Walk of shaming (update April 8)

April 8

Quarantine: Day #27

Social distancing: Day #(always)

What day is it? Does it matter anymore?

Preach it sister!

EVEN MSNBC MADDOW IS SICK OF THE GOVERNMENT'S SHIT

Cadbury eggs are gross. So are Peeps. There. I said it. You won't eat a bruised banana but you'll chew and swallow thousands of caloric glops of sugar and yellow #5 ... Yikes.

It doesn't feel like I'm back in Los Angeles.
I haven't even seen the ocean yet. And I miss watching Aramis pay $45 for a martini. Oh lonely days. Depression. I miss restaurants with purposely misspelled Italian words, the butter scoop of mashed potatoes, six string beans, and four over cooked and over seasoned jumbo prawns for $60. (Sigh) I miss eating disorders!

Fuck this president. This virus. This quarantine.

"Go outside for a walk. Get a little freah air and exercise."

I do. And have been. Every day. And FYI, doling out callow instruction is never comforting. Maybe for those without a conscience, or a grain of awareness as to what's going on in the world perhaps. Not here, honey. Not here. Be gone! Take your simplicity with you.

AND ANOTHER THING!

The good lord intended southern Californians to be outside all day. All night. We live here for the good weather. Remember? "We pay stupid high rent for the good weather." If I wanted to be trapped indoors three months a year I'd move back to the midwest where housing is affordable, pay wages are reasonable, and the people are nice. But no! I long ago surrendered a healthy beautiful life for the ability to go outside whenever I want and enjoy the good goddamn weather.

"But it's raining out."

Rain is still good weather. Spend your entire childhood in (minus) -25 degree winters and then tell me how scared you are to get your hair wet.

Anyone who votes for Trump in November can just fuck all the way off. Just when I think I can't hate this imbecile for a president any more, I can. I really fucking can. The most useless man on the planet. And there's nothing worse than a useless man.

This imbecile, this bringer of death, tells people to poison themselves. "Try it. You might like it."

Unfuckingbelievable.

YOU FIRST DICK. SET THE EXAMPLE.

I'm not sure if Trump understands how cameras work. Or maybe everyone around him is like, "No. Fuck it. Let him go. He's gonna be a mass genocide homicidal maniac in front of the camera or on Twitter. What's the difference? Fuck it. Let him go."

Oh! I got this!

Ted Nugent's umbilical cord

Steel grade tampons for Trump suppprters

The last burnt fuse from the 2015 Republican think tank

Right here is where I had a link to an adorable clip of an English couple and their toddler enjoying a day in the country. The dad was trying to get the toddler to say "cows" but the toddler with his adorable English accent kept saying "cunts".

"Cows"

"Cunts"

"Where are the COWS?"

"Cunts. The cunts."

I'm with you kid. Cunts. Cunts everywhere.

I know he wasn't saying "cunts". He's an adorable toddler with an accent. But real life cunts saw the video and took offense. Now the video is gone. Cunts.

Jerry Saltz! WTF? Dig deep. Go large. Buy a damn coffee maker. What's wrong with you? Day old coffee? Get some self respect!

Remember when we all snorted coke with dollar bills, the filthiest most diseased infested substance on earth... money, not the drugs. Ever wonder why it took ten years to develope sinus infections?

Why did I stop doing drugs? At least twice during this pandemic I was so utterly stressed out I wanted some pot. Stressed, as in stress eczema, followed by a massive heart attack that doesn't kill you, stress. Why couldn't I just bust out in genital herpes like everylne else, but no, it's gotta be this visible crap on my neck.

Is there a sleep disorder/eczema make a wish foundation? If so, I want to request a hang out with Sam Rockwell. Don't you want to hang out with Sam Rockwell? He just seems like he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with.

I'm at the social distancing point of isolation where I'm begining to feel like maybe I'm a clone.

Did I mention how much I hate Trump?

Does he seriously not know that a camera is a recording device?

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES, FORREST

Thank you Sheldon, friends, Farnoush, and Catalina, for the love, hustle, and sanity.

Lonely. I'm so lonelyyyy.

In a perfect world we'd have pet giraffes. 


April 4

Preach it sister!

EVEN MSNBC MADDOW IS SICK OF THE GOVERNMENT'S SHIT

Rock of Ages, 8am Saturday.

Tom Cruise. I just. I can't. It's not you. It's that, didja actually live the 80's? I mean did Lemmy ever give you his phone number on an Ace of Spades playing card at the 'bow? Were you ever bent over snorting coke off one end of the Ms Pac-Man machine with your skirt hiked up over your hips while guys from Cinderella got blowjobs on the other side of the game...

Or so I hear.

We're all 100 years old now. Who cares.

Anyway.

Mute.

Don't blame me.

It's China's fault
It's the Democrat's fault
It's the media's fault
It's the mean people's fault
It's the impeachment's fault
It's the past administration's fault
It's Yamiche Alcindor's fault
It's Weijia Jiang's fault.

Hey I have an idea. Lets go play some golf.

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Over here! Pick me! Pick me!

Asking who's fault it is that coronavirus was brought to America, is like asking who's fault it was that slaves were brought to America.

Stay with me

I'm going somewhere

Black African slave drivers SOLD THEIR OWN PEOPLE out of Africa for profit, greed, cruelty. And the people of Africa let the slaves go.

So by your logic, the world according to YOU...

Coronavirus came from China
Slaves came from Africa.
It's China's fault Americans are dying from coronavirus.
Therefore
It must be Africa's fault Africans died as slaves in America. Amiright?

In your world, blame the origin.

And yet...

I don't recall reading about a whole lot of slave rage going towards Africa.

(Why is that by the way?)

Sigh.

Oh Google.

"At some point - thought to be at least before 1930 - humans ate some chimpanzees infected with the SIV virus which mutated into HIV. It might be difficult to say who was actually the first to catch it; in fact there may have been several simultaneous infections. The bush meat trade in Africa is very prevalent."

Who's got a cough drop?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Hey! How many days in a row can you wear a pair of socks before the point is moot?

Don't mind me. I'm still getting my LA sea legs back. I lived in Vegas for two years which in affect returned my ability to give a shit. Don't worry. Once we're able to eat in overpriced restaurants again, with my plastic utensil Vegas days behind me, superficial recoil will auto-snap, ripping away all sensibility and mindfulness.

