarmed.” The pharmacist informs me. Um. OK? Fuck. I’ve had more pharmaceuticals pumped into my veins this year, like I know what’s in my body now? No clue. I could give birth to hybrid alien sea otters in three months. Nothing would surprise me at this point.
Last night I had a date. A second date. We made out on the first date. Last night I was hoping we would go all the way! Swoon! (A moment for applause) but then…
I had a job interview at 1pm. I was to text him when I got back from my job interview to set up our night out/in. The interview was at 1:00. It lasted an hour. It then took two hours to get back to my place, traffic was an absolute nightmare. So now it’s 4pm and unbeknownst to me my date is pissed off. Which I quickly learned when I text him…
ME: I’m just now back. Interview lasted an hour. Traffic was a mess. Let me grab a cup of tea, a quick hot shower, and I’ll be ready to go in an hour! Can’t wait to see you!
HIM: It’s 4!!! Another hour will be 5!!
ME: Are you limited on time tonight?
HIM: I thought I was going to see you at 1!!
ME: My interview was at 1.
HIM: I thought I was picking you up and taking you!!
ME: (scrolling through yesterday’s text messages) No. I don’t see where we made that plan.
HIM: I said I was going to pick you up after the interview!!
ME: But I just got back from my interview! Now I would like to grab a cup of tea, chill for a minute, and have a quick shower.
And from there it escalated into an hour+ of text drama. I could have had my tea and shower long before the text drama came to a boiling point where we both were like FUCK THIS. I have no idea WTF just happened. So last night I channel flipped for three hours, ate half a bag of sunflower seeds, masturbated twice, and called it night. Good times.
Yea. Things are definitely back to normal in L.A.
JUNE 16, WEDNESDAY
(6:40pm)
You heard me!
(6:17pm)
Free health insurance don't mean shit if you can't fix anything.
(10:19am)
Two years ago on this day Derrick suffered a brain aneurysm at 42, and died.
Dear medical community, did he have to die? Is there nothing you people can do?!
Facebook link: YOU ARE MISSED DERRICK
JUNE 15, TUESDAY
(6:57am)
Was turned down again for another job. I try discreetly negotiating what I know my body can handle but no one (so far) will work with me.
I had head pain on and off for about 5 days. I don’t ignore that shit anymore. I forgot to take my statin night before last and yesterday my legs were great. No pain. Remembered to take my statin last night and this morning my legs are back to hurting. What’s the herbal equivalent to statin. I’m going to start incorporating it into my medication regimen. Then after 30 days I’m going to try weening off at least the statin, and then do the same one at a time weening off the stroke meds. I can’t take this medication anymore. Is it even helping? Who knows? What would happen if I just quit taking the meds? I have another job interview today but they already knew about my stroke and wanted to interview me anyway.
Like I said, yesterday my legs felt great. Got exercise at the beaches for about four hours. Saw the sunset.
Made the mistake of stopping by Arami’s place earlier in the day. I was instantly rushed by Sargent Krupke of the squirrel militia who demanded to see some identification. Aramis!!
Aramis!!
Saw that the squirrel militia set up a military training course in the backyard. So there’s that.
Sooo mask free now? State is reopened? What’s the deal?
JUNE 14, MONDAY
(11:11am)
I was on the 6th floor parking structure and happened to notice the sun was about to set. From the railing there was a beautiful clear view of Los Angeles… but then some parking lot security officer told me I had to go. “No loitering. You have to leave.”
“Can I please have five minutes? The sun is about to set. See? I just want to see the sun set and I’ll go. Promise. It’s a beautiful view.”
“No. You have to get in your car and go. Or leave the parking structure. No loitering.”
(Sigh)
Yep. I’m dangerous. Grrrrr! All 5’2 of me. Apparently the parking lot security thought I was going to mug people getting off the elevator.
If I wanted a man’s wallet I’d just marry him.
