AUGUST: big A, small U, small G

AUGUST 31, WEDNESDAY

(6:46pm)

Plan C.

Every day I’m with these kids. Kiss kiss in the morning.

(3:01pm)

So what you're saying is my arteries are legit... hardening?

(2:41pm)

His name is Arlo. But the cats in the alley know him as Tommy two-paws. Beware ladies. He’ll tickle you with his whiskers but then make off with your wallet in the middle of the night. 

(2:37pm)

Success! 

I went back to the social security office this morning, a different office, the one on Santa Monica & Vine, was helped by a fella there who knows that a divorce decree doesn't state what name you're legally going by, and simply asked for my driver's license and birth certificate. I handed the docs over to him, he made copies of the docs, and then gave them back to me. "You'll get your social security card within ten days." He says.

See how easy that is, cunt from social security office on Wilshire blvd? SEE HOW EASY? 

I didn't really have a problem keeping my ex-husband's last name. I just preferred not to. Additionally, my retirement and (god willing) social security isn't going to be under my ex-husband's last name. It will be under my maiden name. And being that the people in charge of things like making your driver's license, social security card, and passport, aren't all in agreement on how to do their jobs correctly, it's best, or so I think, to get all your ducks in a row now while you still have a 50/50 chance of getting someone who actually knows how to do their job. 

For the life of me I will never know how 2 out of 3 employees working for the same office know how to do their jobs, but the 3rd person almost certainly never does. It's a mystery. 

And so I am once again my father's daughter. And even though my dad has been dead now for 7 years, it still comforts me nonetheless carrying his last name once more. I'll die with it. Even if I get married again I'm not changing my last name. What a hassle. 

Anyway...

After being haphazardly informed about having small vessel disease, my brain has been grinding away like a ten year old family station wagon. Aside from the risk of having another stroke and/or heart attack, I have to worry about my arteries slowly closing up.

I think my farm dream is dead now too. 

What plan am I now? Plan C? 

Plan C... Smut? 

Are we back to smut? 

Black and white smutty film noir?    

   

AUGUST 30, TUESDAY

(2:27pm)

$3 movie Saturday would be much cooler if I hadn't already seen all the movies I want to see in theaters already.

(2:17pm)

I am once again reminded why you never take his last name when you get married. People who have not been divorced in the last ten years do not know that a divorce decree does not automatically report, "Mary Smith returns to her maiden name Mary Johnson." Nowhere on the decree does it say that. It merely states when the dissolve of marriage was made legal in a court of law. And that's it. Mary Smith, can stay Mary Smith, or be Mary Johnson, or Mary Bojangles, if she wants. A human being in the state of California can be known as anything they want to be known as, so long as it's not for the purpose of fraud. 

I was on hold with the social security 1-800 number for 35 minutes just to make sure the law hasn't changed any in the last year. "No ma'am. Just bring your driver's license, birth certificate, or any document that states your legal last name you want to change it to." -- Great. Thank you, sir.

I go to the social security building with my legal docs in hand and the stupid cunt at the window said, "Oh no. You have to also bring your divorce decree." 

Why? I ask.

"Well this is your married last name. You have to prove you changed it back. It will say that on your divorce decree." -- And you bitch would be what I love to call WRONG.

I amusingly watched a bank manager look over my divorce decree for almost 20 minutes trying to find where it says a judge ordered my name to be changed back to my maiden name. HINT: It doesn't say that anywhere. I don't legally have to change my name back to my maiden name once I'm divorced. NOWHERE in the state of California requires me to change my name back to my maiden name if I don't want to. SO... shall we try this again, children?

My legal name is on my birth certificate. That is my legal name. It's also on my passport. It's also on CA IDs. NOWHERE on a divorce decree does it say what you will now be knows as. It merely says the name you got married under, and the name you went by once you were married. And neither name has to match your birth certificate... so long as you didn't use a stage name (an AKA) for the purpose of fraud. 

The end.

For fuck sake 😒

(7:57am)

Yesterday I had an appointment with the neurologist.

(click the link)

HUMAN BRAINS ARE WAY TOO BIG

AUGUST 28, SUNDAY

(7:23pm)

Kitties love the drama 🎭 

OH SHIT OH SHIT HERE WE GO

(2:21pm)

Last night I thought for sure we were going to have an earthquake. Something wicked this way come? But no.

I was disappointed. Not her. She couldn’t care less.😅

(2:11pm)

I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow morning. Perhaps he'll have the results of my heart monitor? Plus I have to get an orthopedic doctor. 

Day before yesterday I woke up to my left knee feeling like it was not where it's supposed to be. Every time I straightened my left leg out it cracked at the knee cap with a sharp quick pain. I iced it and it seemed to get better. Today I can walk on it. But this was not the first time it's happened.

This guy is amazing. I feel this youtube. 

(9:24am)

I've been doing this blog a long time. It is the free-iest content on the web next to porn. Even Pinterest makes you sign up. I see the movies I write about. I eat at the restaurants. I travel the places. I like what I like. I don't like what I don't like. 

