OCTOBER 31, SUNDAY (Day 2 after jaw surgery)
(10:00pm)
Watch this AND THEN go to bed. Not because it’s Halloween, but rather because it’s interesting.
(9:28pm)
Just finished watching THE DIG on Netflix. So good. Tomorrow is a new day. New month. New...
Good night.
(7:19pm)
Happy Halloween!
Yay strange men with candy!
(7:13pm)
They used an alloplast bone graft material on my jaw. It's some kind of glass mineral found in bone, or so I read. I can only see the top of my gum line but it's fascinating watching the material harden into bone. Today is only day 2 but the bone graft has already turned into a more solid white, clear, white milky color. It's all just so weird and fascinating. I read they can also use actual bone that was harvested from a human being, you or someone else. I'm an organ donor. Mindless donor, as in I don't really give it much thought. Why would I? I'm dead. But if you should ever receive anything harvested from my body, first, I'm sorry. Whatever you do it's not your fault. I'm a horrible human being.😏
(4:27pm)
Exactly.
(12:14pm)
Gangbangs are disgusting. Have some self respect.
(12:06pm)
What part of I just had oral surgery makes a bitch think, "I bet she likes gangbangs!"
What the serious fuck is wrong with people?
(9:40am)
YES!! I love you guys.
(9:12am)
Someone next store has a blender that sounds exactly like the bone saw used on my jaw last Friday. PTSD!! PTSD!!
(8:13am)
So let me see if I understand this correctly. This man lets you and his wife fuck around for years now. And you want me to fuck him, throw him a bone, so you can continue fucking his wife. Uh-huh. Interesting. Aaaand what's in it for me?
(5:26am)
Do people still trick on Halloween with eggs and water balloons? I’m so tired of Wonder Woman costumes. Trick them. Trick them hard.
(5:25am)
Ah love. When men generously throw their dicks at you without a single fuck given to the fact you just came out of jaw surgery.😏 And my response to that is, gee that's swell. Um. what do I get? Negotiation fellas. This for that. You clearly have zero respect for me. Likewise bitch. Likewise.
I thought I was going to be in a really sick and vulnerable state after surgery but in truth it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. No no, it sucks, but not as bad as I initially thought. I have jaw pain. Day 2 after surgery and the swelling hasn't gone down at all. Not with ice. Not with the antibiotics they prescribed me. Not with painkiller. But it's still not as bad as I imagined it to be.
OCTOBER 30, SATURDAY
(11:23pm)
Preach, Preacher!
(11:10pm)
Preach, Preacher!
(8:56am)
Nice try, Jig. But I've had a drill in my mouth three times now while wide awake.
(8:04am)
Day after oral surgery and aside from my jaw being (obviously) sore all else is well. I took a picture of the top of my gum line where I had surgery. It's nothing too horrid. You see where they cut my gums down and sewed it back up. You see the stitches that are coming out next Friday. And you see the top part of the bone grafts, which looks like, well, bone. Of course there's dried blood and bruising.
I don't mind so much missing Halloween parties tonight. I apologize to my date but shit happens. In lieu of a Halloween party I had a bone saw in my mouth and really, does it get more Halloween than that? No.
Thanks again tribesmen. Much love.
OCTOBER 29, FRIDAY
(6:53pm)
Ha! So true. Capricorn. Hi.
(5:55pm)
Because Droopy didn't get bone grafts!
(5:39pm)
It didn't hurt. None of it hurt. But hell yes you knew what they were doing in there. You knew when they were pulling teeth out, when they were putting the grafts in, when they were putting stitches in. None of it hurt, but I knew what was going on. They couldn't put me to sleep on account of my stroke eight months ago.
There's a bit they put in your mouth to keep your mouth open. And they stabilize your tongue with gauze additionally to prevent blood from draining down your throat. And a few times blood splashed out onto my face. That was neat. The only time I was a little weirded out was when one doctor (in training) had to hold my head/jaw in place with her hands because the pressure of the other doctor working on me was fucking intense! I'm like, fuck it bring on the electro shock treatment! Bring it! I ain't scared!
(5:19pm)
My face is totally numb still on that side from surgery. Or rather, my fa'the i'th totally numb th'till on that th'ide from th'urdery.
(5:12pm)
Apparently I can take pics of the inside of my mouth when the bleeding stops. I can open my mouth ok. I just can't pull my lip down or I'll fuck up the stitches and bone graft.
(5:08pm)
Surgery went well, or as well as it can go. The two women who worked on me were epic! Thank you ladies! It was quite an experience. Holy shit. And as you can see they saved my jaw. Goddamn. Again, thank you! Ego intact. I go back next week to get the stitches out and to see how well the bone graft is infusing with my jaw. Lots of cold packs and (yay!) Gelato!
No sucking.
No spitting. (Let the toothpaste dribble out of my mouth)
No mouthwash. (Rinse with salt water)
No straws.
No hot.
No hard food. Soft food, soup, mashed potato and... Gelato!
The bleeding should stop before I go to bed tonight they said.
7 days antibiotics. No alcohol. The recovery has more "no's" than the junior prom.
Now just comes recovery, 1-3 months before the next series of surgeries of screws and implants.
But goddamnit they saved my jaw.
Thank you my wonderful (wonderful!) tribe for helping me through this.❤ Like you would want to be seen in public with me with droopy face? Now would be the time to insult the fuck out of me to my face. If you heard me talk right now it would be worth it.😉
Fuck yea! Gelato!
(10:22am)
I have 30 more minutes to kill.
Verify age with Onlyfans, 2 minutes!
Verify age with Chaturbate, two days, two emails, and eight DENIED attempts to age verify.
