Boobs!

Slow blog day. https://instagram.com/p/BE1bBEtJLNP/

BIG hair

Bringing back the 80's! lol

Rock you like a hurricane!

A really, really OLD hurricane! https://instagram.com/p/BE1ZzGMJLJa/

Do I look like I own tools?!

No of course not https://instagram.com/p/BE1EwoqJLH-/

Scandal. Don't need the drama.

Not sure what he was thinking.

See you guys later.

"I told you so" dance

To go with the "I told you so" song.

And it goes a little something like this...

YOU GO

I'm not doing anything tonight. So what? I'm allowed to not do shit. Actually that's not true, I'm about to continue watching WEST WING on Netflix. I'm up to season:4 episode:2

Nick Hawk's dick is insured for a million dollars?? For what?? Did you see his Playgirl spread?? A million dollars?? Does it sing, or something??

Reminds me of...

"How big is his dick?"

I don't know? Average. 8 inches.

"8 inches isn't average (Simone)!!!"

I forget who we were talking about. I miss Cameron!

100% al natural

Ask to see pics of her without makeup. I promise you, you won't get any. We've all sent/posted pics of us (online even) without makeup. 

Better yet, ask her to meet you with no makeup on.

No. Absolutely not.

Don't do it. He sucks dick, and she looks NOTHING like her overly airbrushed pictures. No one will go with you. On your own. Good luck.

They're not from around here

Don't be stupid. You know how this works.

I met them once

Rustic Canyon. Nice couple. Funny. Just said hi. Small talk. They were sitting a few tables back. They were with people. I was with people. You know how it is.

Something that I won't forget

STP sex type thing. Alexander Ovechkin. Yes sir. 6'2 nutjob Russian with two missing front teeth.

WANT

Fucking hot.

Stranger danger

They say women nearing premenopausal age turn into crazy Viking Norsemen. And while that may be true, I've always loved a good bloodsport but only if I feel involved. I can't watch boxing or MMA matches, but I love a good hockey fight. It's completely street. Two dudes who would be punching the crap out of each other in a bar. Boxing and MMA is just too commercialized. You see fists flying in hockey or baseball game, they mean it. But who wants to sit around possibly 9 innings to see if a fight breaks out during a baseball game? Thus hockey. And since the NHL teams I was rooting for have all been eliminated from the final game, I can only hope it's the Islanders vs Capitals (badass bruisers on both teams!) and they just beat the crap out of each other for 2 solid hours!

I'm not at menopausal age just yet (though I'm seriously looking forward to it!) but I have noticed some "changes". I see two guys in aggressive shoving matches and it gets me hot. Which I'm sure is why women like watching boxing or MMA matches. --I just can't get into either of those sports, I'm mentally cockblocked.

As per my last blog, I've showed friends and coworkers the photo of the guy I once knew, and they were kind of surprised yet supportive over my continued attraction to him, and it made me wonder why I was still attracted to him. It's totally psychological. Of course it is. It has to be. Wanting, is powerful. Not him directly but that feeling I had being with him. Cerebral.

People who have a thing for hot nerds (myself included!) it's a thoroughly cerebral thing. Which I think is also the most commanding if all other attraction. I can remember the first and last name of the first boy to kiss me, but I can't recall the last name of the first guy I had sex with. But I can remember the names of all my elementary school teachers. Cerebral.

Back to fist fights...

It's like angry and/or emotional sex. It's a sudden burst. Instant gratification. It happens and then you're done. Which I've never been a fan of. But lately I've been looking at men sexually who look like they could make you disappear from the face of the earth. So not me. So NOT me. Pretty little Nick Hawk, types, no.

Does he look like he could make you bleed 5 pints of blood? I'm in. I guess it's just my version of stranger-danger. Or as a girl friend once said, "I want to fuck Flea, from RHCP. He looks like a total mental case. I bet he's amazing in bed."

The 11th hour

Day 4. Still among the living. It's strange to me that people can be reported dead "for days" before anyone knows they're dead. I'm single. I (happily) live alone. No kids. No pets. Nothing to make a sound when I die.

Maybe I should get one of those life-alerts? 

(I made myself laugh just now) 

Shaking my shoes for spiders before putting them on. Shaking all my clothes too.

