MAY 31, WEDNESDAY
(10:28pm)
Not long ago, back in Los Angeles, one of Aramis’s buddies and I were going to meet for coffee. Ugh, the dreaded coffee date. I politely tapped out but we’re still “friends” on FB and yesterday the buddy updated his profile status to “in a relationship with…” and the person pictured with him is a Thai girlie MAN. Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this but that’s a man. See the adam’s apple? Adams apple = man. Gotta be careful with Thai and Filipino ladies. That’s where the term girlie boi comes from. Get that clam check upfront!
(10:12pm)
I just saw it on Facebook today was Sheldon’s funeral. Almost 30 years I knew this guy and no one called me. Sheldon always said people will only care about his money. And he was right.
No pain in my chest all day. No pain last night when I got home from work either. As I mentioned before, I’m opting for early social security and retirement. If I recall correctly, as of now it’s somewhere in between $500 - $600 less a month. I don’t want to die working. It’s not a “retirement” if you die 10 years later.
(8:11pm)
“What is she looking at?”
“What she taking a picture of?”
Just look at the sky, boys and girls. Daydream. Imagine. Look ahead.
These clouds above my street yesterday.
(2:11pm)
As I’ve said before, if I ever get cancer I’ll just live my best life until I die. I’ve watched people suffer through radiation and chemo, and I’m not doing it. Ever.
That said...
Please check out the ALL FRIENDS animal sanctuary link.
MAY 30, TUESDAY
(3:02pm)
Panic attacks arise when stress hormones trigger the body's "fight or flight" response, often resulting in racing heart, chest pain and shortness of breath. In the case of a heart attack, a blockage in a coronary artery may result in the same symptoms.
(2:44pm)
For the past couple nights I’ve been having chest pain when I sleep and I can’t seem to breathe right. I’m sure the added stress of Vicki and Sheldon’s deaths aren’t helping. Like even now, sitting in my chair, my chest hurts. I got my blood pressure down from 137/90 earlier to (just now) 125/80 with 80 heart BPM, and still my heart feels like it’s pounding in my chest and it’s hard to breathe. If this is a panic attack it’s the longest anxiety attack in history.
As long as I don't die while working, or in bed, or on the toilet.
Can’t I die from saving orphans from a fire or something?
Does it have to be this?
(9:04am)
I have no idea what the meaning of friendship is, Charlie Brown. I used to think friends were your chosen family. Sheldon was my chosen family but one fight and he shut down an almost 30 year friendship. Aramis is my chosen family, but after his smoking hot ex-wife broke it off with him, he hooked up with a batshit crazy Thai woman who convinced him to dump all his female friends. Rachel was my chosen family, but after she met this new boyfriend of hers she doesn’t want to hang out with me because “My boyfriend doesn’t like me going out.” So no, Charlie Brown, I have no idea what friendship means anymore. There’s your next Peanuts special. Don’t forget the recovering addicts and stroke survivors.
Good luck finding someone to date after 40. I’ve been actively searching for someone to date for the past two years with zero success. No one dates anymore. No one looks for substance. They just look for someone to eat with.
Also…
Men today don’t understand, my home is my sanctuary. Keep your buddies, your lady friends, and your work out of my sanctuary.
Off to get AAA batteries. My BP arm cuff died, and my heart has been racing all night.
(8:31am)
Henderson, a suburb of Las Vegas, has named some streets after Pokemon characters. I’m waiting for the movie where the tough guy says, “That’s right Carmine, 500 feet out, at the intersection of Jigglypuff and Charmander lane.”
After four days processing that my oldest and once dearest friend is dead, the shock of his death has worn off. The vultures have no doubt begun ransacking his place, just as he always told me they would. His niece in particular. Not once in the almost 30 years I knew Sheldon did his niece visit him, go to lunch with him, nothing. She tolerated a phone conversation once every other month with him but that’s it. He said he would invite her to dinner, him paying of course, but she wouldn’t even do that and she’s his main beneficiary on account of no wife or children, both his parents are dead. And his niece inherits from her parents who are also wealthy. His neighbors who have keys to his place have no doubt begun ransacking his place the moment they got the phone call he died. Sheldon always said they would. But what did he care? No wife or kids. No parents. Let them all fight over who gets what. The neighbors can steal his possessions and his niece can try fighting for it back. The only people who win are lawyers. And let's not forget my replacement. She’s another piece of work. The woman he began palling around with after I got married. She would always ask Sheldon what he was leaving her. Disgusting. And Mikey, that cat. I’m sure they put him in an animal shelter by now. That poor cat. After mine and Sheldon’s fight in 2020, I still wanted the cat. You can be mad at me but don’t take it out on the cat. Know what I mean? And still no phone call from his friends. No, they’re too busy ransacking his house.
Sheldon used to say the only ones who ever truly cared for me are you and Mikey. And now Mikey is in an animal shelter, I’m sure of it, and he made certain we could never make up after our one and only fight.
Die your way. Fuck everyone.... I guess?
MAY 29, MONDAY
(11:41pm)
Just saw my first AI music video. It was pretty cool to be honest.
Good night.
(10:08pm)
God strike me dead with lightning now. I’m good to go. FFS
(12:00pm)
The #1 thing I hate about being old is how many times a day I blow my nose. It’s ridiculous. I stopped buying face tissue for just big packs of toilet paper. I can go through a big box of face tissue in 1.5 days. That’s how often I blow my nose. #2 thing I hate about being old are the aches and pains. If we have to work until we’re 70, after 40 years of age Vicodin should be OTC legal and affordable.
MAY 28, SUNDAY
(10:16pm)
Lots of people in this country want to work. Many of them are extremely talented writers. Hire them.
If you make enough as a writer to pay your rent and bills, then fuck you, you make enough. You’re a writer. Write!
Strikes are stupid. If you’re not happy, go work at Walmart.
Only write if you can spend the rest of your life writing and not make a dime. I write the free-iest entertainment on the internet. Not even banner ads. Because I love to write. It's cathartic.
Dear Diary...
(10:56am)
My dad was a cad. Babies, babies everywhere. (Hi!)