JUNE 13, SUNDAY
(7:12am)
I wish I could show you this picture of a guy who desperately wants to be my “boy toy”.😅 Only he’s 38 going on obese, bald, and way too broke to have a midlife crises. Goddamn.
(5:22am)
AND ANOTHER THING...
Whoever it was on Twitter who said they get shingles at least four times a year, yea no. No you don't. I've had shingles. ONCE. You get it once. It's a relative of chicken pox. You get it ONCE. If you get it twice it's because you're very near death and the body is just freaking out.
(4:56am)
Tossing and turning since 3am. Stress stress stress. Love this song.
First of all, the powers that be think a healthy daily average of sodium is 2,300 mg, and a healthy daily average of calories for women is 2,000 calories, 2,500 for men. And while I don't dispute that may in fact be healthy daily averages, the powers that be should also consider what it feeds this country. You get healthier food in convenience stores in (every country but this one) while red meat and sodium is constantly pushed on every cooking show on every cooking channel. When has a judge not said at least once on every cooking competition, "I would have really liked more salt."
I love salt. I love butter. I grew up eating potatoes and corn on the cob drenched in salt and butter. I love smoking. My parents smoked around us kids constantly. There was a smoking lounge in my high school. I love drinking. For about twelve years I loved drugs. For about twelve years I hardly ever ate. I lived on cigarettes, caffeine, drugs, and alcohol. I weighed about 90 pounds but I looked like a supermodel. I have unprecedented amounts of stress. It's no wonder I had a stroke. Almost two.
Back to daily averages. So now my daily sodium intake is around 400 mg, my daily calorie intake is around 900 calories, I quit smoking in 2002 the same year I quit drugs. I just about quit drinking three months ago after my stroke. My goal weight is maintaining 120 pounds. Nonetheless, I'm still at high risk for having another stroke, or a heart attack, for the rest of my life or so I'm told. There is no cure.
Pharmacies run this country.
It's in no one's best interest in the medical world to keep you healthy. It's not in their best interest to cure you, only pacify you.
There's a pill for everything... except a cure.
No one in the medical world wants to cure you. There's no money in cures.
I've had this conversation with friends many times over. After the age of 18 you're an adult. You're going to make your own decisions. You're going to do what you're going to do. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. But don't think for a moment, after what I experienced 2.26.2021, that gyms, pills, and shots, impress me. They don't. There is no cure.
Derrick, a very healthy 42 year old died from a brain aneurysm on his bedroom floor while clutching his inhaler. It was still in his hand when his girlfriend found him.
My dad quit smoking some 30 years before throat cancer killed him.
There is no cure.
If all the medical world took half the time to look at causes and cures of brain aneurysms, blood clots, cancer, youthful strokes (that's what they call people too young to have strokes), if the entire medical world spent half the time looking into real medical causes and cures, rather than inventing greedy injections and pills to pacify, the medical world would STILL make their money on Xanax, penicillin, and ACE inhibitors because humans are sacks of flesh running on caffeine, stress, and sex. All of which there are no cures for. You can't cure the brain. Never has that been more obvious than 2020 to date.
JUNE 12, SATURDAY
(8:40pm)
For those of you who need to hear it, Meghan Markle will never be Queen of England. Her husband is like 5th or 6th in line. So unless they plan on living another 500+ years or murdering a bunch of people… stop calling her the future Queen of England.
(5:34pm)
Well that was fun. No not really. After being hounded by CVS pharmacy in Studio City to pick up my prescription, I went. And did I get my prescription? Why no. No I did not.
“You can’t pick up your prescription yet. It’s too early.”
Excuse me? Um. I show the pharmacist all the text messages saying my prescription is ready for pickup.
“That’s automated. Sorry. You can’t pick it up yet.”
But if it’s automated that means someone, presumably in this pharmacy, put the pick-up schedule into your computer in order to send out said text messages for me to receive, yes?
“It’s automated.”
Indeed. We covered that part.
