JULY 31, SATURDAY
(4:55pm)
(11:01am)
My inner grandma:
He has a nice condo midtown, beautiful furnishings, handsome, 40-something, business professional... so... why don't you have a girlfriend?
(8:31am)
I can give you empathy or morals. Not both. Stop being so greedy.
(4:09am)
Imagine Americans trying this.🤕
(4:02am)
I think a road trip is in order.
Forever
JULY 30, FRIDAY
(4:46pm)
And that stops married men from fucking other women. Yep. It surely do. These little girls.🙄
JULY 29, THURSDAY
(9:10am)
You know what this movie is about, right? 💯 legit.
(8:30am)
Word of the day:
ANARCHY
(8:06am)
Something-something constitution protecting Americans from government taking over the country?
“Why get vaccinated?”
Um. I really have no idea anymore. I’m fully vaccinated but, “fuck y’all wear a mask!”
(6:53am)
Let’s go to the zoo and swear at motherfuckers in their stead. 🙌🏻
(5:57am)
Everything he's eating right here. Yum. I love me some cheesy tteokbokki.
(5:34am)
A LOT of homeless encampments are there by choice. They don't want help. They want to sleep on the sidewalk. Drug use. Mental illness. Our glorious government. If it doesn't effect them it doesn't exist.
(4:35am)
DO NOT GET ME STARTED.
I woke up feeling this.
JULY 28, WEDNESDAY
(11:25am)
Best dance version
(7:55am)
My handsome pilot friend was the first who told me about Acai berries. He made me an Acai smoothie. Contrary to Youtube influencers it does not taste like a cross between blueberries and chocolate. Acai berries taste more like minerals to me. But as my body starts breaking down for the next phase of life like menopause and the golden years of old age, additionally with all the meds I take post stroke and quite possibly for my liver (I’ll find out on August 16 after speaking with the hepatologist) I need all the help I can get. I knew I beat up my body pretty good in the 90’s but like all young stupid people I just assumed if I lived long enough the past would stay in the past. Yeah no. My dad quit smoking for 30 years before dying of throat cancer. All I want is to enjoy whatever time I have left. Am I scared? A little. But a little fear is good for all of us. I’m going to try finding an Acai smoothie today.
A man I see from time to time sent me a text last night clearly meant for another woman. I didn’t reply. I won’t. We always text each other good morning but I suspect he won’t this morning. Whatever. I’m too busy being frustrated that I’m still spotting following my first period of the year. Perimenopause. I hadn’t had a period all year until 9 days ago, and I’m still spotting though most of my period finished after 7 days. I just saw my OBGYN a month ago and test results for everything were negative. As in all good. Perimenopause. Good lord.
Huh. He did send a text this morning. Whatever. We only see each other like once a week. Not exactly love. It’s complicated on his end. Although up until now I thought maybe there could have been some potential. But I’m too old to be getting texts meant for someone else. I (literally) don’t have the time.
“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.”
-- Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde
JULY 27, TUESDAY
(4:48pm)
I’m intrigued by Nicholas Gage’s PIG movie. I get that Cage’s character was/is a chef, and then something traumatic happened resulting with Cage living in isolation in the wilderness of (I dunno) France or Italy, and he hunts truffles, and has a pet pig who helps him hunt truffles. Then the pig gets kidnapped thus forcing Cage to re-enter society and look for his pig. I’m already attached to the pig so if something shitty happens to the pig it will ruin the entire movie for me. Yes I eat bacon but, “my hypocrisy only goes so far”. Thank you TOMBSTONE for that excellent quote.
I’ve had truffles. It is not the caviar of fungus. It’s a hyped up expensive ingredient used for anything from pastas to confections, and not at all, in my opinion, worth the money. Caviar is equally a hyped up expensive ingredient just slightly more affordable, and slightly more tasty. And I only like it in tiny portions of sushi and some pastas (whatever, not important). If something happens to the pig aside from it being reunited with Cage, I’ll just get pissed off and hate the movie. Don’t hurt the pig!
Did you know crime scene cleaners make upwards to $75,000 a year? Sweet. Yep, I still like animals more than humans.
