Keep your hands off my sippy cup!

Father. Son. Daughter.

My woman cave, involves these three people. The father, owns numerous commercial real estate throughout California, Arizona and Nevada. The son, manages many properties in Southern California, including my woman cave, and the daughter handles the paperwork for the properties in Southern California, or rather she thinks she does.

I've known the father and son for a year and a half on an entirely different business association, nonetheless that year and a half is the only reason I spoke with them about wanting a nice secluded hideaway. 

"I have a place for you to look at." The father said. "It's a nice size unit, full functioning kitchen, giant bathroom, plenty of storage space. We're just using it to store furniture."

So I went and looked at the unit. Perfect. Loved it. No one will ever know I'm here. 

No problem. Right?

Right?

Right? 

Ok. A little family history...

The son and daughter have two different moms, so there's epic tension between the son and daughter. When the dad dies, the son and daughter inherit all his property, split down the middle. FYI: if you want to know how that turns out just ask me! 

Furthermore...

The father hates his daughter's mom, I mean he really hates her, but he still cares very much for his son's mom. Yup. I know this scenario very well also!

And...

Because the father still cares deeply for his son's mom, the father tends to favor the company of his son. Resulting in the daughter feeling the need to overcompensate, misdirecting all her energy and turning her into a giant middle aged useless cunt with daddy issues.

None of which means a goddamn thing to me, if it weren't for the fact I'm trying to finalize this lease agreement!

Originally I thought the daughter was purposely making a mess of all the paperwork. But I gave her too much credit. Now I just think she's an idiot. Plus she hates her brother. And most certainly harbors resentment towards her father. Combined, she's making a mess of my January 1 move in date!

Why do I need/want a woman cave? 

Because no one, not even Aramis, will know where it is. No one. A bat cave. It is as close to PEACE, quiet, and solitude only death can bring, without actually having to die for it. 

I need this.

I like being alone. I like sleeping alone, eating alone, waking up alone, going to sleep alone, and watching movies alone, for the simple fact that, I'm presently never fucking alone.

"Hey you're off tonight! What are you going to do?"

You know, I'm beat. I'm just going to pick up some food and watch TV.... Alone."

"You don't want to be together?"

Ha! I love it when people say that! Like I work my ass off just so I can spend my rare free time with THEM. 

"Everything I do. I do it for you."

No. Fuck you, Brian Adams.

All these horrible shootings. There's a part of me that wonders if these people turned crazy nuts-o because they were being smothered by everyone. 

In the meantime...

I'm reliving the sibling rivalry between these two, son and daughter, who are holding up finalizing my woman cave paperwork.

I could never be in business with my brothers. Never. Even if our company produced nothing but awesome for the most needy and deserving, I could not, would not run a business with my brothers. Not ever. The second one of my brothers started acting like a douche - there would be an "incident" with a staple gun. 

4 weeks and counting, boys and girls, until January 1, 2016.

I don't care if the brother has to drug the sister and ship her stupid ass to China, I want my Fortress Of Solitude. 

(Dude, seriously, if you need help, just ask!)