These motherf*ckers

The loudest Democrats in America are those who believe their livelihood is threatened by conservatism. Why do they feel threatened? 

The internet is a business. Static. No one needs the internet to get laid. Not even the most abusive men. They’ll find someone. They always do. Lots of women in the world cannot be alone. You’ve seen their boyfriends. Their husbands. John Wayne Gacy Jr didn’t need the internet. No one does. Consider the fact it’s called the web, entertainment (or ruination) at your fingertips whenever you hunger to gluten. The web. Global file sharing. THE WEB.

The problem isn’t politics. Conservatives have existed for as long as liberals and yet some men still became hedo legends of industry without a website. If a product is worth buying, and you’re smart enough to know how to market it, package it, people will buy your product regardless. So what’s your problem?

Be hard to get. It only makes people want you more. I’ve been turning down the same offers for the past seven years, as new ones roll in. 

Smart people know how to get what they want, unlike Mr Turner. He likes my writing and that’s what grinds at him. What he doesn’t like is that the same writing he enjoys reading is also used to promote conservatism. Sure, I could generically gif and emoticon all my political slants with glitter and five syllable catch phrases, but I’ve never been a simpleton faddishly round or nigh to the anti-Trump cool kids who rely on such pretty little tools for debates, should they have an actual backbone and vernacular to participate in one, that is. I’m my own person. And that bothers him too. Turner has hopped on more liberal trends than a sexually confused STD. He should try thinking for himself for a change. Write down his own ideas. I’ve written more dialog than he’s recited. He could arm himself with an automatic weapon and still not be anywhere near as fierce as I am. And he’s pissed off I don’t write for him. 

All Democrats have is bashing Trump. 

You guys do realize the Vice President is also a Republican, right? A Republican ya’ll think has mental illness for being a Christian. 

Ok then. Just checking.

The Democratic Party is in big trouble as is. You guys allowed socialism into your party and now your party is deeply severed by classes of income. Dummies.

Most minorities are conservatives. Hispanic Americans are total religious conservatives. African Americans are mostly religious conservatives. Asian Americans are mostly religious conservatives. 

How exactly do you plan on getting their votes?

Yeah

You don’t have answer. 

Rules 1 and 2: Don’t insult god. Stay out of the media. Politics 101. 

It’s not even a political party thing. It’s a people are morons thing. I’ve told people (repeatedly) the best way to get me to meet them, if at all, is by doing this, “Hi. My name is ——  We’re interested meeting you for drinks. If the feeling is mutual drop us a note at your leisure.”

Simple

Easy

BUT NO

Instead I constantly get this, “I’ve got a big dick. She’s the boss. We want you to be our entertainment for the night to please us.”

HA. Yeah no. Hold your breath. Keep holding it. Hold it. Hold it some more. Keep holding it. Hoooooold it. 

People are ridiculous. And they wonder why they never get anything done.

Conservatives are the basic formula of Republicans. Keep your nose clean. Stay out of my business. Do the right thing. Keep the world safe.

And Democrats are threatened by that?

I’m associated with a girl who’s obnoxious as fuck but I like her. She makes me laugh. She intros people only this one particular way, “Ok girl, so these motherfuckers right here... !”

Depending on the tone of her voice “these motherfuckers right here” are either really funny, cool, or complete assholes. She’s also very pretty, like a kitten, which makes it even more comical. 

A pretty well groomed fluffy little kitten chasing after laser pointers mewing, “These motherfuckers right here... !”

I like doing my laundry at laundromats. I like being among people in different settings, and I like being able to do all my laundry within an hour and a half which requires at least four machines. At every laundromat around the country, I see this guy... 

The creepy fat old guy who’s continuously pulling up his long shorts every 30 seconds oblivious to the fallout of gravity regarding his elephantine gut and lack of belt. What I never see at the laundromat is the hot naked chick stuck halfway through a jumbo dryer. But damnit, Instagram has tons of photos of her. 

Are you saying the web lies?

(GASP!!!)

To be continued...