Oh my dears. I like this. And can I just say, there's a reason good things are written about in a galaxy far far away, and in the 70's.

Check it out. 

   

AUGUST 26, FRIDAY

(8:05pm)

Earth sign facts 

PREACH, PREACHER ♑️

(12:54pm)

Daily

EXERCISES DONE IN THE MIRROR

(10:10am)

Same.

Woke up to unbelievable left knee pain. 

(10:02am)

Every bartender named Chase, everywhere 😂

THIS GUY MR FRIDAY NIGHT

AUGUST 25,  THURSDAY

(11:18pm)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm at a point in my life where having fun and being happy is all I'm about right now. I don't care how long and far I have to look, fun and happiness OR NOTHING.

(11:11pm)

"Do you know what your role here at work is?"

To get as many bl*wj*bs as humanly possible - is shockingly never the correct answer.

That's one of them fancy rhetorical questions, eh?

"No."

No?

"No."

Are you sure?

And that sums up how my my day went. How about you?😂

AUGUST 24, WEDNESDAY

(6:59pm)

"Urinal trough" 😵🙊

(6:11am)

Alrightythen. Just replied to [let's call them SUGAR). I've been in talks with SUGAR about a cook job since last year. We're having troubles connecting. If anyone is wondering why it's so hard finding employees, it's because the people in charge of finding them are not always on top of it. Take for example my current situation. At least today I know where I'm going. 

In truth, I miss being a waitress sometimes. If I'm going to deal with the grief I might as well make the money too. 

(5:45am)

Yesterday…

Phone calls. Emails. Phone calls. Emails. 

Cross communication. Mixed messages. 

More phone calls and emails.

No one could tell me where on the lot I was working.

In the end, one person took charge and said, “Be [here] at [this] time.” 

Only that turned out to be the wrong time and place also. No matter. I enjoyed the team of cooks I worked with. A lot. I enjoyed it so much I want to be on this team permanently. So I wrote to HR and expressly asked if I could (please please please!) be on this team. I like them. They liked me. They’re in need of cooks. They do so much around the lot from prep work to catering, how can HR say no? I’m still waiting for a response. 

It’s horrible being told to go somewhere accidentally and then immediately really liking the place, only to then be told, “Oops that’s not where you’ll be working.” 

Oh. What? Why?

Why (why) WHY am I not working there?

I’m expecting to not get an answer of course. That would be too easy. 

I’m keeping my options open. I’m about to respond to another job that has interest in me. 

In the meantime I’m forced to stick it out with what I get rather than what I want.

(sigh) Fuck.

Aahh the return of alcoholism. 

Cue the music! 

AUGUST 23, TUESDAY

(5:56pm)

I had a day. Write more tomorrow. Good night.

(4:58am) 

I could never play the STRAY cat game. I would take the stray kitty home and - end of game. 

(4:44am)

It’s dark out. Just me and a bunch of random voices echoing on the lot. Who are you?! WHERE are you?! Am I being visited by ghosts of burnt toast past?! It’s not my fault its the stupid fu🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 goddamn toasters! 

Seriously tho… 🫣

(4:02am)

Legit.

PREACH PREACHER

I’m awake because I’m getting paid to be. 👍🏻

(3:11am)

Over the years I've gone here to drink. Just drink. The other night my friend took me here to eat. So very nice. But for $80 ... um... we're going to go back to just drinking here yes?

AUGUST 21, SUNDAY

(5:45pm)

I watched my food truck dream die in 2019, again in 2020, and again in 2021. Now all I can hope for is union job security for the next 7 years and retire to the Midwest with whatever is left of my body, a few cows, some chickens, a tiny farmhouse, an acre of land, and grow corn. Unless of course America gets wiped out by zombie gerbils before then.  

I wanted to quit the F&B industry long before now, save my legs and back, but that's just not reality. I have too many years experience in this industry to do anything else. Except maybe write. But in truth I don't even like reading/listening to people of my generation. My generation are the most delusional people. 50 year old women trying to compete with hot 19 year olds. 😂 It's sad. Just. sad. Not even thirst traps. More like cottage cheese sinkholes. You're old bitch. Pass the torch.  

(12:51pm)

On occasion I have dreams where I'm back in high school and I can't remember my locker combo, welp, dreams do come true. I locked myself out of my work locker last Friday. It was a deal. I was still in my chef coat and pants, which belong to the studio for the next six months before I can take them home per protocol - I must have sausage fingered the wrong combo on the electronic lock and I locked myself out. I had to get the floor security, time stamp "the incident", sign for release of my work locker to be open, have a conversation with the property floor manager, I mean, everyone was really nice about it, but holy shit, embarrassing. The property manager was like, "At least you know which locker you had. Do you know how many times people lock themselves out but don't remember which locker was theirs? I mean, what do you want me to do about it? I can't help you if you don't know which locker is yours."  -- Exactly. I took a picture of my locker. That's how I remembered which was mine. 😂    

I've been a lazy girl all day so far. But I have company.