Coronavirus? Fiction! Lets raise more taxes!

Don't get me started with the government.

Don't get me started with taxes.

Don't get me started, girl.

Don't get me started!

I'm biting the knuckle.

Reminder, the constitution is there to protect us from government.

My loved ones would really like me to shut up now, but I've already Stacee Jaxx the fuck out of this wine bottle, so...

Truth hurts. Truth scars. Truth wounds and marks. Any heart not tough or strong enough...

Ooooooh truth hurts

DR RISHI the O.G.!!!!

Like toothpaste on black cardigan, honey!

OMG this quarantine needs to be over. I'm going to be a drunk hobo soon if it's not.

I started this drawing two weeks ago.

Guess I'll finish it before I go completely mad.

Save me Josie!!!!

ONLY SWEET JOSIE CAN SAVE ME NOW

April 2

This president, this government, severely fucked up handling this pandemic. State governors have taken more responsibility and worked harder. Although, for the tax Californians pay, during a global emergency such as this, actual voices and properly informed human beings on the phone, would be far more deserving than a horribly designed automated voice message, agreed? Their pandemic website is not much better.

To file for unemployment in CA this is the website in case you're a giant lazy ass fuck who can't Google search it yourself...

TO FILE FOR UNEMPLOYMEMT IN LOS ANGELES

Also the only other website I found helpful is here...

DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SOCIAL SERVICES

I have been on countless websites, countless phone calls for the past 15 days or whenever it was CA shut-in was no longer a suggestion but a requirement. And of the dozens of people I talked to, of the dozens of emails I sent out, of the dozens of websites I've been on in the last two weeks, only two women (people) were helpful, TWO, as in did something other than simply tell me dial 2-1-1.

One lady was from a Jewish organization who I accidentally emailed. She emailed me back and asked for my phone number and then she actually called me. I apologized and informed her I'm not Jewish. And her response was this, "That's ok. I have resource centers here. Lets get you started. But first let me ask you, do you need food? Do you have groceries?"

And I have to tell you, I was taken aback. Of the dozens of people I had previously talked to, this woman was, and remains to be, the ONLY person to ask me if I needed food. I didn't. I don't. But I couldn't thank her enough for asking me. She was the first human, as in caring, voice I had heard since this pandemic and panic buying started. After a little conversation she then linked me up with the Department of Public Social Services.

The DPSS and CA unemployment, for temporary assistance, are the best connections I've found so far because...

I'm not a veteran
I don't have children
I'm not married
I'm not physically or mentally impaired
I'm not handicapped
I'm not on medication
I'm not a senior citizen just yet
I'm not a youth

What I am is a single able bodied woman who just returned to LA, who cannot be out of work for three months, or one month for that matter, or however long this quarantine is going to last. July 1, I'm hearing.

I'm SO GLAD I'm not in Las Vegas now. Let me tell you how much that city cares about their people, instead of opening shelters, opening empty hotels for those who are displaced, the city has painted extra parking spots on streets and in the parking lots for the homeless so they know how far apart to social distance from one another. Isn't that just the most unbelievable fucked up thing.

Anyway

The second lady who has been very helpful is from the DPSS, who works from home because of the quarantine.

This is truly SCI-FI zombie apocalypse type shit. Estimated 100,000 to 200,000 deaths before it ends.

I came out of the 6.9 San Francisco earthquake in 1989, the LA Riots in 1992, the 6.7 Northridge earthquake in 1994, and while 9/11 was scary AF, I lived here in LA then. It didn't impact us here like it obviously did in New York. And so I, you, we will get through this pandemic... or die.

Not to be morose, but those are in fact our two options right? Get through it or die. Be that, I'd really like better organized people to handle the next emergency whatever that comes along.

The president is a useless buffoon who can't do anything, and then blames everyone else for his incompetence.

"It's China's fault. It's the domocrats' fault. It's the media's fault. It's a hoax. I'm not going to help you if you're not nice to me."
--Trump

Fuck you

I mean really. What pathetic excuse of a human being. What a useless man. I've gotten more comfort from cat videos on Twitter than anything this idiot president has done.

AND ANOTHER THING...

Americans should never have to pay to get copies of their birth certificates, or any kind of copies of citizenship papers! This country really needs to start taking better care of their own.

Reminder, the pandemic is predicted to return in the fall. Meaning, stock up on toilet paper during the summer!

I am so getting a treadmill.


April 1

How many people in CA called the much referred 2-1-1? Yeah, that's a total shit show, ain't it?

I'm kidding. Good job.

🙄

All Biden has to do now...

After the president tweeting about himself in the third party how great his ratings are...

And after the timeline of coronavirus vs golf...

Aaand after Trump's last press conference of doom and dispair, all Biden has to do now is say that he'll light fires under the lazy useless asses of government to help the people.

I mean, don't actually say "lazy useless asses of government" get speech writers to print up something fancy, but make it stern, make it short, and make it directly to the point, Biden's mission now is to help the people. To help the people by getting the lazy useless asses of government to HELP THE PEOPLE (who pay their outrageous taxes) and to help the people FASTER!!!!

HELP THE PEOPLE FASTER!!!!

And maybe throw in a little, "The president is obviously overwhelmed with the pandemic. Therefore, I want to help the president, all in together, so that the president may focus on the pandemic, and lean on me to help the people."

Or something like that.

I would write it myself but these days I can't say the word government without internally screaming the words "slow, lazy" and "useless". On occasion "motherfuckers" gets screamed out loud.

You know exactly what I'm saying.


March 31

I want to go outside and plaaaayyyyy!!!!

😫

On a more positive note, girls who spread their legs for a living are still doing it.

TAGLINES

Real whores do it in the corona virus!
Real whores take 2 dicks in the corona virus!
Real whores prefer corona virus on the face!

Real whores...

Why is the My Pillow guy doing a press conferen... Oh.

TRUMP SO DUMB CAN'T EVEN USE GOOGLE RIGHT. THAT'S WHY

That clip makes me laugh every time I see it!!! Every goddamn time!!!

38 million!!!

Maybe he confused South Korea with Canada?

"I know South Korea better than anybody"

Better than anybody!!!