Gen X boys and girls are feral because they’re latch-key kids and the children of Boomers who knew how to do exactly one thing, maybe two if they were lucky. Gen X’rs had to learn it all themselves.
(10:49am)
I used to wonder how she (my brothers mom) could scream about me for the whole of mine and my brothers lifetime. She only knew me for like twelve/thirteen years. And I stayed as far away from her as possible during that time. Can’t make sense out of crazy. My brothers mom was the first truly crazy person I ever met.
(10:24am)
I'm still processing it all. Two deaths in 48 hours with people I've known forever including the battle scars to prove it - is all still just spinning in my head. It's not preventing me from sleeping but it's enough where I really (really!) wish I could drink in the room I rent. As I get older convenience far outweighs desire.
My oldest brother and I were close when we were kids. Oldest/youngest kids generally are. We get the most attention being the bookends. Years passed. He did his thing. I did mine. When our dad got sick with throat cancer the first time we reunited. When our dad died we fought and didn’t speak for years that followed. We didn’t fight over money or a will. We fought over the way he died. Death has that effect on people.
When my brothers mom died last Friday my oldest brother was concerned how her death would affect his relationship with his younger brother, my other brother, and our sister-in-law. Their mom didn’t leave a will. I’m 100% out of that drama. My only job in this family is playing referee. Been doing it all my life. And the one time I spoke up about something I just could not keep quiet about I got a lifetime of misery for it from HER - their mom.
When I say their mom relied on her sons like second husbands (minus the incest) it’s not an exaggeration. When our dad divorced her he was beyond kind because of her inability to function in the world. Not her fault though. She was raised that way. “Make babies, cook, and clean house” was how she was raised so when she was forced to enter the real world she was terrified and refused to do it. Meanwhile, a 12 year old me was like “I want to fly like an eagle to the sea!” So I didn’t understand how she was so terrified. I couldn’t WAIT to go explore the world with nothing but the clothes I was wearing. *I figured she would outgrow the fear, but nope. Never did. She refused to.
My brothers mom wanted my teenage brothers to find her a divorce lawyer, a house to live in, and drive her (literally) everywhere - lawyers offices, courthouses, house hunting, grocery store, she needed them to set up her utilities, etc, and it never ended until the day she died. A lifetime of servitude. My dad tapped out. My brothers never did. Loyal to their mom to an absolute fault after fault. My brothers literally waited on their mom hand and foot, and it fucking pissed me off like you have no idea. Year after year, after year. When my oldest brother and his family moved to Arizona a few years ago, my other brother and his wife spent a lot of time abroad in Europe. They especially love Scotland. Which resulted with their mom not doing anything as she got sicker and sicker from smoking. She didn’t leave a will. She had no exit plan. She didn’t pack anything up or sort anything out. She did as she always does and just figured her sons would do it for her. What choice would they have? I can’t imagine what her house smells like. This woman smoked two packs a day from the time she was 14 until she died. I hope my brothers have gas masks.
When I was in junior high high school I refused to live with that abusive loony toon woman, packed my shit and moved in with distant relatives. My dad wanted me home so I moved back. Two years later, after a knock down drag out fight with that crazy woman I packed my shit again and moved out for good. There wasn’t a neighbor or a relative who didn’t beg me to leave my house. That insane woman would walk to where I was staying and scream at me from the lawn. She would stalk me at school, later on stalk me at my job, stalk me where I was staying, and when my dad had had enough he literally packed her shit and threw it in the driveway. My brothers mom had the longest rap sheet in my hometown.
When I moved to CA my dad was mad, but my brothers mom made my brothers lives complete hell. Not only did they have to wait on her hand and foot, they had to listen to her bitch about me the entire time. One year she harassed my oldest brother into giving her my phone number - and you bet that woman called me 100 times a day. She filled up up my answering machine and when she could no longer scream into that, she just kept calling and calling, and calling. Of course I changed my phone number.
So When I say it’s a relief that she’s now dead. It’s a relief that’s been held up waiting to burst out for my entire life.
My brothers on the other hand I’m sure are suffering from utter Shell Shock. They’ve spent their entire lives waiting hand and foot on a screaming woman - and now must clean up her last and final mess.
I'm glad she's dead. There. I said it. I hope my brothers can just live their lives now - free from her. Because for a while there I worried one of them might turn into Norman Bates.
MAY 27, SATURDAY
(7:12pm)
And did anyone from Sheldon's side contact me regarding his funeral or wake, or to notify me that he even died? NOPE. Unbelievable. At least this shit storm has passed on - forever. Y'all can fight like greedy heathens over his money. I only care about the cat.
(11:50am)
I should go for a walk. Clear my head.
(11:35am)
I won't ever know when Bob dies. He lives in his own little fantasy world of make believe people. I have no idea if any of the people he talks about are real or not. He supposedly had a long term relationship with a woman named Fran, or at least that's what he calls her, but there are no photos of her. No photos of them together. He has no photos of him with anyone. He has terrible dementia. I just hope he has real family to care for him. My biggest fear as I get older is becoming Bob. I will do every little thing under the sun to not get dementia.
I'm on wait lists to enter "active senior" housing. When you're single you have to prepare to die alone. Prepare for the worst.
*I'll have my teddy bear ❤
(10:24am)
After Sheldon reneged on his promises to me in 2020 by saying, "We'll just do it this way instead" he thought I would simply go along with it. And I'm like no do what you promised me. He called me unreasonable to which I said it's not unreasonable to expect people to do what they promise. I uprooted from Vegas on those promises. A man is only as good as his word, I said. And then he hung up on me. The following morning he called me at 7am but I was still pissed off so I didn't answer. When I calmed down days later I called him only to find he had blocked me from calling him. After a year or so passed I tried calling his best friend and neighbor Andy, just to see how Sheldon was doing, but he blocked me from Andy's cell phone also. Am I sad Sheldon is dead, no. Because I'm not surprised. He lived horribly after being diagnosed with every heart thing under the sun and a pacemaker put in. I'm just sad that these last three years were wasted because of a fight. I can still remember talking to Sheldon on the phone, in my new apartment, waiting for the cable guy as we watched the OJ Simpson Bronco car "chase" (35 MPH) from our own living rooms.