AUGUST 20, SATURDAY

(7:12pm)

She's 23, Greek, a sister Capricorn (heeey!) and she loves to eat. 

As you know I'm madly in love with her.

(4:37pm)

Me minding my own business looking at room dividers and Google:

AUGUST 19, FRIDAY

(5:27pm)

IG wouldn’t let the audio download but you know the song.

*Oh yea you betcha that’s me, eh.

(5:50am)

I never understood the negative stereotyping of black people and fried chicken when clearly Koreans and fried chicken is an equal if not much bigger thing. Some, many black folks will take their fried chicken seriously but all Koreans take fried chicken seriously. All.

I need to learn how to make crispy birria tacos. Last night we were trying to find birria tacos (in Los Angeles!) for delivery and couldn't find a place that fried taco shells in the meat consome. I'm not a horribly picky eater but when it comes to birria tacos... fry the shells please! It's birria! Mmmmm birria.   

AUGUST 18, THURSDAY

(5:58pm)

Peekaboo I see you. 

(12:18pm)

Ha. Clever.

HOTEL MAR-A-LAGO

(9:47am)

I want to like the new Interview With a Vampire series but it's not likely to happen. The 1994 film starring Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt is a cult classic for my generation. Nothing will replace that, or even come close.

I want to like the Wednesday series on Netflix, and I probably will minus Catherine Zeta-Jones, for reportedly saying "I'm done being humble. I'm not sorry for being rich. I'm not sorry for being gorgeous.' (cringe 😬)

First of all MS Jones, you're not "gorgeous". Gorgeous is reserved for icons like young Marilyn Monroe, which you are neither, Marilyn Monroe or young.

Anyyyyway😏

 

(12:11am)

Every time I see this:

It makes me think of this:

AUGUST 17, WEDNESDAY

(8:42pm)

I’m not really into shows like America’s Got Talent, but I have a friend who’s totally into it so on occasion I’ll watch it with him, and… wow amazing 🤯 

These ladies are incredible. 

I haven’t bought any new music in a long, long while but I so would buy their album. 

(5:25pm)

Working on my Rizzo hair.

(11:26am)

Less is more. LESS IS MORE! Less is more? Less is more. 😅

(10:59am)

Remote work day be like:

AUGUST 16, TUESDAY

(1:06pm)

Don’t forget adult injury “Got up too fast.” 

(11:13am)

And all the Capricorns sing 🎤 🎶

WE ARE THE ORIGINAL GOATS

(10:55am)

Remote work today means not having to wear pants. 

I think it’s growing out with more platinum than last time. 😀🎉

AUGUST 15, MONDAY

(6:11pm)

Nothing warms my heart more than seeing pets who are loved. And then teaching them bad habits. 

(1:17pm)

I absolutely love my friends cats. The way his sister holds his tail while she sleeps… 🥺

I sleep so much better when they sleep with me. 

I miss the Vegas hobo kitty.🥺

AUGUST 14, SUNDAY

(9:03pm)

Facts

(9:10am)

Love waking up to her toe bean peet in my face.❤

AUGUST 13, SATURDAY

(4:00pm)

EMG tests be like...

(1:59pm)

Why I love Jon Stewart. I never get tired watching this.

(1:33pm)

Getting old is fun!

Back in and out of doctors offices this past week.

Lastly...

I recently had a EMG test performed. I got to keep my clothes on for that one at least. Here's another medical blog for all you GEN X'rs - complete with beavers 'n Billy Squire. What more could you ask from a blog?  

Click link below.

JUMP STARTED LIKE AN OLD HOOPTIE

AUGUST 11, THURSDAY

(10:33am)

It's not a black eye. I'm old. It's a dark age spot. I have a matching one on the other side. Much like my grey hair I've earned these dark aging spots marking the all the years of experience and wisdom. 

 

After buzzing off my hair a month ago it's growing back. *My hair is currently in a weird style place.

 

(7:59am)

I want what they have.🥹❤️‍🩹

SO THIS IS LOooooVE

(7:46am)

Same

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT!

AUGUST 10, WEDNESDAY 

(8:14pm)

Holy shit I'm having blog issues. 

I updated what's going on now medically. GETTING OLD IS FUN.

My dear GEN X'rs, some of this info may or may not be of any use to you. 

Either way, here it is. MEDICAL BLOG POST FOR GENERATION X'rs

(7:41am)

He’s in here too. Sleeping little ball of fluff.

The only one not in here sleeping is me. As per usual. 😂

(7:32am) 

She meowed up and down the hallway, then jumped onto my bed, flopped down between my legs and kicked her fluffy peets into my pooter. She finally settled down nestled against my leg. 

It’s ok kitty. It’s ok. I don’t have to be anywhere until 2pm.

Yesterday the cardiologist office put the heart monitor on me. That’s a whole other deal. 

Surprisingly I slept okay. I’m sure I pressed the monitor button 100 times being as how I sleep on my side and stomach but I’m sure they’re used to people sleeping on the button by now. 

I go back to the cardiologist today. Neurologist Friday.

Like I said, it’s a whole other deal. Hopefully these tests will be over soon. 