These spider debates I've been having with people past two days, look, the only person who's opinion truly matters is my dad's widow. She was really upset when I showed her the first picture of the spider bite. It was pretty nasty. Not as nasty of a wound as when she (literally) cracked the back of her head in half requiring 14 giant metal staples to hold her skull together, but still pretty gross. I shouldn't worry her. I didn't think a bug bite would worry her. She was born and bred in Wisconsin, lived in Minnesota over 20 years now, she knows what bug bites look like, but then I considered the fact my dad has been dead for only a year, and if something fatal should happen to me it would (emotionally) make her a widow all over again. 

Day 4. The spider bite is barely there. I can still see two little puncture holes where the spider bit me, and it's still a little red around the bite mark, but other than that it's almost healed. 

That said...

If YOU get bit by a spider and don't know what to do, keep the bitten area elevated, put ice on it, and seek medical attention immediately. Better safe than sorry! 

In keeping up with the news, I'm feeling my mortality. Regardless if people are dying from drugs, suicide, illness of one kind or another, people seem to be dying before the age of 60. 

When I was younger, there was a man I knew pretty well. I was 16 years old, he was (older.) Had he given in to my clear and obvious infatuation with him there could have been legal troubles for him on many fronts. There was nothing more than heavy handed flirtation until we went separate ways. Over this past weekend I was sent a photo of a group of other people I know and this man just happened to be in the photo. I gasped. I literally gasped. I recognized him right away. I don't know how other women see him, but to me, he looks exactly the same as he did all those years ago.

Exactly the same.

No wedding ring either.

How much time do you think you have left to live? 

I ponder that question quite a bit.

(Not) Venom

Toxin. Is that a better word? Toxin. AKA oozy shit that came out of my ankle!

Arachni-muffet

You won't get two websites to agree on whether or not brown spiders are poisonous. I've been bitten by a few different brown spiders in the course of my life, and aside from knowing your body, being educated in first aid, having a first aid kit designed for your particular needs and residence, and tetanus shots, the only other thing I can say is, common sense.

I read the story about 'Tom's uncle who died 4 days later from a spider bite' but did you read the whole story? You know, the part about his uncle being elderly, in poor health to begin with, and still ignored signs of dizziness and neasua after being bitten?

It's been 3 days. If I die tomorrow feel free to say "I told you so."

Saturday morning Muffet

All the swelling has gone down. Doing much better today https://instagram.com/p/BEjIP_2JLOv/

Growing up in the land of 10.000 Lakes, and all the years hiking/camping, I've been bitten by many different things. Aside from tetanus shots and Red Cross first aid (of which I'm certified) there's really nothing I/you can do but call 911 in an emergency. I've never carried a hypodermic with me when camping, I never needed to really. I know what nests, eggs, excrement, and shed skin look like. Not useful for dating, but good to know when on a hike.

A brown spider crawled into my bed while I was sleeping. I must have rolled over and it thought I was attacking it, so it bit me. I didn't have any symptoms within 24 hours, aside from venom (which I'm familiar with) so I just cleaned my leg, used insect bite ointment (which I already had), and let the venom drain out, which it did.

Ticks. Those are the worst! I'll never forget the first time I rolled up my pant legs as a little kid, walked into Battle Creek to look at tadpoles, walked out with about five ticks buried into my skin. Blood suckers! Agh! Disgusting.

I'm not a doctor, but...

If you've never experienced brown (or black spider bites) go to the doctors and/or emergency room at the first sign of neasua, dizziness, vomiting, or blood.

And while you're at the doctor's get a tetanus shot. You're never too old to booster your health.

Looks like another Netflix movie night...

Eliminated

Nonetheless, a good season for the Kings. 

Still rooting for Chicago. 

Black & Brown

I've only encountered one Black Widow spider, and that was in Encino (CA) some years ago in our kitchen. Those bitches weave their webs incredibly fast, and the webbing is freakishly strong. As soon as I saw the red diamond on her belly, I knocked her to the ground and smashed a frying pan on top of her. Splat!

But the brown spiders...

