MAY 31, FRIDAY
(1:58pm)
Okaaay. Nothing like hysteria-responding on a Friday afternoon. I listen to violent crime murder documentaries to go to sleep. It's a giant leap to say "Run for your life!" to something as tame as (say) rifling through underwear especially among people who want to be gangbanged and choked out by strangers they meet on the internet.
(11:39am)
My guy pal told me to get a boyfriend. It's not for lack of trying! I rejoined Match.com.
I would love to have a boyfriend.
I'm baiting hard like:
(9:14am)
Fleas? Aliens? 👽
I'm watching another crime story about a British millionaire who murdered his family, before going back to sleep. I work tonight. Just needed a bedtime story.
(8:01am)
Because most humans have become too lazy and stupid for intellectual conversation and overall desire to better their existence.
Asking "Why?" Is America's Kryptonite.
(7:45am)
"Let's get ready to rumbl-l-l-le!!" Twitter's fun.
I love this guy. 😂
MAY 30, THURSDAY
(5:27pm)
I have a theory. I think the Korean homeowner had a shady stinky Korean friend, relative, or associate assassin sleep in my bed while I was at work. I think that assassin needed a set of clothes. I think that illegal assassin had fleas and that's why I got all bit up. I mean they wanted those pressure socks bad. Even tried hiding them under my bed before I was moved upstairs... But why the old leggings? Why the tweezers? She could have bought those things for that person.
I'm going to have to set out a few experiments.
(4:59pm)
And a pair of leggings are missing. Someone went into my dirty laundry and took pressure socks and leggings. Ewe. Nasty.
(3:24pm)
Since the judge won't make an example out of Trump, I hope his probation officer is an angry as fuck older black woman. Because you know Trump will piss her off constantly.
(2:36pm)
Fuck Trump. What an asshole. Put him in jail. Anyone else would go to jail.
(2:25pm)
OH, AND
Three days ago my right arm randomly started itching rather badly. Then yesterday about 20+ little red flea bites were exposed on my arm.
Vegas.
(2:17pm)
So far the Vegas casualties are pressure socks & tweezers. I bought a new pair of tweezers and now have to buy my third goddamn pair of pressure socks. What is the draw to pressure socks?!
MAY 29, WEDNESDAY
(7:41pm)
"Shocking" 🙄 Why I don't bank with them anymore after 20 years.
MAY 28, TUESDAY
(5:16pm)
"50 is the new..."
NOTHING. It's the new goddamn nothing. 50 is 50. Deal with it. You're a senior now. Deal with it. Your 20 year old daughter is hotter than you. Deal with it. She'll get the gigs now, not you. Deal with it. WTF is wrong with you people? You're born, you grow up, you get old, you die. This is what being human is. Pass the torches of wisdom to those who want it. That's all you can do now. It's their world now. Your job is to not fuck it up any more than you already have.
50 is 50. Get a hobby. Start a garden. Read a book. Write a book. Go travel. Learn how to play golf. Stop wearing fake eyelashes to the grocery store. You look stupid.
(2:33pm)
I hope you find what you're looking for. Everyone seems to be searching for something.
Today is day 6 of 7 days in a row. I changed my schedule to work with chill people, and to help the lady who fixed my finger when I injured it at work only to find the first aid kit completely empty. You know the story of the lion with a thorn in his paw. The lady who fixed my finger saved me from going to the ER. That, plus I understand her when she talks. On other days there's this little old Filipino woman who is sweet, sure, but she has thee thickest accent and she wears a face mask so there is no understanding her when she talks. Her big thing is tapping me on the shoulder when I'm cutting stuff at my prep table. I have ear buds in, rubber gloves on, and I'm neck deep in prep. She taps me on the shoulder, I stop what I'm doing, take off my rubber gloves and remove my earbuds. She has nothing important to tell me ever, she just wants me to know she's at work. Okay. Hello. Smile. I put my earbuds back in, new pair of rubber gloves on, and go back to work. Not more than 1 minute will go by when tap-tap-tap on my shoulder again. It's her. Again. Of course. I take off my rubber gloves, remove my earbuds and ask her what she needs. Oh nothing. Just wanted to let me know she's going to start work now. Ok. Great. Smile. I then put on a new pair of rubber gloves, put in my earbuds and go back to work. 20 minutes later tap-tap-tap. All goddamn night long.
