Rock you like a hurricane!

TS Gordon

Tropical storm Gordon

The night is calling, I have to go

The wolf is hungry, he runs the show

He's licking his lips, he's ready to win

(Something-something) love at first sting

Did you know you can buy buck semen for $45,000 a rod? I did not know that until this morning. Gee thanks Facebook friends. And I’m the weird one? Yeah right. Why the hell are you buying buck se...

You know what, I don’t want to know. If you have $45,000 to buy on buck semen, good on you. Well not actually ON you! 

Ewe

Moving on

Day 33 looking for a new apartment. Are we friends on Facebook? There’ll be pictures! 

I’m sitting behind the loudest Spanish speaking woman I have ever heard. Loud. With a deep man-voice. What do middle aged Hispanic women talk about? Non-stop. Without pausing to draw breath. Ever. Seriously, this woman has not stopped talking for the past fifteen minutes, not long enough to inhale even once.

“Be safe” my LYFT driver said as she dropped me off. 

Be safe? I’m at the grocery store. What could possibly happen?

Well, I almost died.

Not really 

But I almost died!

I never felt so out of place at a grocery store before. I can hang anywhere. Almost anywhere. But I was (at least) 130 tattoos,20 piercings, rap sheet, and one gang affiliation short of being a regular at this grocery store. I suddenly had the urge to pick up a Guns & Ammo magazine and carry it around for protection. 

After a minute in this store I completely forgot what I needed. Where did all these people come from? Literally everyone in the store looked like what witness protection FBI voice scramblers sound like. 

OBITUARY: She was murdered at the most dangerous grocery store in Las Vegas. 

A very scary looking man bumped into me rather hard in front of paper towels and toilet paper. Oh damn! Here we go! Murdered in front of the Charmin! And then I heard sirens. Ambulance sirens? Coming and then going. No don’t leave me ambulance! I need you! “Sorry. My bad.” The scary looking guy said. “No you’re fine.” I cautiously replied. That’s it folks, I’m gonna die! “Daddy, you have more than fifteen items.” Dead! Dead as a door nail! Shit’s about to get real! “Sweetheart, count again. Let’s count together. 1, 2, 3...” Mayday! Mayday!

I made it out alive. 

The people I encountered at the store were actually pretty nice. Scary looking as fuck, but nice. 

There’s such a thing as a NecroSearch Team. Hear that Christine? NecroSearch! Many of them started their careers by becoming volunteers who assist seeking cold case victims. Here in Vegas just bring a shovel and start digging anywhere in the desert. If mobsters back in the day really did “bury their problems” in the desert, imagine what an x-ray of the desert looks like? The biggest sand corpse whack-a-mole in Guinness history. 

Dear Dancing Fountains of Dubai, oh yeah? Well WE have a dancing fountain here in Vegas too. Only better. Who’s your daddy now! 

Male humans are the laziest when it comes to attracting a female mate. Tiny Japanese puffer fish make amazing sand designs at the bottom of the ocean in hopes a female finds him worthy, male bowerbirds construct nests into architectural sculptures from the ground up, meanwhile human males send dick pics.

Lazy!

Remember when a guy had to at least own a Bentley? Now all a guy needs is 1.5M Instagram followers. “Look at me. Look at me. I’m so cool. I have Budweiser and poontang all over my house.”

About six years ago my (then) partner and I happened upon a group that were made up of couples who were white men and women of color. If you’re not a woman of color dating a white man, you’re not going to understand the social dynamics of such a relationship. While almost all my vanilla girl friends are white, it’s because we’re invested in each other. We’ve known each other, most of us, since kindergarten. But meeting strangers in an intimate social setting, I don’t understand the mindset of white women I’ve encountered. Most have been hostile and rather rude towards me. They all suffered head-trips. “Why does my man find her attractive? She doesn’t look anything like me!” Yikes. No thanks. Pass. It’s why most women of color prefer, in an intimate social setting, especially one so particular, to hang out with other like-minded women of color. 

In 2012 there was a HUGE explosion of Asian women with white men, especially in Los Angeles. The racial divide is even more prominent in Las Vegas. Look at the couples here. White/white. 

Then again

All things get boring after a while no matter who you are.