bitches need stitches

Alyssa Milano, I want to be on your side here, but you're so goddamn annoying. 

In the real world, in a real work place, both Weinstein and Milano, would have both been fired. No one wants drama in the work place. The only resolution, the ONLY answer, is providing a safe and healthy work place for the rest of the employees. You have to think of everyone. And since both Milano and Weinstein continuously disrupt the work place, in the real world they'd both be fired. 

Bye Felicia! 

I'm SO SICK of these women complaining. "Look at me! Look at me! Look at the movement I made!" As if sexual harassment is something new and didn't happen to anyone else, ever. You're right. Sexual harassment was totally irrelevant until Alyssa Milano came along. I'm actually rooting for Harvey now. 

I'm (right here) with you Matt Damon. You're spot on. 

Different crimes. Different punishments. 

But then punish them and MOVE (the fuck) ON.

I think I'm most annoyed at the fact that I don't know what these women want. What do you want? Money? Recognition? A pat on the back? You've received all this for like MONTHS now. You even got your own prestigious hashtag. Fuck. What more do you want? Because here's the deal, you don't get to bitch forever. You're women. Rule #1 women don't like women. There's limits. The moment other women aren't getting any pats on the back, they're going to turn on all the Milano's of Hollywood. I've already turned on her because I heard her the FIRST TIME. Months ago! Enough.  

But since this is Hollywood... 

HYSTERIA! Brought to you by women of Hollywood. The same people who complain loudly if their server innocently forget their shitty side of mayonnaise.  

Have I ever told you I think my dad speaks to me through Joel Osteen? 

It's weird.  

Yes dad.

I'm just going to say this one negative thing and then I'll move on. HOW does Jimmy Kimmel still have a job hosting late night TV? Anyone? Network executives? Are you just letting him finish out his contract or what?  

That's all I'm going to say about it.

I only got blocked once on Twitter this week so, good. She couldn't take criticism and blocked us. Me and another person. Actually it was something he said that drove her over the edge. He sarcastically called her a genius and she had no come-back other than BLOCK. Bitch got no game.

Dear black Alabama voters. Next time, get (at least) a promissory ring before you get on your backs and spread your legs. I hope you used a condom. Don't ask for things like equal pay and raises from your politician after you elect him into office. -- Accept the praises cuz you ain't getting raises. No politician is going to wine you and dine you AFTER you already put out! Next time ASK ME first. I'll tell you how to get what you want. You gotta bait and wait, honey. Bait and wait. 

So, New Years Eve. In Vegas. It's my first. Be gentle. I might just stay in with a bottle of wine and watch this Youtube clip all night. Dude, it's better than meditating! I completely zone out for like 30 minutes at a time. 

Or maybe a little Bally's Monster Put Put Mini Golf. $10. Bring your flask. You should see my inbox. You guys know I'm not gonna read that shit until February or March, right? And no, I won't be your date to AVN. I don't attend AVN for the same reason I don't attend NAMM, and some of my best friends will be at NAMM. It just doesn't interest me. And my friends don't want a bored (Simone Gordon) moping around. Don't blame them. You guys know where to find me in Vegas.    

Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas. Unless you consider watching Aramis's grandma get shitfaced by 4pm, celebrating Christmas. In that case I celebrate Christmas at least two dozen times a year. 

I do have a sexy Valentines Day date. YAYO a drinking partner!  

My birthday, however, 49. It's not the BIG 5.0. but close. Still, I should do something.  Oh who am I kidding I'm just gonna play poker. 

On my 5.0 birthday I'm getting a "Do not resuscitate" tattoo. 

Seriously though, how is that confusing to anyone? 

Prostitution! The last honest occupation. Truly. And these Australian wives ain't having none of it? 

I don't get these types of sex hang ups. Is she legal and consenting? Yes? What's the problem? 

You want to send a hooker to my (hypothetical) husband who's off fighting for our country, knock yourself out. He likes redheads. So do I. Send her up to my room when he's done. 

So who's next on the bitches need stitches mad hysterics list? 

Because when I think of Alyssa Milano I think of this

I really am rooting for Harvey now.