What the serious fu....?!
(7:37am)
I feel like I should wear something nice to my oral surgery. It will be the most action my mouth has seen in a long time.😏
(7:19am)
Her voice irritates me to no end, but I'm mad for her.
(7:12am)
OMG OMG we are SO meant for each other!
ME:
YOU:
Can't you see how perfect we would be together!
(6:58am)
I think EQ and I should go on a mini road trip. What could be more fun than a recovering opioid addict and a mute recovering from jaw surgery, road tripping in the desert? Once upon a time that might have made a nutty Tarantino film, but this reality is as real as 2021 gets, kids.
(6:44am)
Okay I'm up. I got up. I'm having what might be my last cup of hot tea for a long while. 6 1/2 hours until oral surgery. I'm a little nervous. Only because it's an hour with my mouth hung open, awake. I hope I don't get dry throat and start coughing all over the place. Yes, that's my worry. I worry about stuff like that. Aramis advised wearing headsets. He's brilliant. I adore him.
My bestie EQ will be in town soon so that also helps. I was a little concerned being alone after surgery for the first week because it's my mouth. MY MOUTH!
We'll see how much weight I lose this week on the liquid diet. I will definitely lose weight. So there's that. If you squint your eyes I might be able to look 19 again. Hooray I'll finally get work!
(6:11am)
Relationship goal for next year.
(5:49am)
It warms my miserable cold heart knowing she’s out there.
(12:47am)
Me without the chord.
(12:39am)
This is how I have felt pretty much since March 2020.
(12:25am)
Fekk
OCTOBER 28, THURSDAY
(7:09pm)
I’ve decided to start shooting up heroin. 💉 Who’s got a dealer?
(6:59pm)
I feel you sis!
(5:22pm)
And god said, “You will look young forever, dear child. But in return you will have a stroke, Covid will break you, you will need jaw surgery, and occasionally you will have to deal with shit like…”
(4:34pm)
I feel the need to share this (just now) experience with you.
I locked myself out of my friend's apartment. He's a pilot and is currently in Boston. His place is right by where I'm having oral surgery tomorrow and is kindly letting me chill a few days while I go through that mess. I left to run errands, realized I forgot my mask, can't get into stores without one, went back inside, searched for my mask, the key slipped out of my hand and landed on the floor, found my mask, and left again. The key still on the goddamn floor.
The locksmith said, "$150. You can zelle me or credit card payment, however you like. I'll be there in 30 minutes."
40 minutes later the Smith says, "20 minutes and I'll give you a discount."
25 minutes later he text, "11 minutes."
15 minutes later he arrives.
My friend texts his DL with his address after talking with the Smith.
2 minutes later I'm back into my friend's apartment.
"I know I said you could zelle me, but I need a credit card payment or cash."
Um. Ok.
The final charge including "discount" $156. Six dollars more than the quote. Yay "discount!"
AND
There's gratuity! The minimum 15% was $20 and the kid stared at me like, "You're tipping me, right?"
THE TOTAL for 2 minutes work, $179. Fuck me. I wanna learn how to break into people's houses!
(1:02pm)
What am I looking at?
(10:57am)
Practicing my smoothie.
52. This is my life now.
(10:31am)
"I hope they don't fuck up your face."
Yeah me too. (DELETE!)
(10:19am)
Sometime I think I should bang one out before oral surgery tomorrow.
But then
Reading emails this morning like...
(9:12am)
Starting with WHY do men not have to age verify to broadcast but I do? Huh why, Chaturbate? WHY? This is worse than being carded.
(7:28am)
Tomorrow is my oral surgery. I never moved past anger in the seven stages of grief, but at least a couple of male friends aren’t treating me like a leper. “You can’t use your mouth? Text me when you can.” Um. No. I’m lucky to know a few of the good guys. For that I’m grateful. It’s not just my personal life that’s affected, it’s not being able to talk, eat solid food, discomfort, being afraid to cough/sneeze/blow my nose, and knowing I’m only halfway done once my jaw infuses with the bone graft. And what am I supposed to do for work? I ran out of time before I could answer that question. Thank god for my friends. My chosen family. I’m extremely lucky to have been chosen. Five weeks. FIVE. It’s going to be the longest five weeks…
I need to make them count.
OCTOBER 27, WEDNESDAY
(8:05pm)
Love it!!
(7:54pm)
Whatever. I’ll just post these all night instead.
(7:50pm)
Ok so not Chaturbate. They turned down my photo ID age verification four goddamn times. PICK YOUR BATTLES.
(11:43pm)
YESSSSS!
(11:37am)
Ok. Ok. Ok.
(9:25am)
She’s awesome
(9:18am)
Uh-Oh. Too much murder.
(9:13am)
She got skills
OCTOBER 26, TUESDAY
(9:38pm)
Holy shit
(9:35pm)
Love this trend
(9:09pm)
(7:37pm)
“I would never murder someone in their sleep. I want them to look at me when it happens.” KOREAN! SQUID GAMES!
 |
(7:11pm)
Debating if I want to film in black & white or color.
I have all the confidence in the word in my doctor. He knows I’m Korean. If he fucks up my face I’ll go completely Squid Games! SQUID GAMES!
(5:18pm)
Love this
(3:52pm)
Made guacamole 🥑
Some influence. Some actually know what they’re doing.😏
(3:44pm)
Halloween separates “influencers” from real makeup artists.💄
Of course it helps when you start off gorgeous.
(2:05pm)
(1:57pm)
Since my Halloween is cancelled on account of oral surgery I’m taking my Malice in Wanderland to Chaturbate. Black ribbons and all.