“I’m sorry. You can’t pick up your prescription yet. How about tomorrow?”
Are you fucking serious? I can’t pick up my prescription today, but I can tomorrow, for medication according to these text messages have been ready for the past five days?
“Correct. Sorry. Come by tomorrow.”
I don’t know what happened after that. I blacked out.
Not really. But you know.
(12:31pm)
112/80 just now. Really good.
(12:16pm)
Watch KING ARTHUR:LEGEND OF THE SWORD... or pick up meds.
Hmm. I still have two weeks of meds. And what would happen if I just quit taking them?
(8:30am)
I just took my stroke meds and downed a rather large cup of highly caffeinated tea, going in on my second. It's gonna get weird...
Thanks all and Yoshinoya. I love your tilapia bowl. I ate it like four times last week. No lie. It's healthy, inexpensive, and good for the waistline as we all scramble getting our beach bodies in check for summer.
I love watching foodies eat. I know many of you don't get it. But millions of you do, that's how these foodies make money, sport eating. It's super unhealthy. You have to be young. You're taking in a ton of calories and sodium per. No person over the age of 40 should ever attempt stunt eating this way. That said, there are food items I can seriously throw down but no longer can for obvious health reasons and one of the things I could eat every damn day is this... I LOVE their fish sandwiches!
I grew up eating red meat at least five nights a week. By the time I was 19 years old I couldn't even look at a steak. Nothing political. I just completely lost my appetite for red meat. I've eaten it to be polite in the past but now I refuse to do even that. After my stroke in February I have false cravings for steak only because I now can't eat it. The human brain is a twisted organ. Our bodies just carry it around. Brain says "jump" body asks how high. Mind over matter. I have the utmost respect for monks. I'm weak. An addict. Until it kills me, or almost kills me, I'll just keep doing it. My days are numbered. But like my father before me, I'll die my way. I want my ashes poured into the ocean from the Wharf in San Francisco. The city where I fell madly in love when I was 20. It took from that day to this to be able to appreciate the feeling of being in love "to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". My heart severely ached for over thirty years. It still aches. Only now it aches less than actually being in love. Finally.
In Memoriam, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods:
I envy not the beast that takes
His license in the field of time,
Unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;
Nor, what may count itself as blest,
The heart that never plighted troth
But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
The human brain. It's a mystery. If majority of the brain is truly used, as scientists believe, with all those cranial nerves and millions of neurons, how are we ever to get things right? That's why it's the journey. We all end up in the same destination, not alive. It's the journey.
JUNE 11, FRIDAY
(7:53pm)
If I don’t go to CVS tomorrow and pick up my stroke/hypertension meds CVS will downward spiral into hysterical tirades of “Have a nice fucking life!” and “This is my last text message to you!”
(7:42pm)
Gee why didn’t I think of that? 🙄
(7:36pm)
I got the message THE FIRST TIME. 🙄
Ok Mom!
(5:23pm)
(4:46pm)
ROCK OF AGES!!
(2:07pm)
No comment. 😏
(1:15pm)
ARAMIS: "Hey can you stop by my house and fill all the bird feeders in the yard. I told (girlfriend) I'd do it before I left but I forgot."
ME:
(10:03am)
Aramis and I think many (many!) things alike however we prioritize differently. I think Aramis gets a little passive-aggressive when this happens and sends his backyard squirrel militia to intimidate me. And as genius as it is, I simply don't think that...
All's I'm saying is...
I just...
(9:27am)
They got these squirrels from Aramis's back yard.
My greatest nightmare.
(8:34am)
"You look different in these two pics."
We can zoom.
"No I don't want to."
(sigh) Well three months ago I bleached my hair blonde. Prior to that my hair was grey. Two months ago I bleached my hair a lighter shade of blonde. So. That's why I look different. But if you look at my face it's all the same person. Again, we can zoom.
"I don't zoom."
We can meet for coffee (because that's always fun. No.)
"Where do you live?"
Why-y?