(9:10am)
Regarding the January 6 insurrection, I'll respect the congressman who stands up and says, "It's either PURGE for everyone, or PURGE for no one." Mic drop.
JULY 26, MONDAY
(6:06pm)
Nope. This!
(5:38pm)
October 14: Kings v. Knights
My first film back in the theater. Who's in?
(4:53pm)
OHMmm 😇
(5:04am)
Did the rain put out the fires? Fantastic. Now go out there and report about the pending mudslides.
(4:48am)
I don't know if I just had a bad reaction to my stroke meds or what? But I was fatigued and foggy all day. So random. It was bad. Today is better. I slept pretty hard.
(4:36am)
Those tacos. Here in SoCal there should be some amazing Birria tacos.
(4:23am)
Makes me hungry.
(4:11am)
It's raining out? Good. Drive safe.
JULY 25, SUNDAY
(3:57pm)
I don’t know what happened. I’m confused. I somehow got lost, confused, and wound up right back where I started. Literally. Physically. Alzheimers? Shit. I’ll drop off the application tomorrow. I hope.
Great movie. THE LONGEST WEEK
Also a great movie. PAPER MAN
(9:31am)
116/77 after morning meds
There's a restaurant I absolutely love here by the ocean. I applied to work there in 2017, didn't get a call-back, but I'm applying again today. I really want to learn how to cook the food. I know how to make some the food already but I want to learn how to make the entire menu.
Capricorn goat
JULY 24, SATURDAY
(5:00pm)
I find this one very soothing to watch.
(3:49pm)
Picked up this book at the used bookstore up the street for $9. I can’t help but wonder if one day after I’m dead, after the vultures pluck all four of my funny one liners, if some aspiring writer in (say) the year 2812 will stumble across this ridiculous blog and drum up an idea for a story. For I too am destined to be “everyone’s butt”.
(9:34am)
(9:31am)
I would do this if I only had a few days left to live.
JULY 23, FRIDAY
(5:52pm)
I wore fur when I was young because I lived in winter six months a year. I stopped wearing it around 19 years of age when I moved to where the warm is. I judge asshole Californians who wear Uggs when it’s 70 degrees F. I judge assholes who torture animals before cooking them to eat. I judge assholes who hunt. There’s no need. Simply put, I judge assholes. Metaphorically speaking.
(6:25am)
And so it begins.
Is it too early to make a Christmas wish list?
(6:00am)
Leif Eriksson Day: October 9
Thus explaining why all the boys I dated in Minnesota looked like the grown up version of Village Of The Damned
(5:45am)
I don't hate America. I love America. I just hate some of the people who live here like those who want black people to "get over" slavery yet celebrate the 4th of July like they were actually there. How about you "get over" the 4th of July. Were you there? No. So get over it. "Whooo!! 4th of Joo-ly!! That time me and the boys from the 13 colonies fought the British for independence!!" Yeah. No. You weren't there. Get over it. AND ANOTHER THING, vikings landed on this continent 500 years before Christopher Columbus. Ever hear of Leif Eriksson?
We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde, sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde, sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming
On we sweep with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore
Our only goal will be the western shore
... Isn't a song about Thomas Jefferson. Aaand never no mind the indigenous people who were already living here. But none of that matters as long as you get two paid days off. "Whoo 4 day weekend!"
AND ANOTHER THING
Get vaccinated or wear masks. Don't bitch about both. Pick a struggle.
Cue the music!
JULY 22, THURSDAY
(10:33pm)
I never tire watching this.
(10:06pm)
Nuns stealing money to pay off gambling debts. The return of Covid. It's a world gone mad.
Corona 'rona 'rona. 'Rona be the virus. Covid. Covid. Covid. Our vaccines don't stop 'rona. Corona 'rona 'covid...
(9:53pm)
Why don't we just give Amazon our CC's and bank info, that way they can decide for us what we need, when we need it, buy it for us, and walk it into our homes?
I was being sarcastic by the way.
(9:36pm)
Weather people making seven figure salaries are necessary for those who do not have internet or windows or outside.😒
(8:43pm)
I need these tacos in my life!