AUGUST 9, TUESDAY 

(11:37pm)

Reminds me of Dragonfly in Hollywood 1997-1999’ish

(11:17pm)

THIS sums up my day completely. 

Blog coming tomorrow. 

I UNDERSTAND THIS BETTER THAN MY LIFE

AUGUST 8, MONDAY 

(9:07pm)

And goodnight 

I ONCE DATED A GIRL WITH A TWIN 😂

(6:28pm)

🫣

Olivia Newton John reportedly died 🥺😭 

"I SOLVE MY PROBLEMS AND I SEE THE LIGHT…"

Grease is the word! 

Raid on Mar-a-Lago 👍🏻

(I’m not a Democrat. Calm down. Trump is an idiot.) 

It’s international Cat Day. 

I love this picture of my friend's cats. 

I woke up to this the other morning.

Tomorrow the heart monitor goes on. I'm hoping it's not the big bulky one with all the electrodes that connect to a pack. Fingers crossed. Aside from an occasion bout of arrhythmia, and getting extremely dizzy and nauseous after my Lyft driver took Laurel Canyon down from the valley the other day which messed me up all over, I don't really notice anything horrible going on with my heart. But then again I'm not a doctor and this is mostly preventative measures. Right?

MINNESOTA GIRLS KNOW SPUD!

I got you, girl! 

Minnesota girls do what Minnesota girls do. 🥔 

Breakfast skillet

Fried 

Baked with caramelized onion & garlic 

Sliced and air fried into fries

Hasselback 

For starters…

A few of my taters right here. 

HUMANS DON'T DESERVE THEIR BRAIN SIZE

OCTOBER 19, WEDNESDAY

(5:45pm)

Employer 1: Healthcare

Employer 2: Food 

 

Both employers 1 & 2 required a fitness test. The food employer because of where.  Which was also the more demanding of the two fitness tests. Also why I’ll now wear glasses at my 2nd job. But I’ll get to that in a few minutes. 

 

Employer 2, I worked for before. Both executive chef Rodriguez, and I, returned to work for employer 2, around the same time which is a huge coincidental bonus for me! Before Chef Rodriguez left our employer last time, many years ago, he wrote the kindest reference letter I’ve ever received and I’ve received several nice ones over the years. 

 

As I blogged before (scroll down) at some point in my life I was exposed to TB. Past skin tests showed positive exposure. I was never treated for TB, nonetheless exposed, and so now both employers 1 & 2, require a chest X-ray. I received a chest X-ray in September for employer 1, but employer 2, also wants one. Both employers use the same urgent care chain in different locations. 

 

Due to radiation levels I cannot get a second chest X-ray for employer 2 so soon after the first X-ray for employer 1. The X-rays are good for employment for six months, I believe.

 

Clinic 2, said they would contact clinic 1, and email the X-ray to employer 2, but this didn’t happen. Still with me?

 

Employer 2 texted me yesterday while I was at the eye doctor and asked me to get a copy of my medical records preferably today. Due to a communication breakdown I am now running around Los Angeles trying to figure out what happened between the two clinics and retrieve a copy of my clear chest X-ray. 

 

Clinic 2, in downtown LA, gave me a copy of my test results for employer 2, but then told me to go back to clinic1, in West Hollywood, for a copy of the X-ray since that is where I had the X-ray done. (Sigh!)

 

It’s now 2pm and I haven’t eaten all day. I stopped for lunch at Steam Kitchen, off Olympic blvd. Steam pork & seafood shu mai

And then there’s the eye exam. 

 

Eye test = chart

Eye exam = the lens equipment thingy that goes over your eyes 

 

Do not confuse the two tests. DO NOT confuse the two tests, you sonofabitch! Optometrists do not like it when people confuse eye tests for eye exams, or so I recently learned. And I don’t mean to be confrontational but how the fuck am I legally blind without corrective lenses? I can see 200 feet in front of…

 

Oh. 

 

Right.

 

Recalling that time I saw a cute white little doggo prancing up and down the street - and it turned out to be a plastic bag.  

 

So back to employer 2. I inform employer 2 that I have a typed up copy of the X-ray results but no actual copy of the X-ray itself. Employer 2 requests I go back to clinic 1, where I got the X-ray last month, to see about getting a copy of the X-ray.

 

(sigh! Sigh! SIGH!) 

 

I go back to clinic1, where they inform me it’s $25 to order a copy of the X-ray and it takes about a week to get. I relay this info to employer 2, who then says the typed up copy is fine. No need for a copy of the X-ray.  

 

“Do you want me to get the printed readout of the X-ray?” I ask.

 

“No need. The clinic emailed that to me already.” My employer replies.

 

Soooo, what you’re saying is, I ran all over Los Angeles today for five hours… for nothing? 

 

Fuck it, I’m getting a copy of the X-ray anyway! I’m on a mission from God now! 

OCTOBER 15, SATURDAY

(11:28am)

February 26, 2021, the ER doctors were able to stop a second massive stroke from happening.

