Used to be when you thought a guy was a douchebag after talking with him, he called you a lesbo for losing interest. But then being a "lesbo" started becoming trendy among male heterosexuals, so now these morons have to insult you in other juvenile ways. Because these men are so awesome! But try hard as you might, you guys simply can't compete with 11 year olds.
Don't go away mad. Just go away.
P.s. Jerkface!
Thursday, April 30, 2015
SMRT
"Hey."
"Hey you."
"Are you there?"
"How are you?"
"Are you there??"
"How come you're not answering me?"
"I wrote you an email, and text you twice."
"I've written you three emails now, and text you two more times."
"Hey! Answer me."
"Okay I'm writing you another email."
"Why won't you answer me?"
"Hey."
"So do you want to go out tomorrow?"
"Hello?"
"Hey you."
"Are you there?"
"How are you?"
"Are you there??"
"How come you're not answering me?"
"I wrote you an email, and text you twice."
"I've written you three emails now, and text you two more times."
"Hey! Answer me."
"Okay I'm writing you another email."
"Why won't you answer me?"
"Hey."
"So do you want to go out tomorrow?"
"Hello?"
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Hooray! Another white female news anchor on CNN...
Reporting on Baltimore, interviewing yet another prominent black community leader. This present chick needs to quit CNN and start stripping. Then again, that might be how she got this job at CNN to begin with. Apparently the only prerequisite to anchor or interview people on CNN is to be a white female.
I swear to god, I think I just heard this white female news anchor mumble, "Yucatan guacamole?" then turn from the camera to scratch her head.
Don't worry it's almost nap time. She'll be ok.
Fuck this. Bring back BRIAN WILLIAMS!! Or Colleen Williams, (I know different network) at least she's a highly intelligent news anchor. Christ.
I swear to god, I think I just heard this white female news anchor mumble, "Yucatan guacamole?" then turn from the camera to scratch her head.
Don't worry it's almost nap time. She'll be ok.
Fuck this. Bring back BRIAN WILLIAMS!! Or Colleen Williams, (I know different network) at least she's a highly intelligent news anchor. Christ.
CNN should just rename itself...
"White women questioning (and judging) the actions of black people"
On the plus side there's a bunch of white women (obviously) not on CNN who want everyone to have sex with black men, so you know there's that. Yay!
On the plus side there's a bunch of white women (obviously) not on CNN who want everyone to have sex with black men, so you know there's that. Yay!
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Suck my cock, Seaworld!
Your pathetic "feel good" commercials do not change the fact you're making a profit off caged animals.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
I want you
You've come into my work a handful of times now. You're very tall, muscular, blonde, groomed, sleeved in tats, always so very kind, polite, "please" and "thank you", but I do not doubt you take care of business be it with a man or woman. You excite me. Your deep voice. Your accent. Russian, perhaps. I don't know what color eyes you have. I'm afraid to look into them. I don't want you to see in my eyes the things I fantasize about you in the middle of the night. The things I want you to do to me.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Impressionable little minds
Plant the seed.
Deep.
Twist the first leaf that grows.
Knot it.
Feed it.
Leave society to water it.
And watch it grow.
Deep.
Twist the first leaf that grows.
Knot it.
Feed it.
Leave society to water it.
And watch it grow.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
But they couldn't convict OJ Simpson
Guilty at 25 years old. Life in prison.
The one time I served on a jury, the two charges against the defendant were for prostitution and pandering. I knew the defendant was in trouble when...
On the day of the jury tutorial, the large pool of potential jury members were split into two rooms. The speaker of the tutorial spoke in the other room, and my room had a camera/television hookup to the other room so we could hear what the speaker was saying. My room watched the speaker on TV. At the end of the tutorial the speaker (directing her comment to the room she was in, obviously) asked if there were any questions to raise your hand. And my room, geniuses, some of them were, actually raised their hands to the television. I kid you not.
These are "the people" who sit on a jury. I have said many times before, there should be an IQ test before people are allowed to sit on a jury.
The one time I served on a jury, the two charges against the defendant were for prostitution and pandering. I knew the defendant was in trouble when...
On the day of the jury tutorial, the large pool of potential jury members were split into two rooms. The speaker of the tutorial spoke in the other room, and my room had a camera/television hookup to the other room so we could hear what the speaker was saying. My room watched the speaker on TV. At the end of the tutorial the speaker (directing her comment to the room she was in, obviously) asked if there were any questions to raise your hand. And my room, geniuses, some of them were, actually raised their hands to the television. I kid you not.
These are "the people" who sit on a jury. I have said many times before, there should be an IQ test before people are allowed to sit on a jury.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
L.A. Fitness, Hollywood
I like this gym. For a girl like me, I like that there's less gay men working out here.
Except for that guy, who's definitely gay.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy working out with $200 product in his hair. He's gay.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy staring at that other guy's ass doing squats.