Well NOPE

Here's what I think, Trumpy abused his staff and handlers so much, now they're just telling him fake shit for him to repeat on the air. I would. Why not? Like Trump knows where South Korea, is. Or Canada.

"The launch code, Mr President, is Jenny8675309."

Here's one of the amazing nurses Trump thinks is stealing face masks. She's working 16 hour days, back from retirement.

THANK YOU NURSES, DOCTORS, ANYONE PUTTING THEIR LIVES IN DANGER TO HELP OTHERS

Thank you, Angie!!!

Be assured, Biden will get the votes in Washington and Michigan, because Trumpy just told both states to go fuck themselves riiiiiiiight here....

TRUMP TELLS WASHINGTON AND MICHIGAN TO FUCK OFF

The Trumpster telling black female journalists to "be nice" just before insulting them. Alcindor, wasn't the first. Won't be the last. Go get him!!!

“Stay forward, stay focused, be steady and continue to the job that you were there to do. For me, it’s to be a journalist and hold presidents accountable and that’s what I did today” - Yamiche Alcindor

Go, girl! 

July 1  2020, you might read a little something about our government response timeline regarding this pandemic. It's been a very educational experience. 

Very educational.

Thank you, Sheldon!!!! 

March 29

Cellar door.

Most beautiful phrase in the English language. Cellar door.

At this pont I'd rather have 100 cats in the White House. Just set them loose. Let them do their thing.

Is anyone else sick of SVU, Rocky, and Harry Potter? Oh lawd.

I was watching the movie KNOWING. Rose Byrne's character Diana, is everything about women I find completely annoying. She doesn't believe anything anyone tells her, she's careless, hysterical, and her judgement is constantly bad. The only nice thing about this woman's character is she's thin.

For once AOC, we agree on something. Thankfully it's this. A word of advice however, get you a voice coach.

PREACH IT GIRL, SHAMEFUL!

I have a soft whispery voice, softer than yours, but when I'm mad girl you better believe they can hear this bitch three states over. In this clip, you look like you're angry cheerleading.

Be that, I still agree with you.

So

Anyway

I've never heard it called the German measles, out loud. I know it's been called the German measles because I read. But if you today are calling measles the German measles, you can just go fuck yourself.

Getting your guy elected is how you make your bones. I get it. Problems come when you don't actually believe in your candidate. Look, if all you want is a paycheck and a reputation, which there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, be a political spin-doctor like Conrad Brean. Any writer worth his balls can jerk an election back and forth.

Warren had the same problem Hilary had. Neither are believable. Trump's batshit crazy is far more believable than anything Warren or Hilary ever said, plus his followers already drank the kool-Aid. ADD TO THAT, Warren's shitty arrogant writers, shitty arrogant campaign, and lazy AF political agendas. Plus neither one of these women have presence or swagger. Hilary's gonna be on SNAPPED one day, and Warren reminds me of that creepy old lady who lives in the burnt house with no windows. What do I mean by swagger? I mean Glenn Close as VP Kathryn Bennett, in AIR FORCE ONE swaggar.

"But that's a movie."

And still I would vote for Kathryn Bennett, over Warren or Hilary.

If Biden was smart he'd start bromancing Buttigieg right now. I appreciate he wants a female VP, and god knows if Glenn Close was running I would vote for her, at least she's played the part, but do yourself a favor Biden, and make terms with Buttigieg.

Actually

Glenn Close as VP?

I can see it.

I really can.

Cellar door

Cellar door

How many times can you say the most beautiful phrase before it becomes a semantic satiation?

Cellar door

March 27

"The virus is nobody's fault. Nobody from this country's fault. We made the right decision to travel ban China early on... The virus started with one person from China."

Lies! (Click the link)

WORDS TRUMP ACTUALLY SAID OUTLOUD

What do you say to the millions of people who are scared right now. What do you say to them, Mr President?

"I say you're a terrible reporter. That's what I say."

Crackerjack leadership, Mr President.

🙄

And a big fuck you (again) to Michael Moore criticizing George Bush taking a whole whopping seven minutes to respond to a second plane crashing into the world trade center while in a room full of children. Seven minutes. Meanwhile, FEBRUARY 28, "And now the Democrats are politicizing. This is their new hoax."

MARCH 27, huh, hows that "hoax" coming along?

Wow. That well, eh?

This pretty much sums it up.

(Click the link)

Wait for it

END OF DAYS TYPE SHIT!

I part of me wants to criticize young kids today who flip off the man, lick toilet seats, selfie, contract COVID-19, and then turn to social media in a heartfelt soul search of what they could have done differently in their lives, additionally I question what motivates your generation's sense of adventure, but beyond that, I honestly think the Tik Tok kids have a lot to contribute to this awful pandemic in that they're not some creepy weird 70 year old politician, because lets face it, even in a crisis we'd rather hear from a young beautiful person hooked up to a ventilator than a guy who looks like he brought lice to skid row in 1963.

Ah yes, the walk of shaming social distance. 

Remember when they released the Penguin from Arko to battle the Joker and his poisonous gas? In other news R. Kelly, was released from jail...

The super pretty weather girl just called forecast rain "nuesanance rain".

Damnit inconvenient weather and this bothersome lung virus!

Hey guys! Remember when they moved our department to Kentucky and offered us raises, promotions, and $4,000 each in relocation costs, and we all told the heads of our department to suck our dicks? Remember? Yeah we made the right decision!

I'm glad a little economic relief is on the way eventually. It's not enough to last until end of April. And every single COVID-19 emergency organization in Los Angeles has told me the same thing in the last 7 days, "We don't service single women with no children".

Meanwhile, on the news this morning, I'm looking at $28,000 luxury SUV'S pulling up for free boxes of fruit on skid row.

What would I do without my friends?

Seriously?

What would I do?

I love you guys.

We're all doing our part social distancing, quarantine, waiting, waiting... waiting.

How are some of you on Twitter posting home bored videos titled "Day 6 Quarantine" when I've been doing this shit since I landed in LA back on March 12th?

Well, I guess I should be happy some of you are being responsible.

Let's play a drinking game. Drink every time a police TV show cop says, "We're gonna haul your sweet ass in!"

Ok. Back to being told no. 

I think it's my fetish. 

"NO!"

OMG YES, AGAIN!