I've been bitten by a few different brown spiders now. The bigger the spider, obviously the bigger the bite. The spider that bit me the other morning had a belly the size of a nickel. It was big. Not really sonething I would want to stomp under foot. Frying pan, yes. Foot, no. And since I'm still breathing fine, no muscle spasm, no blood, no shock, no neasua, no vomit, nothing now but a big bite on my leg, I'm just keeping the bite clean and using an ointment for spider bites to stop the itching. The venom/puss has mostly drained from my ankle so it's back down to normal size again.

I'm not sucking the venom out of my ankle. I realize some dudes are very flexible and talented that way, but that's just not my scene, sorry.

I was advised to keep hypodermics around. Smart. Thanks.

Hockey in ten minutes.

Ok. C. says...

Brown spiders are poisonous. Huh. Oops. Well if you're my neighbor and you see a brown spider, C (my dad's widow) says put on a big boot and step on it. A really big boot. Brown spiders are big boys.

Ok sure maybe

I should have killed the spider... But recluse brown spiders aren't deadly.

Friday night Muffet

Along came a Spider...

The other morning as I was sleeping all comfy in bed, I felt a sharp hard sting near my ankle. It woke me up but not instantly. It took a few minutes. And as my groggy eyes adjusted to the room, I looked over and saw a big fat brown spider on the wall about two feet from my head. Big spider. Growing up in the Midwest, and after many years of camping, I recognized the spider as being a "recluse brown spider" as they are called. Google the spider. Don't Google the spider bite, you won't sleep for days. My bite is no one where near that bad, thankfully.

The recluse brown spider bite has a pretty decent amount of venom. I wasn't bit too badly but enough where my ankle started puffing up. The whole ankle. And as I treated my ankle with mint tea leaves (I broke open from tea bags) and ice from a bag of frozen vegetables, the recluse brown spider just hung out on my wall, watching me mend my ankle. 

As it started getting lighter out I pondered how I was going to get rid of this spider. Decisively, I grabbed the Swiffer Duster, and with it plucked the spider from my wall. I then took the spider outside, down the sidewalk, and shook it loose from the duster. I'm sure it looked a little nutty from a neighbor's point of view, little Asian chick in her pajamas shaking a Swiffer Duster, on the sidewalk at the crack of dawn, but I wasn't going to kill the spider if I didn't have to. If you camp, or grew up in the Midwest, you know there's no such thing as just one spider in your house. House spiders are common, and you want those guys hanging around, but recluse brown spiders, are just below Black Widows, and you definitely don't want them hanging around. Each bite carries venom that take 1-3 weeks to heal. In the meantime you have to keep the bite clean, and dress it if you go out.

So I sprayed my place...

And I'm now tending to my ankle. The venom is still draining out of my leg, making it less puffy. And that is exactly what I'm doing this Friday night --draining venom out of my leg, and watching Forrest Gump.

Honestly. 

I said all this to a few people and they didn't believe me. I should have text them a picture of my leg, but who would make up a story like that??

"What are you doing tonight?"

Draining venom from my leg.

"What??"

So...

Here's a picture of my leg. https://instagram.com/p/BEhJ_MNpLN-/

88

Patrick Kane, captain, #88. I was rooting for the Blackhawks. Glad they won last night's game. Go Patrick Kane. Good job not saying the F-word. You know which F-word. Did you know 88 is a mathematically untouchable number? Stay untouchable, Mr Kane. Stay untouchable. 

The Kings, play tonight. Do or die. As much as I want the Kings to win tonight and stay in the playoffs, I wouldn't mind seeing the Blackhawks v. Penguins, for Stanley. That would be a good game. Just win the next two game, Captain Kane. And don't say the F-word. 

What I mean is...

Go Kings!!

A Blackhawk, a faggot, and a Prince...

It was Christmas Eve. My close childhood friend, her older sister, and a few other kids ditched our families to hang out in the older sister's car behind the neighborhood bowling alley. We were just talking about the bullshit holiday, bullshit family gatherings, how much we hated winter, how much we hated our families, smoking cigarettes, young teenage misery. Which is funny to me now. Back then we really didn't have a care in the world. We just wanted what all kids want, more.

The music playing in the car that late holiday afternoon --Purple Rain. Prince. "We got the movie at home." My childhood friend says. "After the relatives leave lets go watch it." 