"WHERE DO YOU LIVE"
Holy shit. You're crazy.
"WHY? BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?"
Yes. That would in part be the reason. Insta-block. Insta-single.
(5:57am)
I have the lingering dry cough after my second vaccination. I had it for a week after my first vaccination. You can't get a job in LA without being double vaccinated, and companies aren't allowing people to remove their masks until everyone is vaccinated. So... ?
Nonetheless, walking around outside without a mask on be like:
JUNE 10, THURSDAY
(8:22pm)
1G-Force stealth bomber squirrel militia!
YOU tell him its bird food! I throw Oreos at them and run away screaming for my life!
(11:35am)
There's no such thing as free money. Economics and whatnot.
"OMG inflation?!" -- Yea. Math. Somm'bitch.
Y'all got paid. Now you gotta pay it back.
(8:45am)
Zoom calls with the Arizona Viking Queen always be like:
Ahh dating. The how do you do's, and getting to know ya's. The red flags. The stranger danger. The blowing up my inbox/cell phone/voicemail and internet stalking, all before ever meeting. Some happen upon a dandelion and see only a weed, while others make a wish.
(I totally made myself laugh just now.)
I love that game when men hang up on me... (to which I never pursue after them, are you kidding?)... and then four days later he'll call but won't leave a message in hopes of coaxing you into calling them back. Fuck off. You know this game. Yea no. And then there's that super duper needy angry guy who persistently screams, "Have a nice fucking life!" more times than a Kiss farewell tour. Grown adult men over the age of 50. Who you never even met. "This is my LAST text message to you." -- Uh huh. I know horror movies. You'll come back at least four more times.
And why did this last guy hang up on me you ask? (I know you didn't ask but tough shit this is my blog) He hung up on me because I couldn't meet him on the day I had a doctor's appointment. I list six other evenings I could meet him. But no. He wanted to meet up on the day I had a 3:30 doctor's appointment. Holy shit was he mad. "These doctors are all crooks! You shouldn't even go. Meet me instead. I know more than doctors!" -- And maybe I would if I now thought you had an education beyond Hee Haw, season three.
Did you know according to Google Hee Haw went on for 26 seasons?! And I'm pretty sure I'm receiving emails from men who watched all 26 goddamn seasons. Like this guy...
I had to double check. That's a man. Not transgender. Not transitioning. That's a hetero man with a penis and no boobs writing that.
And then you said whatnow?
Anyway...
France is sending America a second Statue Of Liberty. Why? Because politicians ignoring the first statue representing hopes and dreams of a better life, isn't enough? Why ignore one statue when you can ignore two. Good times.
The statue is reportedly being called "Little Sister". Fantastic. I'm a little sister. Heads up, the moment Liberty thinks America bought you a better car than hers she'll "forget" your birthday for the rest of your lives.
Little Sister is reported to represent "freedom and light around the world". Ah, way to downplay from hopes and dreams of a better life. This way politicians can say, "freedom and light around the world" in the same breath as, "Don't fucking come here!" Juuust like when their voicemail messages end with, "Have a nice fucking life!"
Why thank you stranger danger from the internet. I shall try. By the way, fuck you too.
JUNE 9, WEDNESDAY
(9:09pm)
Dating post pandemic be like:
(9:04pm)
This made me laugh harder than it probably should have but seriously though. I mean. 😅
(11:48am)
I'm off soon to yet another doctor appointment. I have not heard back about the liver ultrasound which I'm presuming is a good thing. No news is good news. Like no mail is good mail. (But is it? Is it really?)
I thought my doggie dayscare interview was yesterday but its the following Tuesday. I can't keep these appointments straight. And I have yet another doctor appointment the Tuesday after that. (sigh)
I have to pick up my meds soon in Studio City. The pharmacy keeps hounding me to come get them. Fucking depressing. Can I borrow someone's kitty cat or snuggly doggie for like three hours. Go to the park. Christ. My handsome pilot friend wants me to get off these meds and start using herbal medicine. The past two mornings have been really rough. I thought my body was getting used to the meds but then some mornings I just get super foggy, exhausted, depressed, full body fatigue...
