In a world...

I happened to be in Los Feliz that afternoon. I called a girlfriend of mine who lives in Los Feliz and she met me for cocktails. But since I called my girlfriend out of the blue, she said it would take her a half hour or so to throw herself together and meet me. I decided to wait for her at a café. I ordered some coffee and was just going to mess around on my laptop.

I sat at the last available table, a very small table next to a very attractive looking couple. A few minutes later I realized, mostly because they were talking so unbelievably loud, that he is from Italy, she is from Japan, they had just met, and the mutual language between them is English. Very bad English.

Shortly after sitting down at my small table, Ms. Japan kept saying the word "Japan", and Mr. Italy kept saying the word, "Italy" and that's how I came to the conclusion she is from Japan, and he is from Italy -- that and their accents.
 
And because he is from Italy, and she is from Japan, I'm going to refer to them for the remainder of this blog as "Italy" and "Japan".

I always root for the underdog. A hard earned "A" gets my respect every time. And these two were struggling so hard to talk to each other, their effort was pure poetry.   

After getting situated at my table, Japan and Italy were naming cities in Thailand. Phuket. Bangkok. Trang. Udon. etc. Then they started listing sushi they liked. Poki. Yellow tail. Uni. Ika. etc.

"Do you like Mochi?" Ms. Japan asked. Then she started listing them. Green tea. Strawberry. Vanilla. etc.

"I love food with spice." Mr. Italy said. The  he started listing them. Chipotle. Garlic. Cajun. Creole. Cayenne. etc.

"It sounds funny but I like peas. Americans hate peas! I love peas!" Mr. Italy said. "Even the American vegetarians hate peas!"

Not all Americans hate peas. I like peas. I eat at least 80% vegetarian diet and I like peas. 

"Peas?" Ms. Japan inquired.

"Yes. Peas." Mr. Italy replied. "They're small, round, green, come in cans and frozen bags."

And in pods. Don't forget pea pods. Peas do grow from the ground.

I generally stay away from eating meat if I can. Not for political reasons but for the same reasons I make all the effort in the world to stay away from carbs. Meat/carbs bulks you up. And when you're very short like me, diet plays a significant role in what will help keep you trim, or make you fat... along with exercise, genetics, other forms of consumption, blah, etc..

People like to tell me, "Well if we don't eat cows they will grow in number and take over the world." Actually I would like to see that! We can call it the great "Man, Moo" war of 2020 or whatever year it takes place in!

"Your daddy died fighting the cows, honey. Be proud."  

Fist bump to Mr. Italy for working his veggie-game. I never heard anyone try so hard describing peas. Thing is, and I can't help but wonder, between Italy and Japan one of you has a Smartphone, right? Couldn't Italy just Google her a picture of what peas look like? But in all honesty, she knows what peas are. Japan has peas. They just serve them differently. She was either trying to keep the conversation flowing on her limited English, or she was messing with him. And, again, I can't help but wonder, don't Smartphones have language translators in them? Or is that just on the new Smartphones? I wouldn't know. I'm not allowed nice phone since 2007 AKA the year I dropped and broke five cell phones.

Anyway,

I think she said the word, "rice" about 35 times. I kept hoping maybe I would get some rice cooking tips but no such luck. I once dated a guy who knew how to make the perfect rice so it had a layer of "crisp" on top yet "sticky" rest of the way through. It was amazing. And he had two of the cutest little pet runt bunnies. He loved to make dinner and I would bring over the wine and dessert, and we'd have dinner, drink wine, play with the runt bunnies, watch a movie and have great sex. I forget why we stopped dating?

Anyway,

Each time Japan said, "rice" Italy changed the subject back to Mexican food. It was like listening to a couple that's been married for 90 years.  

"With Japanese rice..."

"I love Mexican food."

"You need the right grain of rice..."

"With Mexican food it's all about good seasoning."

"And you no overcook rice..."

"I once had a burrito, they seasoned the beef for 24 hours."

And then suddenly, randomly, Italy and Japan started listing states together. They got stuck on the "M" states.

Main
Minnesota
Maryland
Mississippi
Massachusetts
Missouri
Montana

"There's one more." Italy said.

Michigan.

"Main!" Ms. Japan, yelled.

"No we said that one." Italy replied.

Michigan!

"Mississippi!" Ms. Japan yelled. 

"No. We said that one too." Mr. Italy reminded.

Michigan!!

"What state are we missing?" Ms. Japan asked.

Damnit! Michigan!!

The half hour flew by. I don't even think I typed word one into my laptop when my girlfriend text me that she was finished getting ready.

I was sad to leave my table... and them. 

In my mind Italy and Japan end up together. They date, fall madly in love, marry, live in bliss, and have a child that eventually cures cancer.

In Michigan!!

And,

Every year,

On their wedding anniversary,

Among other things,

As a token of love,

As a token of remembrance,

Italy gives Japan,

A can of peas.