Cluck cluck cluck cluck

Mother mother cluck
Mother mother cluck cluck
Mother cluck, Mother cluck
Noise noise noise

Post sunrise walk of shame

Nice! At 9am coming back from my run, saw half naked barefoot Dorothy and her half naked scarecrow holding Toto's basket and Dorothy's heels, slinking past their front yard gate. Sweet! Good job Mr Scarecrow on the costume choice. One flip of his suspender's and he was good to go.

I love Halloween!

The original angry bird

With good reason. Scientists have proven -- chickens don't have nuggets.

I totally stole that joke

But it was for a good cause.

Worth it!

*My version of that joke was funnier

*Suck it, Ted

Cluck you!!

Cluck off!!

What the CLUCK?!

Cluck

CLUCK

Why can't I say cluck?!

"Chickens don't swear."

Mother clucker!!

*Forget it. I don't speak your language.

Zamboni!

Paramount Iceland, looks like it's just for kids? Let's skate at LA Live. We can hurdle all the people falling down. Pershing Square rink opens November 10.

I'm content dating vanilla guys

It really doesn't make a difference if he's a church going conservative, or wild swinger type, I've hung out with both. Had a lot of fun with both. Doesn't matter. Doesn't effect me or my home one way or the other.

He has to come to me

He knows. Besides its hibernating season now until March, anyway.

Stay out of the media

The Internet is one world, reality is a different world altogether. Most Americans voting think there are only two presidential candidates. That's how little they know about politics, and they're voting. 

Most Americans know less than 40% of the propositions they're voting for or against.

There are three simple golden rules during election time if you're invested

1. Don't piss off Catholics/Christians 

2. Don't piss off non Catholics/Christians who still heartily believe in traditional family values

3. If you are unable to follow the first two rules, stay out of the media 

Women don't like other women. And women vote.

If the only voice the (first two rules) hear is a man with AIDS, right or wrong, majority of the voters believe that in this day and age to contract a sexually transmitted disease like AIDS with all the education that's out there, is one's own fault. 

*I realize this is in English and not chicken clucking, but I'm sure you can find someone to translate.

Dear families of women who were REALLY abused

By men who raped, beat and/or tragically murdered your loved one, please feel free to show your appreciation regarding the LAME attention this lawsuit is getting over a hug and kiss. I'm sure in her self entitled delusional world she feels just as "violated" as the woman who was raped, beat, and set on fire. After all a hug and kiss is EXACTLY the same as rape and murder, right?

Ohhhhh that's right, your mom wasn't famous for taking it up the ass for money.

Sorry. Her loss.

5 guy anal gangbang creampie

No no (that's) cool. She'll do that.

Just no hugging and kissing... ???

I met a couple once where the wife said, "I don't care if my husband tongue-fucks your butthole, just no kissing."

Wow. Really?? Well that's just kinda... stupid. But ok, whatever you say.

If you're a famous (let's say) cannibal, and someone offers you $10,000 to make a cannibal cookbook, NOT really a big stretch. You have no right to be offended! You're a fucking cannibal!

Search engine! I love how "misconduct" follows her gangbang creampie videos. Nope. No publicity stunt there!

Gloria Allred, being the useless legal twat she is, the champion of making women look like total utter complete morons.

Warms my heart how stupid these two bitches go out of their way to make women look.

Prop (whatnow?)

I was going to go out after work but think I'll vote instead via my absentee ballot. 

Ya know, nothing helps a proposition pass, or not pass, like a bunch of feminists. 

She said with complete sarcasm. 

Way to bring your occupation into the limelight by sounding like a total batshit crazy loony toon.

Hugs and kisses!!! 

Ooops, I mean XOXOXO 

No!!! Wait!!! I mean...

Fuck it.

"Hello. Moe's Tavern."

Hi. I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.

"Hey. Listen up everybody! Is there Amanda Hugginkiss? I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss!"

NO MEANS... Hold on lemme check my phone

Stop trying to kiss me!! There's a hockey game on!! Goddamnit!! Remember when I said, "But there's a hockey game on!" Kings are playing the Canucks, and they needed a win. Kings have been on a 5 game losing streak and after beating Dallas, they needed to keep the momentum. And he's over there trying to get all kissy-face! Damnit! Stop trying to hug me! Don't you understand the importance of (at the very least) holding ice during a power play?! Vancouver emptied their net in the second period and actually scored making it 2-3 Kings. AND THEN in the third period Canucks emptied their net again for the extra man on the ice and scored (again!) make it 3-3!!! It went into a heated five minute over time, no one scored, and then into a teeth grinding shoot out...

And the Kings won 4-3 in the shoot out.

Ooooooooh god!!!! Yesssssss!!!! YESsssssssssssssssss!!!!!!! Ung... Uh... Oh my god.

That was amazing.

And after that epic release I was just beat.

I slept so good.

(What was that dude's name again?)

Never mind. Not important.

GKG!!!!!

I love this woman

Ok maybe not "love" but lesbian sex for sure.