"NO!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

ONE MORE TIME! 

"NO!! NEVER!! NOT FOR YOU!!!"

YEEEEEEEA!!

Fuck my life.

TRUMP nazis call it China flu (Update March 26)

I would be shocked by what Prince William said about spreading Covid-19, but I’m American and our president is a moron. 

Covid-19. 

This is why you wash your hands. 

Be that...

When you work in any food or drink service industry you are instructed how to properly wash your hands that meet county and state health code standards. Health code inspectors check for this. They will go to the bathroom at least once per visit, usually following an employee to the bathroom to monitor his/her hand washing. They monitor how many hand washing/sanitizer stations are in the food/drink/prep areas, how full the stations are, and who uses them properly during the health inspection visit. How many chefs, prep cooks, and bus boys have been dinged by this? Probably a few points every place at least once a year.

The way you normally wash your hands at home, and the COVID-19 twenty second hand wash that’s being reported, is still not enough to meet state health code standards. Why? Ask any of your friends the industry. 

Answer: Who keeps a roll of paper towels by their bathroom sink? No one. You’re using the same towel you used last time, and you’re touching the same faucet handles to turn the water off, that you used to turn the water on. Germs you just washed off your hands after using the bathroom, you just put back on by touching the faucet to turn it off. 

You’re supposed to leave the water run, grab a fresh new paper towel, turn the water off with that paper towel, throw the paper towel away, and grab a new paper towel to dry your hands on.

Oh! And you're supposed to wash your hands twice, not once.

The way the news is telling you to wash your hands wouldn’t meet health code inspection. Neither would your kitchen for that matter. 

FYI, the rubber gloves you're all wearing, you guys are constantly cross contaminating everything you touch while wearing the gloves, and all of you are taking the gloves off incorrectly, and then reusing the same gloves, so the point of wearing gloves is moot other than to just feel safer, though you're not, not really. It's safer to wash your hands 

I can always tell when ladies work in the food and beverage service industry by their shoes, and the way they wash their hands. 

I can always tell what level of food and beverage industry she works in, by the way she wears her makeup, hair, and how her fingernails look (especially how her fingernails look!)

The hand washing stations, and the storage temps, are probably what restaurants and bars get dinged on the most. Enough to close the place down? No, not usually. Unless of course the chef is caught cooking with visible poop on his hands. 

“It’s not shit!”

(Inside joke if you watch THE IT CROWD)

My pet peeve, the not covering your mouth when coughing and sneezing. That’s just... 

How can adults not know to cover their mouths when coughing and sneezing?

This YouTube clip went viral two years ago and EVERYONE needs to see it again! Pass it on. 

ANGRY NURSE RANT

Even now, I went for an early morning social distancing walk, and this woman sitting on the steps down the side block had a full on sneezing attack and didn’t cover her mouth once. Not once! She figured since she’s alone, 6 feet away, she doesn’t need to cover her mouth. But people like her don’t cover their mouth when they sneeze in public either. Their poor inconsiderate hygiene is their every day practice. And everyone around them suffers for it. 

Ok. That’s it, I’m gonna go draw now. I need the meditation. 

Question: Hands clasped together as a method to say hello, should this greeting be called namaste 🙏 or prayer? 

March 24

History repeat'th thyself.

No one's working for THREE MONTHS now? Three months? I don't know how to tell you this but $1,000 ain't gonna cut it, fellas. Oh wait. Easter? Trump says Easter? Even though COVID-19 contagion has tripled in numbers, and deaths.

Easter

April 12

2020

Not because doctors and scientists are predicting Easter, doctors and scientists say 12 weeks, but little Trumpy likes Easter, and Easter makes little Trumpy happy. Go then. Fill the churches. Cough and sneeze on each other. Let god sort you out. I'm ok with that.

Trump's stimulous plan is designed so only HE says who gets money. Fuck that slush.

There you go Asian Americans. That was a real Japanese internment camp under President Roosevelt in 1942

If you vote for Trump in November after all the shitty things this horrible monster has said about Asian people in the last two months during his batshit crazy on again, off again love affair with Xi, this pandemic quarantine is NOTHING compared to where he'd love to put you. And I say "you" because they'll never get me alive. I'll go all out and I'm taking people with me.

I don't doubt for a second Trump would put Asians, Jews, and non professional black athletes in camps. I don't doubt it for a second. Him and his supporters would happily lock up every Asian American in this country. Our own special mini version of the Holocaust. Won't that be fun?

"I don't hate the Asia peoples because of Chine'er. This pandemic is not Asians fault. I like the Asia. They're good peoples. They're hard working peoples. They're... they're... who was I talking about again? Oh right, the Chine'ers. What? No. Fuck Chin'er! I like the Asia's!"

🙄

Where do you think Trump thinks China, is?

Wartime Civil Control Administration.

Fancy

Fancy like segregation, Confederate flags, and civil war.

That's right Mr President, it's not Asia's fault America is suffering a pandemic. It's your fault.

Oh ye

So much slush.

With all negotiations, everyone starts high demanding shit like 747's, the Dallas cowboy cheerleaders, and a private island with koala bears, until, after some time, it gets negotiated down to something reasonable...

Reasonable for sane people, that is.

Explain to me again how a 2.(whatever) trillion bailout for companies still isn't enough to raise minimum wage to $15?

Slush.

I hate politicians. You all suck. But I really hate Trump. I hate stupid people who should know better. I hate greed. Wealthy people debating how much an hourly livable wage should be. Fuck you.

PURGE!

This idiot Trump has changed almost everything I do in my life in the last four years. Who I socialize with. Who I give my money to. Who I respect. Who I'll work for. Everything.

I'm not a democrat

However

Right now

"My enemy's enemy is my friend."


March 23

Businesses will recover. They don't need any money. Employees need money NOW! Right now! 2 weeks ago! 

Checks now to pay the bills, Mr President! 

Reminder, Trump also pulled millions of dollars from FEMA to support boarder patrol.

Ruined lives from earthquake or fire? Trump says you can go fuck yourself. According to him you should be a billionaire by now like him. What’s your problem? Memories? Fuck your memories.

Nazi is as Nazi does. Trump will try creating Asian internment camps before November. It’s the only way he can stop 18 million Asian American votes going to VP Biden.