And that's how we spent that Christmas Eve, in my friend's basement watching Purple Rain. I hadn't seen it. It was the first time I saw a guy grope a girl. Blame it on the rain. Purple ra... yeah you get it. 

We hammered out a lot of talk that night. A lot of talk. 

I've been thinking about it all day. Things we talked about. Gonna dig out the Purple Rain DVD and watch it tonight.

RIP Prince. My MN brother from another mother.

My original blog today was about hockey. In particular the Internet/NHL nonsense over Chicago Blackhawk, Andrew Shaw, getting pissy with a ref during playoff game, taunting the ref through penalty box plexiglass, "Fuck you, faggot" and how sports media covered and overblown-hyped "the incident" which was no incident at all.

It's sports. It's playoffs. It's hockey.

Hockey, is not a gentleman's sport. That would be tennis, golf, and polo. Actually, I think polo is the sport of kings, but you get what I'm saying? Hockey is not a gentlemen's sport. They're hockey players. Not rock stars. Hockey players. European, American, Canadian, regular guys who married the first kind sweet girl to have sex with them even after seeing these guys sitting on their parents sofa wearing Rush tee-shirts and a horribly cut mullet.

They're hockey players!! It's playoffs. They have more adrenaline than I do after stubbing my big toe in the dark at 2am going to the bathroom to pee. And trust me, I say a lot worse than "faggot" after stubbing my toe. 

Making Shaw, take sensitivity training, for calling a hockey ref a fag, is like making me take sensitivity training and I didn't call anyone a faggot (caught on camera). Still, I had to take sensitivity training too. Passed it. Took three tries but I passed it.

There isn't enough time in the universe for the amount of chronology I've offensively uttered, declared, and/or screamed at the top of my lungs purposely insulting god, sons, and mothers, everywhere. 

Sticks and stones. Right??

What happened to sticks and stones? Are we not applying "Words will never hurt me" in our young life lessons anymore? 

It's not like Shaw walked into a gay bar and yelled "faggot!" He would have gotten his ass kicked. 

There's a HUGE difference between Paula Deen, and her fat, fat mouth (verbally) insulting black people with her idiotic "slave wedding" or whatever the fuck that stupidity  was, and George Zimmerman, being acquitted for second degree murder of a young black kid, Trayvon Martin. Curious, how come #blacklivesdidnotyetmatter then?

Relax Internet. Shaw didn't shoot anyone. 

Pretty soon hockey will be so pussified there won't be need for all that padding and protective gear. 

P.s. (And you know who YOU are)

I have a big pile of 'fuck you' sitting over here with your name on it. Come get it. :)

Dead at 45

Drugs? Suicide?

I told you so!

That's right! I said it! And I'll say it again! I told you so!

I told you back in December, when I cut off my hair it was going to look bad for a while BUT when my natural white hair starts growing in, and my hair grows back out, it will look good. "I've got a good face," I says. "It'll work."

But no...

YOU had to criticize, insult, disparage, cut down, scathe, AND look what happened! Not only did she NOT like your girl, she wanted ME and I didn't even enter the ring!! HA!!! Love the skunk, bitch!!

I get more compliments on my white hair than my dyed black hair, and only then because it was long.

You have no vision.

Did we bet on anything?:)

Pacquiao for president... ?

I think he has a shot at a future (Philippines) presidential career, considering the current candidate is proudly making gang-rape jokes. 

Reportedly the current nom said.... 

"I was angry she was raped, yes that was one thing. But she was so beautiful, I think the mayor should have been first. What a waste,"

The Grove, hates Pacquiao. The Philippines, on the other hand...

"Whiter than..."

Isn't the guy who runs Joi, white? Still the same couple, right? White guy/Asian girl? 

White party. "Whiter than a Progressive commercial"

If you're saying old rich white guys (who are about to die but are well insured) are going to be there, I'm in!! ;)

Predictions were

Kings would beat Sharks in 4 games. With Kings, Sharks, and Ducks all in playoffs... It's just a thing with me, I prefer not seeing CA play CA for Stanley.

Still a fan. Always a fan. But...

Game 3

Go Kings!!

Um. So. Just curious.

What happens if I use too much of this steroid on my knee? Will I get a bionic leg?? Will I grow a mustache? Penis? I understand she-males in cat costumes is all the porno-search rage right now. Add to that, I'm Asian, so...