I need a change. I real change. Maybe I can just pet sit? Especially now that summer is coming. Do daily pet welfare checks or something? Might help me get along with the squirrel militia in Aramis's back yard.
JUNE 8, TUESDAY
(7:45am)
Aramis!!!
JUNE 7, MONDAY
(10:16am)
TACOS!!! Minnesotans say "yea" a lot. I still say "yea" quite a bit. But Minnesotans also need to own "eh". I watch two Canadian ASMR channels, Veronica Wang, and him. They both talk while eating which must be a Canadian thing, but I've never once heard either of them say "eh". Is it because they're younger? Meanwhile, my Minnesota friends and I who moved away from home 20-30 years ago still say "eh" during every zoom call. Minnesotans need to own it now... yea eh!
(3:05am)
Interesting.
(1:42am)
I was without my laptop for two days. Remember when we used to do everything on our cell phones? But now that California is about to reopen, god willing, life needs to resume ASAP, faster than what my tiny sausage fingers can text on a cell phone.
Sometime in the next day or two I'll get my liver ultrasound results, or not, does it really matter anymore? I've decided I want to work with animals and have an interview Tuesday for a doggie daycare job which I think will help me with my stroke recovery mentally, emotionally, and physically. Then it's back to another doctor appointment Wednesday.
Remember when I said I wanted a man my age to date. I'm reconsidering that now. Most men my age are scary AF. And yet I have amazing male friends my age so I know good men are out there... just meeting one to date on a regular basis is proving harder than it should be. I look at my amazing male friends, and then at the single men in the dating pool, my amazing male friends, the single men in the dating pool, and then look back at my amazing male friends, and... LIES!! ALL LIES!! You guys give me hope thinking good men are still out there, so I go out there, and y'all yank that carpet out from under me!! RUDE.
What do white men over the age of 50 have to be so mad about? It's scary how angry some of you are. I seriously want answers. What do you have to be so mad about? Walk a mile in my shoes. I've worn many and most of them are horribly uncomfortable. Go ahead pick a pair. Walk a mile. I dare you. WTF are YOU so angry about??
(1:02am)
My very handsome pilot friend accidentally took my laptop charger to work with him, and now I wish he hadn’t hurried to return it. I could do without my laptop for a while.
Zoom meetings be like:
JUNE 6, SUNDAY
(7:59pm)
Future ex-husbands 2 & 3 in no particular order.
 |
(2:38pm)
So let me see if I understand this correctly? She's smoking hot and 21 years old. You're 45 chubby and grumpy AF all the time, and she cheated on you over 20 times?
da'😂
JUNE 5, SATURDAY
(7:21pm)
Remember when COVID kept the crazies at least 6 feet back?
(12:43pm)
Aramis is a bad influence on the squirrels living in his back yard.
(8:22am)
Fuck all. It’s a making bad decisions kind of day.
(7:42am)
That time I said I was going to quit drinking:
JUNE 4, FRIDAY
(9:33pm)
Just thinking about Derrick. I really miss him. Only the good die young.
JUNE 3, THURSDAY
(11:46am)
First of all the medical office is in Century City. And we all know how much I love that place. Yeah no. The lady doing the ultrasound was pleasant. Buuuut it was the exact same ultrasound they performed on me in the hospital (after my stroke) looking for blood clots. And I realize back in February the doctor wasn't specifically looking at my internal organs but you might think while the doc was rolling that ball around she could have mentioned back then, "Hey your liver looks a little fucked up. Might want to get that checked out." I mean I was already in a hospital.
Now I wait approximately three business days to get test results. I have no idea what they were even looking for. According to the mighty internet the statin I take at night could raise enzymes in my liver, so what y'all want to do about that?
