“Most girls are...”

Greetings from 103F at night 🌵

Men like their friends. 

Women...

Never get in line behind groups of women friends buying movie tickets, or anything. They each have to pay for their own movie ticket. The concept of one friend buying movie tickets, another friend buying popcorn and sodas, another friend driving and paying for parking, or whatever, doesn’t make sense to groups of women friends because, logic. Women are too busy nickel and dime’ing each other. Women will buy themselves a pair of $300 shoes to wear to the movies with their girlfriends, simply for showing off, but they absolutely will not pay for their girlfriends movie tickets; their girlfriends who they loooove and adore on social media but in real life, “They can pay for their own stuff. Make the lines unnecessarily longer. I don’t give a fuck.” 

Men will fight to pay a $160 bill among their male friends, associates, and acquaintances. “No bro, I got this. You bought food and drinks last night.” 

Women, on the other hand, will split a $24 check four ways.

Women should not be allowed credit cards if they don’t know how to use a credit card machine. And it’s always the small groups of women who individually have to pay for their own $6 coffees at Starbucks that never know how to use a credit card machine. None of them. Not one intelligent life form among the five of you women. And you all say the exact same thing when it’s your turn to pay with a credit card.

“Why is it beeping at me? I don’t understand. What’s going on? I swiped my card already. Is it a chip? Do I have to use the chip? Where’s the chip on my card? Is that the slot down there for the chip? See, it’s still beeping at me. Why can’t I just swipe my card? Why’s it still beeping at me?”

No no, that’s ok, take your time, work through the problem, sound it out. You five women can individually credit card your $6 coffees, all good, because god knows you don’t like each other enough to spend $24 on your friends, your friends who you worship, adore, and love on Twitter but not enough to buy coffee for.

If you want to know why my girlfriends and I look at you women like you’re the biggest morons on the planet, it’s because... 

“It says remove card. So what do I do?”

🤔