APRIL 30
(10:51pm)
Oh ... Bill Maher and I agree on the stupidity of Cryptocurrency? Thank you! It's make believe money, people!
(7:34pm)
"What you did last night there are no laws for."
"Well then I haven't broken any."
😎
(6:41pm)
Yes. DEAD ZONE. This scene. Greatest set of breasts on film. When he rips her bra/top off... That's where our movie would start. Keep rolling goddamn you!
(6:17pm)
Messy lipstick from kissing? Or...
(3:06pm)
I'm going to take a nap and rest up. I mean.
And to all the men out there saying they're 9 inches and girthy, this is 7 inches and girthy and you're not this. The biggest girthy cock I've ever played with is 8.5 and I'm pictured with him on my profile. Yeah he's totally bigger than this dildo.
(8:27am)
The only side effect I have from the Pfizer (first dose) is a dry cough. I get a dry cough in the middle of the night from the Lipitor I take before going to bed, but after the vaccine shot I still have the dry cough @ 8:30am, which is usually long gone by now.
(8:05am)
Their Kasidie handle is MONSTERPEANUT and I just love their profile pic. Her boobs in that picture makes my little girl pussy twitch.
(7:02am)
There's a scene in (I want to say) THE DEAD ZONE, it's early I'm not positive if that's the movie or not, but there's a scene where a serial killer corners a beautiful woman in a public park veranda type thing, he knocks her down, she's unconscious on her back, and he rips her white top open exposing her very beautiful breasts, and I've always thought THIS would make THE BEST opening to a CNC sex scene EVER!! ... EVER!!
Unfortunately that sex scene will never be made here in the US unless there's some kind or "horror movie" overtones to it so American men who are morons would remember "Oh this is just a movie, and rape is still bad."
2021 and the majority of men in America are so undersexed, so not sophisticated, so brainwashed, women can't go topless at a public pool or beach without men going completely "sex nuts and retard strong".
Like that idiot judge back in whatever state that was in the 80's who ruled the woman was asking to be raped because she wasn't wearing panties under her skirt. Some rapist found a woman wearing a skirt and thought "easy target" and it just so happened she wasn't wearing panties, which the rapist wouldn't have ever known had he not raped her. But the judge ruled that by not wearing panties the woman was asking to be raped and set the rapist free. Welcome to America. Nothing has changed.
I would never in a million years want some stranger, especially from the internet FFS, to ball gag and "rape" me. Are people really that stupid? It's a photo. It's hot. It's supposed to make your dick hard. You're supposed to fantasize. Look at it, jerk off, have a nice day.
Consenting adults. That's always been the name of the game.
If I shoot this video it's going straight overseas. This country (still) can't handle it.
Yet another reason why I prefer European men. They're generally smart enough to know fact from fiction, reality from fantasy.
APRIL 29
(9:42pm)
I suck at Onlyfans but I have a page. I started it back in February, abandoned it, and just now tonight uploaded a bunch of photos.
[Click the link]
(1:47pm)
I'm very bad at naming things. This blog should have been your first clue.
(12:19pm)
Bro, that was the first sentence. You managed to fuck it up in the first sentence.
"I bet you like a man who knows what he wants and how to do you to do what he wants to..."
(6:39am)
Whoo I won another dollar. Petrified store gumballs on me!
(6:26am)
125/87 before morning meds.
I still didn't get my ginger honey tea. Just busy. Not enough hours in the day. I'm not anywhere near a Korean market.
I forgot about the vaccine shot, slid the BP arm cuff up my arm and made a wimpy "uh - uh - uh -uh" as I tightened the cuff. It's early. I'm just now drinking my first cup of tea.
What bothers me more than taking the meds is how every doctor I go to, except my neurologist who's amazing, are all the GP type docs who act like car mechanics. They're body mechanics. "She had a stroke? Does she have insurance? Fantastic! Make sure you perform (these tests) and (these tests) and (these tests) just in case she dies within five years lets get all we can out of her insurance. And that's exactly what it feels like. I'm getting tested for two different types of cancer in May. Why again? Not to be an a-hole but if I have cancer I don't want to know. One looming death date is plenty thanks. I just want to live my life. I want my life back. I want to get back to whatever normal I was before.
And as job, after job, after job, in my industry keeps turning me down because I have a pre-existing medical condition that has now limited my mobility, I sit here and go what do I do now?
I still look good amazing AF. Who owns prettykinky.com? How much do you want for it?
I've been up since 4am. I've always appreciated watching the sun rise but now more so than ever.
I need to go camping. I need a cabin in the woods. Lets get lost for a while. We can fish. I can prep the fish, fillet it, cook it over an open flame, bring a bunch of vegetables and potatoes with us. Cook them over an open flame... chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallow. Gotta get our s'mores on!
Random, I wish I knew how to drive a forklift. There seems to be a lot of warehouse jobs out there that require you to drive a forklift.
I bought lotto tickets again. I won a dollar last Saturday. 😎 Looking at the website, no one won the 41 million last night. Someone did win 41 thou AKA a sous chef's salary. 😏
What are we doing?
What am I doing?
Withal...
APRIL 28
(5:30pm)
Welp. I had to. Companies require Covid vaccines or you don't work, you don't get hired. Way to force me into doing something I didn't want to do. Again. The shot was in my left arm but it's my right arm that hurts. Explain yourself!
In three weeks I get the second one.
(8:36am)
I want some!!! The amount of sodium in the type of ramen he's eating is half at maximum what the FDA advises. He's eating two. Like most do. Ah to be young and invincible. I'm jealous.
(6:29am)
115/84 before morning meds.
He's English. I get on best with European men. Always have. I married a Swede. Although he turned out to be a little too American. I'm reminded of my French tutor who said, "I don't hang out with French Americans. Most have forgotten who they are." I get that. I say the same thing about Midwest people who moved away from home and forgot how we were raised, at least my generation. They've forgotten to be kind, helpful, and mindful of their surroundings. They've forgotten the basics of humanity. Minnesotans are vikings and pioneers. We're tough, strong, we don't complain, we get things done, we're close to nature and appreciate what we have, and each other. Or at least we did. I've lost my way occasionally but you never forget. Sometimes you just need to be reminded and not be a raging asshole. Anyway, it's nice having someone to talk to again who doesn't scream at me. We both like dirty sex and we both know how to make proper cups of tea. So there's that.
I've been alone for a long time. A really long time. It's not natural to be alone for as long as I have. And as I've told my friends repeatedly, he'll come along when he comes along. When I look for him, it never happens. Even when there's been mutual interest, we never connect. 🤷
"How did you two meet?"
"She has artsy photos of her tits and pussy online but it was the ball gag "rape abduction" photo when I said "There's something special about this woman" that stole my heart."
We should probably work on that story, eh?
APRIL 27
(8:02pm)
Am I using this ball gag correctly? Lets ask an uptight dentist on a swinger website! 😅
F off! I look hot in this picture!
(2:03pm)
There better be some orphan children I save from a burning building, or something to make surviving when so many people I've known over the years have died.
Last night Bob screamed at me over the phone for 30 solid minutes how my stroke has changed me for the worse. He said the same thing happened to his brother. His brother had a stroke, survived, and Bob hates him now too. He told me to get into the stroke recovery group Saint John's referred me to. Bob wants "the old" me back. He hates what I've become. Have I changed? I don't know.
