GO FU...

I’ve come to the conclusion that most American men in their 40’s and 50’s need to dump their cell phones. They don’t know how to use them.

“What’s kik?”

“What’s FaceTime? I have an iPhone. I still don’t know what FaceTime is.”

“What’s Skype?”

“What’s WhatsApp?”

“What do you mean chat? How do we chat?”

“What’s instant message?”

“What’s texting?”

“You’re a beautiful woman. First round of drinks are on me.”

No jackass ALL THE DRINKS are on you. You’re a man. You do the man parts. Be a man. My father is rolling in his grave. If there’s one thing that drove my dad crazy it’s men who expect women to go Dutch on dates. “It’s not a date then!” My dad would scold. Amen pops. Those men can go home and blow them damn selves. 

My dad raised my brothers like thus: If you want dates or a girlfriend you need a job and MONEY and a car. Your job as a man is to earn MONEY. Or you better learn how to blow your damn self. 

Ok dad never said that last part, but it’s what he meant. And you know it. 

“You’re so beautiful. Your skin is amazing. You look so young.”

Blah blah blah. I did my part. Now you do yours! 

If you’re a man in America and you’re divorced or single, AT LEAST learn how to use your phone. Christ. No wonder ya’ll die yeeeears sooner before us.