I'm asking "for a friend".

"I came by last night..."

"But your windows were all dark. Guess you weren't home?"

Correct.

Or...

I saw you coming, shut off all my lights and hit the floor.

I wasn't home.

There's this nifty new invention called the cell phone. I think it might take off.

Game 2

Go Kings!!!

Canada PM assisted suicide

Since none of Canada's hockey teams are in the playoffs this season I've been boning up on their new PM and it seems he's backing an assisted suicide bill. A law that was otherwise punishable by up to 14 years in jail. I'm a big supporter of assisted suicide for those who are physical sick beyond rehabilitation. Once you hopelessly witness a loved one physically whither away before your eyes, there is no better comfort than knowing such an option as assisted suicide is there for them if they so choose. So, good for you Canada.

Now...

Maybe the citizens of Canada, will entreat their new PM to pass a bill outlawing commercialized seal slaughter?

Best of seven

Go Kings!!!

Good morning starshine

Must have caffeine. Must have.

All humans are wretched, but

We have our moments. Some little kid started screaming, "No! No! No!" And everyone stopped to check out the situation. Just a kid arguing with his parents, stomping his feet, making demands, as kids do. Still, everyone in the immediate area was on watchdog alert... unlike those assholes in China, who did nothing when that woman was recently attacked right in front of them.

Nonetheless, humans are wretched. The shit that gets us off. The quickly growing horrible crimes against animals and humanity in every country around the globe by miserable individuals, it's just sad. Indifference is everywhere. I feel sorry for people who have kids. If they make it to graduation without being shot at, it's a miracle.

Oh nothin'

Fucking around online. Blogging anti-Korean racist propaganda shit lol.

What are you doing?

They think Americans are lazy

With our "silly" labor laws. They'll only hire people who they think they can bully. I work for them to keep them in check. Fucking Koreans.

I'm Korean. I can say that.;)

They hate Americans

I mean, they hate Americans with every fiber of their bodies, yet they moved here, live here, profit business here, their kids are Americans, but they just HATE America, and the citizens of.

I'm writing a social piece about it. It's a phenomenon I don't understand, but I think this level of hatred breeds terrorism. Not them specifically. They're not terrorists. But I can see how that level of hatred towards America, breeds terrorism.

So...

What are they doing here??

Go back.

Don't ask for anyone's autograph

Especially Nic Cage...

Especially in the presence of Vince Neil...

Especially if you're a woman?

Or you'll apparently be cock-blocked by a jealous Vince Neil, and thrown to the ground??

I wouldn't recognize Vince Neil, in a room of three people. Maybe two, but only if the other person is black, and female. And only because Vince Neil, keeps getting photographed while drunk, fat, and abusive. I don't know why I threw "fat" in there. It's just, he is and so...

Loser http://www.maxim.com/entertainment/nic-cage-vince-neil-fight-video-2016-4

Good morning starshine

No caffeine. I'm saving myself for Saturday.;)

Mina. Mina. Mina.

You know I'm never going to write you back, right? Aside from the fact you sound like a nutjob, you might only be 12 years old, in which case where are your parents??

Seems I made a new friend against my will. Again.

Be that as it may...

Your English writing is improving. So there's that.

I own this place!!

What a useless dick. Like that moron who emailed me, "won't write you a novel here but feel free to check me out (like you haven't already!)"

Egos. Useless.

Sooooo what happened was

The year was 2005, maybe 2006? 

Anyway, I got heart burn. Or so I thought it was heart burn. Only the heart burn didn't go away, it got worse. Then I was nauseous for a few days with the heart burn. That too got increasingly worse. Then I had a pain in my stomach that grew into the most excruciating pain EVER and wound up in the ER. 

I was admitted in the ER, stripped, had one of those open-back robes put on, followed by being tucked into a gurney bed, IV drip jammed into my arm, and then interviewed by an administrator/nurse person who later informed me they were going to give me an IV morphine injection to "quiet" the immediate excruciating pain in my gut. 

I wasn't pregnant. This pain was caused by something else.