Forget it. I'm going back to West Hollywood, L.A. Fitness.
Except for that guy, who's definitely gay.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy working out with $200 product in his hair. He's gay.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy.
And that guy staring at that other guy's ass doing squats.
Forget it. I'm going back to West Hollywood, L.A. Fitness.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Thank you, Ving Rhames
You know why! A true gentleman. Makes up for the fact the Kings hockey season is over. Can't win the Stanley Cup, every season. How boring.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Thank you, Aramis
Three days in the valley. I think my liver fell out.
They weren't trying to be funny. After 27 bottles of wine, you would forget your name too.
They weren't trying to be funny. After 27 bottles of wine, you would forget your name too.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Rape! Kinda. Sorta. Ok not really
Just heard CNN criticize Rolling Stone Magazine, on that inaccurate fraternity GB rape story.
Hmm
Much like the crackerjack news reporting CNN did immediately following the Boston Marathon, bombing?
Hmm
Much like the crackerjack news reporting CNN did immediately following the Boston Marathon, bombing?
Monday, April 6, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Nothing says Easter loving like a good stalking!
I have never quite understood why people assume if I'm online, I must be online for them. I don't know, you better text me 20 times just to be sure!
And,
I've decided to join Ashley Madison, just to fuck with people.
I'll reply to every email but only with just two or three sentences, one of them being, "I don't know what you're talking about?" And if they're stupid enough to write back, I'll just paste the same reply over and over. I could probably make a drinking game out of it. I could make a drinking game out of a shoe. Have you played "Shoe?" It's like "Quarters" but without the quarters... Or cup.
(Shoe!)
In closing,
I loved it when people wished me Happy Easter, today. In my head I heard, "Happy cup of soup!" Awesome! "Happy cup of a soup, to you too!"
And,
I've decided to join Ashley Madison, just to fuck with people.
I'll reply to every email but only with just two or three sentences, one of them being, "I don't know what you're talking about?" And if they're stupid enough to write back, I'll just paste the same reply over and over. I could probably make a drinking game out of it. I could make a drinking game out of a shoe. Have you played "Shoe?" It's like "Quarters" but without the quarters... Or cup.
(Shoe!)
In closing,
I loved it when people wished me Happy Easter, today. In my head I heard, "Happy cup of soup!" Awesome! "Happy cup of a soup, to you too!"
on this Easter Sunday, I wonder
Do women who had breast enhancements done 20 years ago via cutting off the nipples, ever get angry that nowadays you can have breast enhancements done without those god awful scars?!
These days plastic surgery is an art form... Back then it was just practice.
Like sex, marriage, parenting, and quiche.
These days plastic surgery is an art form... Back then it was just practice.
Like sex, marriage, parenting, and quiche.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Ma'am
The moment people start calling you "ma'am", you need to stop shopping for clothes at places high school girls shop at.
Age, happens. You can be a "mature" sexy woman without trying to compete with high school girls. You just look foolish.
Age, happens. You can be a "mature" sexy woman without trying to compete with high school girls. You just look foolish.
Friday, April 3, 2015
The best part of that commercial
Is the dude at the end, who looks utterly horrified. Makes me laugh every time I see it. You would think the director for this commercial would have said, "Hey fella, it's a sexy website, in the next take, try not to look like you just saw your mother get set on fire."
Does she swallow??
Because that would totally seal the deal for that website! Desperate meaty middle aged women squeezed into their hot young daughter's clothes, who will buy your drinks, suck your dick and swallow! That would make the owners of (that) website, millionaires! Too bad you couldn't get that older woman in the red dress to do some kind "swallow" simulation.
Damn. I should have been on that advertising team.
Fresh young lady vs. middle aged overly processed with tons of baggage
I think I'll take....
Damn. I should have been on that advertising team.
Fresh young lady vs. middle aged overly processed with tons of baggage
I think I'll take....
Femalemidlifecrises(dot)com
They're women, over 45, who will suck you, fuck you, and buy your drinks. Like groupies. Only you don't have to be a potential rockstar. Just be any random guy with a penis. Can't bash that. If I could get some lonely middle aged woman squeezed into her hot daughter's clothes to suck my dick and buy my beers, I'd be the happiest guy on the planet for like 45 minutes!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
France
It's just their year to get beat up after gym class. Repeatedly. If it's not Isis, or drones, or having to sell the Mona Lisa to pay off your country's debts (2,000 billion euros?), or unstable co-pilots, and being snubbed by American officials, it's something else.
Just remove the "kick me" sign some bully taped to your backs. You'll be ok.
Just remove the "kick me" sign some bully taped to your backs. You'll be ok.
Fools
Spending all this time talking about who, what, where, when, why, and how, after the fact. A grain more of similar consideration prior, might have saved their lives.