Every ounce of strength I have goes towards my recovery and doing things that make me feel good. And that's on top of looking for work and maintaining sanity.
Maintaining sanity. I would LOVE to just get bag of drugs most days and check out. I was [this close] to asking Aramis if he would help me die if the day came when my health was so bad I was more pharmaceutical than human.
I am not the same person I was before my stroke. Agreed. I had hoped I changed for the better. But Bob doesn't seem to think so. He says I'm selfish with my time. He says I don't call him enough, and our conversations on the phone aren't long enough. "I remember when we would talk on the phone for five hours some days!" I don't have that kind of time anymore. And apparently screaming at me for 30 minutes is what sane people do to make everything better. And that's after I learned that Derrick died.
Only 40% of stroke survivors live another five years. Maybe I'll be among that 40% because I had it younger than most people who survived one. But what if I'm not among that 40%? Of all the asinine ridiculous bullshit I've written for this blog spanning some 6 going on 7 years... Has it even been entertaining? Did you laugh? Maybe just once?
What are we doing?
(8:03am)
YAS! Again the meal from my childhood eaten properly this time 😍 no ketchup!
Needs sauerkraut. But no ketchup this time!!! Makes my heart swoon.
I don't want to be that guy who tells people how to eat, but there are certain dishes you don't get the flavor of the dish when eaten incorrectly. That, and ketchup is the work of the devil.
(7:52am)
Everything she's eating YUM 😋 except the squid.
I can't bring myself to eat squid again (and it's usually chewy) or chicken feet. I appreciate any culture that doesn't waste, and I'm sure it probably wouldn't bother me if I didn't know what I was eating, but yeah no.
(6:06am)
126/84 before morning meds. I'm amazed it's that low consider the day I had yesterday. We're dying younger. Making beautiful corpses.
Will drink my caffeine, pee, and go for my walk. I almost died last night going under this La Cienega bridge where a homeless community has made an ungodly horror show of unspeakable proportion. You know how in the movies there's a girl walking alone in some shithole, you know she's about to die, and suddenly a bird (from nowhere!) flies frantically overhead just before the murdering begins, yeah that actually happened. A bird just frantically flew (from out of nowhere!) over my head and my knee-jerk thought was this is how I die.
I need the ocean today. I need the ocean every day.
APRIL 26
(2:22pm)
Just learned this morning that my friend and old coworker Derrick passed away two years ago from a brain aneurysm. He was 41. I've been in shock since his girlfriend told me this morning. They moved to Vietnam some 6 years ago. We only kept in touch via facebook and skype. But I've since deleted my facebook, and things being what they have been the last year and a half... fuck... that's a terrible excuse.
He was only 41. His girlfriend came home from work and found him on their bedroom floor with his inhaler in his hand. He was already dead. Be that, autopsy showed he died from a brain aneurysm. He probably thought it was something else while he was having it, just like I did. Never in a million invincible years do you think you're dying. Don't fuck around with head pain. It's no joke. He was only 41!!!
She said he had been experiencing stress.
What are we doing?
My dad
Rick
Byron
and now
Derrick
What the fuck is going?!
(6:59am)
123/86 before morning meds.
(6:44am)
Everything she's eating. All of it. I need a friend like her. People don't realize it's what they eat alongside an actual regiment of prep in order to eat like this...
I love her.
(5:16am)
APRIL 25
(10:56pm)
Men acting like they're doing something for you because they text you. Um. No. Pay my bills. Time is money.
I lost interest 6,291 text messages ago. PAY ME.
(10:52pm)
FYI, I'm pretty. I don't need a website to attract men. I just have to go outside.
(10:43pm)
Ok that's it I'm done being everyone's emotional support bitch. Y'all gone tuck yourselves in tonight without draining me completely for attention. I have things to do.
There are two kinds of men who text, those who can say what they have to say in no more than three text exchanges, and those who act like they just discovered texting and emojis. Fuck me. I have things to do! Is there no one else who can give you attention? Holy shit.
Even Lucy made $.05 per!
(8:15pm)
I don't want to manage your restaurant, or assist manage your restaurant! I have a stress condition FFS! Are you people seriously trying to kill m.... Oh wait, which restaurant? Oh no. Yeah no. I'm totally good. Who's your executive chef? Yeah yeah. Some places are worth dying for. No no all good. How much is the pay? 😅
You can't manage a restaurant of that caliber walking only 3 miles a day. You're on your feet pacing a good 20 miles a day at least. I did an average of 22 miles walking around the last restaurant I managed AND had a nice trip to the ER where I had to poo in a clear white bucket when my ulcer flared. You don't know the meaning of stress until you manage a restaurant of that size. 4 years at that restaurant took more years off my lifespan than my stroke, 15 years of smoking, and the 90's, combined.
I just want my food truck.
I have not abandoned that goal.
(7:22pm)
MONSTERPEANUT on Kasidie has the best profile photo I've ever seen. Her take on Farrah Fawcett's red bathing suit is smoking hot.
(7:04pm)
113/83 just now.
Just woke up from a nap. I only walked 3 miles yesterday and 2 miles today. My legs are killing me. My quads. My only concern now is getting to at least 75% like my neurologist and I hope before end of May. I have to. If I'm only able to walk 2-3 miles a day for the rest of my life, of course I'll be grateful to still be walking, but how will I get around rest of the day?? I've never not been on my feet.
APRIL 24
(11:31pm)
When the guy who leaves only Asian women OFF his list of women he's willing to fuck, won't get off your dick. Hi. I'm Asian. You won't have sex with my tribe which is fine but FFS WTF!
(10:23pm)
I almost wrote daddy23pm. Um. Yeaaa. I’m going to start drinking now. I actually had plans but he cancelled because his brother is an idiot. So, this is my Saturday night now...
(8:50pm)
Aaaaand how’s your night going?
(5:31pm)
What is that popping out of your costume? 😅
(3:17pm)
Can everyone please do a quickie spell check before you hit send. Or at least finish the sentence you were typing. Because I have no idea what, "nur... the play in?... stick" means. Holy shit.
(2:33pm)
There's a place in Hollywood called The Electric Owl. Ever been? Their IG page looks good. Those Shishito peppers in miso butter topped with furikake, I'm all into that.
(11:25am)
I love it when TV chefs moan and compliment their own cooking. "Ohhh.... yea... Mmmm.... Look at that.... Mmmm isn't that beautiful... So good.... uh.... god... I can't wait to get that in my mouth... Ooooooh wow.... Mmmm try this at home... Oh... So gooy delicious... "
APRIL 23
(11:54pm)
Because I had nothing else to do...
(6:09pm)
I bought lotto tickets. 40 million. why not? That's the highlight of my night.
(5:48pm)
114/72 just now.
Only did 3.1 miles today. Try for more tomorrow. My body can't decide if it's going to have a period or not. For the past 3 days I've been barely there spotting, and today it's back to nothing. I don't know it's because of the meds or menopause. Who knows? I have nothing planned for tonight. Guess I'll just take pics of my butt and post it on the internet.
(6:40am)
Where are all the perverts at? I am so incredibly horny right now. I've been a masturbating fiend all week but I need a release much bigger than an orgasm. Should be most excellent for my blood pressure.