“You had a stroke a week ago. We know this because the MRI shows in the highlighted area of your brain it’s recent. Didn’t you notice blurry vision or a pain in your arm? A pain in your chest?”

No. My vision is always blurry now. I get random pains all over. Old age I assumed. 

And that assumption almost killed me. Fortunately for me I was able to find my cell phone to dial 911 (the second time) as I was crawling around on my hands and knees writhing in pain.  

I know I have to get glasses but recent past eye tests didn’t make it seem like it was urgent.

It’s urgent. 

“You have 20/200 vision. Without glasses you’re legally blind.”

Oh. Shit. 

And because I can see 20 feet in front of me, I didn’t care beyond that to be honest. I wear reading glasses but…

Both jobs require me to have a fitness test. The second fitness test had an eye test which I failed miserably. But since the eye test was the only part of the fitness test I failed, they're giving me a two week grace period to get glasses, and pass. I have an appointment Monday with an eye center. 

Aaaand...

My second job required me to get fingerprinted. There was a Tommy’s across the street. As much as I love Tommy’s burgers, and miss Tommy's, I bit my lip and kept walking. “You can cook for other people just stop eating!” - Yes doc-sir. I’m trying! 

I have four weeks to lose 15 pounds or my cardiologist will have a complete meltdown. He’s an old school doctor. He’s old. Women shouldn’t weigh more than 110 pounds in his eyes but that’s good. His thirty second scoldings every seven weeks or so keeps me aware of my weight and what I’m eating. I won’t give up steamed white rice tho', doc. Not sorry. I’m Asian. It’s just unnatural.

AUGUST 30, TUESDAY

(7:56am)

He submitted. My new young (Dr House) neurologist. Not to me. To my first neurologist, Dr J,  who cared for me last year when I had my stroke. 

Dr. J, the neurologist who cared for me last year, told me why I had a stroke – deathly high blood pressure and narrow arteries. “There’s a small group of people, and you’re among them, who were born with narrow arteries.” He explained. “You also have hypertension. And even though there wasn’t a blood clot, your high blood pressure trying to squeeze blood through those narrow arteries mimicked a blood clot and you had a stroke.”

Makes perfect sense. To me anyway. Ever try squeezing toothpaste through a dried tube of paste someone left open? But my new younger neurologist didn’t accept that answer because of my age. “You’re really young to have had a stroke” he repeatedly says in disbelief. In his mind, so it seemed, there had to have been another reason for a stroke. People my age don’t commonly have strokes. “You’re really young to have had a stroke” he said again yesterday during our appointment. 

Bro, I don’t know what to tell you. Shit happens?

So after a few more tests, heart monitor, Echo, EMG, bloodwork, blah, etc., the new young (Dr House) neurologist submitted. His new intern-type-guy was taking notes as the neurologist read my chart. “Patient has… etc… etc… Patient has hypertension… Patient has small vessel disease.”

Wait. What? 

Patient has, what?

Is small vessel disease the same thing as being born with narrow arteries?  

“Your cardiologist will go over that with you on the 12th,” the neurologist  says without looking past his giant Apple laptop. “Bear with me there’s a thousand pages of medical transcript from your prior neurologist.”

So I just sat there while he skimmed over my medical transcript.

What the fu… 

What is small vessel disease? Is it stroke related? Is it the same thing as narrow arteries? Are you reading past medical transcripts or something new? Why is this the first time you’re reading a medical transcript from my last neurologist??    

I have a question about my knee, I tell him. 

I briefly explain my knee cracking situation and he scolds me, “It sounds like osteoarthritis. You need an Ortho. And you shouldn’t be standing for long hours like that. I’m sure they’ve told you. 40 minutes a day walking. It is important to not stress your body and to stay hydrated especially in warm weather. Are you taking your prescriptions?” He scolds. 

Yes doctor. I am.

“Good. Keep taking them. Every day. It’s very important you take the low dose aspirin every day.” 

Yes. I am.   

And then we sat in silence while he continued to read.  

So as I’m sitting in this guy’s office I’m getting super annoyed. FIRST OF ALL, my neurologist visit is a once a year visit. My cardiologist, who deals with heart health, is my primary doctor. He’s not my primary as in primary care, but I see him more often than anyone else. The only reason I saw this new neurologist so often this year was because he didn’t seem to accept the first neurologist’s explanation of why I had the stroke to begin with. And I get it. He’s younger. His medical ideology is different. Perhaps his schooling was different. I don’t know. I never went to medical school. But there’s a saying, less is more. Sometimes the answer truly is that simple, believe it or not. 

Finally the neurologist looks away from his computer screen and says, “It looks like the cause of your stroke was from hypertension, high cholesterol, and you have narrow arteries.” 

Huh. The hell you say. You mean you’re finally agreeing with Dr J’s medical explanation for the stroke?   

And since I don’t know my biological mom, “There’s a chance things like diabetes and small vessel disease are hereditary. You’re really young to have had a stroke.” 

Um. So about small vessel disease…

“Your cardiologist will take it from here going forward and I’ll see you again in three months.” He says.

