C3PO, “What a desolate place this is.”
Welcome to my world.
Obi Wan, “Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
Welcome to my world! Livin’ the dream.
I’m kidding. Vegas is not so desolate and wretched. After all, there’s motels with affordable family units directly next door to an adult sex superstore complete with jerkoff booths, you know, in case the kids get bored and need something to do.
Apparently my secret admirer was outside my apartment last night. The other day I checked out the original Star Wars trilogy, watched the first two DVD’s last night, and this morning I found an empty light saber box in front of my building. This is how old men woo women in Vegas. They buy something relative for themselves and leave the empty box in her front yard.
I might have accidentally sent a few tourists to their deaths yesterday. Oops. Sorry. I was on Charleston and this couple, obvious tourists from the Midwest, asked where Las Vegas Blvd was. They were looking for the famous Pawn Shop. First of all, it’s in a seedy shit part of town. Second, don’t come here looking like a tourist with your flip flops, khaki long shorts, Hawaiian shirts and fanny packs. When this couple asked me for directions I was turned around for a minute and got Main St. confused with Las Vegas Blvd, and accidentally sent the couple down Main. It’s only like three blocks away from LV Blvd, and I’m sure they have Google maps, but still, the khaki long shorts and fanny packs undoubtably got them mugged. Again, sorry.
People come to Vegas thinking it’s all neon lights, showgirls, and Elvis Presley, and it is, so long as you don’t leave the casinos. The moment you leave the casinos you have sand people, zombies, and every kind of criminal all looking to at the very least rob you. If you’re a tourist taking the Deuce, or WAX, or SDX from the strip to Fremont Street Experience/art district, do not get off the bus until you’ve reached your destination unless you know EXACTLY where you’re going. Senile old women like me might get east confused with West for a desolate hot desert minute and accidentally send you to your deaths. Again, my apologies.
I will never understand the thinking that goes behind parents bringing their children to Las Vegas on vacation, especially babies. Especially WHITE babies.
Hey America, please watch POVERTY INC.
I’ve had these conversations with (I’ve lost count how many) people regarding free aid, donating, and recycling. If you want to donate something, donate it to your friends, your family. Trust me, someone you personally know needs your help. Guaranteed.
Recycling only makes you feel good about yourself. It costs more money to recycle than the worth of all the cans, bottles, and paper, combined. If you really want to help the environment do not buy bottled water. Use a water filtering system. They’re very affordable. When I see people who can afford water filtering systems buying cases upon cases of bottled water every week, I’m disgusted. Absolutely disgusted.
When you go out to eat, and you know you’re only going to eat half your meal bringing the other half home, bring a washable reusable Tupperware storage container from home. That’s how you help. Older generations waste so much because they’re thoughtless and lazy. It’s disgusting.
Poor people are not stupid. Haiti. Africa. They’re disconnected from global trade. Cell phones. Internet. Computers. That’s how you help poor people. Commerce and trade. Even here in the states. Give away older model cell phones and computers. More free WiFi. Let us idiots buy the new iPhones. You know we will. No one’s losing money.
Living downtown, seeing all these kids with nothing to do after school, I had an idea to donate time to teach free art and writing classes to them over the summer. I DO live in the art district for crying out loud. But the only people interested in sponsoring art classes for kids, wanted the classes held in wealthier neighborhoods. Damnit Aunt Becky!
Oh hi. Hello. How you doing? I’ll be you art teacher today.
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