The nurse injected morphine into my IV drip, and within minutes I felt absolutely nothing. I never experienced morphine before (why would I?) but suffice to say if this is/was the pre-op surgical drug for big strong highly trained military soldiers, this little Asian girl was feeling no pain. Every muscle in my body was comatose, which was precisely when the good ER doctor decided it was a good time to take x-Rays. 

My IV drip was removed, and I was wheeled in my gurney down the ER hall into the x-Ray room, which I'm pretty sure also doubled as a surgical room, dead room, etc. Everything was made of cold hard sanitized steel, the sink, the tables, the chairs, the light fixtures, everything. 

Being high on morphine made it impossible to stand up by myself. The tech needed me to stand against the x-Ray machine. First in front of it, and then turn around, so the machine could take pictures both front and back. I was so messed up on morphine, the x-Ray technician and a (I presume an) Orderly, basically teetered me back and forth on my feet until I was upright long enough to snap x-Ray photos. Then I was laid flat on a steel slab while the tech pulled down a giant x-Ray machine from above the table, and snapped more photos of my stomach. Then I was turned over onto my stomach for the tech to take even more photos of my back. When the tech was finished, he and the orderly got me back onto my gurney, and I was once more wheeled down the ER hall into my waiting section, IV drip back in my arm.

Some time later, a lady shows up with a white semi-clear bucket-seat looking thing and says, "We're going to give you a laxative and you need to poop in this bucket." 

I'm sorry. 

Did you say...

You need me to poop in the whatnow? 

"We need you to have a bowel movement in this bucket. We'll give you a laxative and when you're ready to go, place this bucket over the toilet, and go in the bucket. Then leave everything in the bucket, and leave the bucket on the toilet when you're done. We'll collect it."

Geez. Who gets that job? 

One GIRL. One bucket.

I had never been high on morphine before. I suddenly reasoned that if I was ever going to be high on morphine, someone was going to ask me to poop in a bucket. And here we are.

A lengthy time had past since being told I would be given a laxative. And then more time past before another person showed up at my gurney bed side with a large envelope in his hands. "We got your x-Ray results back. You have a tear in your stomach lining. A small hole." 

An ulcer.

No poop. No bucket.

When I was released from the ER with some medication and painkiller, I was informed/scolded that otherwise healthy people my age should not get ulcers, and that my dietary, consumption and lifestyle habits need to drastically change.

First and foremost...

They wanted me to quit drinking alcohol and caffeine. Well that wasn't going to happen. At that time I had not long ago quit smoking, which was a challenge in itself. Soon instead I gave up hard liquor and cut my caffeine intake in half (in half!) to start.

For those who know me, you know I've changed. Dramatically. I don't like being forced to do anything, but I did this. 

I don't smoke anymore. Ok. One cigarette in 2012 on Aramis's deck. I drink a glass of wine or a beer, maybe two, up to five nights a week. 

BACK THEN... 

I drank caffeine ALL DAY long like a chain smoker, until about 6pm when I then switched to Vodka on the rocks, or tequila shots/margaritas, until after 2am. By 9am I was back on caffeine. Repeat. Repeat. Every day. Every night. Week after month. Year after year.

So yes, having a glass of wine or two, a beer or two, and no more than three cups of caffeine a day, is a HUGE improvement than what it was. 

"I drink tea" I tell the doctors back in 2005/2006. "Great." They reply. "What kind of tea?" 

Well...

Tea with the blackest highest concentrated caffeine, or what's the point?!

No?

No good?

The doctors want me to drink mint tea, chamomile tea, and green tea. Or what I like to call "ceremonial tea you only drink with peoples' parents because they don't drink booze."

The doctors also told me they didn't want me to eat fried food, no bacon, no sausage, no fried chicken, no fries, no this, no that, etc. which was fine for back then because I only lived on caffeine and alcohol. A few years prior, caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes. Had I owned a gun, I would have been an ATF wet dream. 

So now...

10+ years later...

My lifestyle habits aren't what the doctors would like them to be...

But they have changed dramatically.

And that's why (you know who you are) I didn't go. Last Thursday, I started feeling horribly nauseous.

Though this was more fun to say...

Their only instructions were

"Don't be an asshole." I respect them as people and so devised a fool-proof plan for not being an asshole. I didn't show up. So what's the problem?

Mint tea. 

No caffeine. 

Oh yes. SO much (not) better. 