Look, I'm not an interesting person. I go to work. I go home and sleep That's it. I knit, read, write, and watch movies. That's it. Please don't bother me. Holy shit.
MAY 27, MONDAY
(5:13pm)
Popcorn is your friend. I hate the smell of garlic. Eat garlic, yes. Smell garlic, no. Garlic = bad body odor. Microwave popcorn smothers garlic smell. In the war of smells, popcorn is my arsenal. Bring it, garlic! Flexing my Midwest muscle. 🍿
MAY 26, SUNDAY
(7:25pm)
Moved to a room upstairs that doesn't reek of garlic. Good grief. I absolutely hate the smell of garlic. Eat it, yes. Smell it for three days, no.
AND ANOTHER THING
I was a Republican for the whole of my adult life. I voted for Trump in 2016 aaand then quickly regretted it. By 2017 I was a registered libertarian.
Trump standing in front of a bunch of libertarians and getting booed was to be expected. A ton of Republicans moved to the Libertarian party during Trump's first year in office. The man is an idiot not because he's a Republican, he's an idiot because everyone can see what a useless smarmy orange meat puppet he is and he just keeps on saying stupid shit like desert storm happened in vietnam. He's never read the Bible which fine but then why lie about? He's never read the constitution or had it read to him thus he has no concept of it other than tik tok sound bites. As a heterosexual woman who does not like either Trump or Biden politically, I must now resort to judging them by how I view them is men. I don't hate Biden. That's the answer. I don't hate Biden. And that is the sole reason I'm voting for him again.
(9:22am)
Can't sleep, assassins have been in my room. Know how I can tell? For the past three days my room reeks of garlic. Assassins smell like garlic. It's their horrible diet where they eat tons of garlic, smelly food in general. Gives me a headache. Goddamn assassins.
(2:44am)
Assassins!
MAY 25, SATURDAY
(9:41pm)
Stopped at the grocery store before work and some all important dickbag was following behind me talking on his phone about how his real estate kung-fu was better than some other realtor and hand to Jesus I just wanted to force feed his goddamn earbuds right down his throat. He kept walking behind me, not picking out anything, just lurking behind me talking loud on his phone. Puke. It's too bad I'm too old for a sugar daddy. Those were my best relationships.
(8:34pm)
1. I don't trust non English speaking Asian people, especially when they get a little too close for comfort. Six feet back, assassin!
2. The most conservative I get these days is when people with thick accents and still wearing face masks try talking to me. Speak better English or take off that stupid face mask, or better yet please just don't talk to me. I'm so tired of trying to understand you. Trust me, I'm not that interesting of a person.
3. Asian men freak me out. Back off, assassin!
MAY 24, FRIDAY
(5:07pm)
AND ANOTHER THING
It's not a "peaceful protest" when people chant "From the river to the sea!"
(4:13pm)
My favorite couple are still the YouTube bald eagles (Jackie & Shadow) of Big Bear. they're building a new nest it seems. Maybe this winter's mating will prove fruitful. I too am in nesting mode. Men have always been the nesters but what is a gal to do when she doesn't like his nest? I love that Jackie & Shadow both bring sticks to the nest. Both arrange and rearrange. The only thing that bothered me about Jackie, and yes I'm humanizing a bald eagle, but I really didn't like how she never brought shadow a fish when he was on the eggs. He brought her fish. Why didn't she ever bring him any?
I'm still stress-coloring. It's childish and juvenile but I enjoy it. It's a distraction that allows me to meditate on other things. Interestingly enough the last picture I colored has a pair of hiking boots in it the same color as my hiking boots. It's a color by number app. And yes I am aware that the photos I chose to color says something about my mindset.