And as I type this I just received another text message from my medical group reminding me I have another doctor appointment on the 9th.
All of these doctor appointments started because I have constant pain in my quads. And after my last strength test I didn't do so well with my legs. They hurt. Not excruciating pain but it's annoying. And NO ONE is any closer to telling me why I have this pain. But I'll go to my doctor appointment on the the 9th anyway. Because it all makes sense to someone!
At least I get to drink my morning tea. Finally.
(8:19am)
Caffeine withdrawal headache and watching her eat.
[click link]
I can throw down all you can eat sushi places. Just bring tums.
(6:35am)
I take a statin to control the cholesterol and fatty enzymes (which I'm told I can never stop taking even though I lost the weight and changed my diet)... nonetheless the statin may be causing the elevated emzymes in my liver?
It all makes sense to somebody.
(5:55am)
I have a doctor’s appointment this morning. Shocking I know. This morning I’m getting an ultrasound for my liver. High enzymes they tell me. Which is weird because I take medication every night specifically for that. Which apparently works on everything but my liver? It all makes sense to someone.
Then again...
Vodka, wine, coke, and cigarettes, were my four food groups for the late 80’s and entire 90’s.
JUNE 2, WEDNESDAY
(5:46am)
It hits hard when firefighters go down.
A moment for California Fire Station 81.
JUNE 1, TUESDAY
(2:33pm)
In the last three days I’ve walked 9.5 miles. Go go gadget legs.
Hey Beth, remember when you said after we were both vaccinated we’d exercise together? I can show you the text exchange if you forgot.😏
(7:57am)
Are we getting back to normal? We'll see come June 15. That's California's new reopen date.
I'm watching Dolce & Gabanna July 2019 fashion show, Valley Of the Temples. Their models look like extras from a Wonder Woman movie. Angry, hungry, Wonder Woman movie extras. I miss fashion shows. I miss movies in the theater, and art openings, and seeing bands play at 11pm in some dark packed sweaty dirty club.
Once more I pull out my books on how to start a food truck and wonder, is it time to crunch the numbers? Is it time to finalize a menu? Is it time to window shop small food trucks? Is it finally time? Is it?
Covid. Stroke. Almost going bankrupt. Jesus F'ing Christ. (Sorry it had to be said. Thank you for liking my IG food blog.)
And while everyone is busy looking for someone to blame for California staying shut down for so long the FACT is those running to replace Governor Newsom are a million times worse than him! Be mad. Fine. Awful situation all around and fewer than most who are complaining behind their $1,000 Iphones know it better than me. But the alternative is downright grim. It's the ability to be furious at someone and then get over it. Welcome to the single life of a 52 year old woman. Cocktails isn't a suggestion, it's a requirement to prepare me for the rest of the date. We should all be grateful. Why?
This is why...
I don't often agree with Maher but he's gotten less bleeding heart in his old man bitter fist shaking years. I don't know what this country has against younger politicians but Pete Buttigeg is still my guy, so is Newsom. That's what California needs right now, someone who doesn't abuse animals to show how manly he is like that pathetic excuse for a human, Cox. And someone who wasn't born in 1916. Additionally, none of those other "stars" running for California governor are remotely qualified for the job. Remember when people had to at least be educated for the job they're applying for? Educated and god willing experienced. Y'all remember that next time you get shitty customer service some place and then wonder why. Very few jobs you don't have to be qualified to get and those generally require glitter, rainbow knee high socks, and clear plastic high heel shoes. Or so I've heard.
As a single woman, 52 years old, who survived a pandemic alone (when over 70% the industry I worked my entire life in didn't) and then survived a stroke, I don't want to hear any complaints from anyone who was able to wake up each day to the same home address through it all, in decent health. You got nothing to complain about. Try being grateful for a change.
AND ANOTHER THING...
WHY are so many white men over the age of 50 so damn mad? I really want answers. Walk a mile in my shoes. Pick a pair. I've worn many. I dare you.
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