Roosevelt did it in 1942. Just watch. Anyone he deems high risk will be put into camps.  

You know Pence is out there secretly hoping...

And then...

At last Trump is putting the full weight of the White House to assist eradicating COVID-19 from the country entirely and... Oh.

"God damn Chinese flu! Not you North Korea. You know what I mean. China. Fuck China. You guys are ok."

MARCH 22

First...

Rita Wilson, rapping NBN Hip Hop Hooray, and Body Count, covering Ace Of Spades, are the two best things on the internet right now.

Right now in a country run by this moron...

And if that bumbling stupidity wasn't enough, he then admittedly Tweeted...

(Click images to enlarge) or not

And now he has the audacity to race blame Asians by ignorantly calling COVID-19 the Chinese flu.

It kills me that this idiot suggests going outside when the weather is warm cures COVID-19.

Hear that doctors and scientists? According to Trump, it’s sunshine. Sunshine cures COVID-19. 

You're not working right now because...

Look...

No disrespect to my white friends, Dem or Republican, most I've know since kindergarten, or my white family members, our bonds run deeper than tree roots, but not everything is about us.

This is about all the racist sheepy white trash following that useless Trump dumpster. First, fuck those people. If they vote for Trump, get them out of your lives. Out. They don't care about you.

They DO NOT care about you.

They don't do the right thing. They do the white thing.

Do you hear me Asian Americans?

Trump and his followers do not care about you!

They blame COVID-19 entirely on YOU.

Asian Americans are 18 million strong. We turn the voting tide. 18 million votes make and break presidential elections. We can decide who the next president will be.

VOTE BIDEN/BUTTIGIEG

VOTE BIDEN/HARRIS

VOTE BIDEN and a coffee mug if it gets that useless pathetic excuse for a human being out of the White House! Not one shred of common sense or common decency in his dead brain.

The white racist Trump vote is no longer enough to win an election.

White America is barely (barely!) over 50% of this country as is.

Do not forget...

WE MAKE PRESIDENTS. Not them. 

Jon, I stand by everything I wrote about President Obama. His administration was awful. His healthcare plan was a disaster that punished the poor. BE THAT, I'm on your side now.

Who the fuck...

“Just who do you think you are?”

Who?

I’m this fucking bitch right here!

Apparently I hurt that fat white bitch's feelings. I'll let you decide which fat white bitch I'm referring to. I'm sure it applies.

Vote Biden/Buttigieg!!!

COVID-19 cha cha cha

Greetings from the Microbedome!

Los Angeles. Day 8.

I miss my Buddy. Kevin said he hasn't been around past two days. With me too. The last week I was in Vegas, Buddy hardly ever came around. Vegas cat. Broke my heart.

On the plus side the eczema on my neck is almost gone. Vegas eczema. Perpetual dry skin. And my brother is moving to Scottsdale. Nope. Nope. Just nope. I rather visit him in Minnesota.

So how about that COVID-19, eh?

If there's one thing I cannot stand for it's having no backbone to do the right thing when it's entirely within your power.

As of today I am no longer a Republican. I re-registered. Fuck you.

Settle down I'm not a Democrat either.

I hate this president so much. God forbid Americans get COVID-19 tests at the ready AND an emergency stimulus package. Or even just one of those. I'm not greedy. Trump is the HMO president. High premium. Zero benefits. 5 trillion government bailout for businesses. Zero emergency stimulous for their workers. That's his proposition. How do you say suck my dick in greedonese? Same? It's the same? Oh good. Universal.

Coronavirus or COVID-19, not the Wuhan virus, you damn imbeciles. It's not called the Chinese virus, for the same reason a bladder infection is medically called a urinary tract infection and not the "Get the fuck off me, Steve!" infection.

Coronnials? I don't think so. Millennials aren't breeding. Didja know coroners when they gather are also called coronnials? So unless you mean Millennial children of death, which may not be entirely wrong, we're going to have to come up with a new generation title describing a lack thereof.

Why why WHY are you people still having sex with strangers now? Social distancing! Which for us latchkey kids isn't that hard. We grew up home alone. Finally it's understood what my generation is truly all about. Gen X'ers are the pandemic survivors simply because we're used to being home alone.

Is it so beyond your human scope to just get to know someone first before being all F10 porno weird with them?

Millennials are still grouping together getting their drink on. Amateurs! Gen X'ers solo drink at home all the time. It ain't no thing. Baby boomers refuse to cook for themselves. And yes I saw that report from the media's medical professional on how to "sterilize" your take out and delivery food orders...

Um

Clearly none of you have ever worked in a kitchen. This is why it should be mandatory that everyone works one year as a server at the very least.

I'm holding out for more money before writing my book on hospitality work starting from 1985 to present day. Fast food. Restaurants. Bars. Coffee shops. Hotels. Casinos. High end. Low end. Everything.

* Yes but my book will be more interesting because I have wit, a sense of humor, and a personality.

😁

😜

🙄

🤔

🖕

Barely legal COVID-19

Oh hey. Hi.

I'm watching CA Governor Newsom, struggle to keep his composure. These reporters are idiots. I mentally slingshot peanuts at all their forheads a long time ago. The governor reminds me a little of Christopher Darden, additionally smiling and being awkwardly chill. And as the governor shuffles his weight on to his left foot to right, right foot to left, back and forth, dying to get off stage, the hearing impaired translator has already told the deaf community to change the channel and is now simply signing lyrics to her favorite songs by Steve Miller Band.

As everyone self quarantines I'm running around the city getting lunch and doing laundry. It's blissfully quiet.

I miss my cat.

I know everyone else has moved on and couldn't care less that I mourn him, but that kitty cat has been the most important part of my life for the past year. I know what it is to be a stray. To be alone. To never know what the next day brings. I know what that is. I didn't look for a cat. He came to me. And I fell in love. Leaving him behind will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. Buddy was born in Vegas, that is his home, and that is where he wants be. It's a hurt that will stay with me for a very long time.

Adulting is hard.

While doing laundry I also washed the bathrobe Buddy loved sleeping on. I washed away his fur, his dirty little paw prints, his smell, his memory. It was time.

Getting my Los Angeles sea legs back has been a little bit if a challenge. I've only been gone for 2 years but I've gotten turned around more than once from something as simple as east from west.