I doubt Andy will get in touch with me. I doubt I'll ever see Mikey again. I just hope whoever gets Mikey will be good to him. He's such a sweet little boy.
(9:55am)
I still can't believe Sheldon's dead. I was informed the doctors removed three liters of fluid from his body and sent him home, and then a few days later he died.
I asked Pedro to give Sheldon's neighbor (Andy) my cell phone number just to give my condolences and to find out what happens to Mikey now. So many years of friendship, once one of my oldest and dearest friend, ripped apart by one fight (one fight!) and now he's dead. I'm shook. I took care of Sheldon after he had his pacemaker put in back in 2015'ish. I was feeding him salmon and vegetables, and I can still hear Sheldon say, "I'm going to eat better from now on." And then right out the gate he was back to his daily diet of pasta, pizza, pans of mac and cheese, Mexican food, margaritas, and bottles of wine. I guess he just wanted to die his way. Like my brothers mom. Sheldon ate and drank himself to death. Vicki smoked herself to death. She was convinced cancer was a hoax. A big lie. She was convinced you could not get cancer from smoking.
I wonder what their last words were.
And what did me and Sheldon fight about? I had moved to Las Vegas in 2017. Sheldon even came out and visited me. But then right before the pandemic in 2020 Sheldon convinced me to come back to Los Angeles. He said come back in case this becomes a big thing. Come back and be with your friends. After much hesitation and discussion he talked me into coming back. But then we all had to quarantine. I stayed held up in a hotel for 2 weeks, then 3 weeks, and the promises Sheldon made me before I came back, my whole reasons for coming back, he reneged on and left me swinging in the wind. No fucks given. And somehow that became my fault. I was fine in Vegas. He just wanted his friend back in LA to take care of him in case something went bad. But then he reneged on every single thing we talked about. That was March 2020. And now I'm back in Vegas. And now he's dead.
(1:55am)
I remember saying to Sheldon after he brought Mikey home as a kitten, “This is your last kitty, yea?” Meaning it’s selfish getting a pet when there’s a decent chance it will outlive you. He said he wasn’t getting another cat after Mimi died and then he brought home 6 month old Mikey.
All I can think about is Mikey. I know his neighbors/friends are taking care of him now but then what? Who did Sheldon will him to?
I shouldn’t care. But I do. Mikey is innocent of all this. Poor kitty.
MAY 26, FRIDAY
(11:05pm)
So who gets Mikey? Originally I was in Sheldon's will to get Mikey in the event of his death but since our fight in 2020... who gets Mikey now?
That's Mikey hugging my knee in 2015. 2016?
(9:27pm)
My oldest brother just sent the text.
Their mom also passed away tonight, a little while ago.
(9:02pm)
I just got the call from Los Angeles. Pedro called me just now.
Sheldon died last night.
(8:13pm)
Not sorry Native Americans, you do not get to own spirit animal or totem. You can duke it out with the Old Testament circa 1200bc for rights, additionally with Asian, Egyptian, and African origin stories.
I'll say "spirit animal" any gosh dang darn time I want to. Just try and stop me. Do I stop non-Asians from eating rice with chopsticks. No, of course not. Why? Because it's funny watching people eat fried rice with chopsticks. "It's so hard!" I bet it is. That's why we don't eat non-sticky rice with chopsticks. We use a spoon. Carved spoon, soup. Flat spoon, rice.
I'm a Capricorn, if you believe in such things. Sea goats.
My spirit animal
Sea otters.
(11:20am)
Internet dating...
What you hope for.
Reality.
(8:44am)
Well, it’s Friday, boys and girls. And a holiday weekend. You know what that means here in dusty ‘ol cowboy town dontcha?
Internet dating…
What you hope for.
Reality.
MAY 25, THURSDAY
(9:43pm)
AND ANOTHER THING
Internet dating…
What you hope for.
Reality.
Good night bitches. 😂
(9:41pm)
Oh yes. The well oiled gears of corporate management.🙄
Management: You have to meet with us first.
Me: Okay.
Management: And if it goes well you then will meet with HR.
Me: Uh. Okay. I guess?
Management: But HR is out of the office until Tuesday because of Memorial Day weekend.
Me:
Management: Do you have any questions for us?
Me:
Management: You can ask us anything. Really. We’re 💯 transparent.
Me: Well first of all…
No, I didn’t say anything. But I wanted to. I wanted to say, “Why the fuck am I seeing you four days before HR is even in the goddamn office. AND ANOTHER THING why don’t I see HR first? I mean if HR is good with me then fuck you guys. You got no choice than to put up with me.”
Red Rock casino, HR sees you first. They barrel you with 20 questions. Keep your answers brief, intelligent, and moderately enthusiastic. Don’t add. Just answer quickly. After 20 questions, bitch don’t call us we’ll call you. A week later they called me with their verdict.
These fucking guys…
I really hate playing politics.
(7:57pm)
Internet dating.
What you hope for.
Reality.
(5:25pm)
Dear boys and girls, I don't think you understand what being a rebel means. It's going against the grain. It's taking adventures on the roads less traveled. It's pissing people off by doing your own thing that ain't hurting nobody. It's sometimes drifting mud in the eyes of judgmental a-holes.
It's THIS.
So fuck yaaaa'z!
(4:52pm)
It’s official. I have officially lost my mind.
(10:39am)
SONG OF THE DAY
(10:34am)
I don't want to know what happened. I don't want to know what went wrong. La La La La La La! I'm not listening! Oooo! Barbie! I love Margot Robbie.
(9:31am)
Scantily clad men in short shorts and cowboy boots... for women.
Rii-iight.
MAY 24, WEDNESDAY
(11:42pm)
Internet dating…
What you hope for
Reality
(11:05pm)
What’s so special about ‘choo? 😬🙄
(8:11pm)
Rest in peace, Ms Turner. Thank you for being part of my childhood. 🌻🌷🌺💐🌸🌹
(7:57pm)
So pure. Makes me forget about the weird guy who rents a room next to mine. He’s so obsessed with what’s in my room I actually have to lock my bedroom door just to go pee in the bathroom next to my bedroom. It’s like bro, it’s the same interior as the last time you snuck a peek inside my bedroom. FFS find another hobby!