#natural #curvy #asian #stockings #slut #bignipples #bigpussylips #daddysgirl
If not Saturday night than very soon. Depends how soon I’ll feel better.
(12:30pm)
Oh no my friend. They have apps now that can kick out the same image in 10 minutes.
(12:27pm)
I love her. I love her so hard.
(12:24pm)
I've decide to just stay angry. It helps when dealing with retard wives who think I want to pleasure their husbands. NO BITCH his ass would be pleasuring me, you stupid fucking cunt.
I got one foot in the grave don't much GIVE A FUCK where the other one goes. Whore.
(11:35am)
This is one of those times where it would be in everyone’s best interest to not ask me “How are you doing?” Because I will fucking tell you!
This is how I’m doing!
(9:36am)
I won't be able to speak but I can still text... and text... and text... and text... 1am TEXT.... 1:30am TEXT!... 2am.... 😏
OCTOBER 25, MONDAY
(11:39pm)
I love her
(11:07pm)
Just watching tik tok videos
(6:40pm)
I won’t be able to use my mouth for five weeks AND I love to cook. Date me? 🥸🤓
(3:39pm)
This is by far my favorite makeup trend!
(3:22pm)
No disrespect towards sexy witches and Wonder Woman, but Halloween needs to be less them…
(2:34pm)
Made my world famous meaty balls. World famous! Big tasty moist delicious balls.😋
(9:36am)
Reported middle east "maid trading"... ?
In the midwest that's just called being divorced and re-married.😏
Regarding having to get oral surgery I'm still here. I'm hoping to get to "bargaining" by the end of the day. And start "depression" tomorrow. Don't worry I have a bottle of wine for that.
OCTOBER 24, SUNDAY
(8:16pm)
OMG 😳 I just realized why I love her so much. She reminds me of Arami’s smoking hot ex-wife!
(4:20pm)
(3:57pm)
It just had to be the money maker. It had to be my face. My goddamn FACE. My unmarried geometrically sound face! I got symmetry, bitches! (Okay that made me laugh.) Seriously though. Why the face, Tony Manero?!
I thought going for a walk on this beautiful day would cool me off but the whole time I kept thinking, WHY MY GODDAMN MOUTH?! Followed by repeated “motherfucking fucking fuck!!” For 2.8 miles. It was a Death Star stomp walk.
“Sorry I can’t kiss you or blow you for about five weeks.” Is that first date conversation? Second?
I’m so irritated I passed an elderly couple walking side:side and usually I just walk on the grass to pass them but not today fuck it! I steamrolled right past them. Because nothing says “thug” like running over old people!
I’m not just angry. I’m Korean-angry. We do some messed up shit when we’re angry! Ya’ll watching Squid Games! You know!
I’m going to angry cook angry meatballs.
Motherfucking fucking FUCK!!
Help me Tik Tok! Save me!
(10:51am)
I love her so much.
(10:40am)
I don’t have a full kitchen at my disposal so when I do I love using it. Made a spicy udon and eggs breakfast.
Luckily staying at a friend’s place while he’s away for work while I go through this surgery. His place is by my Friday appointment. I’m so very grateful.
This surgery totally screws my plans for the next eight months, equally my immediate social life. “Oh what, this? Yea sorry my mouth is out of commission for the next five weeks. But that’s cool, right? Hey where you going?”
Love this guy. Preach, Preacher!
OCTOBER 23, SATURDAY
(3:57am)
Love her hair dead or alive.
(3:37am)
Love it
OCTOBER 22, FRIDAY
(11:37am)
(11:16am)
* I mentioned wisdom teeth (below) regarding my upcoming oral surgery because that is why I now have to have surgery. My bottom left wisdom tooth grew in pressed against the molar next to it, which doesn't always create a problem, but the root of this molar (which you can't see with the human eye) started rotting some years ago and in turn starting rotting my jaw in that area. So now three teeth have to be extracted to put in the bone graft, and then two implants will replace the extracted teeth. No one does dentures anymore. Instead they'll put screws in the bone graft, and then screw in the new teeth. The teeth last like 10-15 years. Then they'll unscrew the old teeth, and screw in new ones. Like Tom Cruise. Hopefully I'll be dead by then.
** Goddamn will I make a beautiful corpse. Dress me pretty coroners. You know someone's gonna fuck me one last time.
(8:40am)
I think it's interesting that my dentist won't use Nitrous Oxide (according to Google) invented in the late 1700's, on a person taking heart and blood pressure medication for fear of fatal side effects, yet WHO was like take this experimental vaccine that we have no idea what the side effects are going to be especially on someone taking heart meds, fuck it, just take it.
*I'm fully vaccinated (Pfizer). I'm just saying.
**No one took my blood pressure or asked if I was taking any prescriptions before giving me the vaccines. Like my dentists did. Again, just saying.
(5:43am)
I love this trend so very much.
OCTOBER 21, THURSDAY
(11:47pm)
I miss being a young slut. Cuz…
(11:38pm)
Preach, Preacher!
(11:32pm
Best Halloween trend.
(11:16pm)
30 hours at least for any detailed/large scale drawing. But lucky us, now there’s a bunch of “art” apps where people can bang out their own works in 15 minutes.
(6:32pm)
This is exactly what I do and I’m still single. WTF
(5:09pm)
I love my male friends. I truly do. Aramis, my brother from another mother, and of course my handsome pilot friend, are two of the most prominent men in my life. They remind me of being home. My childhood home. With my childhood friends. And all the good memories I have of both. It's no wonder really, both Aramis and the pilot are from the Midwest. They both remind me of Rick, my dearest friend who I grew up with, who died eight years ago November.