Wait. Is Topanga that way, or that way? Which way is Universal City?

In my confusion Eriq took me to Bobby's Coffee Shop in Woodland Hills. It was quiet but steady. No one was coughing. Everyone kept 6 feet apart. Social distancing. It was peaceful. So when I accidentally swallowed a piece of fruit wrong, when a piece of fruit went down the wrong wind pipe, I had to loudly explain while suffocating, "It's not COVID-19! I'm just choking! It's ok! It's ok! Not COVID-19! I'm just choking!"

Everyone seemed to quickly forgive me and went back about their business of bacon and eggs.

And so here we are day 4 back in LA.

It's wonderful embracing old friends again with drinks... updates... explaining to them why my vagina and I don't hang out anymore.

I missed my friends. I missed Los Angeles.

Las Vegas is a lonely wretched place. I went there to die. Only I didn't. Just a little more on the inside. Worry not. You won't be able to tell the difference. I promise.

Where the sun don't shine, honey!

Remember when the biggest medical scare was herpes? But then you fucked a few rockstars and don’t worry about it so much anymore. Problem solved! 

Not me of course. I was a hobo drunkard back then. Unless they nailed me while I was passed out. Which might explain where all the money left on my dresser came from. Thanks for the rent money! 

(Yeah right. Like I’m the only one.)

How many travel bans do we have now in U.S.? I’ve lost count. 

It’s amazing how the U.S. will tell every government official to go fuck themselves, but not our own, who like really need to it hear from time to time. Like now! Where the fuck is your backbone, America? 

“What? Science. Nooooooo!”

The NBA had to shut down before you decide, “Oh well maybe there should be free corona virus testing. I don’t know? Let’s consult the mighty oracle Mister Mcfurballs, once he’s done shaking his fluff in the litter box. Don’t want to be rude.”

Corona Virus? Lies! Let’s raise more taxes! 

“Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.” 

Yes ma’am. Yes indeedy. 

And speaking of Mr Mcfurballs, I don’t have the heart to get into it again so just click the link. 

FOREVER MY BUDDY

I’m back in Los Angeles. Where people have most their teeth. Blessed overpriced everything. 

A fifteen minute Lyft ride in Vegas, $17 plus tip.

A fifteen minute Lyft ride in LA, $35 plus tip.

Whatever. I’ll pay it. I’ll work 27 jobs if it means I get to be near my friends and loved ones. I’m home. 

This coronavirus pandemic is a very big deal. Don’t waste your energy on anti-science people, maybe prayer will save them. These are the same idiots who swear up and down heterosexuals can’t get HIV. 

“Condoms? I’m not wearing condoms. I’m not queer. Why do I need to wear condoms?” 

At first I was like corona virus, you guys are way overreacting. Settle down. But then one by one, a tragic epidemic turned into a pandemic, turned into horrific crimes against man (Dr. Li Wenliang), turned into corruption (Chinese government), turned into ignorance (American government), turned into incompetence (President Trump), followed by naivety and blatant disregard by dumb as fuck American people. 

Yes, I'm still a registered Republican. A liberal conservative who wants tighter reins put on our government. Are we North Korea, or the U.S.? 

“Whaaat how dare you question the integrity of our government. Lets raise more taxes!”

Why is cardi B. the only person who openly questions where all this tax money goes every year? Why is she the voice of reason? 

Here’s what I think, if you don’t make $40,000 a year, then ZERO taxes get taken out of your paycheck. ZERO. Because maybe then people could afford milk for their children and basic healthcare. So other people don’t have to pay it. Doesn’t that make a little more sense then that fucking nitwit AOC and her “We’ll socialize just the tippy tippy top wealthy people of America.” 

OR

You could just not tax people of a certain lower income bracket. Immediate and effective. How people like change for the better to be.

Furthermore, I just really hate Trump. You weak-ass Republicans. You hate him too. What a POS poor excuse for a human being. I cannot believe that myself and Senator Mitt Romney, are the only two Republicans in our party who think Trump is a buffoon of epic proportion. WTF is wrong with you people? Where’s your backbone?!

 Do I want to know if I have corona virus? Yeah actually I do. Do I want to know if I have cancer? Not really. Do I want to know if I have HIV. Yes absolutely. Do I want to know if I have early stages of Alzheimers? Nope. Funny little world ain’t it? But, regardless, I think all of these tests should be free of charge and readily available for whoever wants it. 

So 

Anyway

It’s pouring rain in L.A. Walking across the street, myself and four other umbrella jockies make like the 300 Greeks at the Battle of Thermopylae, with our umbrellas every time a car passes by. Shields!

Well, what do you say Aramis? Friday the 13th. Wanna get fancy? 

100% coronavirus. No additive.

Republicans thought they were disrespecting senator Mitt Romney for not inviting him to CPAC. Ha! That diss didn't quite work out the way you wanted, did it? Enjoy your quarantine! Mitt's going outside. Because he can. Inside. Outside. Inside. Outside. But not you, potentially compromised immune system!

Reportedly Haide janetzki accidentally ordered 48 years worth of toilet paper instead of 48 boxes. She is now the TP kingping of Australia. All hail!

Asian kids are being sprayed in the face with Lysol, by other students as they enter their schools.

If you're Asian, do not cough in public. Do not fucking cough!

Yang and Buttigieg didn't get the numbers for a Democratic presidential nod and suddenly all the jokes come flying out about the old geezers that are left. Well, I mean, you had two perfectly qualified young guys, but nooo...

And I have to go out Thursday to find toilet paper and geoceries. Thank god no one in Vegas eats healthy. There will be plenty of fruits and vegetables. Toilet paper, however, I might have to negotiate a deal with the TP kingpin of Australia.

One could say, it's a shit time to be alive.

Ghost cat illustrations are my sig of the times.

2020 the year people stopped believing in science all together.

Coronavirus? Whaat? That's fake! Never mind that the Chinese doctor who discovered it, Dr. Li Wenliang, an otherwise healthy medical peofessional who knew how to wash his hands, is now dead from exposure to it.

Dead.

Coronavirus, fake news!

Fake

Fake

Fake

Do we believe employees at immigration holding cells were told to remove posters about coronavirus and the best way to protect yourself from it? I don't not believe it.