(10:25am)
What TF is wrong with people. It’s a poem!
Sticks and stones, love.
Adults bitching about cancel culture yet a kid writes a poem and “holy shit” CANCEL!!
Talk about adults doing stupid. EDC. 520,000 attendees and a bunch of felony and misdemeanor arrests. 🙄 I don’t like grocery stores with more than 20 people in it, never mind a bunch of amateur rando’s in the desert.
(8:54am)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
MAY 23, TUESDAY
(12:08am)
I love Solid Gold. Soul Train. American Bandstand.
Do it right, taking me through the night...
MAY 22, MONDAY
(10:44am)
From one of my favorite youtube channels, CATS!
Beautiful stunning images.
MAY 21, SUNDAY
(3:13pm)
Food. That’s all my IG is. Food. And the occasional cloud photo.
(2:46pm)
Adorable pups. Makes me want a doggy. I just don’t have a yard for one.
(1:15pm)
Nothing is new. It's been done. The only "new" thing you can do, boys and girls, is cure cancer, aids, and Parkinson's. Everything else has been done. Boys wearing dresses? It's been done. Opposite genders playing in gender specific sports? It's been done. Women posed as men in marathons back when women weren't allowed to run in marathons. It's all been done before. Before the 60's. Before the 50's. A woman was even accidentally elected Pope once, which is why they do a balls-test when a Pope is elected. Look it up.
Boots DeSantis's war with Disney has reached holy-shit someone call 5150. The man is out of control. FFS let it go.
People like Elon Musk are delusional. He doesn't live in the real world. He lived in the 1% world. All he truly cares about is that YOU breed more wallet holders. C'mon ladies, breed more wallet holders so he can get richer. Squeeze those little bastards out! Delusional nutjob.
If Tommy wants to wear a dress and heels to graduation, let him. Men have been wearing dresses since Julius Caesar. You know, the dude who invented the salad. 😉😏
I haven't been able to wear a skirt to work since my first after school job at an ice cream and sandwhich shop. I don't hear outrage for women who are forced to wear pants to work. Where is the outrage? I want to wear a skirt to work goddamnit!
White men of a certain age, they get on a subject to gripe about, and jesus christ, they just will not stop griping about it! Let it go. Breathe. Use your platform for something inventive, constructive, thoughtful, just once. Be funny, entertaining, and insightful. Someone get Ron DeSantis a therapist. If a dude stalked me this long you bet his ass would have a restraining order! He's legit an AK-away from shooting up Disneyland/world! Fucking scary.
*Once upon a time older men hated nagging. Now it's all they do.
*That's why I'm looking to date someone in their 70's and 80's. There's a good chance I can outrun him when he gets all DeSantis-y.
MAY 20, SATURDAY
(11:18pm)
Dragula mashup on point.
(5:44pm)
Jam packed casino pools = swimming in a toilet.
(2:44pm)
Reason #1 why I don't go to the strip. You can't straight-shot down the blvd anymore. It's up this escalator, over this catwalk, down that escalator, up this escalator, over this catwalk, down that escalator, wait, we have to do it one more time, up this escalator, over this catwalk, down that escalator, aaaand now you can continue down the street for about a block before you have to repeat the process all over again. Fucking annoying.
(12:30pm)
I’mma linking this reel to all my online dating profiles!
(10:32am)
It's interesting to me that people have these questions on Reddit regarding Minnesota. Just go visit. I suggest visiting during the autumn months end of August - end of November. Minnesota 2023 isn't Minnesota 1979. If it was 1979 I would heavily advise outsiders to stay within the twin cities. 1979 (English) farmers and townies were a little "odd". Those horror movies didn't come out then because there wasn't a grain of truth.
*English = non Amish
(8:31am)
19. “Did You Meet All Of Your Current Friends In High School?”
Yup. Sure did. The last friend I met was in 2007'ish. Aramis. My brother from another mother. And he's from Wisconsin.
24. “Why Don’t You Ever Want To Go To Starbucks?”
I personally don't mind Starbucks because I lived in California a good number of years. But Caribou Coffee is from Minnesota, and Minnesotans likes things that are made in Minnesota. My home state is not a transient state. People continue to immigrate into Minnesota for the same reason Euro pioneers did it, to be left alone to live in peace, but in most places in Minnesota still, if you are born in Minnesota and never leave, you will know everyone in town from day 1 to the end of your days and support them.
26. “Why Do You Say Grey Duck Instead Of Goose?”
Because 'Duck, Duck, Grey Duck!' is a game of instinct and reflex we learn as kids that could save a kid's life one day. Think about what that game is. Grey Duck, lands on the head of a rando, who then chases you around for no reason to a safe place. And if the rando makes it back to the empty seat before you, then you remain the serial killer Grey Duck. Every kid dies loses with "Duck, Duck, Goose!'
*only one syllable
There's a method to the madness.
MAY 19, FRIDAY
(10:22pm)
A wise sage of my generation said it best, “We were born, weighed, and told to go outside and play - forever.”
(9:20pm)
I love her so very much. I am actually a pretty nice person. It's just my Gen X instinct to kill the weak. That's all.
(8:50pm)
"who's that?"
"Nobody. The author."
😂
FACT. You don't become writer to make money. You become a writer because you have something to say. You only want money when you have nothing left to say.
GET BACK TO WORK, BITCHES! I hate unions. And I say that as a daughter of a union man. Back in the day my dad was an AFL/CIO local union president. Thanks for the ten-speed NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
(7:42pm)
Home sweet home. The best place to stargaze.
(7:22pm)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
(4:08pm)
Ohhhmmm pretty pink man-free kitchen
Ohhhmmm pretty pink man-free kitchen
Ohhhmmm pretty pink man-free kitchen
Ohhhmmm pretty pink man-free kitchen
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(3:00pm)
I absolutely hate sharing a bathroom with this guy. He never cleans up after himself. Gee, is that poop for me? Awe, you shouldn't have. 🤮
(12:41pm)
Aramis: “So how are things in Vegas?”