There are still good men in this country and I refused to lower my standards... ever again.
I have returned to my maiden name. I kept my married name because I'm lazy. Because I built this person on that name for the past eighteen years. Because it's a nightmare to change it back. For the past eighteen years I've been the wife and ex-wife of his namesake. A name I happily took to rid myself of the name my dad's first wife still carries. She lives while my dad does not. Evil never dies. But, my maiden name is what I had as a child and that is all I ever wanted, to go home again. Not the state I grew up in. I learned that last winter. No, I mean home, where Aramis and my handsome pilot friend take me every time we're together. The lavish backyard of Mr and Mrs White, an elderly couple with an actual grapevine entwined in the fence that wrapped around their property. My girl friends and I were permitted to sit in their lavish yard and talk, gossip, drink our pops from the one and only gas station in our town. The wonderful smells coming from the one and only pizza shop especially in the crisp winters. Even the one and only McDonalds in our town, gave the most glorious food smells in the winter. Eating hot french fries with our mittens. I guess you had to be there. Aramis and my handsome pilot friend were there, in their childhoods, in their Midwest home states.
In these older years I just want to be home with people who remind me of home.
The season is indeed changing isn't it? For those of us in Los Angeles who grew up in four seasons, we are indeed different beings with each passing one. We acquiesce to the weather even if only in our minds. We appreciate in our older years what we did not in our younger ones. Of course, I would never move back. The weather is absolute shit. But I appreciate the memories.
Just want someone to share them with.
(11:28am)
Oh I know the difference between not being liked, and being hated on. Trust me.😏
Not being liked is when someone pretends you're not standing right in front of them. Being hated on is when someone intentionally speeds up and hits you with their car as you're riding your bike.
(11:17am)
Maybe I have to watch THE CLOSER again but I never once got the sense of hatred from Chappelle regarding trans people. He may have an opinion or two I disagree with, but to go from disagreeing with someone to saying he hates trans people? Bit of a stretch.
(9:50am)
People know they are not forced to watch comedy specials, right?
I don't care what you say about me so long as you do it from way over there ----->
(9:45am)
We live in a world where every time I throw trash in the dumpster I wait 10 seconds to see if I hear kittens mewing for help, or a newborn baby, or someone's ex-girlfriend.
Rage against the Chappelle?
How about Rage against deadbeat dads.
Rage against (actual) abusers.
Rage against drunk drivers.
Rage against murder.
Rage against slumlords.
How about we do that instead?
(6:23am)
Let me assure all the young single ladies, it doesn’t get any better with age.
🙄
(3:24pm)
"And what did you do today Job?"
"Well mum, I...."
1668
(3:14pm)
It's pretty horrid looking but here's a drawing of the surgery. If you want to be utterly freaked out google image search what jaw bone grafting is. There's actual pictures!
And then dental implants get screwed into the bone graft. I'm having this procedure done on the back left side of my jaw. No one will see it. They're all, "Don't pull your lip down to look at the graft or you could damage it." And I'm like, why the fuck would I want to look at it?!
(9:12am)
Preach, Preacher!
(9:10am)
This was every single night of our lives from 1993-1994 when my then roommate and I shared an apartment on Wilcox and Yucca.
OCTOBER 19, TUESDAY
(7:59pm)
GET THA FUCK OUT OF HRRRR
(7:00pm)
36 years of blowjobs. Who do I sue!😅 You owe me a new jaw!
(6:51pm)
Where do I begin? My oral surgery is postponed until the 29th which means my Halloween is cancelled. It's fine. I was having trouble finishing my Malice In Wanderland costume anyway. Among other things, no time.
Some dental FYI for anyone over 35 who cares...
Over the age of 35 your wisdom teeth don't really need to come out unless there's a specific problem or you just want them out, cosmetic. Over the age of 40 they don't deem it necessary to pull wisdom teeth unless there's a specific problem.
If you've recently had a stroke or heart attack within the past 6 months of surgery they won't put you to sleep. Even after 8 months they still don't want to put you to sleep. You sign consent forms but, they still just don't want you dying in their chair. So here's what happened today...
Since my stroke last February I check my BP every day, once a day. Once! Maybe skip a day here and there. I used to check it three times a day immediately following my stroke because I was scared AF not gonna lie, but now I do it once a day per doctor's orders. And I've been fine. Only twice since my stroke has my BP gotten kinda low, today being the second time. There's a quick fix for low BP. Drink coffee. Eat. Hydrate. Your BP will automatically go up. Which doesn't matter one bit when you're already in the chair. They're not going to give me an espresso in the dentist chair. It's not the Beauty Bar. So that was a problem.
The left side of my jaw has deterioration issues (on top of my just being old) so a bone graft has to be put in after they pull three teeth from my jaw or I won't have much bone down there should I live another seven years. Meaning my jaw will just droop on that side from lack of bone if I don't get this bone graft. And then two implants will replace the three teeth they pull out. All together it's about two months back and forth in the dentist chair.
Even if I had checked my BP prior to going to the dentist chair, they still wouldn't put me to sleep because you can't drink anything but water or eat after midnight the day before your surgery. Not if you're getting knocked out, that is.
So... I'm just getting the local on the 29th while they pull three teeth out and put in the bone graft. Then a month or so later after the holes close up they drill implants into the bone graft and whatever jaw bone remains. Fucking crypt keeper. Seriously. I can't watch Creepshow now!