In three months?? Wait. Why?? 

And then I was ushered out his door.

I see my cardiologist September 12th and I'm getting my very first mammogram on the 21st. And thanks to the Try-Gals on IG who recently had mammograms, they said the new technology is amazing and there's very little to no discomfort. I have to tell you how comforting that is. Because it sounded like the older mammogram machines were very painful. As in SQ-UISH!! Ouch. Yea no.

AUGUST 13, SATURDAY:

(1:32pm)

I miss the days of old school medicine before (this) vaccine and (that) antidepressant took over the world. Human beings are like any other living creature with a heart and brain: get plenty of sunshine, be physically active, frolic, drink water, don’t get herpes, eat a healthy diet … think like a beaver! Channel the beaver. Be the beaver. 

But no. Instead…   

 

August 12: I had an EMG test performed by the neurologist. I almost canceled having this procedure done. I don’t like surprises. This procedure was scheduled without my knowledge and then I was informed an appointment had been made after the fact.

I had just gotten the heart monitor put on by the cardiologist and was no more than 20 feet out his door when I received a phone call from the neurologist office informing me of this other (rather sudden) EMG appointment. “What is an EMG test?” I asked. “The doctor is going to test your nerves and muscles.” The pleasant female voice on the phone explained. Oh. I see. I guess? I had a stroke last year, I guess it makes sense for my nerves and muscles to be tested… a year… and a half… later?

I only questioned the purpose of this test 18 months after having a stroke on account of my first neurologist, who I liked very much, explained that after one year the mobility you were able to get back after a stroke, is the mobility you have. Most of what you will get back will happen within the first four months. Maybe another 5% by the end of the year. After that, what you have is what you have. That’s why doctors say the goal is to get at least 70% back within the first four months. Which I did. And if you follow my blog you will know just how important working hard to walk, talk, get back to normal in the first four months really is. The day before my stroke I could walk 14-20 miles a day four days a week no problem. The day after my stroke I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom. And that’s the “funny” thing about strokes, blood and oxygen is cut off to your brain, yet it’s the entire rest of your body that has to relearn how to do everything god willing it’s still able to. Your brain however works fine or in my case it did. Nonetheless, I was trapped within myself until my body reconnected. The body truly is designed to just carry the brain around.

So I’m now in the neurologist's office and he’s explaining to me the EMG procedure of having a needle plucked under my skin “like acupuncture” while light jolts of electricity run through the needle into the nerves. *brief pause* The stroke mostly affected my legs. My left side. My upper body strength returned before my lower body. However, my insurance only covered my arms, not my legs. I don't know who makes the decisions on what will be covered by insurance, but it seems they like to split the proverbial baby on most medical things. We pay for this. You pay for that. Whatever. Pick your battles. *undo pause* 

FIRST OF ALL   

I’ve never had acupuncture. Is it like acupuncture? The needle part was ok. It was the electricity part I was kinda not ok with. And while I appreciate my new neurologist explaining to me that he’s studied and performed this EMG procedure for a year, after the 12th jolt of electricity in my left hand/arm, and after the 5th jolt of electricity in my right hand/arm, I was done. DONE. I was like, “Nope we’re done now.” I mean, the neurologist was fine. The electricity part of the EMG can suck my dick. The neurologist explained to me we could stop at any time aaand that time was now. 

And for the record, if you're into getting your vagina and/or balls electrically jump started by jolts of electrical currents, ac/dc your goddamn hearts out. I don't judge. It's just not my thing.

“Your insurance only approved your arms and hands, and even though I won’t be getting paid for it I would still like to perform the EMG on your legs since that’s where the stroke affected you the most. And based on what your prior neurologist reported, (something about my left hip and my legs of course) I think it’s important we do the EMG on your upper legs at a later date.” - I appreciate he won’t be getting paid but still wants to do the test anyway, be that, let me think about it, probably no. I really did NOT like that EMG test at all. Someone sticking a needle into your arms and hands and shooting electricity into your body is just… goddamnit… and even though he’s a board certified doctor… he’s still a stranger sticking a needle into your nerves and shooting electricity into them. One slip and risk the possibility of permanent nerve damage. Hence the legal paper you sign before the procedure. 

As it turns out I have carpal tunnel in my right hand, and mild carpal tunnel in my left. But I already knew that. “Sleep with hand splits or run the risk of surgery down the road.” the neurologist said. Hand splints, it is! 

The only test result I care about now is what the heart monitor detected if anything. I’m done with these doctor appointments. I have to focus on work now. Pissing off my HR department, the Gods and Lords of paychecks, is NOT something I want to do. (Stroke? What stroke?)

Cue the music!

AUGUST 10, WEDNESDAY:

(7:49pm)

GEN X’rs, 

We’re at that special age eh? That special age of menopause, heart attacks, strokes, liver disease, etc. 

Medicine is ever evolving. (Revolving?) Whatever it’s doing it’s not the medicine we grew up with. Gen X doctors tell us cranberry juice is good for bladder infections, drink as much as you can as both a preventative and cure. Younger doctors disagree. 

