I’m going to start doing meth

“I’m the male half of a couple. My female partner is bisexual and would love you.”

No thanks. I’m straight.

“Yes, I know you’re straight.”

Why then did you mention your bisexual female partner?

“Just so you know she’s an option.”

But I’m straight.

“Yes I know.”

Obviously that’s not something I’m interested in. 

“Well she’s married, and really wants another woman to join us.”

But I’m straight.

“Yes I know.”

To continue with this idiotic conversation for the next ten minutes it’s going to cost you $1,000. You can make that payment via Zelle or Venmo @art_noir, you dumber than a bag of rocks, stupid motherfucker. 

And 

Good morning!

Speaking of stupid...

Wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about one’s character. They posted a video of a husky puppy mill and titled the video “Heaven”. 

Not so Heaven for those puppies, DICK.

At the very least he could’ve pretended to be stupid and said he didn’t know it was a puppy mill. It’s easy to believe people are stupid.

I blame women.

I blame women who raised inconsiderate morons, and I blame women who allow men to be fat, lazy and stupid. 

You can allow a man to be fat if you plan on staying with him forever. But no woman will keep a man who’s become fat, lazy AND stupid. Instead she allows him to become lazy and stupid and then kicks him to the curb. STOP IT. I know this to be true because I’ve gone on a half dozen first dates with these idiots after you’ve divorced them. At least my ex impregnated his next girlfriend while we were getting divorced. See. Courtesy. Ya’ll will never have to deal with him. 

And it’s because of this I get mad when a (certain) girl friend throws away a good man! You know who you are. Yeah, that’s right, I’m still upset about it. 

Maybe just an open apology and small token of appreciation. “I’m sorry for unleashing my ex after I made a disasterous mess of him. Here’s $1,000.”