(5:18pm)
I've worked when I had bronchitis, flu, and walking pneumonia. It's expected in some industries. But I guess not in my current work place. I dunno.
(4:51pm)
So am I dying or what?
Finally got that "urgent" appointment with the Hepatologist (liver specialist) 3 weeks later, and the appointment isn't for yet another 3+ weeks. It was "so important" to my doctor that I see this specialist... that it could wait 6 weeks.
I see my doctor again in three weeks. Tomorrow I'll reschedule my mammogram.
And...
Because my new work schedule is made two weeks in advance, I being responsible, remind my boss that I have doctors appointments in August that were made prior to being hired. What I wasn't prepared for was my doctor's office telling me I went back to work too soon before getting all my tests done, nor was I prepared for my work telling me I can't come back to work until the doctors OK it. I actually got sent home today.
I'm sorry, WUT?
Are you serious?
I have not been in the corporate world for some time. Certainly not since the days of Covid. Apparently America is so afraid of lawsuits that if you have to see a doctor (for any reason) in this day and age, the doctor must OK your return to work. Which could be a problem for me because my doctor's office thinks I'm dying. Every time I think I'm doing great, my doctor's office always reminds me, "You almost died!" Right about now I wish I had.
So what am I supposed to do for the next 3 to 4 weeks??
(6:37am)
Good morning Gen X’rs
JULY 20, TUESDAY
(10:11am)
And this is why cats are the guardians of the dead.
(7:20pm)
Because your generation have young men who
And my generation had young men who looked like
You see my dilemma.
(7:08pm)
No? Are you sure?
Because your generation have young men who
And my generation had young men who look like
 |
You see my dilemma.
(6:39pm)
How much further than $28 TRILLION dollars in debt before every American politician stops giving one fuck? Reality check, it’s not getting fixed in any lifetime soon.
Both Pelosi and McCarthy can fuck all the way off. They stopped caring about the American people looong ago.
(6:31pm)
(11:03am)
It was too good to be true. Almost made it to August without a goddamn period. 52 and still menstruating. Why?
JULY 19, MONDAY
(9:58pm)
(8:24pm)
Meanwhile people in bars are still being fooled by the taller glass holding more alcohol.😏 Sshhh
(7:16pm)
Do they have a human option? It’s only cannibalism if you get caught.😏
(12:33pm)
My kind of bitch right here.
(9:57am)
Welp, the bookstore by me is closed today. On the plus side, it means I don’t have to put on a bra. Ever since the mask mandate I’ve come to really appreciate my breasts and the men who also appreciate them up close and personal. In the past year I’ve taken more photos of my breasts than my face. “Yea yea I’m pretty, but what do you think of my tits?” Narcitits? Egotits? Tittycentric?
(9:11am)
It was that kind of day. It started out like it was going to be a champion, I even wore all black underwear, champion underwear! Buuut then the day ended up with me not giving one fuck, stopping at a liquor store, drinking beer out of a straw, buzz walking the rest of the way back to my room at 11:30pm, and quite possibly screaming at the cracks on the sidewalk. Those five blocks ended up being the best part of my day. And aside from the fact I (think I) started my period, and then broke two finger nails, fucked up at work twice, got water thrown in my face by some shitty little kid whose parents thought it was adorable, hand to god I could have PURGED all three of them, it’s the meandering fucking people my age just aimlessly trapsing about that drive me crazy. I don’t know which is worse, when they do it in their cars on the road, or when they do it on the sidewalk in herds like cattle on vicodin. When y’all left the house didja have a clue as to where you were going? I’m the same age as you, how do you not have somewhere to go? I’m not one of those girls who goes shopping with other girls. I’m in the store, I’m out, I’ve got 100 other things to do, and nothing you have to say about your husband or kids interest me. Not sorry.
I’m off today. And while I told myself yesterday I’m just going to stay in bed all day today, order korean food, work online, and watch shitty cable, I mean that’s one of the perks of being single with no children, I don’t have to get out of bed on my day off if I don’t want to, I do have a few minor chores to do, additionally I wouldn’t mind finding a good book to read and it just so happens there’s a used bookstore directly up the street. Hopefully they won’t recognize me from their security camera last night.
