"Does this shirt make me look stupid?"

My dearest Los Angeles,

There is no correct answer to this question.

If I say "no" then you accuse me of lying. If I say "yes" you throw 5.0 seismograph temper tantrums.

Now don't get mad but, it seems lately, almost on a daily basis, you're being needier than usual, asking me if this shirt makes you look stupid - C'mon sweetie, what do you want me to say?

I'm trying to be nice, understanding, kind and sincere, you're going through something I get it, but you're making it very hard on me and I don't think that's fair. 

Now,

Who am I to say what's fair?

But,

And I hate to bring this up,

Lets put some things into perspective. I pay your rent. I pay your bills. I pay your tax. And while I'm not some knuckle-dragging barbaric Neanderthal expecting you to put out every time I want it, I'm just asking for a reprieve from your mood swings. That's all.

Truth is, I like my city a little nutty, that's why I love you so much.

Okay?

Now who needs a hug? :)