Me:
(11:52am)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
MAY 18, THURSDAY
(5:50pm)
Awesome 👏🏻
(2:49pm)
I never claimed to have people skills.
The strongest work ethic I have is that I work hard. I show up on time and I work very hard. Every medical thing I currently have/had can be co-related to stress. I had shingles in my 20's because of my hyper nervy disposition.
I just applied for a part time off-strip casino job. I have two chef friends who work on the strip and while I could probably get a job working for them now that I'm Vegas licensed, I would rather eat my own rotting liver than work on the strip again. As a pedestrian metro hardly works as is, imagine now having to take that up and down the strip after being on your feet 10 hours a day, which medically I'm not supposed to be doing anyway. For a second job I applied at an off-strip casino hiring prep cooks. I wonder how their hiring practice goes?
Casinos on the strip make you audition for your job. It's annoying AF. Because of how many people apply for the same job, the casino make all applicants audition in one big room. Then they pick the most applicable (starting with your looks) and tell them to wait for the call-back interview audition. It's an annoying process that can take up to three months. Hopefully off-strip casinos are better.
*I worked on the strip for three years, hated it, and followed my hiring boss there to her new job here, working for her at my new summerlin prep job. Not really "new" I've been working for her off/on for over a year now in Summerlin.
(8:58am)
This is the best thing ever! That drive-thru girl earning awesome karma. What you put in this universe is what comes back at you.
MAY 17, WEDNESDAY
(10:13pm)
I was today years old when I learned Chris Pine is the son of that CHIPS guy.
(5:17pm)
Relentless pursuit?
Meghan Markle looks absolutely terrified. 😒
(10:53am)
I've been playing this game called June's Journey on my cell phone for a few years now. I'm on my fourth island. It keeps my old stroked out brain active. JJ is a speed word/image association game and the reward is decorating your islands in beautiful country fashion with horses, farms, plush gardens, lakes, etc. I've got pigs, cows, and goats, all courtesy of this storyline wrapped around a woman named June. The game (and hugging my teddy bear) also helps my nerves for things like trying to understand WHY Accu Chek blood strips are behind the pharmacists counter, but the Accu Chek lancets are in the drug store isle? Lancets are the little stabby needles we use to prick our fingers. Blood strip are the little strips of paper we soak with blood once fingers are pricked. What was the thinking behind this? "Keep the stabby stuff in the isles where anyone can get at them. But keep the papers behind the counter because we don't want anyone hurting themselves with a paper cut."
I mean.
MAY 16, TUESDAY
(1:05pm)
It's monsoon season here in Vegas. It's hot outside, the grasshoppers blew in last weekend, and right now it's tornado-cloudy with high winds. We're supposedly getting a lightening storm until midnight. Imma take my umbrella outside and tempt fate. Take the wheel Jesus!
(10:24am)
Ha! Preach Preacher! “Enjoy your next 237 periods” 😂
(12:46am)
Things white girls say:
"It's expensive to be me."
"I'm too pretty for Star Wars."
"I'm entitled to this."
"Buy me something!"
(12:19am)
There are a few different food items - if allowed 48 hours beforehand to fast on nothing but green tea - I can do some serious damage: Fish n chips, sushi, fruit and chocolate fondue, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (although I would die mid RPBC food challenge on account of diabetes). Reece's PBC's are my favorite candy. I haven't had one like, I dunno, four years at least. You can still eat candy as a diabetic, you just have to adjust your medication and/or diet. Point is, if I was able to, I could definitely eat RPBC all day long.
I don't watch Matt Stonie videos that often on account of my neurotic OCD I can't help but hear the words, "Oh my god he's going to vomit" over-and-over repeatedly in my head.
But I was almost able to watch this to the end. Almost.
MAY 15, MONDAY
(1:22pm)
Girrrrrl you know it. 🙌🏻
(12:41pm)
I'm still really upset that Neko Sparks put a 900 million dollar bid for the Ottawa Senators. They're a shit hockey team nowadays but to reportedly say, or was it Snoop Dog, to reportedly say they want the hockey team to show black kids they too can play hockey is just...
FIRST OF ALL hockey players get paid peanuts compared to the NBA or the NFL so you don't go in playing hockey for money because what some NFL players spend in strip clubs that's an NHL player's entire contract including endorsements. SECOND hockey is probably the most expensive sport for a kid to play. Because as kids grow up, every year, to every other year that's skates, sticks, pads, uniforms, helmets, accessories, etc. It's expensive. Also, it's cold. Do black families love the cold? I'm from Minnesota and I hate anything below 10 degrees. Welp, if your kid doesn't have a free frozen pond in the backyard that means you're paying indoor rink time also.
FFS leave hockey to the Swedes and the Swiss. But if y'all insist on owning the Senators, I guess Snoop Dog can "medicate" the team after they lose a game which FYI happens a lot. Canada gave us hockey, and America took all their best players away to warmer climate, more endorsements, and obviously more money. Prior to players being traded to America I think Canada paid players in cheese. The best thing that could have happened to the Senators was in fact Ryan Reynolds. You should have let him buy the team, he is Canadian after all. Whereas Neko Sparks is reportedly from *checks notes* Los Angeles.
Oh lord.
Best 900 million he ever spent?
(11:56am)
The writers strike cancels beloved TV shows, aaand now credit cards will hide bullet purchases, and I have to wonder if this is wise? Why not just hide gun purchases too? Why not barricade Texas and Florida off from the rest of America, like they want, and let these two states be the human trials of no gun restrictions? And for the love of kittens please televise it!
(7:35pm)
The beginning of the end.
(12:28am)
It's a world gone mad! White bitches don't like Star Wars. Black bitches are buying hockey teams. Players from the Carolina Hurricane tested positive for *checks notes* Covid?! WTF were you doing that you caught Covid?! Licking moldy petri dishes out of a dumpster? It's a world gone mad!