JULY 18, SUNDAY
(12:31pm)
Like the woman asked, “How can anyone consider me incapable of handling my own money yet here I am making all this money for this long, for so many people?”
Yeah, judge. How?
JULY 17, SATURDAY
(12:30am)
Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. Bless you young man.
JULY 16, FRIDAY
(8:12am)
Up all night coughing. So far all morning coughing. I'm vaccinated, both Pfizer shots since May 19, but I'm thinking of getting another Covid test.
There ARE other things it can be. I could have bronchitis... again.
JULY 15, THURSDAY
(6:27pm)
I experienced the following side effects after getting Pfizer vaccine shots:
A cough that mimics asthma AKA Nocturnal cough. And arrhythmia.
However you may not experience any side effects. Bear in mind I’m also on stroke meds.
(11:56am)
Mm-hm
(6:38am)
(Sigh) Your generation
While my generation had men who looked like:
You see my dilemma.
JULY 14, WEDNESDAY
(7:11am)
Hey McCormick, heeey!
(5:57am)
He only wanted to see me after I started working again. As if I'm paying for anything on a date regardless if I'm working or not. But now that I am working again, 5 days out of the week I'm going to be too tired to entertain you, 1 day out of the week be will spent on me-stuff, and 1 day out of the week will be spent socializing, whereas before when I wasn't working I had all the time in the world to see you, get to know you, but you wanted to wait until I started working again. Hmm. Interesting.
(5:49am)
FIRST OF ALL, who gets tuna?
(5:43am)
ZOMBIES.
Zombies everywhere.
JULY 12, MONDAY
(7:59pm)
Ha! And y’all spent $40,000 to graduate Le Cordon Bleu! Silly bitches!
(2:51am)
Men need to know he’s out there. And he will steal your girl faster than flying panties at a Tom Jones concert, circa 1970.
(8:58am)
Trade school over university any day of the week. Then again, drawing/art and cooking used to be trades and now anyone with an app filter and a rice cooker can do it themselves.🤨
JULY 11, SUNDAY
(3:06pm)
113/75 with an 85 heart rate. Good.
(12:59pm)
Beans on toast is disgusting. There. I said it. Not sorry. Blood pudding (sausage) is equally disgusting. Equally not sorry.
P.S. THAT'S NOT BACON.
(7:32am)
If there ever should be a mid 40 year old man to get a Tik Tok account. It should definitely be:
JULY 10, SATURDAY
(7:47pm)
Because I need an apartment. And I can’t get an apartment without a paystub 2021.
(7:20pm)
Who’s “office windows” look like this? MINE. Yep. Unemployed no more.
Did I show my tits? No. Didn’t need to. Damnit.
Did I show leg? Yep I sure did.😉
(12:46)
This is when you put the phone down and get out the goddamn car:
(12:39pm)
Girrrl
(12:33pm)
I hate it when mom and dad fight.
(9:01am)
Your generation have men who:
My generation had men who looked like:
You see my dilemma.
(5:43am)
Throw shade! Throw shade! There’s a reason older men are with younger women, and older women go for younger men. 100% sex compatibility.
(5:14am)
Maybe your generation will bring it back. My generation wrecked everything good because of their greed and selfishness.
JULY 9, FRIDAY
(7:27pm)
(6:45pm)
I understand it now. I haven't had a period all year. Which means I'm either a test subject for stroke meds and vaccination shots, or I really am turning into a menopausal horny viking at 52. I don't condone it, but I understand it. Although those women teachers weren't in their 50's and were still fucking 14 year old boys. I DO NOT condone it. Still, I understand it. Men my age are scary as fuck stalkers as a result of being unable to fuck me the way I want them to and then leave immediately after without drama. Bunch of fucking babies. Not fucking 14 years old boys. Gross. But I understand it.