I'm not entirely sure it's "zen" but it's cheaper than having a shrink, although the moment I can afford one I think I might actually see one. If for no other reason to bounce ideas off of him/her. I wonder if I really want to be married again or if I just think it's more achievable than finishing my book.
With that said....
MAY 22, WEDNESDAY
(7:43pm)
I'm obsessed with (First we Feast) HOT ONES on YouTube. The Tony Hawk episode is my favorite so far.
(9:05am)
In this episode of ZEPS as my hillbilly pal Bill calls it (as in Communication Breakdown) I now can only scroll and post on Twitter (X) on my phone because the Korean lady homeowner I rent from has blocked it from her wifi. It's a word block because porn uses X's to define the porniness of their porn and thus X is blocked.
Is there a goddamn Laundromat that serves alcohol?
MAY 21, TUESDAY
(10:36pm)
Almost cut my pinky off yesterday. Not intentionally of course - this ain't 1987 Judas Priest parking lot with razors and a cheap bottle of vodka, after all. I almost sliced my pinky off on a rogue slicing machine at work.
Luck for me my coworker is a mom and she totally mom'd me and saved my finger. God bless her. So that's what having a mom would've been like! She had sticky bandages, like the glue doctors use instead of stitches that hold the wound together to stop the bleeding, but in large band aid form. You wrap your wound with the sticky side of the bandage to keep the flesh together. I probably still need stitches but, nah. Not the first time I sliced myself in the kitchen. Sliced, burned, sprained, nerve damaged, etc...
But... Looks like I'll get to keep my pinky. Not today, Satan! (Whatcha doing next week maybe?)
MAY 20, MONDAY
(10:11pm)
"This trial is a disaster for our country." -- Trump
No, just you. Your hush money trial for being a dickbag doesn't affect the country. Just you. Nerd.
(4:35pm)
BOOMERS: "No one can screw up the English language more than Gen X."
GEN X: "No one can screw up the English language more than Millenials."
MILLENNIALS: "The English language can't be screwed up any more than it is!"
GEN Z: "Challenge accepted!"
MAY 19, SUNDAY
(10:36PM)
Yes, especially if your neighbor is Kristi Noem.
MAY 18, SATURDAY
(9:21pm)
"sin city"
No, nerd. It hasn't been "sin city" since the 80's. You can no longer walk straight down las vegas blvd, you can't walk and drink alcohol on the blvd, prostitution is very illegal, pizza is $50 on the strip, and the average show is about $150 per person. Las Vegas 2024 is gentile corporate America gambling. Nerd.
MAY 17, FRIDAY
(9:06pm)
Atta boy Steve. Gotta give it the old college try at least once. Fake it 'til you make it.
(4:14pm)
BOOMERS: "No one can screw up the English language more than Gen X."
GEN X: "No one can screw up the English language more than Millenials."
MILLENNIALS: "The English language can't be screwed up any more than it is!"
GEN Z: "Challenge accepted!"
(8:23pm)
My throat is killing me. Wet Midwest to dry desert.
(9:02am)
Good morning starshine 😏
MAY 15, WEDNESDAY
(6:51am)
Back to the West coast. After spending a little time in my childhood home, Minnesota, the peace & quiet wasn't there. Disappointing. So many people there now. Houses on top of each other. Where is the quiet in this country? And on top of that I forgot my ear buds on the kitchen counter. 🤬
How am I supposed to write without my ear buds to block out the world? The struggle is real.
AND ANOTHER THING!
Just because Stormy Daniels says in one interview that she wasn't a victim of trump, doesn't make her encounter with Trump any less smarmy. She can still express what a smarmy man he is. The fact I have to point this out to people men just shows how little men know about women. I was married for 9 years to someone I now think is smarmy as fuck. It happens. We grow up - even in our 50's.
