I'm single. No children. No interest raising children. No interest changing my marital status. And so at my age, I am pondering the very questioned I asked myself when I was 29 years old, "What am I supposed to do now?"
--my thoughts were interrupted for 17 minutes as I watched from my bay windows, a woman (my age) walk up to my neighbors house across the street, knock on the door, ring the buzzer, to no answer, then get back in her car and blast the car horn nonstop.
-- Dear producers of SNAPPED, shall I just write the intro to this episode?
--She's still sitting in her car outside my building driveway.
Anyway, what was I saying?
There's a guy. There's always a guy. But this guy is perfect for me. Problem is I have no idea how to talk to him. I've tried. (At least) 25 years of friendship later, and I still have no idea how to talk to him. I've been married. I want through (collectively) four years of cancer with my dad. Alongside four years of my best friend dying of a brain tumor, also. It was a lot. I'm exhausted. I'm done with family and marriage for a while. He's never been married, and his family are all still alive and ripe with daily drama. I just... can't.
I want to move forward. But there lies the question, "What now?
--The woman is blasting her horn again. I anticipate the arrival of law enforcement in 5...4...3...
I've decided to count backwards (Benjamin Button, style) from death, let's say 40 years. I should no doubt be dead in 40 years.
There's how I would like to die. And then there's the reality of how I'll most likely die. It's not so glorious. Regardless...
In my next blog, I die.
Celebrate.;)
No comments:
Post a Comment