"This is the last email I'm writing you." He said for the 100th time. 😒
(5:45pm)
I’m wearing a yuppie tennis miniskirt outfit to my interview tomorrow. It’s at the beach and will hang at the beach afterwards. Please let it be a hot older daddy bear I want to duck 🦆 doing the interview. DUCK ME daddy bear. DUCK ME HARD!👇🏻
(3:24pm)
I want a job where this is my boss, and he grabs my tits, ass, and pussy, whenever he sees me. How do I get that job? Is this you? What industry are you in? I'll learn it. Retired? Even better.
(2:54pm)
I need to go where it already looks like this and zero daylight because:
(8:49am)
I say the exact same thing when Koreans tell me they’re Catholics. No you’re not! There were ZERO churches in Korea until the white man came. We gave them hot women, they gave us churches. Doesn’t seem fair.🤔
(8:38am)
RELATIONSHIP GOALS!!
(6:08am)
Soooo the Dodger supposedly assaulted her TWICE? Because the first time was so awesome she went back a second time?
(5:21am)
Woke up this morning needing
JULY 8, THURSDAY
(6:31pm)
WAR!! Holy shit. So funny. The Italy vs France wars are awesome! And let me just say my Swedish ex ate spaghetti that way too and it equally pissed me the fuck off.
I hate being that guy who tells people how to eat. But there’s a right way to eat spaghetti and this ain’t it!
😂🤣
(6:23pm)
Hi. HI. HI!!!! I have heels and stockings.
(6:03pm)
Good job CALTRANS costing tax payer 13 million dollars for security to guard empty houses.
(4:23pm)
Lily James looks more like Farrah Faucett than Pam Anderson. The last thing I saw Lily James in was Cinderella. I really liked her in that. I probably won't watch this mini series. I'm over the both of them anyway. Go make music Tommy. Go (do whatever it is you do now) Pam.
(2:24pm)
Zoom interview today be like:
(2:08pm)
Zoom meeting today be like:
Job interview Saturday. If it’s a hetero man interviewing me Imma walk in like, “Hello I need a job.”
(7:41am)
This is the best morning tea I've ever had.
(7:32am)
I just mentioned this and then I saw he:
(6:26am)
I peed. You were concerned I know. I love this guy’s videos. 🔥 Spot on accurate. Time for tea.
(6:21am)
I really have to pee but posting this first is more important. Someone finally gets us, the youngest child.
PS. Your middle behaves like a six year old on crack because you ignore him. The middle child in my family is genius level smart but was arrested for shoplifted porno mags when he was 15 years old. And worked as a bag boy in a grocery store well into his mid 20’s. He married the first woman to sleep with him and “Cat’s In The Cradle” our parents the moment he left home. All because you ignored him!
JULY 7, WEDNESDAY
(10:12pm)
First of all, I’m not shopping at Lowe’s.🙄
I mean.
(6:20pm)
I just… I mean.
(3:37pm)
That was totally me then 💯
(1:06pm)
If I had a dime for every jackhole who starts this mess with me, St Jude’s children’s hospital would never run out of money.
(10:36am)
What’s going on? Do you need an ambulance? Is this a southern thing?
(8:26am)
Luckily people are coming back to the beaches, and it seems plane travel is equally coming back, so looking there.
(8:06am)
The dry cough was out of control in the middle of the night. I got up more times to drink water to sooth the cough than I did to pee. The first month or so after starting the ACE inhibitors and statin, I got evil dry cough. Then it stopped and only started up again after getting the Covid vaccines. Really bad middle of the night coughing after the second vaccine shot. After all, we're taking experimental laboratory made drugs. The vaccines being totally experimental. Oddly, my legs suddenly stopped hurting, so.... ?
I can't believe it's July. This year has completely flown by in a fast burn dumpster fire kind of way. And while my friends and I still scramble to find work (because we didn't get unemployment) people are not going out nearly as much as they screamed being shut in. And with groups of people not getting vaccinated or wanting to be around other people, on top of a collapsed economy, in addition to a new Covid strain putting covid back on the statistical rise, and lets not forget 70% of my industry went completely shitcan bankrupt, my chef friends who actually graduated Le Cordon Bleu are also struggling to find work. And the only acceptable solution was to beat up elderly Asian people apparently?