APRIL 22
(8:42pm)
Oh how I love being back in the job search market. I applied for a job, went to the interview, was informed via email three days later I didn't get the job, and now a different manager from the same company just emailed me and offered me the exact same job I interviewed for and was ultimately eliminated from. 👏👍 Well done.
PS...
Ed is going TO the market.
I want to go TOO.
Now you know the difference between TO and TOO, for the guy calling people morons. 😏
(6:30pm)
When at 2:07pm you return their phone call and the receptionist says "We've been hoping to hear from you but can we call you back in 20 minutes" and it's now 6:30pm.
(4:21pm)
😂
(8:22am)
You don't have to be hyper to have hypertension or a stress disorder. I have hypertension and I've always been that weird quiet kid. That's why I'm on medication now. My body is unable to control blood pressure apparently, or so the doctors tell me. It's a physical disorder that lead to a stroke. That, and I love salt and butter. And I have narrow arteries. As a kid therapists said it was good to distract my mind. Direct the energy somewhere. My dad and grandma got me a ton of art stuff throughout my childhood. It gave my nervous energy somewhere to go. The problem now (or so I think) is kids have too much mental stimulation, not enough physical stimulation. You don't see kids on the street riding bicycles, skateboarding, playing street hockey, not like they used to. Although when the zombie virus comes the only people who'll survive are all under 14... Which might be a good thing.
(7:57am)
Before you go stuffing pills down your kids throats, it could be physical.
I have a stress disorder. Acute stress. I've always had it. Even as a kid. It was misdiagnosed as OCD and ADD. Additionally my dad thought I suffered trauma due to his turbulent first marriage and put me in therapy. Therapy was before parents doped up their kids with prozac or whatever. I didn't know it was stress until my 20's.
I was in my mid 20's when I got shingles. A condition people get in their 80's when they're dying. I was in my early 30's when I was first diagnosed with high blood pressure. Was put on the DASH diet back then for two weeks. I was in my 30's again when I went into the ER and was diagnosed with an ulcer. I've been dealing with stress eczema on my neck for the past four years which is mostly gone thank god. And now the stroke. Some people are just nervy. If nothing else I'm learning a lot about the nervous system. One nerve on each side of the body starts up by the base of your neck and winds around that side of your body. Just one long strand of nerve. Ever see that documentary on the Mutter Museum at The College Of Physicians? That's where I want to donate my body to when I die. 😂
(7:35am)
120/86 before morning meds, and after 1st cup of tea.
I need more ginger honey tea. I accidentally left mine downtown. I'm going to trek out to an Asian market today (somewhere). Hopefully I won't have to go all the way downtown but I will if I have to. Someone in West LA has to have ginger honey tea. West LA is Little Tokyo. Or it was.
I joined Joi last night. I heard it's reopening this weekend. I actually started my period today, first one of the year, but I still might go.
I walked 3.2 miles yesterday. Try doing a little more each day. Stands to reason after suffering stroke atrophy in my legs (both quads) I can rebuild those muscles, right? And we still don't even know if its atrophy or my med dosage is too high causing muscle impairment as a side effect. Two of the meds I take in the morning cause muscle pain. But why just in my quads? Which leads me to think it's more stroke atrophy. Either way I can rebuild those muscles, right? Have to try. I have to be 75% better by end of May the neurologist said. After the first three months following a stroke I'll only recover maybe an extra 10%. After that I'm done. Have to try.
3.2 miles. I used to do upwards to 22 miles a day at work. I don't think I'll ever get 22 miles a day back. I'll be happy with 10 miles.
Seriously though, my period?
APRIL 21
(7:02pm)
You might be sexually deprived if you read the word "barback" as "bareback".
(11:35am)
105/72
I'm ok. I accidentally left my Korean ginger honey tea downtown. Which would have been great for the nausea yesterday. I'm ok. I'm going on my interview.
(8:03am)
My blood pressure has been really low last 24 hours. And yesterday morning after taking my meds (around 7am) I was more nauseous than usual until about 1pm. On my hands and knees nauseous. I have a job interview in Century City today. I hope the nausea clears by noon.
Every side effect of these drugs the medical world deems normal (for starters) fatigue, dizziness, nausea... Are the bad side effects of a stroke that I don't have until after I take the morning meds. I tell the doctors this and they all say, "It's normal" and "You can never get off the meds. Your body is no longer capable of maintaining a healthy blood pressure." I shouldn't feel worse after I take the meds. Why doesn't anyone understand this?!
The last 24 hours have been hard.
I met the cuckold guy yesterday evening. I don't know. I'm not really into that kind of belittling lifestyle really. Once in a long while maybe to change things up but as a human being I'm into nice normal people who just like hot clean sex. If I have spend five minutes insulting a guy's dick every other two hours I'm just going to feel like shit at the end of the day. I can get into that head space for work if you want me to beat you up with whips and paddles, but not while I'm laying in bed looking at recipes online. Too much work. It's why I don't seek out M/F couples anymore. Too much work and drama.
Going to eat an orange. I always start the day with fruit. Well not always. Usually.
APRIL 20
(3:39pm)
I don’t smoke pot (4/20) but I was generously gifted this box of tacos anyway in celebration of it. Thank you!!!
God damn I love Taco Bell. This should be great for my blood pressure and cholesterol!!
(3:25pm)
Guilty. Good. Anyone with eyes could see Chauvin was guilty of murder. But lets not forget to appreciate all the amazing law enforcement out there too.
(7:54am)
Uuuuuuuuuh morning meds.
BTS and McDonald's are collabing a Korean inspire meal. Interesting! Oh wait. It's just the 10 piece McNugget meal (fries and drink) with two "new Korean inspired" dipping sauces? 😒 No sides of kimchi? Wut? For burgers and fish sandwiches like they have in Korea. Because that would be the obvious Korean move. I mean. WTF BTS. You got pull. You coulda made it happen! Korean inspired but not TOO Korean inspired. Like Korean BBQ chip that smell like Korean BBQ buuuut taste like regular BBQ chips. 👍
APRIL 19
(6:07pm)
Fuck me. I just re-read his emails. It's Kansas City, MO. He moved to Missouri. 10 hours from Minnesota. I'd rather be dead (than be his children's nanny).
(6:03pm)
Oops. Balls. I meant Arkansas.
It's been a day.
(12:48pm)
Apparently there are no babysitters in Kansas. 😂🤣
(9:46am)
Yesterday was so quiet. No emails. No text messages. No phone calls. No nothing all day. QUIET. Freaked me out. I had a mini panic attack. Thought maybe I had died and was in an altered death universe, purgatory, alien space ship, kind of thing. Not to worry because Monday, today, rolled around and my ex-husband actually sent me an email asking if I would help him raise his kids. No no, you read that correctly. The woman he got pregnant while we were married and he are now divorced and he's trying to get sole custody of their kids. Only, he works a full time job graveyard hours and asked me to move to Kansas so I can put his kids on the schoolbus in the mornings.
Good news I'm not dead! Unless of course I did die and this is my hell.