As I blogged previously below, the hospital neurologist who treated my stroke last year explained why I had a stroke. I have narrow arteries and deathly high blood pressure. They called it an ischemic stroke even though there was no blood clot. Deathly high blood pressure trying to squeeze blood through narrow arteries mimicked a blood clot cutting off blood and oxygen to my brain. Ever try squeezing toothpaste through a narrow opening? Kinda like that. Makes sense. I totally accept that explanation. My new younger neurologist however does not.

The neurologist who treated my stroke had a baby (congratulations!) so he and his wife moved into a bigger house in another city, and he moved to another hospital. I was forced to get a new neurologist. Last month my new neurologist who happens to be much younger doesn’t seem to accept the deathly high blood pressure & narrow arteries explanation. There was no blood clot. No hemorrhaging. Even friends (who are not doctors) were curious how it was that I had a stroke and not a heart attack? My blood pressure was unbelievably high. The ER staff at Saint John’s and EMTs literally saved my life that day I stroked out. They were so fast! I blinked and there was an IV drip in my arm. I blinked again and they had drugs injected into the IV. I blinked again and I was in the CT scan. I blinked again and I was in the MRI scan. I blinked again and I was admitted into the hospital. It’s amazing what these people do and how fast they do it. I literally thought I had been shot in the back of my head. EMT guys were amazing. I can't praise or thank them enough.

And so...

Last month my neurologist made a work order for my cardiologist to put a heart monitor on me for 7 days. As it happened I already had an appointment with the cardiologist office for an echocardiogram. 

The echocardiogram came back normal so the 7 day heart monitor was cut down to 24 hours. Thank goodness. It’s a big bulky thing. Plus it’s warm to wear, sometimes the electro stickies get hot. 

August 9: I had just gotten out of the cardiologist office, heart monitor in place, when my cell phone rang. It was the neurologist office. They want me to come this upcoming Friday for an EMG test. A nerve & muscle test.   

August 10: I return the heart monitor to the cardiologist office in a ziplock baggie, as was instructed, along with the paperwork. And as I’m doing so I can’t help but wonder, why am I getting this nerve & muscle test? WHY can’t the narrow arteries and deathly high blood pressure just be the reason why I had a stroke? My echocardiogram came back normal. I’m sure my heart monitor will also read out normally. I got 70% of my leg function back as we hoped and aimed for, I lost weight, changed my diet, got my vision back, exercise daily, stay active, take daily prescription meds, wear pressure socks, pretty much quit drinking, I mean I changed my life. I legit changed the very way I live. Why am I getting the nerve & muscle test? 

I appreciate this younger neurologist’s enthusiasm. I do. I really do. He’s being thorough and as much as it may sound as though I’m not being grateful, I am. Very grateful. But… the stroke happened because I had deathly high blood pressure and narrow arteries. I accept that reason. 

But again, I’m not the doctor. He’s the doctor. I'm not a doctor. I’ll listen to him. And if it prevents me from having another stroke, GREAT.

AUGUST 6, 2022:

We weren’t little kids. We were tough little fuckers. 

I miss the days when our toys be like:

Can’t say you never learn a thing or two from this blog. It’s the most free-est, true-est, real life weblog. You may actually benefit from my wisdom one day.

  

June 29: I saw a neurologist for my annual post stroke exam. New doctor - same tests. He checked my mobility, strength test, hand/eye coordination, speech, mental response to images, response to physical stimuli, etc. And as I blogged last month, this neurologist is younger and doesn’t seem to accept (not a 100% anyway) the reason for my stroke as was given to me by the neurologist who treated me when I had my stroke in February 2021. The neurologist who treated my stroke (who was amazing or so I thought) patiently explained that even though I didn’t have an actual blood clot, the stroke came about due to having severe hypertension, deathly high blood pressure, narrow arteries, therefor blood squeezing through narrow arteries at such a high pressure mimicked a blood clot and cut off blood and oxygen flow to my brain causing the stroke. That was the explanation therefore not entirely cryptogenic. The neurologist labeled my stroke ischemic even without a blood clot. Look, I’m not a doctor, he’s the doctor, additionally it made sense to me. But this younger neurologist doesn’t seem to accept that answer, or so not 100%. It seems the lack of an actual blood clot concerns him. Neurologist vs neurologist. “Let's get ready to rumble!” Therefore my new neurologist ordered me to wear a heart monitor for a week. He seemed a little surprised no one had me wear a heart monitor sooner to rule out other causes of a non blood clot stroke, like Afib. I informed this neurologist I was seeing my cardiologist next month for an echocardiogram, the neurologist wrote up an order for the heart monitor for the cardiologist to put on me, and then the following month I saw the cardiologist.

Fact, I will do whatever it takes to NOT have another stroke. Because I’m younger and in pretty decent shape is the only reason I was able to walk away from it. I have nerve stress/issues that I can’t seem to help. It’s why I had shingles in my 20’s. 