I'm fine with local anesthetic. It's what I had with my root canal. You don't feel shit. I don't understand when people say their root canals hurt. Ask for more Novocain! They'll give it to you. I think I asked for like 6 shots of Novocain with my root canal and they gave it to me. I didn't feel a thing. You do however feel everything else like pressure or when the chair bounces. It doesn't hurt. But you know it's happening.
I'm going to have some wine tonight and chill the fuck out.
Why didn't I get my wisdom teeth taken out sooner? No need. American Gen X'ers didn't get their wisdom teeth taken out. Because back then there was no need. And it was considered butchery. I still have my tonsils.
Ugh. Cheers!
(8:16am)
I'm binging BRIDGERTON on Netflix. Imagine if duels were to happen today. My oldest brother, and the first boy to sully my honor, the two would have argued Ford vs Chevy, which Metallica song off Master Of Puppets is best, got high, drunk, drawn dicks on each other's faces, and passed out in someone's backyard. "See that dick I drew on his face. I did that for you, dear sister." I love movies.
(7:05am)
I like good wine, good poetry, historic art, and my girlfriends wear balls on their crocks. You?
(6:41am)
Aramis has all my artwork. Everything except what’s currently in my drawing tablet.
I may never be the artist I once was but the desire to comeback never goes away.
(6:23am)
Why every single goddamn time you tell a man your interest in something they run wild with it like a six year old and a stolen bag of cookies. After blowing up my phone with 100 text messages there is no polite way of asking him what dick cages have to do with making coloring books.
*After a stroke your motor skills are gone. You can't walk, talk, gage distance, your hand/eye coordination is gone, but as you work to get all that back you do things like color (in coloring books). I was shocked how archaic coloring books are. It's like nothing new happened since 1970.
I just recently pulled out my drawing materials in case the mood hits while I'm recovering from oral surgery. My hands aren't what what they were but maybe something better will happen.
OCTOBER 18, MONDAY
(5:58pm)
Ok… but… 🤨🧐… who is this guy?
(7:56am)
Good morning. Hello. Am I internetting correctly? Let's meet. Here's a picture of me.😏
(2:36am)
I must not have watched the same Dave Chapelle special on Netflix as everyone else.🤨
I watched THE CLOSER. What did you watch?
OCTOBER 17, SUNDAY
(9:28pm)
And just like that. It's Halloween.
(7:24pm)
Welcome to my world without the coverup.
(7:14pm)
Girrrl
(6:08pm)
I'm jealous of YOUR heart because it has the ability to stop you. FML.
(5:34pm)
Dear Christian missionaries, stop going to Haiti. For the love of Jesus don't bring your children to Haiti. FFS.
(8:46am)
Hate to break it to you boys and girls, women have been using the pronoun "they" long before the gender movement. We used it with our boyfriends when we didn't want them to know we were fucking their dads friends. "I'm out with my friend and they want to see a movie. I won't be able to text for a few hours sweetheart."😏
(7:00am)
I have nothing against hookers. "What about the children?! Won't someone please think of the children?!" Your un-watched children irritate more than hookers in daylight. But when their street encounters get ridiculous Youtube has audio/video of babies crying and that works like a charm! Last night, one encounter in particular just got stupid, I cranked up the volume of a baby crying and they got the fuck out ASAP.😂
(5:55am)
Woke up feeling much better. I thought I was coming down with something yesterday but a day in bed with soup and Netflix CROOKED HOUSE by Agatha Christie put me back together again.
OCTOBER 16, SATURDAY
(6:15pm)
Welp, it's 6:15pm. Guess I'll just go back to bed.
(3:33pm)
Two legit HOT men with skills 😘😍 I’m jealous of the dude on the ground.
(3:30pm)
Preach, preacher! Amen sis! 😂 Men be like:
(10:32am)
Under dentist advisement I am back in quarantine until he's done with me. As I mentioned earlier I'm not afraid of getting Covid. I'm afraid of the dentist deeming me too risky to follow through with my surgeries.
I'm ready for my recovery!
I think this makes every foodie to have made content with crunchy taco wraps.
Yes. Even yours truly made content with crunchy taco wraps.
(7:15am)
Because Prince, you never read Atlas Shrugged. They have.
I'd like to get off this planet. And I will the natural way soon enough. But if I was rich and young and not a stroked out old hag of 52, I'd want to get the fuck far away from the general public also. Never underestimate the weight of a decent education. I went to my interview yesterday and it was in the shittiest part of town I have never been nor want to be in again. I'd rather starve. At my age, I refuse to die for a job. That's not how I'm going out. And if I feel this way, how do you think the super wealthy feel?
AND ANOTHER THING
Why are all the really nice west side (south bay) areas of Los Angeles surrounded by ghettos? Marina Del Rey, Manhattan Beach, Redondo Beach, surrounded by ghettos. No wonder the Lunada Boys were plucking outside surfers from the bluff. We're talking Palos Verdez Estate. Still pretty nice area.
The drug addict hookers are crowing. The sun must be coming out. Time to stock up on mashed potatoes. I got an automated message yesterday regarding my dental appointment for Tuesday. I cannot have a fever or a cough under any circumstance, naturally, or the appointment will be canceled. I'm not afraid of getting Covid, I'm afraid of my appointment being postponed. I've waited something like five weeks already. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be on pain meds this long. Warning labels? Are we supposed to read those?
OCTOBER 15, FRIDAY
(9:28am)
"You don't go tell doctors to get serving jobs. Why are we so different?"
BECAUSE doctors literally save lives. Broadway was hit like the rest of the world, you stupid fucking cunt. I will go my entire life never seeing a Broadway show and live. I cannot go my entire life never seeing a doctor and live. I was out of work too you fucking TWAT. Christ I hate stupid people. "Shut up and dribble!"