APRIL 18
(3:13pm)
It wouldn't be the first time someone who broke my heart decided years later that I was the one. Wouldn't be the first time. Back when I lived in my little studio apartment on Detroit Street in Hollywood, I fell in love once. James. Remember him? We were a thing (on and off) for about a year. 1997 maybe. But he didn't want to settle down. Broke my heart a little. Then in 2013, or maybe it was 2014, James and I reconnected and the first thing he says to me is, "All a guy really wants is someone to love them the way you loved me." Sorry too late. It really was. That was 16 years ago. I didn't love him anymore. He didn't understand why. Last I heard James went back to Chicago a year later. Some time over this past winter I read an obituary that a man with the same name as James died in Chicago. Was it him? I have no idea.
(7:55am)
Process of elimination. That's how we learn what we want and don't want. Following that, I get on with people who are a little more worldly or at least have a healthy curiosity about the world. Some sophistication. Be that, majority of my friends are midwesterners because I understand them. My generation of midwestern friends were raised to be polite, hospitable, helpful, kind, and thoughtful. Those qualities are what our parents referred to as the foundation of a decent person. Time and again I find this to be true. I can generally spot a male midwest Gen X'er pretty early on.
Like Aramis he's from Wisconsin. Like Aramis he's all good things we (particularly midwest) ladies wish men to be. "His parents raised him right." Is what we would say. He and I traveled in the same circle of friends. He even knows Aramis. But he and I only knew of each other from a distance. Then one day on social media we connected. He was at the end of his long term relationship. I was at the end of my marriage. We went out for coffee, discussed childhood homes, mutual friends from then and now, one thing lead to another and we started a sexual relationship. Things got pretty intense between us sexually, we had a lot of fun together (a lot of fun!) and then soon down the road he met someone. It stung. I won't lie. But I was still going through a divorce and needed to get myself together. Start over. Alone. Without a man to save me. So he went his way with his new girlfriend. I went my way. Not long after I too met someone. But the sting of Wisconsin and I not being together anymore lingered. Being with him was like being home again. That's a huge lure for me. The only thing that keeps me from living in Minnesota is the horrible weather seven months out of the year. I live in Los Angeles for the weather.
About six months later he was single again. So was I. We reconnected, lit fire to our intense sexual appetites, had many more crazy fun nights, and then just like before he met someone. The sting was now a cut, and it went pretty deep. But while he was doing his thing I eventually met someone else also. And just like before within months we were both single again. Once again we resumed where we had left off. Like not a day had past without each other and our insatiable sexual appetites.
It wasn't just sex. Was it? We would have lengthy pillow talks. We laughed. We cuddled. We kissed. We were very comfortable with each other. Had he said lets just keep it us for a while, no one else, I would have done that. But he didn't say that and I was good with it. After all, we were alike in that we both love sex with others together.
And then
For the third time
He met someone.
The sting, that turned into a cut, was now a goddamn burn.
I couldn't see then that no one was better off. I was too emotional to recognize no one was getting 100% out of him coming and going like this. Not the six to twelve month girlfriends, not me, not even him. No one was getting what they wanted. He and I had the sex part. The girlfriends had the love part, or so I'm guessing. Did he think I was incapable of loving him? So I left. I left for good. I cut him out of my life entirely.
I got divorced. Dated other men. Got over the guy from Wisconsin. Moved to Las Vegas. Moved back to California (because holy shit no one should live where it's 118 degrees out!)
Eight years passed by.
And then
Yesterday
I got a phone call
From him.
I told the universe (AKA Google) that I wanted some fun. That I was in need of fun. And this is who the universe sent me?
CA Superlotto is up to 39 million. I honestly thought I had a better chance of winning Superlotto than seeing this guy again.
We spoke on the phone for an hour like no time had passed. He told me his things. I told him mine. I think my feelings for him have faded. I won't know until (if) I see him again.
APRIL 17
(4:43pm)
How not to treat your dog!! I yelled at the guy when he came out of the store for not leaving the puppy any water at least, and not putting puppy in the shade!! He apologized to me. Don’t apologize to me, just treat your doggie better!!
Look at this beautiful baby!! 🥺😭
(2:31pm)
The reality of FMF threesomes 😉
(9:42am)
I haven't met a new female friend in 15 years plus, so unless she's a good friend of mine I'm not into hanging out with other single women. It's always drama. ALWAYS DRAMA.
(9:33am)
Years ago I was once in a FMF with my male playmate and another woman, that ended up with him just having sex with her because she freaked out every time he touched me. I watched them have sex for all of a New York minute before I'm wondering how to get the fuck out of this guy's apartment.
I just left. Fuck that.
(9:02am)
I want to have some fun. Soon. I miss fun. Not sure the cuckold thing will be fun but I'm down.
(8:54am)
I don't walk in high heels anymore. I stopped wearing them before the stroke. Beth just had foot surgery on both feet to fix her Barbie toes. I have wicked Barbie feet from years of high heels but these are my feet now. (Look at them!!)
I was talking with a very handsome male friend last night about cuckolding. My friend, 100% straight, has many years of experience playing with couples where the husband either watches while he has sex with the wife, or the husband hangs back in the other room while my friend has sex with the wife. Either way I don't understand it. I received an email on a sex site where this single male, mid 40's, attractive, enjoys the cuckold experience and wants to, in his words, take me shopping for sexy clothes to wear for men who would come over and have sex with me while he watches. Again, I don't understand it. He's not going to participate? No. He's just going to watch me enjoy fucking other men. Huh. I've done it before with SD's when I was much younger and he was older, but there I thought the kink was watching his daughter fuck someone. It's a kink. Old and true. And people will pay. Not just men.
But this... I don't understand.
I enjoy watching my guy have hot sex too, but that's in the interim pause of my play time. As in I'm having fun also not just solely watching. I'd watch him if it had been recorded and I was alone masturbating. But then my friend explained that one guy, in the porn industry, could not get off on porn anymore but found watching his wife have sex live with him (and other men) a huge turn on. I get that. But I'm not sure that's cuckolding. Is it? When I was with my SD's back in the day, he would watch while I was having sex and the turn on for him included my telling him how wonderful this other guy's cock was, and how my SD never fucked me so good, while I was having sex. But again, that was an incest role play thing, right? Or so I thought.
I get occasional emails where couples will say "Have sex with him while she watches" and I'm like eeehhh no. Pass.
Anyway, I wrote the self titled cuckold back, sooooo anyone want to have sex while this attractive, 40-something guy... just... watches?
APRIL 15
(7:25pm)
I'm not going to say which grocery store chain, but it rhymes with Gebelson's. Upon hire for the deli department, they said I had to pay $200 upfront to their union. Then an additional $15-$25 "donation" a week. First of all, donations? Back when my dad was a union man that was called union dues, there were no $200 upfront union fees AND Gebelson's only guaranteed 24 hours a week, not a set schedule, it changes every week, you would not be able to get a second job AND you wouldn't receive any benefits like medical and dental for SIX MONTHS after being hired. OK look...
I recently had some head trauma so maybe I'm missing something here? What then am I paying $200 for? What are the weekly "donations" for? It seems like they're just rewarding themselves for hiring people.