"I've always wanted a girlfriend who..."

"... Lives by the beach."

That's fantastic. I've never wanted a boyfriend who lives in Thousand Oaks. If you always wanted a girlfriend who lives by the beach, move to one. Problem solved.

Aramis!!

Are you sure?? Gross. <----- said with heavy MN accent

Dear Mina

"Hello sexy , i am Mina , therapist and would love to give u a session , plz answer me if yes if no"

You're 28 years old? Are you sure?

Their only instructions were

"Don't be an asshole." I respect them as people and so devised a fool-proof plan for not being an asshole. I didn't show up. So what's the problem?

it was fun for a while

And then it got boring.

Meet us at...

(Yeah right)

They read this

Though I have no idea why? But so what?  I don't know the 10k people who read my Twitter page last month. Actually I know one girl. She adds girls just to fight with them. It was amusing for a while and then I (much like her boyfriend) kicked her to the curb.

Don't know who they are. Don't care.

Why do you?

They're afraid

You're making fun of them. You are. But that's beside the point.

Explain it to her, Aramis!

He drives from Studio City (where he lives) to his office in Venice, where he then hops on his bike (that he keeps in his office) fashioned with a side hitch that carries his surf board.

No one here cares about what kind of car you drive.

No one.

My ironing board pad

Cost more than that bike.

How much did your Convertible cost?

"And another thing!"

Aside from ridiculous parking cost, if you don't pick up your car from the lot by 6 or 7pm, you risk not getting your keys back, or being fined, or even worse being towed. If you bike to the beach, lock up the bikes, the worst thing that happens if you Uber home is someone steals two bikes bought off CL for a combined total of $75. Big deal. Buy two more next week. The beach cruisers you rent off the boardwalk, those bikes are cheap, cheaper than mine. And everyone down here has one.

Sooooo why we driving??

Static

We haven't hung out in a while. We used to hang at the beaches every summer. Now that I live alone, minutes away from the the ocean, I invited her down for the day. When she got here she wanted to drive (drive?) to the beach. "Let's just take my bikes" I say. The ocean is right there, down the street. That's why I live here. We'll be there on bike in less than 10 minutes. But no. She wanted to drive. 

Drive? And pay $40-$50 for parking (if you can find it).

If you don't want to bicycle (on the bike path right outside my front door that leads directly to the beach) then we can Uber, or hop on one of the beach buses. Why drive?

But whatever. She wanted to drive. We drove. Stupid. 

Once at the beach she said, "Let's rent bicycles."

Hail Mary?

It is what it is.

No shootout!!

Finish them!!

1:00. LA KINGS. Dallas Stars.

Always a good time in Dallas, but you're going down!

Epic bomb Stamos show

Denied. God damnit. I was looking forward to seeing John Stamos, bomb. Oh no, don't get me wrong, he's still hot. I just don't like him as an actor.

John Stamos. April Fool. Grinder ripoff.

You are no GRINDER, sir!

There is only one GRINDER, and his name is Rob Lowe!!

John Stamos. Netflix. GRINDER ripoff.

Stamos. April fool?

You're no GRINDER, sir.

There is only one GRINDER. And his name is Rob Lowe.

You sir, are no Rob Lowe!!

"Who is John Stamos?"

"What is John Stamos?"

Just saw the Netflix trailer, for JOHN STAMOS. A HUMAN, BEING.

I foresee a new drinking game. Every time John Stamos, refers to himself as "John Stamos" everyone's getting drunk.

Seriously. Just in the Netflix trailer alone, I think John Stamos, called himself "John Stamos" at least 20 times. It's going to be epic.

Calgary 0 - Kings 3

Canada, is too distracted with their smoking hot Prime Minister, their teams can't play. I understand now. Tonight (Saturday) the big game with Dallas. It's gonna be good!

If you give her the money

You're a better person than I. We have limits. I have limits. If my brothers came to me, after all they did, after all they didn't do, when our dad was sick and dying, and the way my brothers behaved (days) after my dad died... My brothers will never see a dime from me. Not ever.

I would love to be a kind, unbiased generous person every minute of every day, but that's not reality. Our friends are our chose family. For them, I would move mountains. But for my own sibling...

Nothing.

Not one penny.

And they know why.