(9:05am)
Dodgers. That's basketball, right?😏 Soccer?
(8:11am)
And what have we learned? Every time you eat a salad, vaginas die a horrible death. (That's not how you eat vaginas goddamn you!) That vagina might need to see a doctor.
Moral of the story: And that's why you wash lettuce before eating it.
(7:31am)
And if that were a taco I’m all:
(6:58am)
For me, making out is like tennis. I don't enjoy watching others do it, but I love playing.
(6:47am)
Kings preseason game is ON. It's the little things in life.
You know what I really miss? I miss long lingering making out sessions. Anyone else? I miss kissing a really nice set of lips. Man or woman. Doesn't matter. I miss making out. Remember back in high school when everyone had chapstick, lip balm, and the softest lips? Breath mints. Just the right amount of tongue. High school makeouts were awesome. Adults don't know how to kiss. Most don't anymore. What happened?
Welp. Something unexpected happened. About 4 days ago I applied for a job not thinking anything would come of it, and then last night something came of it. Nothing can happen right away. I have oral surgeries coming up next week. But today I meet and greet. Interview. It's not the job itself that peaked my interest but rather the company and location. I like the company. But if it works out I'll have to move to the south bay. Which is great. I love Manhattan Beach, El Segundo, and Redondo beach. I'll be renting someone's driveway RV for $2,000 a month but it'll be worth it.
I have plenty to keep me occupied during recovery from surgery. i.e. the internet. I'll stock up on mashed potato and gravy. Take some gross pics of my mouth if I can post surgery. Usual blog stuff. And just out of curiosity...
This was designed by a dentist right? Ever have a root canal? There's a mini construction area going on inside your mouth. And it looks like...
How does ANYONE think this is sexy? Weirdos.
(5:16am)
It’s almost the weekend. You know what that means. Sexy fun times! And by sexy fun times I mean we’re gonna:
OCTOBER 14, THURSDAY
(3:28pm)
After 3 1/2 hours at the DMV came back to my room to the alley hookers earning their $30 today boy.😂
I've never heard such exaggerated moaning in my life.😂😂
(5:31am)
Who’s idiot is this? Does this idiot belong to you?
(4:45am)
The past 24 hours have been spent adulting. Apparently nothing is wrong with my cell phone. The other night I couldn't dial 1-800 numbers, weird and on the day I received bad news via mail regarding my safety deposit box, and then just like that, after 10 mini melt downs not being able to call my bank, a few nights later, I suddenly could dial 1-800 numbers again, that is, after a trip to my bank where I learned my safety deposit box was just fine. Sooo... WTF universe? Pick your battles.
Additionally, I received an email notice from the people who did my taxes for last year that read my 2020 taxes hadn't been filed. WHAT?! 100 more mini meltdowns later while finally retrieving documents I had filed away (god only knew where!) I received this email:
Jesus Christ. PANIC AT THE DISCO!
And now this morning I have yet another adulting chore to do which is going to be an absolute nightmare, and then I begin the horrors of oral surgeries starting on the 19th....
I have bruxism, and when I had those seizures recently my jaw clenched so hard I heard teeth crunch.
And this is why people are dying younger now. Stress! I had stress disorders as a child, and ten fold now as an adult. I don't know what to do anymore? I'm not taking any more pills. I take 4 post stroke pills, on top of 2 probiotics, on top of a multi vitamin, on top of painkillers for my current teeth situation. I've outlived, albeit barely, like 5 of my friends I grew up with.
Like you Doc, I intermittently fast. I do the 16:8 fast. I look fine at 52 years of age. I'm not trying to compete with 19 year old women in porn or anything, that would be stupid, but I look pretty darn good all things considered. And like you Doc, I had no idea my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers were so goddamn high. But really, it's not surprising. I LOVE CHEESE! Be that, I see people every day smoking, obese, greasy... yet I'm the one who had the stroke? Almost two!
I'm going to make a fine looking corpse one day. Necrophilia is making a comeback I hear. Dress me pretty, coroners. Dress me pretty.
*I take 80 mg of Lipitor every night to control my LDL I'm told for the rest of my life.
OCTOBER 12, TUESDAY
(9:10pm)
Oh nothing special. Trying to ignore the messed up hookers in the alley fighting with their drug dealers. What are you doing?
(12:53pm)
Dear mister banker at my bank. Can we just cuddle all night?
(12:30pm)
Y'all couldn't have started with making this superhero bi? You had to go full blown Superman?
(6:11am)
A hundred photo app tools to blur your face and this is what you came up with?
The power of blonde compels you! I've re-colored my hair brown at least four times now and it always washes out. The blonde will not be ignored like a psycho ex! I miss my grey hair to be honest but everyone hates it so much. And in this town I can't afford to be hated for my hair color.😏
OCTOBER 11, MONDAY
(8:59pm)
I need to be with a man my age. I'm convinced there are none. Or perhaps I don't recognize them because they either look 40 or 65.
Where are all the 50-something year old men?
(10:46am)
Jeesus Christ it's Columbus Day. Every now and then I think the universe just wants to stress test my goddamn stroke medication FFS.
(8:33am)
Yes. Yes. Yes. Preach preacher.
I limit what I eat there. It’s not often. But girl when I go….
(8:22am)
All my internet besties speaking truth. That’s what a I thought “doggy style” was too.🥺😭
(8:15am)
My new internet bestie.
(7:55am)
I love all the "lists" and "lines" everyone seems have for people wanting to fuck them. The only men who get to the front of my line are those with a 24 pack of tacos. Not 12 packs. 24 packs. Or two 12 packs. Taco math is hot.