I'm too tired to get into all what happened at my neurologist appointment today. I will say this, I'm having problems with my quads. It's why I tripped over the curb and fell. My brain will tell my legs to walk, left foot, right foot, step up, step down, but the message from my brain to my legs aren't being received fast enough, and I fell. Sometimes I now have to pause, instruct my legs what to do in high risk injury situations, wait for my legs to do it, and then proceed. It's like that with my speech sometimes. The words don't come out verbally fast enough, especially in detailed conversation, and it frustrates some people when they try talking with me. They usually end up finishing my sentences for me, and that just frustrates me. Back to my legs. The neurologist said the soreness and lack of motor skill with my quads could be that my meds need to come down a little bit, lets hope it's that, or I may have suffered neurological atrophy when I had my stroke. My legs aren't paralyzed, thank god, but there may have been some neurological muscle deterioration. I don't see my GP for another 6 weeks and that's who's going to lab work my tests. In the meantime I'm going to keep balance and strength training my legs. Even IF it's muscle deterioration, I'm still going to keep strength training my legs. Nothing will get better if I do nothing.
Seriously guys, over 35 years old, please check your blood pressure once a week. $40 for a BP arm cuff at Target. It will save your life. It will save you.
(6:15am)
Darn. I didn't win 37 million playing super lotto. I was SO sure my odds were good. 😉 I actually did play. I got two numbers neither were the bonus number. C'mon 38 million! I live in Los Angeles FFS. 38 million will pay my rent for a few years at least.
(4:59am)
Just like that. Two nights of frost and 90% of their grape harvest destroyed. Breaks my heart. What can they do? Sow again for next year. Just breaks my heart. Farming is one of the most underappreciated jobs in the world.
That's why I blog, if you can get fruits, vegetables, wine, from the source, get it from the source! Orchards and vineyards need you more than the multi million (billion?) dollar grocery store chains. *Unless of course we're talking about imported wine. Fuck it. Go to France. Everything there is gorgeous.
APRIL 14
(6:49pm)
France will always be the superior wine makers. The only reason CA is kicking France's ass right now is because we have the good weather. France is struggling to keep their grapes from freezing during their winter season, meanwhile here in California 50 degrees. In France it's dropping down to 39 degrees F. I really hope they can save their grapes. I've always wanted to work on a vineyard. I'd do it for wine, room and board.
(2:58pm)
I see the neurologist in Santa Monica tomorrow and will just hang out at the beach afterwards. I'm meeting a boy from Malibu. He said "county line", I replied "Neptunes... Harley/surfer hangout", he said, "it still is", and right there we connected. Venice girl meets Malibu boy. I love Neptunes. Or I used to. The 90's my girlfriends and I with our long hair boyfriends on their Harleys to Neptunes. Playing at the beach all day, hanging at the bars at night, doing our late night group party thang. That was every night for years. Summers playing in Hunting Beach. Good times.
I'm so hopeful I'll get this job on Friday at Venice Beach I'm already looking at apartments. $1,400 a month gets me a bachelor. At least there's a toilet and a shower. Really, for the next 6 months what more do I need? Can I fit a twin mattress in there? Sold. I want my life back!
(2:12am)
I love her. This is the kind of photo couples need to send me of the MRS, a beautiful woman with a gorgeous face, pretty hair (though is this one a wig? She has this haircut now but is this one a wig?) and eating yuppduk and rice balls with furikake.
I love her. Veronica Wang.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
APRIL 13
(7:49pm)
Neurologist appointment Thursday morning in Santa Monica.
Job interview Friday morning at Venice Beach.
And can I please have a date with a man Saturday night who will pay $150 for a glass of Syrah? 💘😉😂 Goddamn I love bougie west side!
(9:08am)
I’m all about natural and herbal. Can’t say enough good things about this tea! Don’t forget to eat the ginger. It’s good!
(8:04am)
119/85 after morning meds.
Possibly the meds haven't absorbed through my body yet.
(5:51am)
120/84 before morning meds.
APRIL 12
(7:13pm)
I could be wrong but I think they injected nitroglycerin into my IV to widen my arteries to help blood flow through them, and then they took (a lot) of blood out of my other arm. They said I had narrow arteries. And the fact I’ve always had physical work on my feet 10 hours a day, super active, is probably why I didn’t have the stroke sooner. I’ve since tried nitroglycerin in fake salt-form and it’s just terrible. 😣
I love salt and butter. Can’t have it anymore. I don’t eat much red meat these days but now that I can’t have it I’ve been craving steak.
When you’re 40 and 50 and survived a heart attack or a stroke you will of course heal and adjust much quicker than say someone in their 70’s. The hard parts, which I’m learning are pretty common for people our age, is coming to terms with the fact you almost died this young, feeling that mortal coil slip away, re-learning to live with the meds and their side effects, re-learning how to do certain things, adjusting to stutters with varied motor skills, and not being afraid to walk down the street by yourself. When I fell on the sidewalk after my stroke that really fucked me up (emotionally, mentally, and physically) for over a week. More mentally than anything else. I got pretty shook.
Around three weeks after my stroke I was at CVS buying foundation powder, and as I looked through the clear plastic wrapping at the pressed powder, all of a sudden tiny little black dots ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ Started jumping around inside the powder case. Freaked me out! I started to go to the counter to ask the cashier if she could see the jumping black dots inside the powder case (concealed up in plastic wrapping) but still jumping around on the powder, but then decided not to freak out the cashier with my block dots hallucination. I simply put the powder back and left.
I was at a point where I was like, did that piece of lint just move? Omg is it lint? Is it? IS IT??? Did it just move??? It just moved didn’t it??!! — Brain damage. It got a little scary there for a while. I think I’m doing ok now. I really should have spent the two weeks in bed after the stroke like the hospital wanted me to do, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t have fallen down if I had.
2018 or was it 2019 I was already making plans to die alone. Getting my affairs in order. Of course no one really wants to die alone but shit happens.
I’d love to be a tough girl and say none of it scared me... but that shit scared me.
(11:52am)
102/77 after meds.
(9:03am)
I have another appointment with my GP, or rather with his office, I'm sure I'll just see the nurse again, in two months. I'm sure she'll take my blood pressure again and write a refill prescription. Schedule another appointment two months later to take my blood pressure and write another refill prescription. He's a GP. Internal medicine. *cough*insurancescam*cough*.
(8:54am)
I was admitted for Ischemic stroke, Htn (Hypertension), Hypertensive Emergency, Hypercholesterolemia
Everyone at Saint John's in Santa Monica, were amazing! The EMT's who answered my 911 call were just incredible. We all say how much we appreciate these essential workers who have been working through Covid, but even now as I'm typing this I'm almost crying. The two EMT's assessed me so fast, took my blood pressure, got on the phone with the hospital ER, I heard one of them say 270/170, I told them it felt like I got shot in the back of the head, they got me to Saint John's ER in what felt like seconds, and helped the ER doctors and staff so diligently. They got me in the CT scan super fast. I had an IV and fluids, and Norco, and they wrapped me in blankets, they gave me a towel to put over my eyes because the light was just killing me, everyone was SO nice, and then following the CT scan I was in the MRI almost immediately. They worked so hard to get my blood pressure down. And then some hours later a few people came in, this really young kid and a woman (I assume a doctor) pumped my body with blue gel, then rolled some kind of ultra sound ball under my ribs to check for blood clots... And then when everything was calm, when the dust cleared, the neurologist came in and told me, "You had a stroke" and then explained everything so thoroughly... Meanwhile my GP can't even be bothered to see me after I had to wait some 6 weeks for an appointment, I saw his nurse, and even after I told his office I had a stroke! But the neurologist office at Saint John's called to check up on me and scheduled a follow up appointment, which I have for next week... But my GP, still nothing. Not a phone call. Nothing!