And oh Dr. Sara Cody, did you really just lick your fingers while telling Americans not to?

That's it!!! Fuck. I can't take any more. Two weeks self quarantine!!! That's the new secret handshake. Sshhh pass it on. Just don't touch anybody.

Don't touch me!!! Coronavirus!!!! Coronavirus!!!!

No touching

Welp, Las Vegas is in full Coronavirus madness since one man flew in from Wahington State and tested positive. I don't know if the other passangers on his plane have been notified but I'm assuming they will find out if they have coronavirus should they start having breathing problems. What a horror show.

Vegas is now on the list.

"Nevada Gov. Steve Sisolak urged residents and tourists to remain calm and follow guidance from health officials about ways to stem the spread of the virus."

Remain calm, he says.

Remain calm.

(Pause for effect)

(Pause for effect)

(Pause for effect)

Holy shit PANIC!

Panic!!

Panic everywhere!!

Everybody panic!!

Why aren't you panicking!!

The air is so thick and strained with animosity and fear I'm reminded of the 1992 L.A. riots, 1994 Northridge earthquake, 2001 9/11, all amid this damn election.

Stores are running out of everything. And while we joke about the panic and hysteria, people are hijacking and hoarding toilet paper. The city is quietly shutting in for 30 days like it's 8 months pregnant with the king's illegitimate baby.

My friends in the casinos tell me employees who have traveled out of the country recently are being put on leave for 30 days even if they tested negative for coronavirus.

Grubhub and other delivery services now have a "no contact delivery" option where your groceries are left on your doorstep, assuming everyone who handled your order prior to that wore gloves and/or washed their hands properly and didn't sneeze in your food. We all saw that clip of the guy at the buffet sipping soup directly out of the soup ladle, right?

And of course what's a virus without prejudice? Damn Asians. Ruin everything. Then again, I've text all my friends in L.A. that I'm almost positive I have coronavirus. I've read and heard so much coronavirus news in the last 48 hours I absolutely must have it. I mean, that's how it works right?

Bill Maher defends Chris Matthews after being fired for telling a girl she's pretty, and social media is having a field day. Laura Bassett, you're a fragile twat. All he did was called you pretty. Meanwhile, as I type this, my 80 year old downstairs neighbor is screaming at his ex-wife on the phone that he doesn't think he should pay her $500 a month alimony anymore so she can, and I'm quoting, buy that expensive cat food when cats will eat anything. What does he care what she does with her money? Judge ordered him to pay her. Pay her! It's not his money anymore. It's hers. And if you ever met my downstairs neighbor $500 is not enough. Not even close. He complains about everything. Every morning starting at 7am. For hours. 5150!

Reportedly in 2013 Alan Markovitz bought a house next to his ex-wife and erected a $7,000 bronze statue of a middle finger in his back yard, right where his ex-wife can see it every day.

So I guess I'll spend this coronavirus shut in caturday drawing ghost cat illustrations, watching movies, reading social media, and watching the actual cat sleep.

Happy Saturday!

Oh! One other thing. Whitney Houston has a residency at the Flamingo, or rather her hologram does. Up to $99 per ticket.

Prediction: Adult encounter holograms

Logan's Run, darling. I've never killed anyone in my life. Sandmen terminate runners.

10:24am

The helicopters have already started circling. News 'copters no doubt.

Aaaaand there's the sirens.

SS coronavirus!!!

It is batshit crazytown in Las Vegas!

People are buying everything. Emptying shelves preparing for the epidemic.

Preperation H, just flying off the shelves!

Police sirens. Helicopters. News trucks. 24/7!

Zombie apocalypse!!

This reminds me of the 1992 L.A. riots. Seriously. Bad time to be Asian then too.

I'm afraid to leave my apartment. I heard my downstairs neighbor and a guy who lives across the street hate-talk Asian people for at least 20 minutes. And to think, 48 hours ago that creepo pervert wanted to wear clown make-up and bounce me on his knee. -- No no it's a good thing he doesn't want me near him, but now I think he'll set my apartment on fire. Sure he lives directly below me but he's not very, how do you say, sophisticated.

If you're not in the know, the guy in Vegas who tested positive for coronavirus is a 50 year old military veteran who flew in from Washington state where he no doubt contracted the virus. Awful as that is, Asians are being blamed for the virus.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned. Hygiene isn't exactly a thing out here. In the bank parking lot, one guy pee'd into an empty gallon water jug and then threw the jug in the back of his truck, rather than walking 50 yeards to the grocery store or any of the stores that were open at the time.

**Just wash your hands, won't cut it out here, honey. There is not water hot enough, or sanitizer or soap hygienic enough for this town.**

Well

This will be the most interesting grocery store visit ever.

PURGE!!! Holy shit it's really happening!

Yes!!!

Bring it!!

Los Angeles racists are far different than Vegas racists. There's a lot of sand to out here to bury people.

A lot of sand. 

Innocent until proven guilty!

I'm claiming self defense right now. Whatever I hypothetically supposedly did it was in self defense.

SS Tuesday (UPDATE Vegas coronavirus!)

MARCH 5, 2020 1:44pm


The Southern Nevada Health District issued a statement that the first case of coronavirus, presumptive positive, has entered Las Vegas. 

A man, 50 years old, and his child, returned from their visits to Washington State, and Texas, with presumptive positives and are now under quarantine.



Part II of SS Sunday.

Blog: SS SUNDAY

Ohmmmm.

I finished Ryan.

MY RYAN DRAWING ON TWITTER

Now working on a story line for ghost cat. I'm turning him into an illustration.

HE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY

SO HARD FOR IT HONEY

YOU BETTER TREAT HIM RIGHT

(Sigh)

SS Tuesday, brought mental destroyers, howitzers, avengers, and the wrath of God.

Basic math-inept grocery stores. Dancing zombies. Racists. Misogynists. Political scream-o's. Perverted creepy old white dudes. Dogs chasing Buddy. Cat friendly drug dealers. Cops investigating abandoned cars. -- It was more Vegas than Vegas. And it was more than I could take in one day, sober.

I spent three days trying to convince corporate grocery store personnel that 12 plus 10 does not equal 32. But ya know. Math. I finally gave up. Some people just don't math.