MAY 13, MONDAY
(7:35am)
Men. I don't understand them. Not one bit. My male friends are few and far in between. But heterosexual men, the single ones, I don't understand at all. The older a man gets who remain single, the less I understand him. When women get old, like me, our hormones are sexually turned off by men. The baby factory has closed. No more estrogen. No more desire. It's science. So what is mans excuse?
MAY 12, SUNDAY
(9:01pm)
(3:02pm)
Spent half the days stressed out. I'm chill now. I think I got this covered. Freakin' beat now. See, and I don't spaz. I just don't. I internalize everything. I should learn how to haul off on people at random. I'm just not wired that way naturally.
Ohmmm.
(11:59am)
I'm trying not to stress. I'm really trying. I have this meeting tomorrow - and we'll go from there.
How is it I get along with my male friends, can talk with my male friends the exact same way I talk to my brothers, and yet my brothers are freak out scream queens... OH that's right, they're mama's boys with the exact same zero coping skills as her. Psssst, ding dong the witch is dead, fellas. She dead as ash. Cremated ash. And would it surprise you they both holding on to her dead burned up ash. Lord help them.
AND ANOTHER THING
When a married couple have the exact same money struggle I may have, that's inexcusable. Look at one another and checkmark who the anchor around the neck in that relationship is.
(10:55am)
Texting with Aramis. It's nice having friends who aren't into stressing you out, unlike family.
For the same reason my girlfriends who wanted to break up with their boyfriends before the pandemic but instead married them after the pandemic, the critics who think they could have a medical emergency plus pandemic and still come out on top within months (yeah right, buddy) wouldn't survive a year what I've gone through on their own.
Raise your hand if you think $12,000 is a lot of money. Not on this planet, buddy. Not on this planet.
(8:21am)
Super stressed. I can go 40% in any direction. I can go stay in MN, go to Vegas, or go back to LA. I literally have a solid 40% reason to go anywhere. I find myself saying, "Where were you five weeks ago?!" every other hour. On top of that...
My southern hyper-Republican friend called me and left a message to call him back. My generation don't talk on the phone. We text. We're texters. We don't even like committing to that. So when my pal says "call me" I'm thinking he's getting married or something. But no, he wanted his Asian friend to call him so he could bitch about all Chinese immigrants "Biden is letting into the country." My pal, who I met in Los Angeles back in 2001, who has a handful of long time Asian friends, is complaining about Chinese immigrants. So I listen to my pal complain for ten minutes and then I cut him the fuck off. Bro, I got bigger more important issues on my plate right now. I kept hoping he was going to move on, but he didn't, so I cut him off.
Friends: "Have you tried stress coloring?"
Me:
I even knit in such a frenzy I broke the goddamn knitting needle. I have a new one of course and have been knitting up a yellow storm. (The blanket I'm currently working on for winter donation 2024/25 is yellow.)
So... 40% in any direction.
MAY 9, THURSDAY
(4:20pm)
I have a billion things going in my head.
I hate adulting because 9 times out of 10 it involves other goddamn adults. Remember being young? The average of cool young adults were in your favor. Yes, there were assholes but for the most part your hang-circle was big. You always had people you could hang with. Not so much when you're an adult. Forty adult people in a room at least thirty of them will get on your nerves.
So, the camp for kids, still in the interview process. Holy shit. The first interview happened over the phone six days ago. It went well. The second interview at the camp has not happened yet. It's scheduled for next Tuesday. Nothing happens quickly, eh?
In case you're new here, allow me to introduce myself. According to this personality assessment I am...
Christ Almighty, maybe being fucked up is the new, new norm.
To this day Snoopy is my favorite cartoon character. He was the first dog I fell in love with. I learned about love from a cartoon dog. That's how shit my parents were.
It's accurate. And while I don't have children, I make a rather good mentor. I only have a kid's best interest in mind. I don't want anything from them. Little Sally isn't going to correct all the errors of my life, nor is she going to take care of me as I get old. I just want little Sally to grow up to be a decent human being who can take care of herself with pride and self respect. Whereas I grew up feral. Literally out in the wild behind gravestones. If I didn't make myself lunch when I was five years old, I didn't eat. I had no one, no parents. I mean, I had parents. They just did a shit job being parents.