(7:09am)
121/83 before morning meds.
(6:59am)
I have cheat days where I'll eat a chicken sandwich and fries, but since my stroke most of the time my diet is vegetables, fruit, tofu, seaweed, low to no sodium, and I was on a week long kimchi binge which is traditionally made with cabbage but the younger Asian generations put kimchi spices on everything, and it's amazing. The upside is it helps with strength training because you lose weight rather quickly, not that you should rely on weight loss to help gain your strength back after a stroke or heart attack but it helps, the downside is flatulence. Lots and lots of flatulence. So now I have to balance out my diet with medium fiber rather than high fiber for no other reason than to fart less. How do vegetarians do this? Does farting stop after a while or you just blaming it on the dog?
I notice the weight loss two or three days ago when I put my blood pressure arm cuff on and I had to wrap it around my arm more than usual.
I'm probably more scared then I need to be but I'm still sensitive about it. Trust me, it's not something you ever want to go through. It's not a minor ache or pain. It feels like you're being repeatedly shot in the back of the head. And like an idiot I ignored it the first time, had the stroke, but the second time was way too painful. There was no ignoring it.
I'm in the middle of week 6 (I believe) following my stroke, February 26th, and I can now carry things and walk without having to stop every 50 yards to rest. Before just carrying my purse was a hardship. Now I can carry groceries up and down stairs (strength wise) OK. I'm still working on my balance however. My speech has gotten better. They said it would. The horrible pain in the back of my head is now 95% gone. And I don't slur my words as much. I still feel kind of crappy after I take my morning meds, which I'm about to go do, but I think my body is adjusting to the medication, which is a whole other concern. Is this why you can never get off the meds? Because now your body relies on it? Which is exactly what I didn't want. Should I start incorporating my friend's herbal medicines and begin weening off the prescriptions? He did it after a year on his meds following a heart attack, but then again he was only on one pill. I (currently) take four.
APRIL 11
(9:10pm)
Funny I remember the first set of clicking noises but not loud buzzing. I was a wreck that evening. And after the Norco...
(6:44pm)
Everybody Taco Bell! Ten Taco Bell soft shell tacos, eh? I can put down ten McDonald's fish sandwiches easy. The ten (full unbroken) cobs of corn was harder than I thought it would be, I ate nine in a row and tapped out, but ten soft shell tacos... not in three minutes, but probably without stopping if I was hungry enough.
(3:08pm)
Girl, I can still eat (separately) corn on the cob, fish sandwiches from McDonald’s, and give this girl a run for her money...
(1:14)
Now you know
(9:36am)
Tteokbokki and Korean corn dogs! Everything she's eating right here.
(9:27am)
I love her. Not a fan of the wig because her own hair is so beautiful. But she is by far my favorite Canadian foodie. Gorgeous nutjob. I keep waiting for her to say "eh". But she never does. I love Taco Bell. On my IG page you'll see I walked a mile 3.4 miles in two feet of snow for a Taco Bell craving. Twice!
APRIL 10
(8:30pm)
When I was in the hospital they gave me Norco for the head pain. It’s very strong. It’s part opioid and knocked me out for half the MRI. If you’ve never had an MRI it’s 20 minutes of LOUD clicking sounds to stimulate brain waves to get clearer images of the brain a CT scan won’t pick up. The Norco knocked me out. I don’t understand opioid addiction, it just turns you into a drooling vegetable. Seriously. My dentist gave me Vicodin after my root canal and I would have rather just drank wine.
(7:21pm)
Year early 2000. Winter. Saturday afternoon. Bunch of southern Cali long hair rockers in LA Kings hockey gear riding in our friend’s decked out SUV with tinted windows headed to Staples Center, with this song on repeat the entire way. Good times!
🚫censorship! 🤬
(7:17pm)
I’m just gonna veg in front of the TV tonight. Did a lot today. I’m a little beat.
I should work in a no kill animal shelter and hustle donations and adoptions. I’ll know next week if I’m able to go back to work or not after my appointment with the neurologist.
Just this pill at night now thankfully.
What? I sleep with a Teddy Bear 🧸 what about it?
I haven’t needed the nightly brain pain pills 💊 for a while now thank god. Those turned me into a drooling comatose vegetable.
Pills pills pills...
(4:17pm)
2021 and people still don't know how to spin their photos so they're not sideways? Are sideways photos a cool trendy thing I don't know anything about because of how uncool I am?
AND ANOTHER THING!
Don't say "just four" people reportedly suffered blood clots from the J&J vaccine. Need I remind you what blood clots can cause? Brain aneurysms, heart attacks, and strokes. There are some things "just four" cannot be reported as being "just four".
EXAMPLE: His first year as a pilot for (whatever airlines) he crashed "just four" planes. His first year as a heart surgeon he left his gloves inside "just four" patients. Her first year as a nanny she was fired "just four" times.
I'm not against getting vaccines. GET VACCINATED. I went to get vaccinated even though I didn't 100% want to. I went. But I'm not getting the J&J vaccine. Nope. No. I have an appointment with the neurologist who took care of me at Saint John's, next week for a check up. I'm sure I can get a Pfizer or Maderna referral from him.
Got a kitchen? Want to cook together? Eat together?
IG @ 1_STRAY_GIRL
catonestray@gmail.com
(11:17am)
1,000 grams make a kilo, yes? I'm asking because I'm American and stupid when it comes to the metric system everyone other country in the world uses but us. But then again I had to look up how many ounces make gram... anyway, point being in the 80's & 90's how many people have snorted a kilo in their lifetime? Hands?
Did DMX OD or were there other medical factors? Fuck yes I'm very sensitive about heart attacks and stroke at 50. Gee. Can't imagine why?
(10:46am)
(7:50am)
Good morning.
(5:26am)
Yes! This is how you eat it.
I try not being that “this is the proper way to eat it” person but it really bothers me sometimes, clearly. 😂
Still blonde.
APRIL 9
(7:49pm)
The year was 2000. My then boyfriend Dana and I were off to a Kings hockey game with some friends from KNAC. The friend driving was blasting DMX, Party Up (Up In Here). At the time I thought this was the greatest song ever! None of us could stop singing it all day even at the hockey game. From 2000 to 2018 that song was a staple for all things WTF!!
I will always, along others, love that song.
I'm sad DMX died but he's not a legend. Tina Turner is a legend. Babe Ruth is a legend. DMX is where memories were made. And I thank him for that.
(5:30pm)
DMX... heart attack... goddamnit.
50 years old.
(8:33am)
I have been eating kimchi cucumber, kimchi chives, and seaweed, non stop for the past week. I'm sure I smell like it. 😊
116/83 after morning meds.
That Korean ginger tea with honey helps with the nausea. If only it would stop the dry cough I get in the middle of the night from the Lipitor. When I was married we hardly ever slept together. He worked graveyard, I got home from work around 11pm just in time for a quickie then he'd leave for work and I'd go to bed. On the weekends he was up all night and I worked. We slept together (as in zzzzz) once a week, sometimes two. More often than not I fell asleep on the couch because I like having the TV on when I sleep and he doesn't. Today, if we had stayed married, we wouldn't even bother sharing the same bedroom. I don't know how the baby boomers did it. We'd sleep fight.
Don't mind me I got ZERO sleep last night.