I really wish the creepy old white man who lives beneath me would stop talking to me. Every time he sees me his 80 year old dick gets hard and fucking gross, and he insists on freaking me out by talking to me. Hello, goodbye, nice weather we're having, have a nice day. Those are the only words you should say to me.

I'm moving.

I thought he was just a nice normal old man BUT NO he's the John Wayne Gacy of Las Vegas with sciatica, gum disease, and early stage dementia.

I understand elderly abuse. I don't condone it, obviously. I understand it.

"Can I text you sex messages?"

What? No!

"Did you block my number?"

No. But I will if you text me sex messages again. That's not why I gave you my number! I thought you were a nice old man. I was trying to be neighborly you fucking freak show.

"But I want to send you dirty texts. I enjoy it. It's fun for me."

It's not fun for me!

"But it's fun for ME."

I don't like it. Do not do it again. Do not send me sex messages.

"But it's a fantasy."

I don't care. How old are you? 80?

"What? No! I'm 72."

Um. No. You look way worse than my dad when he was 74 and dying of cancer. Someone told me you were 80.

"Someone told you I was 80? Well that's just rude."

Yeah. 80. They said you were 80.

"I'm not 80! That's rude. .... Can you believe how ugly that maintenance woman is. What's with her spikey red hair? What an ugly woman."

Huh. Interesting. You're old and decrepit with hardly any bottom teeth.

"And that coronavirus. Nasty. Just nasty. You can't trust them Chinese. Never could."

Um.

"And why do people in this building have kids!"

Are they not supposed to?

"This building manager is an absentee manager. She doesn't care. Kids aren't supposed to live here! She doesn't care. ... And that black guy who lives across from you slams doors at all hours of the night! Don't you hear it?"

It doesn't bother me.

"And he's got some black woman girlfriend coming and going at all hours of the night with him! Making all that noise!"

I really don't notice it.

"How do you not notice it?!"

He's a cool guy. I don't care. Doesn't bother me.

"And this other guy down there has kids! No one's supposed to have kids in this building!"

Christ. I'm going now. Please die in your sleep.

Anyyyyyway....

Whitney Houston's holigram has a residency at the Flamingo. Her holigram. Tickets are upwards to $99 per. In case there was any doubt about corporate greed in Las Vegas, no live performances by actual people, sub Whitney Houston's goddamn holigram.

Have you ever watched any PITCH MEETING on YouTube? Omg it's the best. I love this guy.

WONDER WOMAN pitch meeting

I love the first Wonder Woman movie. Can't wait to see the new one. This YouTube is just funny.

Laugh. You gotta laugh or they win.

SS Sunday

Just a few more lines on Ryan and I'm done.

 
Fuck. Buttigieg dropped out.

Yang is gone.

Biden, I guess?

Does it matter anymore? Does it? Does it really? How has my life gotten any better or worse? How? I just hate Trump. I hate everything about him. How did the Republican party not get on their collective hands and knees and beg Paul Ryan to knock Trump out of being a presidential nominee in the first place?

You thought it would be funny. Trump would campaign. Dumbledorkus his way around Washington. Get yelled at. Yell back. Get yelled at some more. And then all of a sudden... he turned into a very scary old German white man circa 1939. I mean, holy shit.

I see old white men walking towards me these days, I cross the fucking street. Goddamn misogynistic pervo's.

So this thing happened...

Look

I'm not afraid of ordering online and banking online. If there's a problem I know how to fix it because I'm not 100 years old and scared of the internet.

On rare occasion people get a little touchy feely with my money. But I screen-grab every transaction. Habit. I record everything. I screen-grab everything.

Everything

Every day

Especially in this day and age

Especially in Vegas

A few evenings ago...

I ordered groceries from a store I don't usually shop at. But I like that there's no minimum delivery requirement with this store so long as you pay the $10 delivery charge.

Other stores have a $100 minimum.

$100?!

Never in my life have I needed $100 worth of groceries at one time for myself.

Plus you can add a tip at the end of your order with this other online store. *Who carries cash in this day and age besides creepy old white men buying hookers?

So after my groceries arrived funny charges immediately appeared on my account. If it had been like a sandwich and a soda, a part of me would have been like, they probably needed something to eat and stole a few bucks from me hoping I wouldnt notice because they were starving. Had that been the case I would have let it go and just not used the service ever again. But it wasn't a sandwich and a soda, it was two Twix candy bars, a small bag of Dorritos, and a cold Starbucks frappuccino. It was junk food. Snacks.

I screen-grab everything. Every notification from the start of my order to the very end. So when these added charges suddenly appeared after I received my delivery naturally I contacted corporate via email and social media with all my screen-grabs.

Like I said, had it been a sandwich and a soda, I wouldn't be all that pissed because I'd just figure they were hungry and couldn't afford lunch. It's not uncommon in the food industry for workers to be broke. But since it was chips and candy, I wasn't going to let it go. Fuck that.

I worked in the service industry. Many years. But in this day and age unless you're a primo hacker, it's really hard getting away with stealing online.

Back in the 80's, before the internet, you could get away with boosting a few dollars here and there on someone's credit card. Pad your tips. Today not so much. I never did. But I knew people. And why get fired over snacks?

We'll see what if anything happens.

Anyway...

The creepy downstairs neighbor went on an hour long tirade again this morning about women. Jesus Christ. He's increasingly getting more hateful. 5150!!

Every morning between 7-8am he gets on the phone to either his brother or ex-wife and bitches for at least an hour about women, minorities, liberals, and young America. He doesn't talk to people, he collects information about people, like an old hen, then complains about them the following morning -- for an hour! This is his life. 80 year old white guy. He wakes me up every goddamn morning. It's the worst alarm clock ever! I can't imagine being 80 years old and knowing this is all he has to live for until the day he dies. So sad. Just get the clown makeup now.

Moving on...

So it seems I'm in a race over a ghost cat illustration. (Shaking fist at Nathan the cat lady!) My ghost cat will be along the lines of Tim Burton meets M Night Shyamalan. Plus I had the idea for weeks before you! No matter. Mine will be cooler. You're a little too G-rated cartoon character like. I love ya. But you're a G-rate nerd.

GHOST CAT

CAN YOU SPOT GHOST CAT?

LOVE, GHOST CAT

Okay, time for a glass of wine and write up something brilliant. Good night.

Nose mole!