Yesterday I went into two stores without wearing a mask. I was the only one. And aside from some 300 pound black woman who mumbled to herself as I walked past her, everyone else just looked at me with disgust. Fine. I'll put the mask back on.
(sigh)
Anyway
After watching German Freak ASMR youtube video of him eating homemade German breakfast sandwiches he makes with Sandwich Thins, I've been on the lookout for sandwich thins, thin bread no crust with tons of flavor, and finally found some at Vons. I'm never eating regular bread with my open face sandwiches again. These things are amazing. Croissants, yes. Bread, no.
JULY 6, TUESDAY
(6:19pm)
Girl… strangers with candy 🍭🍬
(5:49pm)
I just want a man who’ll put up with my sunflower seed shells and occasional mood swings like:
(5:36pm)
Legit. Truth. Not sorry.
(4:10pm)
99/73 blood pressure
I’m not supposed to get below 100 top number. I drank a large glass of water and about to have my afternoon tea. That should get my blood pressure up. It’s what they did in the hospital. They gave me a big mug of coffee.
Just did 3.09 miles
(1:15pm)
Just in case?
(11:13am)
By July 2nd, a week later, between me, my doctor’s office, and the (Hepatologist) liver specialist, still no appointment was made. The well oiled gears of medicine, ladies and gentlemen! I called the Hepatologist's office again, just now, and after ten minutes on hold an automated answering machine got on line and said, “The person you are calling is not accepting calls at this time.” And then hung up on me.
Um. Ok. I'll try again tomorrow?
Apparently my fatty liver is not a big deal. It kind of didn't seem like a big deal. I read online that fatty livers can generally heal itself with proper diet and no alcohol. Last time I had a drink was June 29th. Seven days ago. I had a beer. One beer. Peer pressure! My friend made fun of me because I drink Stellas. To which he commented, "I figured you for a wine drinker. No real beer drinker drinks Stellas. Beer drinkers drink stronger beers like IPA's." So he brought over 4 IPA's, Caliban, Hazy India Pale Ale. He drank two, I had one, and one is still sitting in my fridge.
I mean. What can I do, right? I exercise, lost weight, eat healthy (I generally do anyway) but...
JULY 5, MONDAY
(7:29pm)
All you want is someone who can tolerate sunflower seed shells in bed and occasional gleeking, but my squad goals be like:
(12:02pm)
When businesses are closed today because yesterday was Fourth of fucking July, you get your villain on like:
(6:34am)
The link didn’t copy.🤬
(5:55am)
Dating in 2021 be like:
(5:38am)
I don’t know which is my favorite part, the photographer, the tan jacket, or that they’re doing it to KESHA. I like her first and second CDs there I said it.
JULY 4, SUNDAY
(8:27pm)
Ever see the movie American Beauty? You know that character Colonel Frank Fitts? Yeah. He’s that.😏
(4:55pm)
It’s for this reason you have to give kids siblings:
(4:45pm)
I’ve ridden American Airline twice since 9/11 and:
(4:27pm)
Fake laughing at his jokes like:
(11:54am)
Me staying in, avoiding 4th of July drunks like:
(11:48am)
Some moron who thinks I'm a guy named Robert.😂
FIRST OF ALL
I've always been partial to the name Preston.
(10:29am)
Paul Revere may have still said, "The British are coming" if the colonials adopted their American name. After all, it was a revolution. Much in the same way Asians don't consider Filipinos as Asians because, well... Pacific Islanders. Actually that's not accurate. What Paul Revere really said was, "Tell those fancy assholes in the ships no one makes berth without red, white, and blue bikinis, pork rinds and BBQ sauce!" Oddly enough in a southern accent.
(8:43am)
If America is ever under attack from (whoever or whatever) and immediate potential aid from a fellow American was either one of the Kardashians or Donna who works at the local AMPM... My bet is Donna and I are cracking open Stellas in the count room.
And if you don't know what a count room is... Then yeah.😏
(8:25am)
People love America when they prosper. Only, that's not loving America, that's loving capitalism which you can do in any free country. Capitalism isn't a bad thing. Just be smart enough to know the difference between that and being a patriot.
