Some guy from Stillwater, MN

He's from Stillwater, MN.

I'm from (some place else) Minnesota.

He just moved to Los Angeles.

I like connecting with Midwest people. My childhood memories are my favorite.

And so...

Stillwater and I started chatting. Texting. We met once before. Just for coffee along Abbot Kinney. Thought it could be cool to hang out again. Maybe Sunday?

Saturday evening however he text, "I finally got my furniture. And my bed." (hint hint)

I didn't have a response for that so I ignored his text. Nice guy. Just not interested in his bed.

But apparently when a MN guy texts you the word "bed" it's his way of saying, "want to have sex?"

"I'm just keeping it low key today. I don't want to do (anything else) but hang out at the beach." I text back the next day. Meaning whatever you have in mind, no.

And then 1,001 text messages flood my message inbox.

(Jesus Christ. Really?)

Because nothing turns a girl on more than having a guy you just met, and said no to, flood your message inbox with random hostility.

In the end, Stillwater remarked, "Show me your Minnesota roots. Not this crazy LA girl shit."

Because when a girl says "no" she's a crazy LA girl.

As (comic) Lewis Black, once said, the only reason states like MN exist is because pioneers crossing the all weather barren plains, dying of exposure, starvation and/or disease, just said "fuck it, we can go no further" and thus the mighty Great Lake state of Minnesota, was shaped...

As were the states of North Dakota, South Dakota, Wisconsin, and Wyoming.

American Indians, of these great middle American states, made popcorn and watched the pioneer Anglo white pilgrims wearing large buckled shoes, throw rocks at the fish in half frozen streams hoping to at least give some poor fish a concussion long enough to yank it from the water.

And

If MN is so wonderful what are YOU doing in CA?

There's a reason I live in CA, Minnesota winters, suck. No one should live anywhere it gets -10 below zero!

MN is still home for as long as I have at least one loved one there, after all, home is where the heart is, but if any of my immediate family were to move to Los Angeles, I'm packing my bags and mapping the highways and freeways to (anywhere else!)

He called me mean.

No. THIS is mean...

There's a reason the state penitentiary is in Stillwater. The state deemed it the most suitable place to put all the human debris we don't want in our neighborhoods.

So before you start with the, "Show me your MN roots, not this crazy L.A. girl shit." You need not forget one little thing that is still VERY Minnesotan, that being, as much as I dislike my brothers right now, one little phone call from me, their baby sister, that some creep is mistreating me -- my brothers are on the first plane to Los Angeles, to kick your ass.

It doesn't get more Minnesota, than that. It doesn't even have to be my brothers. It can be any guy from my home town. Any guy I grew up with.

Worry not Stillwater, a sucker is born every minute. Both male and female. I'm sure you'll find a mate no one else wants to touch, in no time.