Occupational fag hag

I mean artist. 

Yet one more reason why I need a boyfriend, gay or straight. To tell me when my sunglasses are bent 😎 

Soooo are we trusting this lawyer advertised behind me? He seems totally legit.

Um. So. Why do you need tinted windows? 

“Because I’m a stalker... I mean murderer... er, rapist... no, I mean pedophile.”

Scary. If I had kids and saw this truck with tinted windows driving down my street I would immediately think this guy wants to rape my children. 

If you’re a remotely attractive single woman in Vegas, other women absolutely hate you for no other reason than because you’re attractive, like high school, and men act like they’ve never seen a woman before. Its amazing. And it never dawns on men that maybe if they improve themselves FIRST, work out, lose weight, GROOM, open a book, get a hobby, possess a general maturity level equal to their age, they could actually attract a woman who doesn’t look like Drew Carey, with six abandoned children in tow. I’m getting stalked today for sure.

I miss the eye candy of Los Angeles. There is ZERO man-candy in Vegas. At the north end casinos maybe. Most straight men in Vegas, over 50 years of age look like they just escaped prison or a mental institution. 

Two years later and I still don’t know where the gay community is. There is no West Hollywood in Vegas. I miss gay man-candy!  

I miss being the Grace to Will. I’m seriously going to cry. Only gay men buy new furniture every six months and give you the “old” furniture. Only gay men will pay you a year’s salary to house sit for three months and watch their puppy doodle cutie pies while they’re in Europe. Only gay men it seems will support my art habit.

And

I miss gay parties.

(Sigh)

I’m totally willing to find a straight boyfriend. I keep thinking he’s around somewhere. But. You know. I have standards. Like GROOMING. Until then can someone please direct me to the nearest Freddy Mercury, and our 10 adopted fur baby toe bean space aliens. Miso! Fur babies. Not human scream-o babies. Don’t get all crazy on me. Thanks in advance!

Just a man to dress me up, dress himself up, and prance around with. For starters. You don’t have to prance. It’s just more fun if you do. 

P.S. please support the arts, more specifically MY ART. Patron wanted @art_noir on Venmo. Give until it hurts, baby! With feeling!