OCTOBER 10, SUNDAY
(7:33pm)
It's the little things they/I won't tell you. We won't tell you about not being able to see out one eye for almost four months, or how talking is still a struggle, or how after tossing a can into the waste basket less than 6 inches away it might take three minutes for the brain to acknowledge if the can actually made it into the trash. Your eyes can see the can landed on the floor for three minutes before the brain acknowledges it.
Aside from having to relearn how to walk and talk and dress yourself, the brain still glitches. It might always. I recently had two small seizures. You're never the same. I'll never be the same as before ever again. We're taught to accept recovery in increments. Survive the first two weeks after a stroke. Survive the first three months. Survive the first year. Survive the next four years. Take your pills and blood pressure every day. Seven months later going on eight and I still have bad mornings where I get sick after taking my medication. I didn't tell anyone about being blind in my left eye for almost four months after my stroke. It's the little things they won't tell you. The only reason I recovered as well as I have is because I'm about 25 years younger than the average aged person who has strokes.
Keep going until the wheels fall off. It's all we can do.
OCTOBER 9, SATURDAY
(5:27pm)
This is the best thing I've read all year!
✋✋✋✋✋✋✋
(6:33am)
A hundred photo app tools to hide your face and this is what you came up with?
*Calm down that’s my photo.
*I never know what day it is anymore. The days printed on my medication box have all scratched off. Probably not a good thing. I’m old.
OCTOBER 7, THURSDAY
(6:54pm)
Oh nothing. Just watching a very pretty gay orgy scene (in Netflix film DANCE OF THE FORTY ONE) to help put me in the mood to write.
(12:33pm)
I will be in Sherman Oaks tomorrow free after 1pm. Where will you be?
I might be a little messy. My usual places know me by now. You know how we do.
(6:30am)
Uh. Uh. Yeah. Girl. Uh. Get it. Get it. Yeah. Uh. Get some. Mmm. Yeah. Uh. Uh.
(6:12am)
Finally a ballgag that truly understands me.
(6:07am)
The problem with anti-vax protesters is the same problem with pro-life protesters. None them seem to know what the word "CHOICE" means or how to properly use it in a sentence.
(5:47am)
Girrrl. I'm awake. I woke up. What kind of bullshit is this being awake?
I recently reconnected with someone I haven't seen in ten years. We met, 11 or 12 years ago on AFF, we're both still on swing sites, and really if a guy isn't into hot dirty filthy sex he's no good to me. Sex is the #1 most important thing with me and a man. I've been doing life solo for always. Even when I was married. My ex and I had nothing in common really. He hated every single one of my hobbies, everything I'm passionate about, everything that gives me real world pleasure. And at 52 years of age I'm good with it. If I want companionship and friendship I have friends and companions. I don't fuck them. Don't be silly. I actually want them around. Not sorry.
Bring all your red flags to my yard!
Cue the music!
OCTOBER 6, WEDNESDAY
(9:29pm)
Goooaaaaal! This game is ova'!
(9:04pm)
SUCK IT ANAHEIM
Gooooaaaal!
(7:40pm)
Don't forget your vaccination card!
Keys
Cell phone
Wallet
Mask
Hand sanitizer
Fuck it fellas, just start carrying a purse.
(7:34pm)
My cell phone suddenly stopped allowing me to dial 1-800 numbers. Neat. So that's fun. Google said dial a one in front of the 800 number. Uh-huh. Did that. Because this isn't my first phone call. I'm an adult! Then Google said "Uncheck add country" but my phone doesn't have that option, Google. What else you got?
I'm so irritated I've had three goddamn drinks and I'm still sober.
It's only 1-800 numbers I suddenly can't dial out. I called Aramis just to make sure I could dial out - anyone. He was very confused when I hung up him when he answered. I don't chit-chat on the phone. I forgot I actually have to make words when someone answers their phone. And what the fuck are you doing answering your phone anyway?! Who answers their phone you goddamn lunatic!
I hung up on Aramis and then text him an immediate explanation as to why I hung up on him. 👍
Aaand my last job "forgot" to pay me for two days. Also more fun than I can handle sober. Furthermore, on a separate matter, hooray! I have to go to the post office again tomorrow for the THIRD goddamn time this week.
And there's an issue with my safety deposit box it seems. (Yes I have a safety deposit box because I'm old.) So there's that. I can't call my bank because I can't dial 1800 numbers! My birth certificate and passport are in there, or at least they were. What are the chances they still are? FML.
Safety deposit boxes... from the word "safe".
I'm getting so drunk tomorrow.
(3:52pm)
Keys, cell phone, wallet, Covid vaccination card. Check. Good. I can leave the house.
FYI y'all have to give me an extra ten minutes to leave now that I need to find one more thing before going anywhere.
(9:34am)
He thinks he can get from Montebello to Vince beach in under an hour during day traffic. Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha…
Ha ha
Ha ha
Ha ha
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha
(7:37am)
People are either too blind to see it, or they simply like it. Whichever it is, the world is full of people who get off humiliating you, who like seeing others humiliate you like one of those poor little dancing monkeys in China with chains around it's neck twice it's own body weight. Now, if you're a person who likes being humiliated, good for you. There's never ending work in that field. I'm an equalizer. I can tolerate a'many things. Hypocrisy is not among them.
(7:14am)
Slut is as slut does.
Thus ending my philosophical genius on this minute moment at Copperfield Corner.
*It's the hypocrisy, Mr Turner. It's the hypocrisy of it all.