Did I mention I've been eating a lot of kimchi lately?
I have an appointment with one of the neurologists from Saint John's hospital next week. He's so nice. SO nice! He gave me his card in the hospital and said he wanted a follow up after I was released from the hospital. A few days ago one of his appointment setters called me to schedule that follow up. The level of care that hospital gave me is amazing. It makes me teary. I know it's their profession and all but my GP can't be bothered to see me after making me wait almost two months for an appointment! His nurse saw me. Luckily I had an appointment already scheduled prior to my stroke or I don't know how I would have gotten my meds refilled. Through the hospital I guess?
I can't say enough how grateful I am to the EMT's and everyone at Saint John's. It just makes me want to cry! I was all alone and they took such great care of me. Such great care.
Anyway...
APRIL 8
(6:06pm)
I’m on Kasidie. It’s fun. People are nice. And we actually email one another (90% of the time) as opposed to other sex sites where no one talks to each other unless it’s to be confrontational and insulting in a forum. 🙄
I need more fun in my life. I need male companionship. Friend. Lover. Adventure partner. Mate. It really shouldn’t be this hard. Cyn text me today and I’m not sure how to take her lack of shock that I’ve been rolling solo for eight years. 🤨🤔🤨
I try. I communicate. But when it takes men four days to return a text, five weeks to return an email, or text all night long one night and then radio silence for the following week, I can only assume I’m not their gal.
Exactly.
(9:21am)
“Now squat like you have to poop. That’s it. Wow. Sexy!”
OMG 🤭 No!! Stop it!!
(9:06am)
I love that sense of accomplishment too. 👍🏻
(8:45am)
Yep!
(8:18am)
Girl! 😅
(8:00am)
Just now an hour after morning meds. 😀
(7:32am)
2021 is flying by. Aside from (this) doctor's appointment and (that) doctor's appointment, I'd really like to have some fun. Remember fun? Remember road trips and camping? What happened to us? Aramis has had like three surgeries in the past 10 months. I had a stroke. The Viking Queen got divorced. Adulting sucks!
I absolutely hate Chauvin's lawyer, Eric Nelson. OMG what an asshole. No savvy, no charm, zero people skills. He's just a dick. Instead of asking witnesses questions in a tone where he's acquiring information for the jury, he's just flat out accusatory. Everyone else is to blame, the EMTs, the doctor, the witnesses who recorded the incident on their cell phone, everyone else is to blame except for the dude who actually killed the guy. Nelson's job is to come up with reasonable doubt. An alternative explanation. And I get he has a client to defend but holy shit can he just be a lawyer and not a lynchman?
Who likes white fishcakes and tteokbokki? Lunch? 1pm?
APRIL 7
(9:29pm)
Yum! 😋 sausage, sauerkraut, and apples.
(9:19pm)
No ketchup! Every time you guys dip German sausage or kielbasa in ketchup a child cries. Why do you hate children??!!
(8:50pm)
Bro, those potatoes were peeled, chopped, boiled, and then put in the oven for maybe 15-20 minutes on a cookie sheet that was pam sprayed. Garnished with diced ham and dried parsley. Don’t tell me. I’m from the land of meat and potatoes. The only people who know more potato recipes than me are from where potatoes are mostly grown in this country, Idaho. And even then, challenge accepted!
(8:36pm)
Me woman’splaining how I’m sooo totally not acting like a princess.
(8:20pm)
Aaaaand he’s from Berlin. Not Düsseldorf or Neuss. Oh no he’s from one of those fancy German countries areas where men wear clothing from the waist down. 😂
(8:13pm)
He’s a young German guy. Maybe the younger generations put ketchup on their sausages. No one from my generation would be caught dead putting ketchup on sausage or kielbasa. For sure no one from our parents generation. They didn’t knock the pigs. They used to fist fight them to the death.
🐷🥺
(8:08pm)
Ha. This is a meal from my Minnesota childhood. I grew up eating this exact dinner at least once a week, every week, for fifteen years.
Boiled potatoes. Pickles. German sausage (or German Kielbasa with sauerkraut).
NO KETCHUP (SMH!!)
Mustard, onions, sauerkraut, relish, pickles
NO KETCHUP! 🥺😫😭
(4:30pm)
Ok junior, get off your daddy's computer.
(3:24pm)
I find the location of where they were injecting the J&J vaccine a little ominous also, because a lot of the people in the area are non English speaking Hispanic and Asian.
(3:03pm)
Even the woman doing the patient processing was like, "Yeah there's not much data on the Johnson & Johnson vaccine." She said under her breath. But hey if other people are cool with it, god bless you. *On the plus side it's just one dose.
(2:14pm)
NOPE. JUST NOPE. Went to get the first vaccine shot, asked the processors which vaccine it was and they said Johnson & Johnson. I (fuck!) left. They don't tell you in the email confirmation which vaccine it is. Just nope.
I was having such a good day. After drinking that Ginger honey tea my blood pressure went down to 117/80. The diastolic number has never been down to 80 even with the meds, DASH diet, and weight loss. I was having such a good day, be a shame to screw it up with a slow painful deformity. When at first you don't succeed try, try again... UNLESS you're inventing a new vaccine. AFter the second time maybe don't quit your day job? Your baby powder is awesome. Can't y'all just be happy with that?
(9:36am)
Ginger tea with honey. I made it too strong but it’s really good! And you can use it as a topping to foods too. This is my new favorite.
(6:25am)
121/85 before morning meds.
I just took my AM meds. A little early so I'll (hopefully) feel better by the time I leave to get the first Covid shot. It's not far from where I am. Still scared. But if this is how I die so be it. I rather medical tests be done on me than someone's stolen pet.
Remember when this blog used to be about sex? (sigh) I think I'm actually getting my period this morning. I'm cramping and have a little acne on my chin. Why do women my age feel young getting their periods? I don't understand it. I'd love to have gone through menopause when I was 17 years old. Looking good and being naked makes me feel young. Not my disgusting period. Every time I pee it looks like I murdered ten people and that makes you feel young? Holy shit. What kind of childhood did you have?
APRIL 6
(1:09pm)
117/86, heartbeat 80.
That bottom number just refuses to go down no matter what I do.
Just got back from the Asian market. It's on now!
Banchan (cucumber and low sodium seaweed both wet and dry), yogurt, navel oranges, more bananas, raw sunflower seeds zero salt, ginger tea...
On like Donkey Kong!! I've already lost two dress sizes back down to a size four. I walk my 30 minutes a day. What more can I do?
Watching BOKI eat is so relaxing. I don't know why. Just is.
(7:59am)
118/87 as the meds go to work.
That bottom number is problematic. It just won't stay down at 80. I hope they don't increase my meds. I ate a banana bunch yesterday, that's like 7 bananas I ate, I'm stuffing myself with potassium (spinach, mushrooms, cucumbers, bananas, oranges, fish) I'm exercising every day and I just can't get that diastolic number to stay down at 80 even with the meds. I better save those orphans from a hurricane some time pretty soon here. On the plus side I haven't had my period yet this year so there's that. Tomorrow I get the first vaccine shot. Dread.
Maybe I will go to a stroke survivor support group. This just gets so frustrating sometimes.
Healthline suggests getting on a probiotic. Another pill. Fantastic.