I don't know who she is but stumbled upon her photo while searching vintage burlesque postcards. Whatever that is running down her thigh I would happily lick that clean, along with the rest of her https://instagram.com/p/BL3s8doB17y/

Hey guess what?!

Monkey butt!! AND drug dealers live next door! Wanna know how I know? Do ya? Do ya? Three squad cars and two undercover vice cop cars with four SMOKING HOT vice cops just did a Starsky and Hutch, on my front yard!!

The gardeners just came yesterday. Boy are they gonna be pissed!

Um

Undercover vice guys, are your cars Honda's with tinted windows?

I'd take a picture of the happenings going on in my front yard right now only they be handcuffing folks and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate my clicky clicky.

It's all good boys

They'll turn it around. Remember 2012? Turned it around at the end and hello Stanley Cup! MN kicked their ass something good though. GKG!!!

I'm up

This is way too early to be awake.

I have no idea why people email me

They really shouldn't. Because they do, nothing's going to happen here, and then 4 years later, guaranteed, they talk shit like I don't still have their emails. And they talk shit FOR NO REASON which just makes me laugh! I've been in LA for years. You don't delete emails. Not ever BECAUSE these idiots, give it time, will talk shit, out of the blue, unprovoked, just because. It's the funniest thing ever! -- I've never met these people, and they're the ones who talk the most shit!

This one guy has been emailing me... And today he emailed me his negative HIV/STD papers. I have NO idea who this dude even is!!! Kudos for not having AIDS. Who the fuck are you?!

Look, If you like my pictures, like my blogs, COOL. I don't need to know. Just come by, lurk, do your thing, leave, visit again sometime. It's all good. I don't need praise or justification. Whatever. Come and go at your leisure. Do your thing. Live and let live. It's ALL good.

They'll want to fuck you first

They call it "playing". Meh. Up to you.

That guy wrote me in 2012, when he was cheating on HIS then wife. They're divorced now. Gee. I wonder why? I never met him. Never going to. Scumbags. But again, up to you.

Chickens!!

Won't someone please save the chickens?!

You have your bullets

I have mine;)

Sound familiar?

He started it, mom! Gawd!

I happened to be in town and he wrote me. He asked why I was in town, I told him, then he told me he's married cheating on his wife, and I POLITELY bowed out of the conversation and NEVER met the guy. Never brought him up. Never mentioned him. Didn't care. But his friends, some couple, gave me a ton of shit for no apparent reason. I flung it back and they blocked me.

Meh. Chickens. And you know what they say about chickens, they're fucked from day one.

Just a small bit at random, because I don't care to read the whole thread.

He wrote...

Thursday, September 5, 2013, 2:25pm

I'll check it out. I still want to fuck you though.

NEVER happened. NEVER gonna.

Egos egos cha cha cha!

Ok. Enough. I got things to do.

Oh c'mon now. It doesn't hurt that bad.

Does it? I love a good comedy in the morning. Especially by "big strong guys" with big bruised egos.

As if I don't still have all the emails you sent me?

Zip zip zipper

Are you Shore?

Shore enough.

Your love is like a roller coaster baby baby...

As in, I like roller coasters but don't ride them if I don't have to cuz they make me feel all weird and sick inside.

Very cool guy

Very sweet, a total gentleman, and very funny. We met yeeeears ago when he was with his ex. Glad to see he's linked up with someone new. Super nice guy.

Chicken chokers

Is religion so important you have to wastefully kill animals that can't be eaten afterwards?

I'm all for eating what you kill. If cannibalism were legal I'd be the fattest man on the planet.

Everybody knows

Asian vaginas are sideways and house little families of mice. FACT. 

Thank god I have a penis.

Asian?

I'm not Asian! How dare you use that kind of language with me!

It's just spray-on (like a tan) so I can pretend I don't speak English!

I thought this yellow-fever epidemic passed in 2012?

No?

Still??

I feel so violated.

Can we go back to daddy? Redheads? Vagina bush?

Anything. Just something else.

Vamos vamos

At least twice a week for the past two years, and two months.

Counts for (something) right?

Meh

He was celebrating the only holiday that matters on October 3rd -- Mean Girls Day

You can't hide

From the mighty Internet. No you cannot. I'm not on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or Snapchat, but HE found something I wrote in 2010. I completely forgot. Shoot. I hope there's no naked pics of me floating around...

What?

Really?

Goddamnit!

So just a few things...

1. If you're a porn director/producer and I've ignored your emails for the past (every time you've written me) this means NO.

2. Don't send your boytoys with minimum writing skills inviting me to have a mfm three way with you, the answer is still NO.

3. NO!

4. This is not a compliment, "Girl, that face! And your pretty ass pussy!"

FYI: My boobs are also phenomenal!

I'm going to call everything "pretty ass" today. As in, "I love your pretty ass necklace." And see how this goes over. I dunno. Maybe it's a compliment.

"Look at that pretty ass sunset."

"You have a pretty ass family."

5. My final thought until 1pm, if you're going to ask me if I want to be your "sugar baby" please have the courtesy to look like Richard Gere, circa AMERICAN GIGOLO.

Thanks! Have a pretty ass day!