Anyway...
To this day Snoopy is my favorite cartoon character. He was the first dog I fell in love with. I learned about love from a cartoon dog. That's how shit my parents were.
Today a neighbor guy walked his beautiful doggie past the house I rent in. He let me pet his super lovable dog which i could have done for the rest of the afternoon, but i showed self restraint and thanked the guy a few minutes later for letting me pet her, and forced myself to walk away.
I want a little dog. Not a poodle. A little dog like a Beagle or a Jack Russell Terrier.
Anyway...
I checked my blood pressure the other day, it was good. I look forward to Tuesday. I look forward having purpose and doing something meaningful with my summer. Until Tuesday I'll write my book. You know, my book on how we all moved to Hollywood and became drug monsters and potential life sentence inmates. I assure you, Alice still lives here. Only now she's 50-something years old, partially brain dead, with sagging tattoos, ten different pharmaceuticals pumping through her veins in lieu of blood, and a constant nagging feeling like maybe we shouldn't have done all those things we did in the summer of 1999.
MAY 8, WEDNESDAY
(3:01pm)
Bummer. I'm down. Seems I'm either under qualified or over qualified. I would like it if you interviewed me just once for the position I applied for.
(12:11pm)
My insurance is pushing colorectal screening big time. I don't want to know. I just don't. Of all the things to fight living longer for, battling butt cancer ain't one of them. Cancer, period, ain't one of them. My dad died of cancer. It was slow and excruciating to watch. He literally starved and withered to death. No thanks. Pass. I'll die when I die.
MAY 7, TUESDAY
(11:49am)
So, who wants to tell them? 😏
(8:59am)
It's funny how they rather deface a bridge in Minnesota with their political rage but not actually GO TO Palestine and stand shoulder to shoulder with those actually in the war.
MAY 6, MONDAY
(8:31pm)
Let her pull the trigger! Don't say anything! Let her pull the trigger! Pull it! Pull it now!
(8:22pm)
PUT TRUMP IN JAIL. Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with this guy?! Hey, buddy, shut the fuck up. Just shut up. Just do what the judge tells you and follow the gag order like everyone else! Just shut up! No? Don't want to? THEN PUT HIM IN JAIL. Who the fuck do these people think they are? "I'm Trump, I'm above the law!" NO. NO YOU'RE NOT. Put him in jail. Just do it. JAIL.
CINCO DE MAYO
(6:38pm)
Today's mud-stomp was around the Mississippi by St Thomas where the 13 graves are located. Due to the rain past three days, the trails were super muddy. I'm lucky I didn't slide into the River.
(5:47pm)
Forgot about this.
(5:41am)
It's a busy month. 💫✨🥃
I would love a margarita today but I don't like most people who drink.
I have my second job interview Tuesday at the camp. I really want this job but I have to move over Minnetonka or Eden Prairie to work there. All good with me.
Make the shitty parents of the kid who dumped trash in the ocean pay the $50,000 fine! Make those assholes pay! Teach these shitty parents that if they're not going to raise their kids right, they can pay for their kids criminal fuck ups. MAKE THEM PAY.
You would have thought the Crumbly parents being sentenced up to 15 years in jail for their shitty son would have made parents sit up a little straighter and take note of what their dipshit children are doing, but no. So make them pay. Keep making them pay. Your kid throws trash in the ocean - make the parents pay. Your kid shoots up a school - make the parents pay. It's not my job, or your job, to raise their kids, and we sure as hell should NOT have to suffer because of them. Make these parents pay!
MAY the FOURTH BE WITH YOU!
(11:03am)
We're all watching Star Wars today yes? Yes.
Not watching Star Wars today? Because you're a hater? Because you think you're too awesome? 👍🏻 Well then, here you go, princess. Read this:
Not as fun as Star Wars. But whatever.