(6:54am)
Aah. Nothing like the stench of good old fashion whorebag hypocrisy in the morning. I'm sorry what do you do for a living? What's that you say? Oh. You fuck for a living. On camera. I see. And you have the audacity to criticize other people for their consenting adult sexual behavior behind closed doors. Huh. Interesting. Shut up and dribble! Oh no wait. I mean - shut up and get fucked in the ass! Not very catchy. Let me try that again. Shut up and suck cock! Hmm. Might have to consult Laura Ingram on that one. Fucking slut.
*Ingram, whorebag hypocrisy, either or. FUCKING SLUT.
OCTOBER 5, TUESDAY
(9:41pm)
At what point did someone decide the way samurai publicly humiliate and torture their captives is sexy? God bless you. Interesting how many of the cast on/off knots and knitting patterns are used in shibari.
I knit. I enjoy it. My ex-husband ridiculed me at length for knitting so I quit doing it for many years and took up roping. He was cool with that. People are funny. Everyone is weird.
(9:11pm)
(9:06pm)
Why do they keep taking her black tank tops?!
Of all the pieces of clothing to steal…
I NEED to understand.
(4:05pm)
He doesn't like Asian women but he thinks Bollywood girls are hot.
Um.
So who wants to tell him?😏
(10:44am)
MINDHUNTER! Loved it. Quasi-binge watched both seasons. Best soundtrack ever.
(8:25am)
Why the black tank top? She buys a black tank top, days later it "disappears". Do they think it's a man's tank top? Do they think women don't buy/wear black tank tops? Why do they keep taking her black tank tops? Weird.
And no, it's not like me and mens socks. Men have nicer socks, shorts, tee-shirts, and sweatshirts. Every woman knows this. Mens socks are comfy. Ladies socks are designed to accentuate her feet, like her shoes, like other items of clothing to accentuate her body like her bras, her panties, her shorts, her skirts. Designed to attract, to make men want to fuck us, as if they need assistance or a reason to fuck us. Not complaining, just stating. Womens clothing, all but for her comfort.
Does he take her black tank tops because he's too old to take her panties? Meaning a younger man would take her panties as sexual trophies, to wear, to jerk off to or in. An older man however, would take her black tank tops instead thinking they belong to another man, as if by removing the tank top from her home is to remove him from her life, being that the thief would rather have her love rather than her sex.
OCTOBER 4, MONDAY
(4:53pm)
THUNDER!!! Cue the music!
(1:00pm)
We are in a world of crazy. It's been reported that a teacher at UCLA, Gordon Klein, was suspended for not giving black students leniency on their final exams following the death of George Floyd. Thankfully that teacher was also reported to have filed a lawsuit because of it. I think it's nuts but I'm old, this isn't really my world anymore. It's yours, young people. It's your world. All that's left for me to do is (whoohoo!) not have to pay taxes or bills ever again. Whereas you young people have your whole lives ahead of you. And by allowing credit under prerequisite to pass and graduate, your world will become this - IDIOCRACY.
Really ladies, sexism? You think this is sexism? Wow, are you bitches really gonna hate my book.
I think this statue is beautiful but whatever. Want me to sharpie pubic hair on her? Will that make you feel better?
OCTOBER 3, SUNDAY
(6:02pm)
Ima post this link pretty regular because she is my soul mate.
OCTOBER 2, SATURDAY
(7:46pm)
Did Netflix MINDHUNTER just give a nod to X-FILES in episode 2?
Nice.
(7:32am)
Ha! My Saturday night be like:
(7:21am)
Well. Here we are. Entering the eighth month after a stroke, following a near miss of a second massive stroke that would have killed me had it not been for everyone who saved my life last February 26, 2021, from the 911 operator, the EMTs, the emergency room staff at Saint John's Santa Monica, and Dr. Jackson, the Neurologist, who just took the most amazing care of me during and after my stroke. It makes me teary thinking about it. And though I have opted not to join a support group for the one reason I was able to (physically) survive and walk away from the stroke, I know many in a support group are not so lucky. Who am I to complain when others are paralyzed and in wheelchairs for the rest of their lives. But I'm still effected from the stroke nonetheless and reminded of it every morning with medication, every time I put on the arm cuff, every time I trip, fall down, run into shit, and can no longer perform the simplest chores. Google is my friend. "How long is this bullshit going to last?"
I had a seizure. Two.
And just like with my stroke, I'm grateful I had the seizures alone at home. And just like with my stroke, I had no idea I was having seizures.
I was brushing my teeth. The (right) hand holding my toothbrush suddenly cramped. The ring finger on my right hand bent backwards on it's own and stayed there fixed and wouldn't move. It was painful. My entire left hand froze solid. None of the fingers would move. Two toes on my right foot split apart and froze solid. And luckily after my right hand froze up I spat out the toothpaste and toothbrush because my jaw clenched shut and wouldn't open. And just like with my stroke, I laid down on the floor and tried to get into a comfortable position. In all honesty I thought i was having a heart attack. Only problem was I had no idea where my cell phone was. The seizure passed after about 40 seconds to a minute. Then like a minute later I had a second seizure which also passed after about 40 seconds to a minute.
I have no idea why I had the seizures. No one knows. It wasn't from the stroke meds or I would have had seizures by now. And seizures aren't side effects of stroke meds anyway.
The brain after a stoke is damaged. And while the brain cells that were damaged will regenerate or so I'm told, the body has to relearn how to ride the proverbial bike all over again with new cells. And too much stress on either brain or body may have caused the small seizures - even though at the time I was just brushing my teeth.
The experience was enough to scare me into seriously getting medical ID tags to wear under my tops.
Tonight I'm going to watch The Exorcism Of Emily Rose.
I feel you girl!