(12:15am)
Why is everyone putting in bids for the Ottawa Senators?
The last time they won the Stanley Cup was *checks notes, checks notes again* 1927!
Who TF is Neko Sparks? And does Snoop Dog really co-own the Senators? Wha-at? Why does Neko Sparks have 900 million to spend on a hockey team?! WTF is going on here?!
Hockey is a honky-cracker sport and we like it that way! 😏
MAY 14, SUNDAY
(10:53pm)
I find most white women annoying these days, but white women under 40 are especially annoying. They say moronic shit like, "I'm too pretty to like (this) and (that)." Which makes zero sense, really. And by the way, no bitch, I'M TOO PRETTY. So pretty I'm 97% positive your boyfriend has already asked if he can fuck me because all you do, and I quote, "Is lay there." 😏
(10:42pm)
I never claimed to have people skills. 😏
(10:22pm)
Kat Timpf, whoever the fuck that skank is, says she's too cool hot, slutty, and sexy for Star Wars. Whatever, WHORE. She apparently likes cock in her mouth over cool films so just stick it in her rat hole.
* I would have thrown in a "cram it sugar tits" but she clearly doesn't have any. A-cup maybe?
(9:52pm)
Look, do not waste your entire youth looking for stupid meaningless sex. I was 27 years old once. A long (long!) long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Hooking up was something we did in bars. Go to a bar, hook up. Don't waste your time on sex sites. Sex sites are for bored/boring old people like me who going to be haggard in a few years. We just want to be remembered for being hot once. At 27 you should still try meeting someone your own age and falling in love. Being in love is wonderful. There's nothing else like it. You're young. Give it a try. Make it work with someone YOUR OWN AGE. Get off these websites.
(1:35pm)
Jokingly I said, "I'm going to title my book HOW TO MAKE A PSYCHOPATH." To which he replied, "There's already a book called MAKING A PSYCHOPATH" which now I'm going to have to read to make a comparison.
PS. My book is more entertaining. 😁
*Making A Psychopath is written by a shrink or some sort. My viewpoints are from youngsters in the making. Again, my book is more entertaining interesting.
(1:23pm)
While doing some book research…
(12:58pm)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
(12:28pm)
I don't often talk/blog about religion. Whatever keeps you from being a monster of a human being, please by all means do your thing.
That said...
I'm glad for this.
Putin needs to brush up on historical power. The Vatican is always present.
Always.
(9:41am)
Happy Mom's Day. Here you go.
MAY 13, SATURDAY
(9:32pm)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
(8:14pm)
During this writer's strike is the perfect time for my book to come out.
(8:04pm)
I want to go out. Was thinking of going to Red Rock casino to have a drink but I'm just so tired. No idea why. It's in the 90's this week. I got up early, 6am, to go grocery shopping before it got hot - me and all the other active seniors. 😂 I took a nap this afternoon even but I'm still beat.
I've gone to four different local spots within a mile of me but they're all just riddled with cigarette smoke. And I've come to the conclusion that scenic vibes with beauty, class, and style among adults past 40 has completely left Las Vegas. "We're 45. Fuck it." Seems to be the mentality. I want to be around women who take three hours to do their hair and makeup when they go out. When I used to attend adult clubs it took me five hours to get ready. It was ritual that involved at least two glasses of wine. Every inch of me was pampered from head to toe. But today bitches in Vegas be like:
"Yep. Lets go Imma ready."
Horrifying.
Can you be at least pretty trailer tra...
(sigh)
It takes more than being naked to be sexy, boys and girls.
40, that's the cut off age for Vegas locals. Once women hit that 4.0. they just don't give AF no more! For men it's 30. Once men hit 30 in Vegas they just absolutely don't give AF what they look like or how they dress.
I'll be pretty for the coroner I guess. I was looking at the new photos posted on Kasidie, gad(fucking)zooks. Where is your pride, people?!
MAY 12, FRIDAY
(5:47pm)
I hate sharing a bathroom with people. The room I rent shares a bathroom with another room next to mine. There's this weird guy in it. He runs around the house most of the time in his boxer underwear and I'm constantly making the escape out of my room when he's finally in his. And I don't know what he's doing in the bathroom sink but yesterday I clorox wiped down the bathroom sink of some weird hard yellow stains around it. 😟 WTF bro?!
Boys are gross.
(5:20pm)
Just made reference to this song by Iron Maiden, in the book.
(4:00pm)
The last writers strike made the Kardashians super millionaires (billionaires?)
Let’s see who America makes rich next. Could be you, guy who films montages of Asian guys who cross dress into hottie girlie bois. Could be you!
(3:52pm)
Friday night! Here we go.
The wife?! 😂
Holy shit did I get married again?! Goddamnit! You were supposed to stop me from doing that again! 😂
Okay fellas. Fuck this. I’m ready! Ain’t no way you’re just a cloud. Take me up on your ship! 😂
(1:52pm)
Capricorn ♑️ no cap
MAY 11, THURSDAY
(9:17pm)
Every winter ❄️ be like
(5:30pm)
You guys 🙄 FFS
(4:50pm)
I’m horribly neurotic. Some guy made my salads on my days off and they looked like absolute shit. And by absolute shit I mean the cucumbers weren’t assembled the way I assemble them, the cheese was splashed all over the salads mish-mash, the cherry tomatoes weren’t assembled prettily, etc, and I just couldn’t even look at the salads. I could not even look at them! They hurt my eyes. I took an hour+ out of my day and fixed about 30 salads.
(4:41pm)
AND ANOTHER THING
Regarding "sin city" Las Vegas isn't really that anymore. Hookers don't hang out in casinos. Not the high end ones anyway. Maybe the junkies at places like Circus Circus, where you're probably going to get robbed and/or shot anyway so why not get herpes too. But no, high end hookers do not hang out in casinos. Also, unless you're in the know regarding which casinos have the best pay-outs you're just wasting money. Add to that, you can't carry your drinks outdoors anymore. You used to and everyone had those goddamn giant plastic margarita drinks but no more. It doesn't even sound like Vegas anymore. No more coins dropping out of slot machines. Not for a long time. I miss that sound. Plus now it takes 20 minutes just to cross the street on the same side with all the escalators and airport tram style rolling walkways, it's irritating AF just trying to walk two blocks. Can't happen. You have to cross this street, then that street, up this escalator, down that escalator, and let's not forget the ripped up blvd as construction lays down new pavement for Formula 1.