I might go into the city today and hang out.
You remember Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh? Whenever I stomp around in the mud after a rain I feel like him.
I still like going outside to play. Not many people today do. It's a dating prerequisite for me.
(3:04pm)
I'm loved. Or at least liked. 😊 I'm blessed.
Thank you friends, for being family.
MAY 2, THURSDAY
(6:40pm)
On a positive end of the day - LOOK AT THE BUNNY!
I'm so proud of myself when I capture bunnies. The little girl in me will always internally squeal, "Bunny! Bunny! Bunny!" When I see one.
Look at the white cottontail!!
(5:56pm)
Photos from KTLA Los Angeles pro-Palestine college encampments.
Again, you kids want to fuck up something in the name of Palestine, go toss your parents house. Why should anyone take you serious now. Look at this mess.
(4:27pm)
At least they spelled it right this time.
(5:51am)
A-holes are taking advantage of these college kids protesting Israel. Why are kids the ones in America getting their hands dirty fist fighting and beating each other with boards? I cannot support any region who voted for Hamas. When I voted for that moron Trump in 2016 - long story short I'll Never vote for him again - but I also never once asked a bunch of kids from another country to defend my fuck up. Kids. They're just kids. Yes in college. But still kids. Barely legal. Most of whom are doing their parents bidding. And a-holes, other old grown adults, are coming in to mess with them. Why don't these college kids get mad at the adults who put Hamas in power back in 2006 or whenever and yell at them, throw chairs at them? If someone threw a chair at me in 2017, a year after the election, for voting for Trump I would understand - I would go full blown Korean horror film on them but I would understand.
Job interview with a male interviewer this morning who already cancelled and rescheduled the first interview. I'm 10% in. I don't even know why I'm going to be honest with you. I just want Friday to come already. I'll know Friday where I'm working. I really want this prep cook job at the non profit. Everyone thinks it's a perfect fit. I just hope they do too. Friday I interview with them.
Dear college kids, just attend class, learn stuff, drink a few beers, fall in love, fight the good fights that will improve your future. Because all of this "pro-Palestine", look, you're mostly only what 18-22 years old? Gaza was waaaay before your time. Go throw a chair at your parents. They're the ones who made shitty decisions. Don't fight their fights. Shitty parents need to start fighting their own fights. Y'all just do!
MAY 1, WEDNESDAY
(8:40pm)
I made a YouTube video dedicated to everyone who played outside as a kid. Growing up in Minnesota circa 70's & 80's, no cell phones, no XBOX, we kids went outside and played with trees, clouds, lakes and mud.
If you know, you know.
Dear Amish and Mennonites, WHY would you ever decide to live among us English. By the time you reach my age, 55, you think most men are just Sleestaks. Google it.
As I am now engaged in manhunt 2024, and jobhunt 2024, the reality is, I much rather have a job than a man, and work for women rather than men. I much rather talk to women rather than men, and I am most likely to meet a man in the workplace provided my bosses are women. If my bosses are women, men in the workplace are less likely to be Sleestaks. How do I know this? Because WE women are sick of your shit, fellas.
AND ANOTHER THING
When Spanish is your first language and I can't understand your English - when I say "Excuse me? I'm sorry but I didn't understand you. Say again." I'm asking you to speak slower with clearer annunciation. Not fucking scream it at the top of your lungs a second time. Volume isn't the problem here, honey! Holy shit.
Purpose. Purpose is my goal. I want a meaningful job with purpose. The job I really want actually text me yesterday for an interview Friday afternoon. I'm so excited. This is the job I really want. It pays about $5 less an hour than normal but it's for an organization for challenged children. I mean, it's for the kids. I much rather have a job with purpose than work for some dip shit man I have zero respect for. I don't know why it's so hard for men to be respectable these days but - most men are EPICALLY irritating with zero common sense, and lack all communication skills. What the fuck happened to you people?
So, yeah, May.
On the plus side I saw a bunny today. 🥰 (swoon!)
