Pussy problems?

Where do I even begin?

Greetings from the barren wasteland.

You know when you ask your friends which anything product works the best? It's probably not a good idea to ask the people who can afford things I can't even pronounce. My friends tend to forget, they're rich, I'm poor. I'm bougie because of them.

No that's not true.

Once upon a time in real Hollywood, I was making damn good money. How damn good? All the rich honkies at the Oscars would be white knuckle fucking mad, damn good! So damn good I sang the "Money motherfucker!" song every day going to work, while at work, and coming home from work. And where did all that money go? Where did it go? Where? WHERE? Well friends, I was the money motherfucker, but I married an even bigger motherfucker. And that's where my money went, to the bigger motherfucker. Who was the stupid a-hole with a joint bank account? Hands?

So not only was my ex-husband spending my money on his girlfriends, he also thought I should pay for his kids that he had with another woman while we were getting divorced. AND THEN...

He initially didn't want to pay me what judge ordered him to pay me. AND THEN...

He had the audacity (the fucking audacity) to email me last week, after years of telling him to drop dead, he actually emailed me last week asking for my help! My what? My help!! It seems his new wife, that's wife #4 who he had the kids with, is divorcing him and taking custody of their children. And what did my ex-husband want me to do for him? What, you ask? Well boys and girls, he wanted me to be a character witness, vouching for his wonderful husbandry skills, in court.

D'AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Inhale)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And so I replied, Zelle $500 into my bank account and I'll say whatever you want. That's something we call perjury. P.E.R.jury. We both know there is no way in hell I'm stepping foot into a courtroom to help him. There is not enough dead on earth for him to drop.

Then my week got even better. How you ask? Well...

I decided to officially adopt this kitty I've been loving, feeding, bathing, brushing, giving medical attention to, and housing (when he needed some place to sleep) for the past year. I have invested enough of my life, love, and money on this kitty, he just needs to officially be mine already. I love him. I want to be his forever human. So, first step, I took him to the animal hospital to get vaccinated, tested for feline leukemia, tested for fecal parasites, be neutered, and to register him with a veterinarian. Plus, kitty is very small even though I feed him a lot. I just want to make sure he's healthy. I took kitty to the animal hospital, like an adult, to register him and make sure he was ok.

At the animal hospital they scanned kitty for an ID microchip. Standard procedure. Turns out he already has one. If you follow me on social media or here on this POS blog, then you know the history of kitty and me. I've been sharing kitty with you since the day he and I became furends January, 2019, three months after I moved into my apartment.

In the beginning, a year ago, kitty just ate the food I fed him, and then took off about his business. A year later here we are mad besties. Where he goes, I go. Where I go, he goes. So just imagine the horror I suddenly faced yesterday when the staff at the animal hospital informed me, due to the fact kitty had been chipped, I now had to leave kitty with them for his owner to pick up, and then go home alone. There would be no adoption even though I'm the one who's been taking care of him, loving him, for the past year. Meanwhile some asshole who abandoned him a year ago gets 10 days to reclaim him? What the serious fuck.

The news of having to say goodbye to kitty right there and then, hit me like a wrecking ball. Murdering me would have been more kind.

"Can I at least say goodbye to him outside of the carrier?" I desperately begged the staff, my face already red and puffy with tears streaming down my face. "Of course" they compassionately replied, and directed me and kitty into an empty exam room where I let him out of his carrier. I hugged kitty and smothered his face with kisses. I apologized to him for his not coming home with me, the only home he's known for the past year. I was saying goodbye to kitty as though, because the horrible excruciating truth of the matter was, I was probably saying goodbye forever.

I left the animal hospital in such shattered emotional pieces, nothing compares except maybe sand. I was certain I was never going to see kitty again. I bought a bottle of wine and called Sheldon, the moment I got home. I uncorked the wine, got drunk, and cried on the phone with Sheldon for two hours. -- Thank you!!!❤

During my hysterical phone cry with my dear friend, I received a phone call from the animal hospital with news. They contacted the person who had microchipped kitty, only that person denied having a cat.

What?

Wut?

What?

The person whose name is on kitty's microchip adamantly denied owning a cat. So they immediately called me back and said, "He's yours."

I had kitty vaccinated for everything. Plus he had a fecal test for parasites, and tests for diseases like feline leukemia, all of which came up negative. Surprisingly the animal hospital said they couldn't find testicles on him. Meaning he'd already been fixed. Which is odd since I swear to Jesus, I can see testicles on him when he walks up stairs. Has it really been so long I forgot what testies look like?😕

My only hurdle now is his microchip. Pets can only be chipped once. So for people like me, wanting to adopt a cat that has been chipped by a previous owner, I have to contact the chip company and plead my case. Which I did this morning. I'm just waiting for the verdict. The animal hospital gave me kitty's chip ID and will testify they contacted kitty's previous owner who denies having a cat.

Some people ask, "Why all this mess for a cat? Can't you just get another cat?"

How? How can you possibly think I could? Have you never loved a pet before? I'm invested. For the past year kitty has been my best friend, and I his human.

Once kitty is officially mine, next comes a home for kitty and me.

And...

His name isn't Miso, anymore.

It's Buddy.

Buddy, cat. Buddy, cat, toe beans!!! You totally want to chew on his beans don't you. Don't you! Admit it!

Oh yeah and hey, I started my Ryan drawing few days ago, but I had to stop momentarily to deal with kitty. I'll get back to Ryan, tomorrow. Maybe if it sells we can work together on a thing or two.