July 21: The cardiologist’s office performed the echocardiogram. I gave them the neurologist’s order for the heart monitor and in response was informed they only do heart monitors on Tuesdays, also the cardiologist was going on vacation and the soonest they could put the monitor on me was some time late September, on a Tuesday, when the cardiologist returned from vacation, unless there was an issue with the result of my echocardiogram of course. They scheduled me to come in late September.

Two weeks passed and I didn’t hear from the cardiologist so I assumed the echocardiogram was fine. Hope he has a nice vacation with the family. See you in late September.      

I’ve seen three movies this year in the movie theater, MEVERICK: TOP GUN, ELVIS, and VENGEANCE. I’ll get back to these movie experiences in a bit because I absolutely must get something off my goddamn chest. Be that, yesterday I’m in the movie theater watching VENGEANCE when the cardiologist office called, which surprised me. I wasn’t expecting to see him again until late September. In the voicemail message it was explained to me that the cardiologist got my echocardiogram results back, and after consulting with my neurologist, “Please call us right away to schedule your 7-day Holter heart monitor.” 

Oh. Um. Ok. 

I called the cardiologist back and made an appointment to come in this upcoming Tuesday.     

So, good. I guess. Right? Get it out of the way.  

As you know doctors never discuss anything over the phone.

With that, I can wear the heart monitor under my clothes. No big deal. And I can tell them about the nausea and thumps on the right side of my chest. 

Last Wednesday morning I took a Lyft from the valley to Hollywood. The Lyft driver took Laurel Canyon down from the valley and the swerves going down the canyon made me sick AF. Hey kids, ever get car sick? There’s a chance you might have narrow arteries as was explained to me by my first neurologist. I got wicked car sick as a kid. I mean, in the car longer than a few hours at a time, especially if there were many turns, I was throwing up. Following my stroke it was explained to me that car sickness is common among children with narrow arteries. Long winding car trips are stressors on the blood flow to the brain. Last Wednesday morning my Lyft driver took Laurel Canyon down from the valley, and by the time I got to Hollywood I was so sick I could barely stand up. Nothing I did for hours afterwards stopped my head from spinning. I was nauseous and dizzy for the rest of the day - continuing off and on ever since. I’ve taken Laurel Canyon since my stroke with no problems but last Wednesday morning it really (really!) messed me up. I’ve been experiencing bouts of dizziness and nausea for no particular reason ever since. I get dizzy spells but this is different. These dizzy spells come with nausea. As for the thumping in my chest, I’ve been getting those lately 30 minutes after taking my nighttime prescription. Soooo….

I’ll have much to discuss with the cardiologist. 

Football players must get seriously messed up if they have long careers in football. How many times do they get their heads crunched? How can they not get fucked up? I had a stroke, almost two, and my head is m-essed up. 

When I work, I sleep for 12 hours before working my shift, come home and immediately sleep for another 12 hours. Longer if possible. I have to. The only function for the human body is to carry the brain around. That’s it. Stephan Hawking (may he rest in peace). But when the brain gets injured the body just does not know what to do.  

I’ll wear this heart monitor for 7 days, hope there’s nothing else going on like heart valve disease, and just keep going ‘til the wheels fall off. That’s how Minnesota was made. The wheels fell off the wagons and all the French Quakers with their fancy cockades said “We’re home!” 

Little House On The Prairie reference. Did I lose all the millennials? (sigh) 

AND ANOTHER THING!

Goddamn people.

These assholes in front of me during VENGEANCE.

This ain’t your goddamn living room. Put your feet down! I see these assholes putting their feet on everything like the world is their living room. This couple ended up leaving the movie theater thank god. He was on his cell phone constantly to check text messages and even left the theater a few times to take phone calls. Leaving her to sit alone in the theater. Eventually she got up to check on him and neither one of them returned to the theater. You know, that old latin proverb, “Mistress before movies.”

I really did not want to like (movie) ELVIS but I did. My only complaint was their makeup person. For 70% of the movies I was like why-yy??

VENGEANCE was good. I liked it. Ashton Kutcher’s character (Quentin Sellers) was awesome. He plays a different kind of cowboy that was absolutely brilliant. I don’t know whose idea it was to play Sellers that way but you’re a freaking genius. I would see a movie just about Quentin Sellers. 

That said, I would see a movie just about Buster Scruggs. And if you’ve seen the BALLAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS you know exactly what I’m talking about. 

I love movies. Always have. Kids, don’t forget to see films in the theaters from time to time. I love to stream too and do it more often than not but movies in the theater are just… makes you forget about the world’s bullshit for a while. Puts things back into perspective, what’s important.   

Presently I’m still on the roommate search. Do I want to live alone? Yes. Is it possible to live alone in Los Angeles without 20 years of rent control? Um. No. My biggest regret in life, is giving up my rent controlled apartment when I got married. My second biggest regret in life is getting married. So unnecessary. 

My friends are amazing. I would be dead if not for them. Isn’t it amazing how friends, real friends, do for each other what family never has?  That was purely a rhetorical question. Divorce, stroke, Covid, jaw surgery, my friends were there for me. That’s why my friends are the ones I take care of. Pals.