It might be "sin city" for kids in their 20's, but whenever I see adults on adult websites all "SIN CITY! Let's fuck! (because apparently you can't do that at home?)" I just want to meet these people to slap them across the face. Someone needs to.
It's not "sin city" it's Las Vegas, and it's my home. If you flew to Vegas to do anything other than attend an event, see a concert, work, or make money gambling, then you're an idiot. And I don't fuck idiots. Which is also why I haven't had intercourse since 2021.
(3:15pm)
I'm old. I accept it. Pondering the remains of my mortal coil is a nightly bedtime routine. That's why this book is so important to me now. And why I've been considering getting more use of my face while it too is mostly intact. A long time musician friend in LA is doing acting work once again as a side hustle. Something he used to do quite a bit when he was young and adorable. Another actor friend in LA, my old neighbor in Venice beach, is back doing extra work (speaking roles of course) as his side hustle, and mentioned work I could get in Vegas if I was interested.
Years ago...
I used to model. Was in my first agency in (year) 198... back in the 80's. (sigh) I was discovered by a photographer. You remember back in the day when you actually had to be discovered unlike now where everyone is a rockstar online. I was discovered by a photographer in Minnesota who shot for Plaza 3 (now Model Talent, or something like that) and he shot my first portfolio. Because I'm short, my feet are small, my boobs were small, my hands are small, add to that blonde hair/blue eyed Pamela Anderson-ish was all the rage back then, the agency wanted me to go into acting and would pay for my schooling with them as my agents. "You're really pretty, but..." they said. And so I tested for some commercials. And tested. And tested some more. And bombed every single time. I'm a terrible actor. I never wanted to be an actor. I still don't. I was told I wouldn't get much work as a hair and face model, and they were right. I got some work but not a lot. Over the years I got some work but not much. And then the other day...
My actor friend in Venice beach text me and says, "Want to do some extra work in Vegas? Email these people with a photo." Fun fact for those of you considering going into modeling/acting, DO NOT spend a ton of money for headshots. No kidding. You either have the look or you don't. Most people today have expensive camera equipment or an Iphone, same thing, but for headshots, this is what I sent the casting agent in (I assumed) Las Vegas and got an immediate response.
My hair is longer now but they just wanted to see my face. (Not a black eye. I'm old remember.)
Don't spend a ton of money on headshots. If you get a call-back they're just gonna shoot reference pics on a cell phone. Back in the day the reference shots were with polaroids and then paperclipped to your resume. The hundreds of dollars you spent for a pro-photographer were instantly wasted when the call-back people shot you with polaroids, clipped them to your resume, had you perform 1 minute of a routine and then yelled "Next! Don't call us, we'll call you."
The extra work was for 6 hours at $100 a night. Easy work. I could do two nights and while the extra $200 would have been nice, going to the strip right now wasn't worth it. Goddamn nightmare. I informed the (out of state) casting agency of the road construction for Formula 1 going on now. Roads are ripped open. Parts of Las Vegas blvd is ripped apart until May 19. Their response, "Oh shit. Thanks for the heads up."
You're welcome.
(1:39pm)
Watching (film) World War AI: Rise Against The Machines.
The Human Race is doomed. According to Stephen Hawking, the human race will be extinct in 3,000 AD.
Sooner, I think.
(11:17am)
Good morning.
Imma set this here.
MAY 10, WEDNESDAY
(6:29pm)
Of course it's True. Trump is an asshole.
(4:49pm)
Every time I see the Durango Casino logo. 😂
(9:17am)
Literally THE Mandalorian.
(2:17am)
Same intro
(2:24am)
Coolest uncle ever.
(1:00am)
The Vegas flower in full bloom.
(12:49am)
My only gripe with Pretty Woman, yeah I'm "that guy" with films, Is that someone refers to Edward as "Mr Lewis" twice in front of Vivian the night he invites her into the hotel with him and yet she can't remember his last name the next day when she returns to the hotel after a failed afternoon of shopping.
(12:43am)
Have you met my pretend internet girlfriend? Pretty girls who love to eat. My type.
(12:39am)
I'm watching Pretty Woman, for the fourth time this week. Love this movie. I cancelled my Match.com profile. Internet dating is for young beautiful people and I ain't neither. I'm broody and pensive - with a spank of adorable! Plus I really miss having cats. I just want two old kitty-butts to lounge with. Pretty soon it's gonna be hot AF for three long miserable months so lotsa indoors. Lotsa movies. Lotsa writing.
MAY 9, TUESDAY
(9:26pm)
I ain’t the only one not digging your queen, bro.
(9:19pm)
Especially because Luke’s wearing RETURN jammie’s. RETURN, the worst film of the series.
(11:52am)
Love this.
(12:34am)
When guys email you saying, "I'm a photographer" but their photos are like:
(sigh) I need to clear my head. My brother called me tonight to tell me his mom is in the hospital dying of lung cancer. She still smokes. 80 years old and whole heartily believes you cannot die from cancer by smoking. Welp. Let me tell ya.
How did she not know she has lung cancer this bad until now? FFS I had upper respiratory infections twice from smoking and believe me I knew THE MOMENT shit started to go sideways. It's not just your lungs. It's your ears, throat, and nose. Hence eyes, ears, throat, and nose doctors. If sickness gets in one, it's getting in all of them, honey. It's also why I quit smoking. But not my brother's mom, nope, she smoked herself into the ER tonight. Big old cancer lymph nodes, down to 90 pounds, stopped eating long time ago apparently, but... still smoking. Gotta hand it to her, determination! Die your way, I say.
I feel bad for my brother. I really do. He actually loves his mom. One of the few people I know who actually does. I've blogged about his mom before over the years. She's crazy. F10 Batshit crazy. But we won't get into that now.