(8:14am)
The Purge movie franchise has a new movie coming out.
Just saying.
(8:00am)
I'd like to say I'm a proud American, I was in the 70's and 80's for sure, but America is now reportedly 3 trillion dollars in debt to, oh I dunno, Jesus or the Decepticons, and one day they're going to collect.
(7:55am)
I give up. North Korea?
(7:48am)
And the 13 colonies said, "Fuck King Gorge III!! (or whoever the fuck it was) We're sick of his shit. We found a new land away from England, and... What do you mean there are native people who already live here? Well fuck them too! America!! Whoo!!"
Happy Independence Day, America. (I actually love this movie.)
JULY 3, SATURDAY
(5:35pm)
Cannibalism!!!
(5:30pm)
👇🏻👏🏻🔥
(9:48am)
Saturday morning like:
(9:13am)
When men send you pictures of them printing your pictures from online sex sites like:
Guitar player. Figures.
JULY 2, FRIDAY
(11:02pm)
Because…
Boys are dumb. Goodnight.
(10:38pm)
I love how commercialized Independence Day has become. Now paying to see fireworks is about celebrating first responders, which I do every day like love being celebrated every day and not just on the 14th of February. Yea fuck history! In 2030 Independence Day will be about freeing Nutella from grocery stores. Which actually would be more about Independence Day with the whole historic Boston Tea Party not wanting to pay 3% penny tax for tea.
No?
You never heard about that?
😏
(8:59pm)
Aaand that’s why the American colonies wanted independence.
😏
(8:35pm)
Girrrl, lessons in morality from the guy who immediately after he’s done fucking a woman gives her a number. “And you’re number 275!”
Classy.😏
I once considered him (years ago) but his buddies cock blocked him with that story. Fuck that, I’m number 271 or nothing.😎
(8:13pm)
The new trend on tiktok is there’s an initial on your left thumb, that being the first letter of your true soulmate. What is that a Y, a W, a V? My ex-husband’s first name starts with an R so (obviously) that was doomed to fail.😏
(6:56pm)
And that’s why I use subtitles with every foreign film I watch or Trainspotting would have been a different movie entirely.
(6:39pm)
Never saw so many people so happy and proud to be independent of King George III. AS IF England actually wants this country back. You couldn’t give this country away, bitches.😏
(11:05am)
He’s a vegetarian but he doesn’t care if other people eat meat - even around him. 😍🥰😘 Which is good because people come for my meatloaf. It’s why you always see Clorox bleach wipes around.😉
(10:19am)
It’s a CGI emu. Ever try getting an emu to run on a treadmill. Not easy. Their agents always want more money.😏
(8:48am)
Yay it's almost Independence Day. You know, that time of year that signifies what politicians ignore all year 'round. Whoo.
Sobriety sucks. That's why I'm not. I gave it the old college try. It's not for me. And it must not be an issue for me health-wise because...
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: Did you call the specialist about your liver?
ME: Yes. I left a message. Then they called me and left a message.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: And?
ME: Then I called them and left a message.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: Ok. When they call you back and set up an appointment, call us back and let us know when it is so we can keep an eye on what's going on.
ME: Ok.
(Next day)
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: So were you able to make an appointment?
ME: Their office haven't returned my message yet.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: Ok. It's important you see the specialist as soon as possible. Want our office to make an appointment?
ME: Sure, Thanks.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE: Ok we'll call you right back.
Two days later, no one has called me right back. So...
JULY 1, THURSDAY
(8:12pm)
If you don’t believe cell phones are tracking you, point to the words you’re reading and it will repeat the word/s back to you
(6:16pm)
116/83
4.2 miles
 |
(5:59pm)
My whole entire week be like
(5:43pm)
Goddamn date sites be
(11:05am)
I can stop any time I want!
(7:19am)
You know that saying, not even if you paid me? Yea. That.
I don't have a headache now but I'm taking Tylenol anyway as a preventative because I know one is coming eventually. I'm already getting the "Thursday emails" you know what I'm saying. The "need to start scoring for the weekend" emails.
AND ANOTHER THING
I know I'm over qualified but SO WHAT?