APRIL 5
(7:48pm)
DMX is reportedly 50 years old. Why does everyone assume he was doing drugs? Maybe he was but I don't automatically assume it. I wasn't doing drugs when I had my stroke.
(6:45pm)
Well, it's unavoidable now. I'm getting the first Covid vaccine shot on Wednesday. I'm over 50 with a pre-existing medical condition. My insurance pays for it so, why not? Why? I have my reasons for why not! I'll make no bones about it, I'm actually scared. It's complicated. And again unless you've been in my shoes with all the lights of the world unexpectedly turning out one evening, not knowing if this is the end of your life or not, my life was literally in the hands of the EMT First Responders and emergency room doctors and nurses. Those people saved my life.
I watched the Chauvin trial for a little while again today and started tearing up when the doctor was testifying. Same thing happened when the EMT First Responder testified two days ago, and again today when the doctor testified I just started getting emotional and tearing up. And I got a little pissed off at Chauvin's attorney who started questioning the competence of the EMT First Responder and the doctor who worked on George Floyd. I personalized it. Chauvin's attorney hit a nerve. Fuck that guy.
From the time I called 911 on February 26th, to being taken away by the EMT, and was wheeled into the ER, to getting a CT scan and MRI... no more then two hours passed. That's how fast they all assessed and worked on me. I had had one stroke and was about to have a second one with a high probability of dying if that second stroke actually happened. Everyone worked on me so fast, I'm so grateful, unless you know what it's like... I'm just so grateful. I almost didn't call 911. I almost ignored my headache as a severe migraine, and I almost died.
The medications I take really mess me up. I hate taking them. It's like the meds make the effects of my stroke worse. My speech and balance get worse (for at least three hours, if not all day) after I take the meds. So no, I don't want the vaccine. I don't want to be the pre-existing medical condition Guinea Pig case #4921. Though I rather you test on me than a Guinea Pig. (Fuck animal testing!) But it is what it is. I'll get the vaccine shots.
ALSO
Fuck you Asa Hutchinson, Governor of Arkansas, for your anti trans healthcare bill, calling transgender, body dysmorphia. My female born niece, Willow, is transitioning into a male now named Jay. Not sure how s/he came up with such a 1985 Kevin Smith movie character name Jay, but s/he did. Do I understand how/why she's transitioning, no, but it makes her happy and now s/he's going through the medical change. I just want HIM to be happy. If being a man makes him happy, be a man. You don't have to understand it, but being transgender isn't body dysmorphia, just like my having blonde hair isn't white washing, you hillbilly fucktard.
FYI I chose blonde because when my grey hair grows in it blends nicely with blonde hair. Unlike with dark hair, when grey hair start coming in it looks like you're wearing a skunk for a hat.
127/85 good
I hope DMX gets better. I hope more people over 40 years of age will dig deep and buy a portable BP monitor for $40 at Target. It just might save your life one day.
(2:48)
Someone today said reputation defender .com and I laughed for 10 minutes.
(6:37am)
That wasn't an earthquake. It was only a 3.3
The 6.9 quake, Bay Area 1989, our bathroom ceiling collapsed. That was an earthquake!
Yesterday I racked the back of my head on one of the nightstands. I have a nice ol' lump there this morning.
117/89 before morning meds. I'm taking them early so I can meet a friend for lunch.
You and me Aramis. We're such messes. But at least your surgeries are over, lets hope!
APRIL 4
(5:56pm)
Here’s a photo of my fabulous vagina.
Happy Easter.
I’m not married. It’s just a 💍. Y’all need to get over it.
(9:04am)
I just love him!
(7:10am)
It's Easter? Oh. Happy commercialized chocolate bunnies and PEEPS.
(7:01am)
118/88 before morning meds. It's ok. Better than last night obviously.
I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to break into the 30-somethings. Men my age don't want to physically meet. They just want to talk (and talk) on the phone and text all night. Which I guess is OK if they're still freaked out about Covid, I understand. I don't know if they've left their quarantines recently, LA is a buzz. The city is coming back. Restaurants are re-opening. There's a bar/restaurant in NOHO I like (and miss) and they just re-opened for dine-in. I'm dying to go. Lets go!
Maybe I'll just go to the beach today and chill out.
Medication time.
APRIL 3
(9:16pm)
130/87 Oops. I was naughty today. I had seaweed snackers and they have sea salt and olive oil on them. I'm done though. I'll be good again tomorrow.
(9:01pm)
Oh nothing, alone, just taking pictures of my boobs. Typical Saturday night.
(7:44am)
Him. I need to date him.
I think he’s German. Austrian? He could be 40 years old, you don’t know. Only white Americans start looking like Goodwill leather handbags at 30.
(7:26am)
123/87 before meds
Last night I had a small panic attack like how I got watching Matt Stonie eat all those Happy Meals...
(6:44am)
He has 14 close up pictures of just his hand holding his dick. And they say women post the same photos? 🤨
APRIL 2
(11:48pm)
(11:29pm)
When 21 year old guys refer to themselves as “daddy” on a sex site just who exactly are they talking to?? Who’s young enough to call a 21 year old “daddy”?? Holy shit.
(6:01pm)
120/86 Good
Age generation GAP! He can talk on the phone for hours and hours. I want to shoot myself in the head after exactly 3 minutes and 30 seconds on the phone. OMG what the hell can't you say in 3 minutes and 30 seconds?? Text me!!
APRIL 1
(5:51pm)
So who wants to be the one to tell them "sophisticated" doesn't have an F in it?
(8:36am)
I'm not against people getting the Covid vaccine. I'm not against vaccines. I get flu shots. Then again I only in recent years started getting flu shots. Plus I'm a little sensitive to more drugs, experimental drugs, being put in my body. I feel good in the mornings until I take my post stroke meds. Then I have about three hours where I'm nauseous, dizzy, fatigued, my vision goes blurry, I feel weak, and the muscles above my knees hurt. There's a 50/50 chance that will go away and I can go about my day afterwards without problems, or not. It's a crap shoot. All because my body, apparently, is unable to maintain low blood pressure on its own. Really??
I took my morning meds at 7am. My bp now is 122/84. It takes about three hours for the meds to be fully running through my system. From here to there however, I'm nauseous, I can't walk a straight line, can't tak, I'm tired, I ache, about the only thing I can do is this, write in my blog and surf the web. My hands work fine, oddly. But my speech is far worse after I take the meds.
And just how many meds a day do I take for my stroke?
It's not natural. It's just not.
I'm a little bitter. I admit it. There's just something so (I don't want to say unfair) about "Surprise! It's a stroke. You're not dead. But hey guess what?! You get to take all these pills now and feel like shit every morning and quite possibly for the rest of the day! Have a nice life!"
I'd rather be dead to be honest. But like I said, in a few months I'll start weening myself off these drugs and take the herbal remedy my friend has been taking for five years just fine. I'll have my meds on hand in case my BP goes back up... But this is going to happen.
Get vaccinated. God speed. But I can only battle one thing at a time. Know what I'm saying?
(7:33am)
Is anyone really being fooled today?
I was going to sleep in this morning. Woke up at 6:35am, closed my eyes, reminded myself I was going to sleep in, went back to sleep, woke up again at 6:50am. Success!
I rejoined KASIDIE. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Again.😏
Good grief are my nipples really that dark? I need a ring light.
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