I knew the moment he text me if we could talk on the phone that it was regarding his mom. I thought he was going to tell me she died. Nope. Not yet.
Yet.
She'll make him suffer first. Trust me. If you knew this woman. She'll make her son suffer. And he could never walk away from her completely. I hate this woman so much.
Dying is literally the nicest thing she will ever do for him.
MAY 8, MONDAY
(11:11am)
Jar-Jar was a ridiculous unnecessary character but a dude’s got a make a living.
(12:10am)
Internet dating...
What I hoped for
Reality
MAY 7, SUNDAY
(3:20pm)
Selena Gomez at the Met Gala.
Oh that's right. She was never at the Met Gala.
AI Selena at the Met Gala. Anyone can be deep state, anywhere, anytime.
(2:48pm)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
(2:02am)
YEAH explain please.
(1:35am)
When they by themselves like this, and when they open up and HG Wells type tentacles drop down, do not tell me that's normal.
(12:17am)
Another one of my favorite youtube channels.
I lost my heart in San Francisco oh-so long ago. I even went back in 2021 because I'm an emotional cutter.
MAY 6, SATURDAY
(11:52pm)
I don’t know what kind of music they play but I’ll buy a concert ticket.
(9:29pm)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
(8:36pm)
Preach Preacher!
(8:16pm)
Not quite like the movies 🎥🍿
Not a fan of his Queen 🙄
(3:55pm)
Because I'm obsessed with the clouds here.
The Lakes, Las Vegas
Ever look up at the clouds as a kid and see things?
.JPG)
(12:45am)
“What were you like as a little girl?”
(12:34am)
To everyone who told me to go into rehab after seeing a 7 foot tall blue fuzzy Sesame Street Grouch dancing to old school hip hop…
MAY 5, FRIDAY
(9:57pm)
Internet dating...
What I hope for
Reality
(8:50pm)
Ugh. There's nothing worse than stalkers. This guy has made it known he's stalking me, twice now. The first time, I passed him on the sidewalk, nearby where I'm staying, on my way to work, and he made the comment, "Ah. There you are. Right on time." And so I've been switching up when I leave for work. And again today, on my way back from the market, he saw me and started following me down the sidewalk. When I got the nagging feeling he was following me I stopped on the corner and pretended to be texting someone, and then he stopped also. I stayed on the corner for five minutes, and so did he pretending to be stretching his legs and doing something on the phone. I wasn't about to lead him back to where I'm staying so I crossed the street, yup, I crossed the fucking street to avoid a black man, and took the loooooong ass way around to get back to my house. Fucking creepy asshole.
MAY 4, THURSDAY
(9:01pm)
I much rather have Deep Tom Cruise in 2024 than our current options.😏
(7:46pm)
(7:30pm)
Shot these pics about an hour ago. I was walking back to the room I rent.
(7:25pm)
I’m just gonna cut and paste my FB post because I’m lazy.
(2:32pm)
Dear Star Wars people, RETURN?! That’s the movie out in theaters today?? 🫤
(5:45am)
Sorry Pedro but this man is the new daddy of the internet.
(5:40am)
Oh ok. I understand now. It’s like a gun range but with more violence.
(2:32pm)
Oh I got your "May the 4th be with you"... hang on.
(1:16am)
Internet dating...
What you hope for
Reality
MAY 3, WEDNESDAY
(7:47pm)
Hugging my teddy bear like…
(5:19pm)
Internet dating...
What I hope for
Reality
(4:53pm)
So
I did a very stupid thing (shocking, I know) I punched open a box. I feel this needs an explanation. When you work in bars, restaurants, casinos, or anywhere, etc., you don't always have a box cutter, scissors, or anything you can makeshift into a sharp edge, and so you learn how to punch open boxes - like Uma Thurman, in Kill Bill. You feel up the box for that sweet spot along the tape and PUNCH it open. Only, I'm not 20 anymore and I fucked up my hand. The brunt of the force apparently fell upon the knuckles below my pinky and ring fingers, and now the back of my hand below those knuckles hurt and isn't allowing my pinky and ring fingers to work without some considerable pain. Which isn't that big of a deal... unless you're writing a book.
I have these wrist-mitts I'm supposed to wear to bed every night to delay carpal tunnel surgery, and then I done punched a box and, I'm just glad I didn't break my hand. That would have been bad. Very, very bad. You know how there are things you just do instinctively because you've been doing it for years and years, welp punching open boxes is just one of those things for me. But no more. Note to self: You're old. You're old. You're old.
I've reached that part in my book where I'm doing some back history on the main characters. Among two characters in particular there are psychological traits maturing through stages of mental torment - that might upset a few people I know. Now it becomes an ethical question. Those who were around back in the day will know exactly who's backgrounds I'm writing about for these (fictional!) characters in my book, and I'm at a crossroads as to how much truth/experience I'm going to put into these characters. I have no interest opening wounds but it's my story too. I was there. Maybe some people just shouldn't read this book.
"No matter who he paints. The painter always paints himself."
MAY 2, TUESDAY
(9:18pm)
And before you go off saying Lemmy isn’t American, homie was my next door neighbor in West Hollywood for two years before Google. Best to my knowledge he lived there until he died. Him and his massive nazi collection. - Whatever happened to it anyway?
(9:15pm)
😂 love this
(3:55pm)
😂
(3:33pm)
I'm thinking book titles. What about 'The girl in red house next door to the house with the spruce tree in the front yard that everyone thinks is a pine tree the same way people call saguaro plants cactus but it's not a pine tree it's a spruce'.
Too long and irrelevant? Perfect!
(2:34pm)
Depending on my vision I still catch episodes of Narcos on Netflix. Depending on my vision because of the subtitles. In S1 E7, yes I'm one of "those people", the narcos fear/hate American extradition, hate America/Americans, and yet homie narco stormtrooper is wearing a Motorhead tee-shirt. Lemmy forever! 👈
MAY 1, MONDAY
(5:18pm)
Internet dating....
What I hope for
Reality
(5:51am)
Holy shit too funny 😂
(5:24am)
Internet dating...
What I hope for
Reality
